Mailbag 22

Mailbag 22 was uploaded in 21 December 2009

Unanswered

The implications of this are staggering

From: At <asemaleyite@gmail.com> I'm sorry, I should've been clearer. If there were more gay men in the world, but not an increased amount of gay women, the number of free women would rise. As such, don't you think that the lack of a vaccine for "being gay," or conditioning to be straight, would help you in your Love Quest? Thanks for your time, Ashley

I still do not think that as any help at all; it would only be a total negative influence on me there.

The only reason Chris has not physically hurt Clyde is the fact that he can't find him

From: Tom Jones <poopenhaufer@yahoo.com> Greetings Chris, I'm an avid supporter of the Sonichu series. I really hope to see it blossom into something big. After all, with such a huge fanbase, how can it not make a ton of money right? I was wondering. About Clyde Cash. If you know who he is, and where he is, why not just go clobber him?

For your information, I DO NOT KNOW WHERE SPECIFICALLY HE IS LOCATED.

Chris still respects the Jewish community

From: angryaryan88@hotmail.com Hail, CWC! I recently read your comics and subsequently became a huge fan. Your characters are well developed and memorable and your dialogue is witty and often profound. I feel that we agree on many political views, so I was inspired to created a new and original character. I recently sent in a letter to copyright him, so hopefully I'll hear back from them soon. I call him Swastichu. I'm currently in the process of making a comic book starring him and I've already had negotiations with Marvel Comics about publication. It looks like I'll have my first issue out by May or June. We should do a crossover story sometime! Let me know what you think. Regards, Alex Lane. [[1]]

Thank you for your character idea, but I feel it is not appropriate for my series; you have referenced him with the swastica, which offends the Jewish people. Although I am a Methodist Christian, I still respect the Jewish community as people. And with that, I would never place that symbol in my comics for risk of offending them. --ChrisChanSonichu 05:47, 23 December 2009 (CET)

Chris's parents

From: 'Calvin Fredericks' <calfredericks85@aol.com> Dear Chris, The holidays are upon us, why doesn't your mom and dad both make an appearance on any of your videos? I'd love to hear you all sing Christmas carols! God Bless and Merry Christmas! -Calvin Frederickson

Because my mother and father do not want their faces on the internet.

Sadly, Chris will not join MENSA because it's all a lie

From: Stephen Mayer <stephen.mayer@yahoo.com> Chris, I've noticed you repeatedly evading questions regarding your IQ test results. Was your test scored on a Stanford-Binet or a Cattell scale (zing!)? If your score was indeed 150 then you are in the top two percent of the population in terms of intelligence quotient and can join MENSA assuming you have been tested at a certified facility as you claim. This would be fantastic for you as MENSA is a great place to meet people. Many members of MENSA have found their husbands and wives through the organization and you would be more likely to find people you could relate to assuming your IQ is indeed 150. This could be a very valuable tool in your search for a sweetheart.

I will take that into consideration, thank you.

Chris on animal rights

From: milena@kittymail.com Yo Chris, I love the cat video will you ever do more videos with your pets? As you are an animal expert, can I ask you some advice? I just got a cat and he's not behaving, he poos everywhere and rips stuff. How should I discipline him? Am I not hitting him hard enough?

Maybe, but not right now. DO NOT HIT YOUR CAT AT ALL. You should tell your cat not to do that repeatedly. Offer the cat a treat ONLY after the cat has done the desired thing you want him to do; poo in the liter box or on the paper, behaves like a good cat, or whatever else you want to train the cat to do. DO NOT GIVE THE CAT A TREAT after it misbehaves.

Rejected Mailbag

Photoshoppery

From: Nelson Sims <disenchanted_zero@yahoo.com> Why do you insist that images that feature you in "strange situations" are Photoshopped? Many of these images are actually stills from videos that you recorded, and clearly have not been edited in any way. Instead of lying about your past, perhaps you should instead acknowledge your misdeeds, and explain to concerned fans that you are no longer that same person. Insisting that the pictures of you that you don't want seen are Photoshopped is really just lying. Please stop lying. Thank you.

Kitty hates Chris so hard

From: confidence1775@aol.com That cat wasn't getting "a little fussy." That cat seriously did not want you holding her. Stop tormenting cats, you fucking retard.

In which Chris Ignores a bunch of valid questions. Again.

From: Shane Smith <donfelder1887@gmail.com> Sorry if I attempted to influence your thick skull, Chris, but I have more questions to ask you: 1. If Megan has constantly spoken to you in the past that she does not need a boyfriend due to some factors involved, then why do insist that she still wants you? If she wanted you, she would've rabbled the masses to make you win some insignificant contest, went with you to that video game con, and had sex with you so she could birth your daughter. How else do you explain why she and John moved out of state? Could it be that she was playing a joke with you all along; that John was indeed her boyfriend? 2. How could you think that anybody could be fooled into thinking that a more dapper teenager with a brown polo is you? 3. Do you really think Tiffany, with this influx of information coming in, would really dance with you at the high school reunion? I think otherwise; she has seen what you have become since you left Manchester to be taken care of by two uncaring parents who live off of pension. She will see you as the semen-drinking future rapist. There's no point in dancing with you; it's dancing with death. 4. Why do you assume that your voice is better than Frank Sinatra's? I have heard your albums and Frank's Wee Small Hours LP on different occasions - your voice is tone-deaf and it grates the ears while Frank's is smooth, dapper, and quite exquisite for a man in his mid-40s. And why do you rate your art higher than that of established artists? I can really see you boasting that "A Sonichu Christmas" is loads more better than Brave New World or anything by James Joyce; it's inevitable. You can't understand anything as complex as alienation or societal outcasting; you feed yourself on simple allegories and Goosebumps. If you wanted to really read, go on and read goddamn Ulysses or Slaughterhouse-Five. Maybe it'll get to you somehow that you're destined for bigger failure and you can't stop now. 5. Do you think Woody Allen teachers great "dating advice?" I mean; look at it! The guy appears to be a genius trapped in a pervert's body: he married his own "daughter." He supposedly touched one of Mia Farrow's naked children. He makes the same film over and over: a neurotic man goes to analysis, dates a girl, and fucks her while making sardonic comments about society. I like some of his films; he's different compared to that of watching Gone with the Wind ad nauseum. However, that does not help the fact that he's not a good moral teacher; if anything, that makes him less of the influential comedian he was and more of the unfunny Jew he's becoming. 6. Will you ever listen to Slint's Spiderland and appreciate something other than 1970s pop or boy bands? Even the most "indiefuck" of indie rock is better than boy bands or mediocre pop from struggling alt-rock artists! Well, I don't think you'd get it; even its normal time signatures are a foreign language to your common time brain. You wouldn't get the literary references or the messages behind the whining; you're too dosed on outright love songs that you'd have a hard time trying to get the story behind a man riding a roller coaster with a fortune teller. You're too childish to be a true furry or an indiefuck.

Autism Mailbag

Chris's mental block in full effect

From: Gary Finch <garyfinch@live.com> Hey-o, Gary Finch again. I'm glad you agree that your drawing of you fingering Megan was sick, violent and stalkerish and that people are rightfully creeped out by hideous porn drawn of them. I know you never stuck your hands up Megan's shirt, but your drawing was just as hurtful as you and Megan never liked you and you were never going out. I have no idea why you'd why you'd think I was implying you actually did that to Megan. Obviously you did not pick up on how I was relating my life experience to yours. Maybe you do have Asperger's.

Let me get back to you on that

Kitty Chandler is the best cat ever

From: Anthony R <anthony197930@hotmail.com> Hello Chris, I've been a Sonichu fan for a very long time, and I was greatly moved by your recent appeal for donations. I too do not like the content of the ads, and I was so moved, that I went ahead and sent a 1000 euro donation in order to take control of the ads. However, just as I was about to start commissioning for the new CWC-friendly ads, I saw your latest video. Chris, let me be blunt when I say that while I despise the current ads, I despise animal abuse even more. That poor cat was showing several signs of abuse, and how you couldn't understand that you were holding the cat in a manner that was inducing pain to it is beyond me. I contacted the WikiSysop inquiring about a refund for my donation, and I just saw that the money has been restored into my account. I may be persuaded to re-send the money if you make amends for your behavior. This could be done in the form of a video in which you beg for forgiveness from your cat. I also suggest that you never, ever hold your cat in such a fashion ever again. If you do these things, I might consider sending the money again. The ball is now in your court Chris. Until next time, I bid you adieu. -Anthony R.

Evan: back with a vengeance

From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com> Dear Christopher Christian Weston Chandler, "Plus, Evang-y and I have come into an agreement on that in previous discussions." No we didn't. You blocked my e-mail address and didn't reply to anything I said.

Chris is caught in a lie

From: Bob Bobson <totallyfine1@gmail.com> Chris, we can't look up the records. Some of us don't live in Virginia and I don't think it works that way to begin with. And while the fans know that you are true and honest, they are vastly outnumbered by people who don't know anything about you and the trolls are more than willing to taint their opinions. They won't take your word for it because the trolls have them convinced that you are lying. Imagine that you have been told that someone is a liar. They then say they are not a liar. You can't take his word as proof of his supposed honesty because everyone else told you he was a chronic liar. Now, if he shows you undeniable physical proof that he's being honest, then the true liars(trolls) are exposed. You need to do this soon, people are quitting after that incident in New York.