User:Eniggy/Le Rant

June 30th - ADD is Bullshit

Most people walk by and say that eight year old who's making a face has ADD. Remember how a few decades ago people said that meant they were bored or sad? I hate how everyone has jumped onto the idiotic without-a-purpose bandwagon that is ADD. Even more annoying is how the idiot moms of today think they should not only go out of their way to wave ADD and Aspergers around like it's a real deal and something to be proud of, but how they think all of a sudden they can go "OOP HE HAS ADD" like they're a fucking doctor. Last time I checked, five years of Girl Scouts and PTA bake sales does not qualify you to be a neurologist or anything remotely resembling a doctor. And this brings me to another point- how doctors seem to jump at parents and go "OH GET RITALIN OR ADDERALL XR DERP DERP DERRRR." To me, that's idiotic. It's even more idiotic how they came up with ADD in the mid-80s, had no proof for two-thirds of a decade, and then go "Oh yeah, it's brain chemicals!" It's just another thing a doctor does to make more money, and, plus, look at it this way: if people who were not as normal as the rest such as Einstein, Thomas Edison and Bach grew up today, imagine how it'd be.

"Oh, yes, Mr. Bach. I'm afraid that musical skill is not normal at all. I'll have to give you a prescription note for a month's supply of Ritalin. That should do away with his strange musical playing you claim."

So, in conclusion, ADD is bullshit. Now, how's about some Ritalin? Anyone? ANYONE?

July 1st - 21st Century Man= prophecy of Chris?

Yeah, it may sound stupid at first, but it's pretty weird. The ELO song, 21st Century Man, was written as a tribute to Jeff Lynne's close friend John Lennon, but a lot of the words fit Chris pretty well. For example, the beginning line

Penny in your pcoket/ Suitcase in you hand/ They won't get you very far/ Now you're a 21st Century Man

It seems to describe how Chris is lazy and refuses to do actual work or save up his money instead of blowing it all, as shown by the suitcase and penny. The line about not getting very far with these things since the person is a "21st Century Man" describes how Chris believes he is talented and can get very far in life with his comic full of recolors. The next line

Fly across the city/ Rise above the land

is irony- Chris has only traveled out of Virginia twice, and it also shows how his ego makes it seem to him that he can be, in Lennon's words, "bigger than Jesus." The next part '

"You can do most anything"

is also irony- Chris is bad at a lot of things, and seems to be pure concentrated fail. Then there's the verse-

Though you ride on the wheels of tomorrow/ you still wander the fields of your sorrow What will it bring?

This seems to fit a prophetic thing of sorts- Chris will eventually make an attempt at being normal, but it will fail, as he still has heavy baggage from us trolls and his life's experiences. Next line, shall we?

One day you're a hero/ next day you're a clown/ there is nothing that is in-between/ now you're a 21st Century Man

This describes Chris's nonexistant triumphs besides the Sonic contest in the early 90s. The verse after it describes how we end up telling him these are not achievements, but failures. Then, it describes how Chris can pretty much not be in-between as some people are, which leads into how he believes he is ahead of his time. Next part:

You should be so happy/ you should be so glad/ but why are you so lonely/ you 21st Century Man?

This basically describes how Chris is not content with his room full of crap, and leads into the questioner asking why Chris is so lonely, which would lead into a Love Quest monologue. Nxt. Vrs.

You stepped out of a dream/ believing everything was gone/ Return with what you learned/ They'll kiss the ground you walk upon

Also irony- Chris never learns and thinks there is nothing but him and that his nonexistant fanbase should suck his duck 24/7.

(INSERT GUITAR BRIDGE HERE- TOLL $2)

Things aren't how you thought they were/ Nothing have you planned/ So pick up your penny and your suitcase/ You're not a 21st Century Man

The ultimate burn- the questioner tells him off, but we only catch the tail-end of it due to the bridge. It shows how he is not ahead, but behind in time, forever stuck in childhood, with no true escape but finally getting a job, moving out and finally getting a life.

(repeat verse)

Same as above. He's going to do an attempt at normal, like he is now, but even bigger, but it will fail and everything around him will fall apart at his feet.

Just listen, and you decide. John Lennon or Chris Chandler?

I HAVE SPOKEN. SO IT SHALL BE.

July 2nd - Proof that both Sloganizer.net and Chris are fail

"Chris Weston Chandler, to hell with the rest." More like "The rest, to hell with Chris Weston Chandler."

• "Lucky Chris Weston Chandler."

Wow, not only is this not true, but I discovered "irony" rhymes with "ironing."

• "Chris Weston Chandler will be for you what you want it to be.

A supergenius with an actual life? A man can dream that Chris could be normal, can't he?

• "Nonstop Chris Weston Chandler."

This is true for once- nonstop fail from Chris 24/7.

• "Chris Weston Chandler, you've got it!"

And by "it" they mean he's got anger issues and instabilities.

• "The one and only Chris Weston Chandler."

Replace 'one and only' with 'TRUE and HONEST.'

• "Chris Weston Chandler, where success is at home."

Can I get a "JULAAAAY!", Greg Peterson? 'Who is "JULAAAAY", Craig?'

• "All you need is Chris Weston Chandler."

Okay, now Sloganizer.net's making Chris sound like a Wal Mart.

• "Chris Weston Chandler makes your day."

Go ahead, punk. Make me lulz.

• "Chris Weston Chandler- your game."

According to Juvenile Hall a.k.a. ED, Chris lost the game a long time ago.

• "Made by Chris Weston Chandler."

He puts this on everything- his comics, his videos, his bra, probably his dad. Yes, I went there!

• "I'd sleep with Chris Weston Chandler."

Oh Jesus Christ, Sloganizer.net is either a desperate woman or a complete homosexual who has little to no standards.

• "Do you know Chris Weston Chandler?"

Yes, he's that weirdo who wanders around in public near my workplace looking like a trucker wearing a bra.

• "Chris Weston Chandler makes me hot."

Confirmed- Sloganizer.net is sexually deprived.

• "���"

Chris will never, NEVER undestand this hex code.

• "A day with Chris Weston Chandler."

...is total fail.

• "The secret of Chris Weston Chandler."

The secret? Where his sanity really went.

• "Chris Weston Chandler - Your personal entertainer."

This is true. So, so, so so true.

• "Once Chris Weston Chandler, always Chris Weston Chandler."

An American Derp in London- Coming Fall 2011.

• "Connect with Chris Weston Chandler."

Preferably over Skype so we can update our soundboards to call Bob and the local McDonald's.

• "Chris Weston Chandler, pure lust."

What, is Sloganizer.net some kind of low-end hooker?

• "Chris Weston Chandler is what the world was waiting for."

1492- Columbus discovers America. 1776- The USA is founded. 1903- The first major automobile by Ford revoloutionizes life for the better. 1982- Chris W. Chandler is born, starting a new path for America, and a innovative new way of life...

The Derp way of life.

Anyway, it is fail. Bot the website and Chris, I mean.

July 3rd - Yahoo! News and Chris, one and the same.

Every time I look at Yahoo News, it reminds me of Chris. The shortsightedness, the uneventfulness, the things that are not even important news, and a bunch of retards getting angry and preaching Jesus crap to the masses of "babby" brained people on Yahoo. It even shows that one day, part of this world may become dumb enough to accept people like Chris with open arms. I mean, is it not obvious? The focus on cats is like Chris's focus on his shallow and pedantic comic- way too many fucking cat stories. Last time I checked, the war in Afghanistan is more important than someone's cats playing with a ball and then the owner dubs it the World Cup Reenactment. Also, it shows the truly useless, such as most of Chris's actions and thoughts- bank alert properties, five tips to keep me from broke, tips to wash dishes BEFORE you put them in a dishwasher (that's called sink washing, 27 year old mom who couldn't do actual parenting if her life depended on it), worrying about hair loss, twelve billion too many celebrity articles and the number one ice cream sandwich prove that Chris must secretly be writing for Yahoo. It's just dumb enough to be him. I only saw two articles today that were pretty stunning news (the Declaration blunder and the deciphered journal writings) and those turned out to be articles from yesterday. The world's hurtling more and more toward Chris becoming president, folks. The movie Idiocracy will come true. That, and it'll explain the orange Brawndo a bit more. Only Chris would be dumb enough to combine his love of orange drinks and combine it with crop fields.