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Song of Christian was a poem that Chris, at age sixteen, had to write for a class. He failed miserably.

He later made a video that showed him raging about the deserved F which showed up on his documentary DVD. This time, he failed to do two things: Use of proper lighting (and video cameras didn't come with night vision features those days) and coming up with a something to interesting to say before the camera was rolling. This is easily one of the most sleep-inducing videos he ever made. But don't rest too comfortably - there are some parts in it that will wake you up.

Compared with his voice today, at age sixteen he embodied the dulcet tones of James Earl Jones and shared the octave range of Captain Beefheart. What happened in between then and his Harvey Birdman Commercial is up for debate.

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