Rollin' and Trollin'

Rollin' and Trollin' (more like "The Strange Case of Dr CWC and Mr Virgin with rage") is a video of downtown CWCville (really downtown Charlottesville). Notable is a video message to real life trolls, including several CWCki editors.

Watch

Click to load content

Transcript

Christian Weston Chandler, Rollin’ and Trollin’

Music plays as Chris walks down the street

Chris imitating an announcer: Hi we’re coming to you live from CWCville today. We’re over at the CWCville pavilion. The, uh, Hedgehog Boys and the, uh, master Christian mayor the, uh day for day, uh, gibberish every Friday night and, uh, and it draws a crowd, uh, and it’s very good y’know. shimmys clumsily This gives me some, uh, business from amongst the population that comes around.

Music plays as Chris walks down the street

Chris: Ah yes this is our graffiti wall in the mid- uh in the middle of the, uh, city of CWCville in the metropolis. The, uh, fee- the, uh, children are, uh, enjoying it obviously and this is also part of our beautification project in the city and we and I gotta say that the, uh, project just looks fantab- fantastic from here. It all looks very good. I tell you what. “Give me the liberty to know, to utter and to argue according to conscience above all liberties.”

Music plays while Chris boards an elevator. The lift rises until they arrive at a car park on the top floor.

Cameraman: So how do you feel about President Obama and his economic policies?

Chris: I like it. It’s he’s doing a smash-up job of it and he’s, uh, getting everybody their money and, uh, getting everybody the bang for their buck.

Cameraman: How do you feel about President Obama’s foreign policies with countries like Iran and Iraq?

Chris: Hmmm. Yeah. I think he’s doin’ ok. You know, uh, establishing, uh, good communications and, uh, giving them what they, uh, require yeah he’s I think he’s doing a very good job with his, uh, foreign policies.

Cameraman: President Obama, being a family man, what is your opinion on his character?

Chris: I think he’s a regular stand up family guy.

Music plays as Chris walks along talking and gesturing at the sky. They arrive at the Timberlake drug store.

Chris: Ah yes the old Timberlake drug store. It’s been in the, uh, family for generations. The, uh, only, uh ss- generation that, uh, has not been able to run it is the one that went on to a singing career.

Outside a bar.

Chris: Alright well since the, uh, bar s- since the bar law has been repealed, the drinking law, the this here’s the first bar to open up. The, uh, Rapture, uh, in the city of CWCville. Ah also known by the nickname of, uh, R2.

Heart wipe. Chris strides along to music.

Chris: Over in downtown CWCville the honour the, uh, death of our dearly departed, uh, bodyguard of mine, Billy Mays. He sacrificed his life in an assassination attempt from m- from me and, uh, is doobly honoured in downtown CWCville. We build this building. Camera pans to a derelict apartment block. To be completed in a few, uh, the towers n-, uh, the building the buildings will be the Billy Mays Tower and will serve as the new commercial site in the commercial centre.

And now some words to our fans

Chris: Hey Xantos (sic), man don’t ya be waggling that carton finger around at me for. Flips off the camera Hey Delabonte, you wish you were as cool as Dr Ivo Eggman. Punches the air Gives V-sign Tie day is groovy, maaan. PeachyKeen is always awesome peace sign turns into Shocker sign wasn’t just in a decade it’s forever. Ulala, now reporting for space channel 9, is that yoouu in that picture? Hey, Cosmos, you wish that I could feel ya’. Anthony Sullivan, you’re nothing without Billy Mays, you’re nothing with Billy Mays and if you want to talk about cock building look at Billy Mays memorial right behind me. Okay, El Misto, you don’t like my beard so much camera zooms in on his chin I’ll tell you much it was a present form uncle Scrotor. Tasmanian Devil, some people have oily skin camera zooms in on his forehead it doesn’t mean that their hygiene is bad. How about instead of the, uh, water that doesn’t work so well how about I rub you off my face! Hey double C D, yeah Frobotek Garrow is over Gundam overshadowed it. Arrrg, Neckbeardedone, quit lurking in ye shadows and step up and be a real troll. Hey Rachmaninov in air quotes stop dissing this chick. Man up will you? Captains log star date Velour Fog? Zap Brannigan? What’s the deal with that? I’d punch you in the face like Leela does. swipes at the air Hey Morden, yeah we kissed but that’s not all: I hit that like the fist of an angry God.

Thank you

Music plays as Chris walks

In a park. Chris is wearing a pair of eye glasses over his eyes and a pair of sunglasses over his forehead.

Chris: Hey, I’m not near-sighted that was a rules [ruse]. If you want to see what they really do gimme a sec’. Puts glasses in front of the camera. They alter the colours and make a lightsaber noise.

A few thoughts on Optimus Prime

Chris: Yeah, Optimus Prime, uh, compurer, um, do not really care much for him, uh, I mean ever since the movie he’s always hanging around with Sam y'know. He’s always hanging around with kids. Somemany needs to call Chris Hansen.

The final word about the greatest troll in history...

Well the, uh, truth comes out. I’ve never been autistic, I work 40 hours a week to support my parents, this has all been a trick, you have all been trolled.

Music plays while Chris does his victory lap.

Cast

Christian Weston Chandler as Himself

Special Thanks: The Field Agents of CWCVille’s Security Taskforce

The Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens

Old Spice Swagger: The Scent of Confidence

Microsoft’s X-Box 360

And the silly trolls everywhere, for the many lulz you have provided.