List of Sonichu characters
The following is a list of Sonichu characters, in order of appearance.
Sonichu #0
Christian Weston Chandler
- Main articles: Christian Weston Chandler (comic character), Chris-Chan Sonichu, Collosal Chan, and Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan
Chris-chan's alternate self and Mary Sue, who, believe it or not, is meant to be the hero. In the comic, Chris is portrayed as much thinner than his corpulent IRL counterpart (except in earlier episodes). Comic Chris is also even more psychotic than Real Chris, having murdered hundreds of people in a terrorist attack, permanently crippled several others, blown out people's kneecaps with a handgun after they've surrendered, destroyed the home life of a man who was simply doing his job, carried out a mini-Holocaust on homosexuals, and had four men arrested, tried in an openly biased court, and personally executed in brutal and inhumane ways. For making a parody webcomic. And all with a gleeful smile on his face. His medallion allows him to don a fursuit when he shouts the phrase Electric Hedgehog Power!, and he can access his Collosal form with the use of the seven Sonichu Balls.
Christian first appeared right on the front cover of Issue 0, ordering Sonichu around. He cameoed throughout the rest of the comics, and took over as the main character in Issue 2, which portrayed him as a descendant of the Cherokian Clan and fulfiller of the Anchuent Prophecy. Chris has since made himself and his love quest the center of attention and main focus of the comic in every issue (with a few exceptions).
Sonichu
- Main articles: Sonichu (character) and Ultra Sonichu
Christian's "original" character. Sonichu is a recolor who is an unholy fusion of Sonic the Hedgehog and a Pikachu. In earlier episodes he was the main protagonist of the comics. That is, until Chris took the spotlight. By Sonichu #2, Christian had taken over as the main character, and by Sonichu #3, Chris had added a new batch of recolors who took over from Sonichu as the supporting cast. Consequently, Sonichu didn't have a central role again until Sonichu #8, where he returned to his original purpose as a Sue for Chris. He continued this trend through the following issue. However, he did remain in the spotlight in Sonichu #10, despite Chris's return, as he transformed into Ultra Sonichu and helped Chris in his killing spree.
Rosechu
- Main articles: Rosechu and The Incredible Lioness
Sonichu's worthless, 0-dimensional girlfriend. She enjoys flowers, shopping, and getting kidnapped on a regular basis. She is completely incompetent and constantly relies on Sonichu to do even the most menial of tasks for her. Rosechu almost never walks or runs in public, she is always carried around by Sonichu. She also is ridiculously horny. This is Chris's idea of how women behave, likely adapted from TV comedies or anime. She is the one of the few main characters to do almost nothing for the entire series, though she did once face rape Jason Kendrick Howell.
Sonic the Hedgehog
- Main article: Sonic the Hedgehog
Sega mascot and a major example of copyright infringement in the comic. He makes a few appearances in the comic, most notably in the first issue, as he's partly responsible for Sonichu's existence, as described below. He also shows up to help Sonichu again in Sonichu #1, after Rosechu gets kidnapped. Again.
Sonic also appears on the front cover of Sonichu #11, and is thought to be returning for the '10 year anniversary.'
Perfect Chaos Monster
Perfect Chaos, or "Perfect Chaos Monster" as Chris calls him, is the final form of Chaos, a villain introduced in the Sonic the Hedgehog game Sonic Adventure. Composed of a liquid substance, Chaos assumes multiple shapes as it acquires the seven Chaos Emeralds, absorbing their negative energy to increase its power. Upon obtaining all seven, Chaos becomes Perfect Chaos, a serpentine creature of massive size, and proceeds to destroy the city of Station Square. Sonic defeats Perfect Chaos by utilizing the positive energy of the Chaos Emeralds, which transforms him into Super Sonic.
This battle was adapted by Chris to provide the background for the origin of Sonichu in the premiere issue of his new comic book series. The Sonichu series begins with a male Pikachu wandering into Station Square in the middle of a fight between Super Sonic and Perfect Chaos, whom Chris identifies as the "Perfect Chaos Monster". During the fight, Sonic accidentally collides with the Pikachu, somehow triggering an unexplained phenomenon which imparts Sonic's appearance and powers upon the Pikachu. The new Pikachu/Sonic hybrid awakens to find Sonic has still not defeated Perfect Chaos, and rushes to his aid. Using his new-found powers, he defeats the monster, and the onlookers, who mistake him for Sonic's super form, credit Sonic for the victory (retconning the Sonic Adventure game so that Sonic is little more than an assistant to Chris's original character). Contemplating his new form, the mutated Pikachu adopts the name "Sonichu", and returns to the wild. After that, Perfect Chaos is never mentioned again in the pages of Sonichu.
Trainer Kel
- Main article: Kel
Female Pokémon trainer who owned the Raichu which transformed into Rosechu. Continued to take care of Rosechu until Sonichu took over as her new pimp. She then disappeared for a long time, but when Sean August Watley later used Trainer Kel as a central character in his own comic, Moon-Pals, Christian became very upset. When Sean was executed in Sonichu #10, Chris bought back Kel as his executioner, where she got her revenge on Sean for him DARING to give her a personality and a starring role.
Most of Kel's backstory and what little personality she apparently had came through the CWCipedia article on Sonichu. According to this article, by some strange and nonsensical twist of fate, she fell madly in love with Naitsirhc at some point. This same article also claimed however, that she was kind, sweet, innocent and caring.[1] This in spite of the fact that she shot a man to death at point-blank range. Given the contradictions, it is safe to assume that this article is non-canon.
David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite
- Main article: Pokémon
A Dragonite Kel also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his sexual services to Rosechu when the latter was in heat, noting that he's "loyal". Rosechu refused, stating that David is "just too big" even for her loose, gaping China, and suggesting Kel have sex with him herself. Kel enigmatically answers that "she can't say she didn't try". Did they or didn't they? History will never know.
Strangely enough, David may have been retconned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on CWCipedia. David, who appeared in Issue 0 (Episodes 2 and 3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter and Chris couldn't really name a girl "Davidina", plus the fact that he has created gender-benders before. This would indicate that Kel, in fact, offered "Daisy" to Rosechu for a lesbian relationship, which in turn calls into question the sexuality of Rosechu, Kel, and the Dragonite, and makes several aspects of the comic a great deal more confusing.
Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc
- Main article: Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc
Originally known as Naitsirhc Giovanni, he was Christian's long lost twin brother, and was found and adopted by the Pokémon villain Giovanni, and raised as a member of Team Rocket. When Chris fell into the Dark Mirror Hole, his Medallion also entered the darkness, awakening a dormant evil within Naitsirhc, and transforming him into an evil(er) version of Chris. Renaming himself Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc, the new anti-Chris dedicated himself to world conquest, and the destruction of his "straight" twin.
Like Chris, Reldnahc has his own Sonichu Medallion, patterned after Black Sonichu, which he uses to transform into his fursona of Reldnahc Ha-Taque. In Sonichu #10, Christian pins him down and forcibly injects him with the Gay Vaccine from the future, which destroys his medallion, makes him lose his powers and turns him into a "good guy". Because as we all know, homosexuality makes you evil. He was then sent to Kel.
Zapdos
- Main article: Pokémon
An electric type Pokémon and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by Naitsirhc to capture Rosechu and battle Sonichu in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's DNA, which he would later use in the creation of Black Sonichu.
Jerkhief
- Main article: Jerkhief
Leader of the Jerkops. The Jerkhief is a massive African American man in a brown police uniform. Known for his beloved catchphrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" and "MAH SOUL HURTS!"
He attempts to arrest Chris for soliciting in the CWCville Mall, but is defeated by Christian's use of his Chris-Chan Sonichu form. Jerkhief pulls a gun on the attacking furmonster, but Christian hits him with a Curse-ye-ha-me-ha, causing him to lose his wife, children and home, and making the poor man break down in tears. Another victory for the forces of good!
Jerkops
- Main article: Jerkops
Villainous foot-soldiers of Mary Lee Walsh, the Jerkops are based upon various police officers and security guards Chris has encountered during his Love Quest. They are supposedly brainwashed slow-in-the-minds and College students. In spite of this, Christian has no qualms in killing them, and doesn't even mention the possibility of curing them until way later in the series. It has also been suggested that the Jerkops leaders (aside from Mary and Count Graduon) were under similar influence, which makes Christian's cruelty to Jerkhief even worse.
Metonic
- Main article: Metonic
Evolved form of Sonichu. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.
Vamprosa
- Main article: Vamprosa
Evolved form of Rosechu. Appears only in a Classic Sonichu strip set in 2029.
Barbara Chandler
- Main article: Barbara Chandler
Chris's mother, and Sonichu's grandmother. Or something. The two rescued Barbara from Naitsirhc in one of the Classic Sonichu strips reprinted in Sonichu #0.
Sonichu #1
Giovanni
- Main article: Giovanni
The leader of Team Rocket and villain of the first generation Pokémon games, Giovanni is determined to capture Sonichu at any cost. He teamed up with Doctor Robotnik to devise the perfect trap for Sonichu. Their plot was foiled, however, as Sonichu unexpectedly got help in dealing with the kidnappers, rather than going in alone like a retard, as they expected him to do. However, he only got help from Sonic the Hedgehog because he bumped into him on his way to the base. So Sonichu is still retarded, just lucky.
Later on, Giovanni seems to have reevaluated his goals, and now seeks to take over CWCville and kill Christian, as he joined forces with the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens and helped them out during their attack on the city in Sonichu #9. Surprisingly, he seemed to want his son Reldnahc to rule the city, rather than wanting it for himself. This shows that at least Giovanni thinks of others sometimes rather than himself, which is more than can be said for our heroes.
Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik
- Main article: Doctor Robotnik
Recurring villain of the Sonic the Hedgehog games. A mad genius with an IQ of 300, 'Dr. Eggman', as he is known, has tried to conquer the world multiple times, in an effort to build his own nation of robotic followers; Eggmanland. In Sonichu, however, he shows up to help Giovanni devise a trap for Sonichu and later helps to try and take over CWCville with the PVCC. Why he would ever bother with trivial things such as catching Pokémon, or why he has any kind of grudge against Chris of all people is a mystery that not even GodJesus could solve.
Also of note is that in the games, Eggman has a fleet of thousands of battleships, billions of robots, including elite androids based on Shadow the Hedgehog and the nigh unstoppable E-Series robots, as well as gigantic controllable mechs, and of course Metal Sonic. Not only this, but he also has access to multiple doomsday weapons, not least of all Space Colony ARK and a huge satellite, (As seen in Sonic Unleashed) that could blow the fucking planet into pieces. Despite having this MASSIVE load of firepower, he has used NONE of it in his battle again Chris. Not even a single Egg Pawn.
Team Rocket
Team Rocket is the villainous organization that captures Pokémon (from the series of the same name). But somehow the company has either fallen on hard times because of the global recession or made a fucking stupid business decision as they set up a new headquarters in CWCville.
Team Rocket is run by Giovanni and his retarded homosexual son, Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc.
They are also responsible for the creation of Blake.
Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist)
One of the most popular characters in Sonichu lore (and totally not a ripoff), Bill Schwartz, PhD, was a genetics researcher for Team Rocket during the organization's brief alliance with Ivo Robotnik. It was Bill's duty to prepare Sonichu's DNA for the cloning machine, but he inadvertently spilled cherry cola into the sample, mutating the chromosomes of the clone until it took on a black color.
It was for quite some time fanon, that Bill was getting high somewhere on the Moon together with Chris's other forgotten Sonichu characters, such as the Boulder-Dropping Whale, Metal Sonichu, and Yawning Squirtle, which ended up being the premise for the troll comic, Moon-Pals. Chris, probably angry about the comic portraying Bill as a stoner, declared this depiction of him invalid on Twitter, saying Bill was still in employ of Giovanni, and would be returning in comic. Bill later appears in Sonichu 10, stating that he stopped working for Giovanny to save lives, and that he hats these bad days. Bill later appears, along with Kel and Allison Amber, to execute Sean for his tenuously defined crimes against CWCville.
Black Sonichu/Blachu/Blake
- Main article: Blake
Also known as "Blachu" and "Blake", Black Sonichu was cloned from samples of Sonichu's DNA, which Naitsirhc obtained in battle. Mutated slightly from an accidental cherry cola contamination in the laboratory, the clone grew to have insidious black and red fur, in stark contrast to Sonichu's heroic urine-and-feces color scheme. Initially, Black Sonichu started out as a lackey for Giovanni, and then later Reldnahc, before finally becoming a watered-down good guy with an attitude when he fell in love with Bubbles. Black Sonichu was last seen recuperating from his traumatic rape at the hands of a trannie.
He also has his own superform, in the same vein as Ultra Sonichu, named Silver Blachu. It is never seen in the comic, though.
Although Black Sonichu was technically introduced in the following issue, he did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu strips, stalking Rosechu.
Metal Sonichu
The Sonichu rip-off of Metal Sonic, Metal Sonichu is one of the few characters that even Chris will admit is a rip-off. Despite this, he has Alec's derivative character Metal Asperchu refer to Chris as the "original creator", either implying that Chris wanted to claim Metal Sonichu as original all along, or he wanted to take credit for another one of Alec's characters. Sadly, though, he blames the villains for it. Much like the original Metal Sonic, it is a combat robot built by Doctor Robotnik (Later retconned into Ren Skysoar) for Giovanni in the image of Sonichu, with the intention of capturing or killing its organic counterpart.
In fitting with its role as a killing machine, it had some unique weapons and capabilities which the original Sonichu did not have- these included laser/lightning cannon-like weapons built into both of its hands/forearms, an automated targeting system built into its HUD, levitation, high speed flight and air-dashing abilities provided by the booster engine in its body, a sharpened axe blade-like tail for deadlier mid-air spin attacks, and a lightweight yet incredibly resilient armor and chassis which was capable of resisting several attacks from both Sonic and Sonichu with little apparent damage. It appears to be powered by rechargeable batteries (Or at least has them as one of its potential energy sources), as seen in its picture with Ren Skysoar showing it plugged into a wall and recharging via an extension lead on its tail. It also matches and could theoretically exceed Sonichu's power and standard abilities, although this was not seen during its initial appearance.
Metal Sonichu is defeated in Sonichu #1 by Sonic and Sonichu after being hit by a combined attack which hurls it into space, eventually causing it to crash into the Moon; however, the robotic clone survives this attack, as evident by the sight of its eyes glowing in the darkness and a clawed metal hand rising out of a crater, resulting in a cliffhanger.
The fans speculated that Chris probably just forgot about the robotic clone and that it would never be heard of again, but after being constantly reminded about it in the Mailbag, and after Sean used Metal Sonichu for Moon-Pals, Chris suddenly declared that Metal Sonichu would be returning at some point in Sonichu #11 or Sonichu #12. According to Chris, the deactivated Metal Sonichu would have been found on the Moon and used as a vessel for the recently-revived Count Graduon to return to Earth, and would become the new villain- mostly because he had already removed every other major villain from the comic permanently in preparation for an issue dedicated to murdering characters based on his IRL trolls, and afterwards, left nothing for his characters to do anymore as a result of it. Whether or not we'll actually see Metal Sonichu pull it off remains to be seen.
A robotic copy of a copy, and it's still the more likeable of the two.
In Animal Crossing card form.
Yeah...
Yu-Gi-Oh! variation.
With Ren Skysoar.
Amy Rose
- Main article: Amy Rose
Sonic the Hedgehog's on-again off-again love interest. Amy Rose in the video games is a 12-year-old fangirl who has an obsessive crush on Sonic and often pursues him on his adventures to try and get his attention and appreciation.
That said, she at least does something in the video games, and often helps out the rest of the heroes on their quest, such as in Sonic Adventure, where she singlehandedly defeated the powerful ZERO (E-100 Alpha) robot and re-united a separated family of birds, or in Sonic Adventure 2, where she broke into a military base and freed a captured Sonic. In Sonichu, however, all her personality is gone and she is just as vapid and useless and stereotypical as any Rosechu. She shows up for a couple of pages in Issue 1 where she talks with Rosechu at CWCville Mall about meaningless bullshit. Interestingly, the page shows how much Chris ended up copying her design for Rosechu.
Chris later introduced two new pages to Sonichu #1 in October 2015 revealing that both she and Sonic were simply disguises utilized by Silvana's shapeshifting ability. Whether this becomes more integrated in other issues of the series is yet to be seen.
Hanna
- Main article: Hanna
A woman who trolled Chris IRL by pretending to respond favorably to his Attraction Sign. Chris not only fell for the ruse, not only shouted "NOOOOOOOO!" in a public place when he discovered the truth, not only e-mailed her to ask her out again sometime, but also documented the entire sorry affair in his own comics.
The Sonichu version of Hanna is apparently an agent of PVCC, and the only troll in the entire comic to not be a cartoonishly evil-looking miscreant, probably due to being a woman.
Sonichu #2
Wes Iseli
- Main articles: Wes Iseli and Wasabi Rival
Sarah Hammer's IRL boyfriend, whom Chris jealously demonized in his comics by casting him as the descendant of the Wasabi Clan, a band of power hungry Native Americans who were enemies with the Cherokee.
When Chris fulfilled the Anchuent Prophecy by becoming Chris-Chan Sonichu, Wes was visited by the spirit of the Wasabi leader, who granted him the power to become Wes-Li Sonichu. At first, Wes used his powers to attack Chris, until Sarah dumped his ass and convinced both of them to join her in defeating Count Graduon. Wes would later appear as a directionless villain, attacking Sarah Hammer's wedding in Sonichu #5, and attending Mary Lee Walsh's villain conclave in Sonichu #7, as well as assisting in the attack on CWCville during Sonichu #9.
Sarah Hammer
- Main articles: Sarah Hammer and Queen of the Cherokian Clan
Chris's childhood friend, whom he later selected to bear his children before he discovered she was involved with another man. Chris nonetheless depicted her as the reincarnation of the Queen of the Cherokian Clan in his comics, and bestowed upon her the power to become a super-powered furry just like himself.
As Saramah Rosechu, Sarah joined Chris-Chan Sonichu and Wes-Li Sonichu in a prophesied battled against Count Graduon. Failing to actually defeat the villain, the trio sort of split up, leaving Chris to deal with him alone. Sarah then got married to another man, rejecting Chris yet again, and she left the city of CWCville entirely. She did cameo once more, though, in Sonichu Special 2, where she dressed in drag and attended the ceremony of Christian's ill-fated marriage to Ivy, acting as his best man.
Keeper of the Destiny Cave
An old fart who had hung around by an old cave for centuries, waiting for Chris to come along and use his Medallion to transform into his fursona. After revealing the Anchuent Prophecy to Chris and Sonichu, the Cave Keeper was never seen again. He's probably having a toke or two with Yawning Squirtle, if he's smart.
Mary Lee Walsh
- Main article: Mary Lee Walsh
Arch-nemesis to Christian (and by extension, Sonichu), Walsh is based on the real life dean of Piedmont Virginia Community College, against whom Chris has nursed a grudge for years. In the comics, Walsh is portrayed as tyrannical witch, waging a bitter and ruthless war against love itself. At no point is any information about her motivation for this provided by anybody.
Mary Lee Walsh first appeared in the comics in Issue 2, but a preview of her design was shown in Issue 0, and she had been mentioned in both sub-episodes that had been in previous comics. In her first full appearance, she was wielding the staff of Count Graduon, and directing the Golem attacking CWCville. This is thought to be her canonical first appearance as well, and it is believed that the subepisodes all take place after Sonichu #3, since the very first sub-episode features Chris-Chan Sonichu.
Throughout the comics, she did nothing but throw wave after wave of Jerkops, Manajerks and other PVCC agents at Chris. Occasionally she'd help out herself, and sometimes she'd just kick back and let her robots handle it. She captured Crystal Weston Chandler in the Dark Mirror Hole at one point, but it had very little lasting consequence. Christian later confronted her as Hobo-Chan in Sonichu #10. There, she let Chris destroy Graduon's staff and she surrendered. Not content, Christian attacked her with two large swords. It ended with her being paralyzed for life and put in prison.
Count Graduon
- Main article: Count Graduon
The Evil released when the Anchuent Prophecy was fulfilled. Graduon is a centuries-old evil wizard who was trapped inside a magic wand by the Cherokian Clan. In the 21st Century, he has forged an alliance with Mary Lee Walsh, and has secretly manipulated Silvana Rosechu to become his tranny rape weapon against the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. He appeared to be destroyed after GodMode!Chris smashes his staff in Sonichu #10, but Chris has stated that he would bring Graduon back in a later issue, during which he would have found and possessed the deactivated Metal Sonichu on the Moon, again returning to Earth as the main villain. From late-2015 onwards, Chris has gradually began to place more emphasis on Graduon, creating a new design to show his true physical form, and also devising a Mii that he then featured in several videos involving him fighting Walsh.
Golem
A weapon used by Count Graduon after escaping from the Destiny Cave and joining forces with Mary Lee Walsh. Upon learning that the Golem had attacked CWCville, Chris-Chan Sonichu,Wes-Li Sonichu, and Saramah Rosechu teamed up to destroy it. Stolen from Sonic Adventure 2, where it originally appeared as a boss controlled by Eggman.
Sonichu #3
The Chaotic Combo
- Main article: Chaotic Combo
Five other Electric Hedgehog Pokémon spawned as eggs from the Rainbow that created Sonichu. Scattered throughout the region, they would eventually discover each other in common battle against Black Sonichu. They would form the central cast of Sonichu for the rest of the comic, outranking even the original Sonichu in the CWCville hierarchy.
Wild Sonichu
- Main article: Wild Sonichu
The green recolor and a sort of leader to the group. Wild also partially rips off Spider-Man. He was apparently raised by a clan of weird ninja Scythers and a Venusaur. Once his father was kidnapped, he forgot all about him.
Later in life he became another member of the Great Director's private army and he served as another footsoldier in the many battles against Mary Lee Walsh and PVCC. During the middle of all this dumbfuckery, he attended a Dating Education class and got paired up with a mindless twit named Simonla Rosechu. Simonla was later killed, but fortunately for Wild, the bastard child which resulted from all sex he had with her looked almost exactly like Simonla in every single way.
Bubbles Rosechu
- Main article: Bubbles Rosechu
The sky-blue recolor and an airheaded slut. According to Sonichu #3, she was raised as a child by a random Swampert who happened to find her. One day, a Boulder-Dropping Whale randomly attacked her mother, and she forced herself to evolve so that she could save her. Some time later, she met the rest of the Combo when they all united under the common goal of beating up a black guy. She does nothing for the rest of the comic besides fucking Blake. She finds a Sonichu Ball in Sonichu #8, if you can count that as doing something. Oh, and there was one point where she failed to tell the difference between a trannie and her own boyfriend even when told the answer by a psychic.
Since everyone saw Bubbles as a stupid whore, she was portrayed as the idiot of the group in the webcomic Asperchu. Some time later, Christian established on her CWCipedia article that Bubbles was supposedly a very intelligent girl and had studied with the people of Atlantis. As you would expect, none of this was shown in the comics, and Bubbles still acts like a stupid whore.
Angelica Rosechu
- Main article: Angelica
A white recolor. Angelica Rosechu was made to be a religious type, specifically a Catholic. Her backstory explains that she was taken in by a convent of nuns, who raised her to be a devout member of the Faith and named her Angelica after her resemblance to the biblical angels - despite this, Angelica grew up to be a filthy whore and a violent mercenary of CWCville. She evolved one night in her sleep. Chris, who somehow knew exactly where she was and when she would evolve, broke into her house to give her shoes and a scrunchie, which he left on her bed for her to find when she woke up.
Despite being billed as a pacifist and a peacemanker, she later became heavily entrenched in Christian's war against Mary Lee Walsh and the Jerkops, and may very well have killed several people in the battle. This is pure speculation however. What isn't speculation though, was that she did, in fact, personally execute Alec Benson Leary in Sonichu #10 - after reading him the last rites of course, which Catholic laymen are not permitted to do. She charitably remarked 'May God have mercy' while doing so. This may indicate that on some level she knows that what she is doing is wrong, but it's likely that she was referring to Alec, because like Chris, she also has a huge ego, and genuinely believes that people should be killed for making parody webcomics. Like Bubbles, she is also a slut. She put out for Reginald Sneasel on the first date and she has been known to do things in church that would make Jesus himself cry.
Punchy Sonichu
- Main article: Punchy Sonichu
The red one, Punchy is not even a recolour; he's just Knuckles the Echidna who is already red. The only difference between them is that Punchy is far more retarded and has racist looking slanty eyes.
Punchy was born in a dojo somewhere after his egg crash landed there. Immediately after hatching, he was challenged to a sparring match by the dojo owner's daughter and student, Mypoe, who ripped off his tail since it was a weakness. He then punched her through the roof to her presumed death. G.D.W. Shinabe, delighted at the murder of his daughter, decides to teach Punchy martial arts. This training was wasted on Punchy however, who just ended up using pokémon attacks for the rest of his life. Punchy later got caught up with the rest of the gang, and formed the Chaotic Combo with them. Shortly afterward, his master died under mysterious circumstances and he apparently inherited the dojo. Punchy then spent the rest of Sonichu fighting Jerkops and related enemies. He got a break from the routine in Sonichu #9, where he took the Dating Education courses to try and learn how best to hook up with Angelica. As it turned out, Angelica would have been easy, but due to circumstances, Punchy ended up with another whore named Layla Flaaffy. Since all women are the same in Sonichu, Punchy just rolled with it and had sex with her anyway. He later also participated in the Sonichu #10 executions.
Magi-Chan Sonichu
- Main article: Magi-Chan
The purple recolor. Magi-Chan was born in a mysterious cave where, upon hatching, he was contacted by the Pokémon Mewtwo, who trained him with his powers. Upon evolving into Magi-Chan, he promptly let out a fart. His training complete, Mewtwo left him and Magi-Chan would go on join the Chaotic Combo. Despite his awesome powers, Wild Sonichu was chosen over Magi-Chan as leader of the Chaotic Combo. It would be Magi-Chan who would serve as the means to locate the Sonichu Balls from their locations, accidentally causing Chris to be lost in the Time Void. He would also fight Silvana from time to time as he attempted to save her from Graduon. In Sonichu #10, he frees Chris from the Time Void, goes into the future to bring the cure for homosexuality back to the present, but starts suffering due to that, yammering something about a crisis only Chris could avoid, failing to find a man high off his ass and failing to stop Evan and Simonchu from killing Simonla.
Sonee and Rosey
- Main article: Sonee & Rosey
The (irritating) baby versions of Sonichu and Rosechu, who appear on the first page of Sonichu #3. Technically, baby versions of Sonichu and Rosechu could never exist since they were created directly from a Pikachu and Raichu respectively, but that didn't stop Chris from creating them. They never made a canon appearance, but Chris recycled the designs for Sonichu and Rosechu's Children.
Scyther
- Main article: Pokémon
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of Wild Sonichu's father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother, or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such.
In Sonichu #8, Wild told Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "cut-sharp" clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take revenge, but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes".
Venusaur
- Main article: Pokémon
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered Wild Sonichu's egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects.
Swampert
- Main article: Pokémon
A female Swampert adopted Bubbles Rosechu upon discovering her egg on the beach. Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason. Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.
While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.
Boulder-Dropping Whale
- Main article: Pokémon
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who literally dropped a boulder. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles, and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention. Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for Sonichu characters has earned him a cult following among fans, who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.
Originally identified as a common whale in the Audiobooks, Chris stated in a blog in January 2010 that it is a Wailord, a Pokémon that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics (probably because he didn't pay attention during any of his biology classes in high school), such as the underwater scene in Sonichu #8 which featured only Pokémon sea creatures, and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "Rock Tomb", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord.
Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a fan favorite.
Chris also stated in the same blog that Boulder-Dropping Whale was in fact a Wailord, that he had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer. The fans have disregarded this statement, standing firm in their belief that Boulder Dropping Whale currently resides on the moon with his Moon-Pals Bill, Metal Sonichu, and Yawning Squirtle, getting high as fuck.
Nuns
The two nuns that raised Angelica, even though real nuns would've burned that abomination the moment they set eyes on it. Their appearance shows us that Chris believes the stereotype that all nuns are white, kind-hearted old ladies. Like Angelica, they reinforce religious upbringing by using the words bless and Lord frequently.
In addition to raising Angelica and teaching her how to fly, the nuns also saved the eggshell she hatched from. Chris stated in the videobooks that "they saved the eggshell for memories," which seems to shine a light on how his family justifies hoarding so much stuff. As there only appear to be two nuns in their convent, and they seem to have no problem with adopting disgusting mutant sow-people, and they seem to encourage them to masturbate in their supposedly holy dwelling, it's possible that the nuns are actually adult fetish models, and their convent is actually the studio for some sort of kinky reality show.
G.D.W. Shinabe
Also referred to as "Nabe-San", Shinabe is one of Chris's many horrible Excel Saga references. The anime's director, Shinichi Watanabe, created an alter ego of himself to use as one of the characters in the series. Naming his self-insertion "Nabeshin" (a play upon his own name), Watanabe utilized him not only as a supporting cast member, but also as a way to break the fourth wall and poke fun at the production of the anime. Nabeshin would be heavily featured again in Puni Puni Poemy, a follow-up project to Excel Saga.
In Sonichu, Chris depicts Nabeshin as Shinabe (get it?), who teaches a bizarre form of martial arts and film-editing. He adopts Punchy Sonichu and trains him to become a "strike ninja" after Punchy murders his daughter Mypoe. The initials "G.D.W." stand for Great Director Watanabe, a reference to "Great Teacher Onizuka", a manga about a high school teacher, often abbreviated "GTO". The "GDW" gag was used in Puni Puni Poemy, and so Chris stole the joke and clumsily incorporated it into his rehash character's name.
If Christian's "Sonichu" article on CWCipedia is to be taken as canon, then Shinabe was murdered by an ex student seeking revenge for some reason during the middle of Punchy giving Chris a tour of the dojo.
Mypoe
Mypoe is a loose knockoff of Poemy, the star of Puni Puni Poemy, depicted as Nabeshin's adopted daughter. Chris reversed the syllables in her name, both of them (Poemy refers to herself as "Kobayashi" in the show, a reference to her voice actor, Yumiko Kobayashi. Chris blatantly rips this off with Mypoe calling herself "Byashiko"), and appears to have changed her appearance to resemble Excel instead. Despite this, Chris claims that the two characters are not related.[2] In Sonichu, Mypoe is a female student of Shinabe who challenged Punchy Sonichu to a battle moments after he hatched from his egg. During the fight, she tore Punchy's tail off his body, claiming that it was a weak point, and should be removed (a concept stolen from Dragon Ball). The trauma apparently caused Punchy to evolve into his Sonichu form. In retaliation, Punchy attacks Mypoe with a Sky Uppercut, which sends her right out of the dojo, through the roof. Unfazed by the apparent murder of his daughter, Shinabe adopts Punchy as his new star pupil.
Like all minor characters Mypoe is considered cool amongst the fans. She has a special place in their hearts due to being the only character that tried to put a Sonee out of its miserable existence shortly after birth.
Mewtwo
- Main article: Pokémon
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first Pokémon feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for Magi-Chan Sonichu, whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers.
Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this though, much like all of the other sideplots not involving him, it'll probably never happen.
Christian has also notably claimed on the CWCipedia once that Reldnahc had a Mewtwo in his Pokémon team. Since in Pokémon lore there is only one Mewtwo, it can be assumed that this is the same one.
Flame the Sunbird
- Main article: Flame the Sunbird
Shameless ripoff of Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie who seems to be in dire need of pants. Flame is the guardian of the Legendary Master Sunstone, and joined Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo in rescuing it from Black Sonichu. He would later be seen attending the Chaotic Combo's birthday party at the mall. It is emphasized that he is not a Pokémon, yet he readily uses Pokémon attacks, such as Drill Peck.
Black Manajerk
- Main article: B-Manajerk
Chris's re-imagining of the McDonald's manager who interfered with his Love Quest at Mal-Wart, kitted out with a suit of golden armour. The B-Manajerk, along with his partner, Merried Seinor Comic, confront Chris after the Jerkhief tells them about him. When Chris refuses to leave, they attack him with Mecha-Jerkops, and Chris is aided by Darkbind Sonichu. As Darkbind handles the other foes, Chris battles B-Manajerk, and defeats his cybernetic armor with the powers of his Medallion. He also later attended Mary Lee Walsh's villain convention after Chris was sucked into the Time Void.
And yes, the 'B' in B-Manajerk does stand for Black.
Merried Seinor Comic
- Main article: Merried Seinor Comic
Companion of B-Manajerk, Merried Seinor Comic, also known as Kirby, is probably based on an older man who worked for the Wal-Mart which housed the McDonald's in which Chris was loitering that day. In Sonichu, he is depicted as a cyborg with mechanical arms and legs. When he and B-Manajerk attack Chris, Darkbind Sonichu arrives to help, and dismantles Merried Seinor Comic with his superior swordsmanship. Their duel appears to have been a pathetic excuse for Chris to use Monty Python gags in his comic, with Merried Seinor Comic assuming the role of the Black Knight who refuses to admit defeat after losing his limbs.
Wal-Mart Manajerk
- Main article: W-M-Manajerk
The ruler of the Mal-Wart region, W-M-Manajerk confronts Chris shortly after B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic are defeated. Like his henchmen, W-M is a cyborg, although he appears to be a head in a jar of life-sustaining fluid, affixed to an entirely robotic body. Far stronger than the other Manajerks, W-M easily overpowers Chris, until he combines his Medallion with the Heart Torch of Fail to summon his "dream sibling", Crystal Weston Chandler. Using their combined power, Chris and Crystal turn the tables against W-M, and send his disembodied head flying back to Mary Lee Walsh, who sent him to menace Chris in the first place.
Particularly worrying was that according to dialogue, Chris and Crystal were surprised to learn he could survive in just his head form after they removed it from his body, implying that they had intended to murder the helpless man.
Darkbind Sonichu
- Main article: Darkbind Sonichu
Yet another Sonichu recolor, Darkbind is a rip off not only of Sonic and Pikachu, but Darkwing Duck and Link from the Legend of Zelda as well. In his first appearance, Darkbind comes to help Chris defeat the Manajerks at the Mal-Wart region, but leaves just before the W-M-Manajerk shows up to beat the shit out of Chris. Whoops.
Darkbind would later return to repel Mary Lee Walsh's invasion of CWCville in Sonichu #6, and finally reveal that he has been searching for the seven Sonichu Balls to re-awaken his beloved Zelina Rosechu. He finally achieves this in Sonichu #10, and then starts crying.
Mecha-Jerkops
- Main article: Mecha-Jerkops
Mechanical Jerkops used by the Manajerks to forcibly eject Chris from the Mal-Wart Region. The only two to appear were easily defeated by Darkbind Sonichu, suggesting that they're actually far less formidable than flesh and blood Jerkops. One wonders what was the point was when actual Jerkops are far more capable and numerous.
Sonichu #4
Crystal Weston Chandler
- Main article: Crystal Weston Chandler (character)
Chris's imaginary sister. A virtual duplicate of Chris with the exception of being a female, she is created by the power of Chris's Pixelblock Heart Torch, giving her sentience. Like Chris, she can become a Rosechu - Crystalina Rosechu - through her own medallion. She later spends half of the comic trapped away in a mirror before being rescued as an afterthought. Chris makes numerous remarks about her beauty.
Snorlax
- Main article: Pokémon
A Snorlax who briefly appeared in Christian's 'Backyard Safari' Sub-Episode, a documentary about Jerkops designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a Jerkhief weighs over 1500 pounds and can be identified by its glassy eyes and wooden badge. How ironic for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops.
The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.
ScotPalazzo
- Main article: ScotPalazzo
ScotPalazzo is the Manajerk of Fa-Square, from the Sho-Mall Region. He is based on the manager who called the Jerkhief on Chris in real life, though he did not appear in Sonichu until Sub-Episode 6, where he for some reason became jealous that Chris had his own TV show; CWC's Backyard Safari. He decided once he was done watching it to order more Jerkops after Chris, since he was once again persisting to solicit sex in a public place and was still resisting arrest. Or at least, that would be the truthful reason. In Sonichu, however, it's because he hates love, since it caused his mother's murder suicide somehow. It's likely that the real ScotPalazzo's mother did no such thing, but Chris for some reason thinks that anyone who dislikes him at all must have terrible and tragic lives, since only people with no life could ever possibly hate Chris! That said, ScotPalazzo is probably the only villain in Sonichu, at least until Sonichu #10, to have any kind of motivation, so no one's complaining. ScotPalazzo also attended Mary's villain convention after Chris was lost to the Time Void.
Turdijerk
- Main article: Turdijerk
Turdijerk is the Manajerk of the Get-Tar region. He appears in Sub-Episode 7, where he tells Chris to get out of his store because he is loitering on private property again and scaring off his customers. Unlike with previous cases where he has provoked Manajerks into a fight, this time Chris just attacked them outright after they asked him to leave. Not caring for being assaulted by loitering manchildren, Turdijerk calls Marcus Bagget to come and deal with the potentially dangerous Chris before he attacks any more of his employees. He also later attended Mary Lee Walsh's villain convention.
Trebor Capman
- Main article: Trebor Capman
Turdijerk's assistant and the second victim of Christian's unwarranted attack on the store manager. It can be assumed that his real name is Robert, given Chris's legendary love for reversing names. He was also present at the villain convention with his boss Turdijerk.
Marcus Bagget
- Main article: Bagget
Yet another one of Chris's Sub-Episode characters of the week, Bagget (later ret-conned to Dagget) is the leader of a group of Jerkops in the Get-Tar Region. His efforts are supplemented by Crackder and a Jerkhief. Bagget and the Jerkops arrive shortly after Trebor Capman and Turdijerk attempt to make Chris leave a Target he had singled out as an Attraction Location, but Chris refused to go. Thus, Bagget fought Chris personally using his sword, but the battle was fought to a standstill with Chris transforming into Chris-chan Sonichu, forcing Bagget to call in his Jerkop squad for assistance. After the Jerkhief gave Chris a wicked carpet burn and 'hog-timed' him, Bagget ordered Crackder to take the now-restrained manchild to PVCC.
Unusually, Bagget never gets any form of punishment from Chris as a result of this, and disappears from the comic, only reappearing as a cameo among the council of enemies at PVCC in Sonichu #7. It is unknown exactly what role he played in the battle between Chris and the Chaotic Combo vs. PVCC.
Ironically, the real Marcus Bagett that Bagget is based on has received multiple awards for his heroism.
Crackder
- Main article: Crackder
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This article is still yet to be completed due to stress. We get a lot of stressful torture in our lives that makes us crash into slumber. Given that inspiration is a big variable, and we may have been lacking of it, this article will be completed as soon as possible, at our own pace... HONEST!
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Sonichu #5
William Spicer
The husband of Sarah Hammer. Because Chris had no clue as to what William actually looked like, Chris depicted him as a Jack's Knight, a card from the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game franchise.
Megan Schroeder (Meg-Chan)/Sailor Megtune
- Main articles: Megan Schroeder and Sailor Megtune
Chris's second love interest. Based off of the actual Megan Schroeder, she moonlights as a Sailor Senshi, devoted to aiding Chris whenever he can't get off his own fat rear to do so. Despite having a very central role when she first appears, she is quickly erased from the series after her real-life counterpart gives Chris the boot in the aftermath of his ED discovery.
Megagi La Skunk
- Main article: Megagi La Skunk
Megan's skunk companion. Starting out as a butch, tomboyish character with more personality than the rest of the Rosechus, her distinct nature rapidly corrodes as she gains a boyfriend in Bionic, devolving into a bland feminine cheerleader by Issue 9.
Harriet, Joseph, Julia, Nick
Couples harassed by Jerkops.
Jamsta Sonichu
- Main article: Jamsta Sonichu
DJ for KCWC and one of the few Sonichus shown that weren't created by the Chaotic Rainbow. He has no obvious powers and speaks in outdated slang. Interestingly, Jamsta's the actual ORIGINAL Sonichu, yet he wasn't discovered and named until later, giving Sonichu all the credit.
CWCVille Constable
One of the few non-Jerkops in CWCVille.
CADD Chef (alias Keneru-Meneth)
- Main article: CADD Chef
Another one of Slaweel's minions who does nothing but complain about building designs. The character is based off of Chris's Computer-Aided Drafting and Design and the South Park character Chef. Why Chris chose to combine these two concepts is known only to him.
Sonichu #6
Patti-Chan
- Main articles: Patti Chandler and Patti-Chan
Chris's beloved dog. Following her real-life death, in the comics, a combination of eating a four-leaf clover and moonbeams transformed Patti into Patti-Chan. Realizing what had happened, Chris brought his dog to CWCVille so it can live on forever. She uses her magic to protect the Mayor's office in Sonichu #9, then kills Alec in Sonichu #10 because "she's not a zombie."
Allison Amber
- Main article: Allison Amber
Chris's mayoral secretary. Once a prominent Hollywood star, she bafflingly gave up the fame and fortune to work in the CWCVille Mayor's office. She essentially performs the entirety of the mayoral work in lieu of Chris while he traipses around murdering people and finding true love. When Chris became trapped in the Time Void, it was indicated that she had overtaken all of his duties until his return - presumably this made very little difference to Allison's schedule. In Sonichu #10, she rather harshly kills Sean for his promiscuous depiction of her in Moon-Pals.
Shadow the Hedgehog
- Main articles: Shadow the Hedgehog and Christian & The Hedgehog Boys
The Ultimate Life Form created by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, this angst-filled hedgehog is the focal point of a number of teenager-aimed Sonic games made in the mid-2000s and is the "inspiration" of Blake. Despite not appearing in the comics proper, Shadow DOES make an appearance in an ad for Christian and the Hedgehog Boys' solo album.
Zelina Rosechu
- Main article: Zelina Rosechu
Darkbind Sonichu's love interest. She is put under a spell through the locked power of the Sonichu Crystals prior to the start of the series. In Sonichu #10, she is awakened to much fanfare and is unsurprisingly revealed to be as unimportant and devoid of personality as all the other Rosechus.
Clawdorf
- Main article: Clawdorf
Darkbind Sonichu's deadly foe. After putting Zelina into a deep sleep, he is accidentally turned into stone and left in a cave. He is presumed freed by Ultra Sonichu.
Bionic the Hedgehog
- Main article: Bionic the Hedgehog
Chris's first creation before Sonichu came into play. Thought up of after getting smacked with a Sonichu Crystal (later altered to be a basketball), Bionic became Chris's first creation. He would go into obscurity until Naitsirhc arrived on the scene, knocking out the villain with a basketball. He would soon fall in love with Megagi and go and aid Chris in his adventures, culminating in Bionic electrocuting Alec.
Sonichu #7
Mighty the Armadillo
Mistakenly spelled "Mighty the Armordillo" by Chris, Mighty is a supporting character from the Sonic The Hedgehog video games, including "Knuckles Chaotix" and "SegaSonic The Hedgehog". Due to his relative obscurity and passing resemblance to more popular Sonic characters, Mighty may be misidentified by Sonichu readers as another one of Chris's crappy "original" characters.
When Chris travels back in time to relive the moment he "created" Bionic the Hedgehog, he recalls that he would often imagine Sonic characters acting out scenes in the books he read. According to Chris, he was reading a "Fear Street" novel by R.L. Stine, imagining Mighty as one of the characters, when he was struck on the head by a basketball, and at the same moment, imagined an orange version of Sonic emerging from a locker door where Mighty was standing.
Sammy
- Main article: Sammy
A "fat, stupid" version of Chris utilized for the "Family Guy Skitch" featured in Episode 15. In a typical Family Guy style aside, Chris recalls a fictional memory of himself in an embarrassing situation, bearing a strong resemblance to Peter Griffin. Later, this same alternate version of Chris appears to speak with the real Chris, who identifies the character as Sammy, who merely "played" Chris in his memory. Sammy is a beloved figure to trolls, as he is ironically a far more accurate representation of Chris than the skinnier version who actually stars in the comic.
Skelevision and Ghost Buggy
- Main article: Ghostbusters
Items used by the Filmation Ghostbusters in their adventures. Sammy busts through them in his "Family Guy Skitch" in his confused state.
Kellie Andes
- Main article: Kellie Andes
One of Chris's old classmates and one of his old high school crushes. She appears in Episode 15, discovering Chris's nude picks and is revealed to have warned Rosechu in Episode 17. Interestingly, she is one of the few who doesn't get a retconned name change.
Bender Bending Rodriguez
- Main article: Futurama
A lazy self-absorbed robot who gets his kicks off of robbing people, getting drunk and all around being lazy, especially with his friend Philip J. Fry. Doesn't that sound like someone we know. Bender is seen spiraling through the time stream as Chris, Sonichu and Magi-Chan travel on.
Joseph Herring
- Main article: Joseph Herring
One of the many people affected by Slaweel's attacks, this pimply faced man, later renamed Joe Herr, is seen lamenting about the loss of his girlfriend. The character is based off of a man by the same name who actually looked pretty decent.
Beavis and Butt-Head
- Main article: Beavis and Butt-Head
MTV's legendary icons for all things 1990, Beavis and Butt-Head were two idiotic teens who got their kicks through destruction, pervert antics and all around being complete and utter idiots. And America mostly loved them. They show up in Episode 16 slamming a locker door, mimicking a scene from one of their shorts.
Janekops
Female Jerkops. Chris suggested the possibility of female Jerkops in Sonichu #4, by describing a "Hypno-gun" the Jerkops use to transform mentally retarded people into new Jerkops. From this it can be inferred that any Janekop would be a female victim of such a weapon. Breasted Jerkops would be seen standing guard at PVCC in issue #7, so these are most likely the same Janekops Chris suggested earlier.
Jason Kendrick Howell
- Main article: Jason Kendrick Howell
The head of 4-cent_garbage, Jason Kendrick Howell is the bald-headed, eye-patch wearing cause of Chris's torment in Sonichu #8. Based off of the person by the same name whom Chris believes put up the Chris-Chan ED page, Jason is shown as apathetic to Sonichu's pleas before he launches a pickle at Rosechu, causing her to transform into the Incredible Lioness and face rape him. He would return in Sonichu #10, only to decide he was going to retire from trolling Chris because tormenting him is WRONG.
Kathleen
- Main article: Kathleen
Kathleen is Jason's "woman slave", seen wearing an odd BDSM outfit and in a crawling position. She stays ever faithful by Jason's side throughout the whole thing. She is based off the woman by the same name, who was Jason's girlfriend at the time.
Blanca
- Main article: Blanca
The first of many troll gal-pals to appear in the comics. Blanca was the creator of Jiggliami and was present at the interview with Jamsta. In issue 8, however, it's revealed that she went back to Kentucky to be with her boyfriend.
Jiggliami
- Main article: Jiggliami
Blanca's creation, an odd fusion of Amy Rose and a Jigglypuff. She is a songstress who's seeking to become popular. She appears in Sonichu #7 with an interview with Jamsta and in a Spring Break concert in Sonichu #8, helping the Chaotic Combo before inexplicably disappearing forever.
Lolisa Rosechu
- Main article: Lolisa Rosechu
Jamsta's assistant on his radio show. Oddly, she is also the oldest Rosechu of the bunch, but because this is Chris's comic, she is conveniently shoved aside so that Rosechu is the first, thus named after her.
Robert Simmons V
- Main article: Robert Simmons V
Another troll who made his way into the comic as a major fan of the comics. In Sonichu #7, he appears at Jiggliami's interview. However, after Chris learned the truth of the man, he retconned it in his Videobooks by saying he was arrested for getting too close to Chris.
Sonichu #8
Lovey and Thurston Howell III
- Main articles: Lovey Howell and Thurston Howell III
In Sonichu #8, Christian Weston Chandler sought to humiliate his arch-nemesis Jason Kendrick Howell with a scathing parody of Encyclopedia Dramatica. In a feeble attempt to be coy, Chris refrained from identifying Howell in the comic right away, instead referring to him only as Jason, followed by a clever cameo appearance to hint at his last name. Since no anime or Family Guy characters are named "Howell", this forced Chris to delve into legitimate pop culture, and soon he found Thurston Howell III and Lovey Howell, the elitist millionaire couple on the classic TV series Gilligan's Island. Chris is probably blissfully unaware that the joke will probably sail very far over the heads of his target demographic, and he's also unaware that there are countries on GodJesus's green earth where the show hasn't aired for decades. Or ever.
Appearing outside the 4-cent garbage.com building, Thurston chides Lovey for forgetting her purse, to which Lovey explains that she had grown used to neglecting it from their time stranded upon the island. Chris then challenges the reader to guess Jason's last name, a pointless exercise, as Chris had already mentioned "Jason Kendrick Howell" several times on his website, YouTube videos, and anywhere other public forum available to him in 2008.
Beel
- Main article: Beel
The secretary at 4-cent_garbage, he is a devil-like creature with the gayest pants ever. He shows up briefly in Episode 17, but is more prominently shown in Episode 21, stealing Chris's medallion, before having it teleported away, then blasted to kingdom come. He returns just in time to berate Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus over their trolling of Chris (comparing it to working with Adolf Hitler) before disappearing.
4-cent_garbage.com employees
- Main article: 4-cent_garbage
The workers of 4-cent_garbage building. Chris reappears to briefly sock one of them in the face. In Episode 21, Chris returns fully and destroys the building, killing about a hundred of the employees.
George W. Bush
- Main article: George W. Bush
42nd President of the United States and son of the 40th President, George H. W. Bush, he saw his highs of popularity from the 9/11 attacks plummet after he initiated the War in Iraq. He is depicted in the elevator gag tipping over his successor off his ladder.
Barack Obama
- Main article: Barack Obama
43rd President of the United States and first African-American president. Obama is depicted in the elevator gag attempting to paint the White House black, but is stopped by Bush.
John McCain
- Main article: John McCain
Obama's opponent in the 2008 elections and former US Senator. He yells at Obama for painting the White House black.
Hilary Clinton
- Main article: Hillary Clinton
New York Senator, former First Lady to 41st President Bill Clinton and one of five potential candidates in the Democratic nominee for President. She's present as Obama paints the White House.
Sarah Palin
- Main article: Sarah Palin
Former Alaskan governor, John McCain's running mate and all-around gullible bag of bricks. This "bulldog with lipstick" was present as Obama painted the White House.
Simonla Rosechu
- Main article: Simonla Rosechu
Wild Sonichu's fuck toy, Simonla Rosechu is the unholy monstrosity created when Chris took Simonchu Sonichu, a creation by Evan (who in turned based it off of Simon the Digger of Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann) and gave it breasts and china. Simonla first appears when she joins the other Rosechus in "stripping for Women's Rights, introducing her friend Zapina. She's later paired up with Wild in Dating Education before aiding said Sonichu in defending CWCVille from Slaweel's attack. However, Simonla would meet her demise by a Voltorb blowing itself up, killing her on the toilet.
Zapina Rosechu
- Main article: Zapina Rosechu
A young (under-age) Rosechu who's friends with Simonla. She first appears trying to join some of the other Rosechus in stripping publicly for Women's Rights, but Rosechu shoots down that idea because of the "dumb" child pornography laws. She is later seen defending CWCVille from Slaweel and her minions.
Greta Squall
News anchor for "FQX News", obviously a parody of Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren. Covered CWCville's 2008 Spring Break celebration on location, and became so overcome with the festivities that she stripped down to a swimsuit and leaped into a pool. Horribly disfigured, her face bears several scars, each shaped like the numeral "2", and her arms are swollen to abnormal size, possibly due to localized gigantism.
Silvana Rosechu
- Main article: Silvana Rosechu
Another missing Rosechu, she was found on The Motherfucking Moon by Count Graduon and turned evil, giving her shapeshifting powers and a penis. She appears in Episode 18, fucking Blake disguised as Bubbles before being driven off. She appears again in Episode 20, fighting Magi-Chan and appears one last time, disguising herself as a malformed Meg Griffin. According to Chris, Silvana would lose her powers and her dick when Graduon's staff was shattered and she would soon fall in love with Magi-Chan.
Yawning Squirtle
- Main article: Yawning Squirtle
A Squirtle that is seen yawning and given a very stoned look. Many trolls took it that the Squirtle was actually high off of weed and ran with it. In retaliation, Chris mentioned that this Squirtle was actually an old friend of Bubbles and that it was also captured and not shot to the moon.
Sea Pokémon
Comprised of Mudkips, Seadra, Goldeen, Staryu, Corsola, Octillery, Mantine, and Corphish. Note that Mudkip are found in swamps, not the ocean.
Optimus Prime
- Main article: Optimus Prime
Supreme Commander of the Autobots and hero of the Transformers franchise. He is considered to be one of Chris's idols. However, he is depicted in Issue 8 as a grand hero (or a murderer, however you want to look at it), killing Decepticon spy Sarah Jackson.
Sarah Jackson
- Main article: Sarah Jackson
One of Chris's sweethearts and Decepticon spy. She is given a memorial by depicting the heroic Optimus Prime running down her truck in his truck form.
Sarah Cassandra McKenzie (aka Panda Halo)
- Main articles: Sarah Cassandra McKenzie and Panda Halo
The third of Chris's gal-pals. She is given a shout out in Issue 8, only to be depicted dying in an a fire in Issue 9, mirroring her real-life "demise" which Chris concocted with no impetus.
Sonichu #9
Sarah Jackaras
Sarah Jackson's second comic persona. She is depicted as a teacher for Chris's demented Dating Education class. At the end of the episode, her sister nonchalantly announces her death before handing out test scores.
George Philip
A kid in Dating Education. He resembles Kenny from South Park.
Layla Flaaffy
- Main article: Layla Flaaffy
Ivy's companion, who does not even vaguely resemble a Flaaffy. She ends up hooking up with Punchy in Episode 19 and is shown one last time blasting away a bunch of Jerkops with a Thunder attack in Episode 20.
Ivy
- Main article: Ivy
The last of the real-life sweethearts to show up in the Sonichu comics (excluding the specials) thus far. She ends up having a vision where God and Jesus tell her that she is to be Chris's one true love. Irrespective of this, she is strangled by elevator wire in Episode 20.
Reginald Sneasel
- Main article: Reginald Sneasel
Chris's Mary Sue character that fills in for him while he is still trapped in the Time Void. He despises darkies and attempts to break up Punchy and Layla only for Angelica to feel sorry for him and be his girlfriend.
God/Jesus
- Main article: God/Jesus
Our Creator and our Lord and Savior. They appear in a vision to let Ivy know that she and Chris were meant to be. However, since Ivy dies in the next episode, it's hard not to imagine they were trolling the two in the process.
Florance Fisher
One of the few black characters in Sonichu that isn't evil, although she is extremely peripheral. She is rejected by Reginald Sneasel, mirroring Chris's own refusal to date a black woman. Crudely resembles South Park's art style, and was probably traced.
Rita Jackaras
Sarah's sister. She replaces Sarah after offhandedly revealing she died somehow during the students' lunch break, then begins handing out test scores. Judging by her odd speech patterns, she may be slow-in-the-mind.
Other students
Comprised of:
- Amy Testa
- Clem Jennings
- Geraldine
- Fred Shiflet
- Emily Ryan
- Unnamed computer-lab attendant
- Clyde Raymond Cwash- Scored the lowest on the dating test. Possible stab at Clyde Cash, even though in real life[3] he not only succeeded in two tasks Chris has so far failed - getting married and having a child - but also achieved those goals using extremely Chris-like methods.
Scoundrals [sic] as Vessels
- Main article: Scoundrals As Vessels
Evil PVCC Decepticons, they're mass produced and act as heavy-duty attackers. Repaint of Swindle from Transformers Animated
Samurai Pizza Bots
- Main article: Samurai Pizza Bots
CWCVille's main machine protectors and obvious Autobot rejects. This team is comprised of:
- Prower - Punchy's motorcycle, recolor of Samurai Prowl from Transformers Animated
- Son-Chu - a depiction of Chris's real-life car with a "SONICHU" vanity plate
- Bumble-Lumba - recolor of Bumblebee from Transformers Animated. Also a pizza delivery car.
- Excelina - recolor of R.C. from Revenge of the Fallen.
- Armoraxe - recolor of Sound Wave from Transformers Animated. Even has a guitar as a weapon.
Blazebob Sonichu and Chloe Rosechu
- Main articles: Blazebob Sonichu and Chloe Rosechu
Both were created by PandaHalo.[4] They are saved by Panda before her gruesome death and start bawling at her death before a firefighter tells them to move their asses.
IBAChandler
- Main article: CChanSonichuCWC
The Sonichu variation of Liquid Chris. This ground-type Sonichu is easily curb-stomped by Sonichu before he can really get the chance to attack. It's said that Liquid's medallion was made out of paper.
Cerah, Christine, and Robbie
- Main article: Sonichu and Rosechu's Children
The demonic spawn of Sonichu and Rosechu. Robbie is known for his screechy voice and speech impediment, Christine is known for being self-absorbed and "shiny" (read: not really Sonichu's), and Cerah is known for absolutely nothing at all. All are equally abominable in the eyes of the Lord. These three simply show up at the end of the comic with only one extremely minor mention prior to then, and their births have never been shown. It is extremely likely that these three were created in response to trolls pointing out that Sonichu and Rosechu were having premarital underage sex. They feature all too heavily subsequent to their sudden introduction.
Sonichu #10
Bugs Bunny
A beloved American cartoon icon for decades, representative of the wacky World War II propaganda cartoons and the early 20th century vaudeville theater, Bugs Bunny appeared briefly in Sonichu #10 to scold Jimmy Hill for his infringement upon Sonichu's copyright. This is a subtle reference to Mr. Hill's conviction over bootlegging Warner Bros. merchandise in Europe years earlier.
Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez
Two of CWCville's policemen (true blue, not Jerkops) who show up in Sonichu #10 to apprehend Inos. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of Sonichu.
Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of Family Guy. He takes a particular interest in Sonichu's son Robbie.
Louis is the black officer - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in Mailbag 50. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "little Lou"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".
It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in Virginia, calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.
The Asperpedia Four
The main users of the Asperpedia. They are arrested and executed by Chris and the others for their roles in the death of Simonla. The four are:
- Alec Benson Leary - the creator of Asperchu. Is attacked off screen by the pseudo Chaotic Combo and Mitch Sonichu for "giving them Asperger's and drawing them SOOOO horribly." Is electrocuted by Chris and the Chaotic Combo.
- Evan - Simonchu's creator. Is castrated and drilled to death by Sandy and Wild.
- Sean August Watley - Creator of Moon-Pals. Is shot to death by Allison, Bill the Scientist, and Kel.
- Mao - Asperpedia admin. Is broken and killed by Chris.
Chris would, in an attempt to appear like a less psychotic human being, make a new ending for Sonichu 10, wherein the four are condemned to live in a Amish community for the rest of their lives, which results in them becoming a bunch of slow-in-the-minds who spew random-access humor.
Sackboy
- Main article: Little Big Planet
The mascot and main character of the Little Big Planet game franchise. He appears in issue 10 to tell readers not to buy unauthorized copies of LBP for the Hex Box.
Jimmy Hill
- Main article: Jimmy Hill
Famed former soccer player turned commentator who was used as part of a trolling scheme against Chris. He is depicted in Issue 10 getting his teeth knocked out by Chris-Chan Sonichu's Hyper Beam before being scolded by Bugs Bunny.
Clyde Cash
- Main article: Clyde Cash
Infamous troll who helped inspire many others. In actuality, Clyde's first appearance was in Sonichu Special 1, capturing Ivy and trying to kill both Chris and Ivy when they escape. In issue 10, he's depicted as a panicking man as the 4-cent_garbage building began falling. Unwilling to let Chris kill him, he takes the hand of his lover, Jack Thaddeus, and leap to his death.
Jack Thaddeus
- Main article: Jack Thaddeus
Person who owned the ads at the CWCkipedia and forced Chris to hump his Life Upgrade. He is depicted as another panicking man in the 4-cent_garbage building. He joins his lover, Clyde Cash, in leaping to their deaths, unwilling to let Chris have his victory.
Meg Griffin
- Main article: Meg Griffin
Middle child of the fictional Griffin family, usually depicted as being ignored and ridiculed by her family and just about everyone else. In Issue 10, she was a disguise by Silvana, who appeared, told Chris how awesome he was, shared a kiss with him, then disappeared. Worst troll ever.
Asperchu/Mitch Sonichu
- Main article: Asperchu
Star of Alec Benson Leary's comic of the same name. When Ultra Sonichu appears, he takes away his personality and Asperger's and transforms him into Mitch Sonichu (and Chris expected Alec to follow suit).
Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)
- Main article: Chaotic Combo (Asperchu)
Formerly the Asperchu versions of Sonichu, Punchy, Bubbles, Angelica, Wild and Magi-Chan. Ultra Sonichu appears and removes their "Asperger's" (despite none of them actually having the condition) and gives them new identities of Michael Sonichu, Bobby Sonichu, Kitty Rosechu, Trisha Rosechu, Whisp Sonichu and Swift Sonichu.
Metal Asperchu
A robot Asperchu created to find and collect the seven Chaos Pickles. Is destroyed by the pseudo Chaotic Combo.
Basement Rosechus
- Main article: Basement Rosechus
A group of Rosechus found in Alec's basement, malnourished and injured. Many had believed that Chris portrayed them as being raped by Alec, which Chris tried furiously to deny.
Inos
- Main article: Inos
A homeless man discovered by Ultra Sonichu. To his horror, Inos is discovered with a five year cold and under the influence of weed. Ultra Sonichu steals his weed away then has the police slap his wrist. He later reappears during the Christmas special to compliment Blake and wish him a Happy Kwanzaa, but Blake responds with anger and some subdued racism. Blake attempts to attack Inos, but Bubbles tells him to 'stand down'.
Simonchu
- Main article: Simonchu
The main hero of Evan's Simonchu comics and Wild's lover in Asperchu. He attempts to kill his evil clone Simonla, but is stopped by Magi-Chan.
Toilet Exploding Voltorb
The Pokémon that kills Simonla with Self-Destruct.
Sandy Rosechu
- Main article: Sandy Rosechu
The bastard child of Wild and Simonla. She is forced to be evolved by Wild and is trained by different Pokémon just so she can tear Evan's genitals out.
Judge Slack Lewis
The judge presiding the case of the Asperpedia Four. He has an obvious bias towards Chris and allows everything that goes on. He may or may not be a rip-off of Lewis Black, a comedian who would likely rage at Chris and the comic.
Marvey Blaziken
A shameless ripoff of Harvey Birdman, except with a Blaziken instead of a bird. Serves as the Prosecutor for the Asperpedia Four's trial. Marvey is clearly a personification of Chris's poor understanding of the American legal system as he is able to win the case with no evidence beyond "they drew bad comics". He also appears at the end of the comic to be Chris's mouthpiece against fans for having the AUDACITY to want semi-regular updates.
Spiny Norman
An actual hedgehog, Chris shoehorned in an incredibly minor reference to an early Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch on the page calling out Jimmy Hill, presumably because Chris' only exposure to the British was the TV show.
Sonichu #11
Kevin
- Main article: Kevin the Jew
An unseen friend of Cerah Rosey. Since he's Jewish, Cerah bakes him as a gift a candle-shaped cookie for Hanukkah, due to the candle-related symbolism in this holiday's rituals, despite the fact that a biscuit of any shape would have been accepted for such a celebration. Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply asking if he's allergic, she just assumes it.[5] Because Jews are sickly Melvins with many allergies, you see. He later appears for the first time in a visual role in Sonichu 11's adaptation of A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story, and heavily resembles a character from Peanuts.
"Sonichu Special 2"
Ching Chong
A small Chinese girl that Ivy tutored in art. Ching Chong became mentally scarred for life due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own "Navy" while innocently browsing the Encyclopedia Dramatica website. Chris offered formal excuses to her in a Captain's Log video. In the comic she appears as the flower girl. Chris seems to be completely unaware of the stereotypes said character's name brings along.
Other Characters
- Keino - Ivy's dad
- Crass and Champ - Ivy's hermit crabs, who are ring bearers
- Canino Houndhowl - receptionist for wedding, a creation of Megan that Chris ripped off
- Gecko and Mantis, a pair of reptilian bakers
- Lilith - A Meowth who is a bridesmaid
- Rachel - Ivy's best friend, the maid of honor
- CWCville Baptist Church Pastor
- An unnamed My Little Pony character - pulls the chariot that Chris and Ivy ride in
- Spas - a feline pianist
Sonichu Special 4
CChanSonichuCWC
- Main article: CChanSonichuCWC
The real Christian Weston Chandler. Here, he is displayed as a knife-wielding madman who wants to cut up Kacey for... no apparent reason. Ian responds by disarming him, then blowing out his shins.
Kacey
- Main article: Kacey
Girlfriend of the real Chris and damsel in distress in the comic.
Megatron
- Main article: Megatron
Seeing as the comic already depicted Optimus Prime mowing down evil, it's only natural that his eternal nemesis and leader of the Decepticons Megatron strike fear into the hearts of those who do good. He aids Ian by shooting an unarmed Chris in the legs.
Kacey's Family
All are thankful to Ian Brandon Anderson for shooting the unarmed Real Chris in the legs. Her family is comprised of:
- Matt Devoria - Kacey's father who looks like Guile from Street Fighter 2. (Hates Ian in real life and doesn't want them to marry.)
- Kacey's mother
- Kacey's brother
- Kacey's sister - Says Ian is a "hot man" and Liquid Chris is a "geeky twerp"
Sonichu characters not seen in the comics but otherwise mentioned by Chris
Being an avant-garde writer with little regards to outdated conventions, Chris ignores the idea of "show don't tell" and often introduces entire plots and characters in his writings rather than in his drawings. Some of those characters include:
- A plethora of various Pokémon.
- A bunch of merpeople populating the lost city of Atlantis. Virtually nothing is known about them other than that they are friends of Bubbles.[6]
- Terrah LeAnne Yowman, her sweetheart Tippanston Gowen, and the various unnamed students mentioned in The High School Story.[7]
- A Pokémon Professor named Cole is mentioned on the CWCipedia. He examined Sonichu and Rosechu after they transformed into their current forms, and was also responsible for teleporting Rosechu to Kel when the latter was engaging in gym battles.[8]
- Grace Rosewell, the Reverend at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Sonichu, Rosechu and the Chaotic Combo attend her service every Sunday.[9]
- Fritz Richmond, a pastor at Samuel Memorial United Christian Church. Helped raise Angelica.[10]
- An ex-student of Shinabe who kills his master in revenge for an unknown slight. Punchy kills in return with a punch and buries him behind Shinabe's Dojo.[9]
- Three unnamed protectors of Parodyse Island - According to Megagi's Animal Crossing card, she and three other unnamed individuals are the protectors of Parodyse Island.[11] Nothing further is known about them.
- Russel and Cynthia - In Facebook post from 21 May 2015, Chris describes how Chris-chan Sonichu's form has turned into a female one. While still being in his Chris-chan Sonichu form, Chris inseminates himself with a sample of his semen that he produced while still in his human form. Two weeks he laid two eggs, and three weeks afterwards a Sonee and Rosey hatched from them. Chris named the Sonee Russel and the Rosey Cynthia. They both respectively developed into a Sonichu and Rosechu later on, with Russel developing an interest in Britain and English culture and Cynthia developing an interest in her Cherokee roots and becoming a naturist. According to Chris they have no birth defects, not even their parent's autism.[12]
Notes
- ↑ [1]
- ↑ I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC#A_history_.284:11_to_6:01.29
- ↑ Or at least in what Chris believes is real life
- ↑ From the CWCipedia "Sonichu" page, under "Sonichu's Evolution" "Fire Stone = Blazebob Sonichu (to be Introduced soon in Episode 20 with Chloe Rosechu; both were fabricated by late Loyal Sonichu/Rosechu Fan and True Australian Gal-Pal, PandaHalo. She died in the brushfires of Australia April, 2009; she will always have a place in my heart with her singing of "Lift Up Your Eyes" from PlanetShakers)."
- ↑ Sonichu 11, p. [:image:SchuComic11P4.jpg|4].
- ↑ CWCipedia on Bubbles Rosechu
- ↑ The High School Story on the CWCipedia
- ↑ CWCipedia on Rosechu
- ↑ 9.0 9.1 CWCipedia on Sonichu
- ↑ CWCipedia on Angelica Rosechu
- ↑ File:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg
- ↑ May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia
