CWCki:Operation Mailbag
|
PROTIP:
Send your mail from here to the Mailbag once you believe it is good enough and then delete it from this page. COOL THANKS.
|
| From: Charles Darwin <cdarwin0100@gmail.com>
Hello Christian, I have just finished reading your new comic book pages for Sonichu No. 10, and I must say that I am a bit shocked. I have a few questions that I'd like to ask you.... 1. How can you justify the deaths of the thousands of people in the 4-cent Garbage building who you slaughtered when you demolished it? Your problems lie with Clyde Cash, not the ordinary hard-working people who only worked there to make a living for their family. Was this terrorist attack some sort of a sick, hackneyed attempt at a metaphor for the 9/11 terrorist attacks? Both yourself and Sonichu are mass murderers. 2. Why do you hate Jack Thaddeus so much? He may be a homosexual, but isn't he the person who is bankrolling the CWCipedia? Without him, you wouldn't have a website to host your comic books and hate speech. I think that it is certainly very ungrateful and un-Christian to wish death on someone who is your benefactor. 3. Speaking of Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, I am very offended by your constant pleas for them to commit suicide. A very close friend of mine killed himself this summer and I'm still trying to get through it. How would you like it if your mother, father or one of your Gal Pals committed suicide? Making death threats isn't a suitable response for someone being a homosexual. 4. However, I must say that it is ironic that the exchange between Jack and Clyde in your comic before their deaths is the closest you've ever come to an honest and poignant moment in your comic. It's apparent that Jack and Clyde care deeply about eachother and act in a realistic manner. This surprised me. No, Christian, I am not inferring that you are a homosexual. I know that you are not. I know that you have likened the sexual content and violence in your comic to classic tales such as Romeo and Juliet (which I assure you is not for children) and Family Guy, but including tasteless and horrific scenes of mass murder and suicide is out of line. Chris, I used to really enjoy your comics. I always liked how you had your own personal form of storytelling and artistry, but you've taken things to a new low. Please give me a dignified response, and not just "whatever" or a hateful rant calling me a dumbass or yelling at me. I've written to you in a respectful manner, and I'd like to recieve the same from you. Charles |
| From: Tiffany Clarke <astrogal96@hotmail.com>
Hey Chris, I like Sonichu so much that I've wallpapered my bedroom with printouts of your Sonichu comics. My parents don't like it that much but they're not the boss of me!!! BTW, when is Metal Sonichu coming back from the moon? I miss him!!! Oh and I was wondering if you could settle an argument. My brother says there's no way there's life on other planets in this solar system, but I think it's totally possible, you know? Since you were on honor roll and stuff you'd probably know about things like this better than I would (I'm in 8th grade BTW) and you're my favorite comic book guy so I was wondering if you'd know. Is there life on other planets in this solar system? If so, what do you think it's like? If there is life on other planets, should we send people to check it out, or should they be regarded as hostile? I'm dying to know what you think about this. Have a good 2010 Tiffany Clarke |
| From: Stan Lee (excelsiorstanlee@gmail.com)
Hey Christian, I've noticed several times in your mailbag responses that you have stated that Sonichu is a parody. How is that? Wikipedia defines a parody as "A parody (pronounced /ˈpærədiː/; also called send-up or spoof), in contemporary usage, is a work created to mock, comment on, or poke fun at an original work, its subject, author, style, or some other target, by means of humorous, satiric or ironic imitation." The best examples of true parody are films such as Mel Brooks' "Spaceballs" and "Young Frankenstein", and even the Family Guy Star Wars special. The Encyclopedia Dramatica page can also be considered a parody of you. Sonichu doesn't mock or ridicule Pokémon, Sonic the Hedgehog, Transformers, Family Guy, or Guitar Hero in any way. If Sonichu was, say, about an 'electric hedgehog Pokémon' that didn't have any legs, that would be a parody. The closest thing to parody in Sonichu are the sub-episodes which exaggerate your attempts to find a lover to a ridiculous level where you can defeat jerkops and turn into a hedgehog. I must also say that I am offended by the tone that you use in your Mailbag responses. Almost all of the people who have taken the time to e-mail you are big fans of your work. Why don't you treat them with a little shred of respect instead of calling them dumbasses and disregarding all of the perfectly valid advice that people are trying to give you? -Stan |
| From: Vlad Tepes (emperorface@gmail.net)
Hello Christian Chandler. I am the next in line to rule my father's country of New Sacea, which shares borders with South America, he passed away last week and I am to be crowned Emperor soon. Unfortantely he was a victim of war us our government has a law stating the Emperor has to take place in any fights as a soldier. In our country Sonichu is heavily praised as one of the greatest works of fiction ever and a printed version is avalible in almost every New Sacean library. You are highly intelligent and by our scales even wiser than our greatest scholar, William The Sage. Perhaps, the same could be said of all Geinuses. We have made great technologic advances, much wealth, and many beatiful servant women, thus we are prepared to offer you a grand reward if you can help our people solve the following dilemma: We are a God-fearing nation that hates those damned homos with all our hearts. These abominations unto God are so evil, they steal men's souls and make them their slaves! Unfortauntely, our empire does not have access to the means of curing the "Homo Gene", so all we can do is prevent their wrong lifestyle from spreading. Thus we execute them on sight. However, our scholars are perplexed by the "Bi Gene" which gives one an interest in both genders, or in simplier terms they like both men AND women. You see... I was very unfortunate to become contaminated with the foul curse of bisexualness myself! It was not by my hand that I was given that evil gene of bisexualness: it was brought by some homos, who wished to pay me tribute... Oh how I rue that cruel day!.. If bisexuals do indeed count as homos I must take my own life and let my straight sister rule in my place. For the good of my Holy Motherland! But enough talk, Christian. Seeing as you are the smartest man in our kingdom's recorded history, maybe you can help me? Please tell me, Christian: should bisexuals be considered homos? Or are they just fine? What is a bisexual? A miserable little pile of evil homo genes? Or do they belong in this world? Am I a homo? Or a normal person? Please, Christian, save our people by giving us your great knowledge of sexuality and genetics. With much hope, Emperor Vlad Tepes The 3rd |
I made two emails, one to question his opinions on bisexuals and one to find out just how bad of a strategist. In addition this will test to see if he even beat the game as he purchased 65 dollars of DLC for it, which would have been completely wasted had he not beaten it as you can only access the non-canon/dlc character during the end game. Also, to further test his stupidity, Almaz Von Adamite is a main character in Disgaea and Roy Mustang is a character from Fullmetal Alchemist who has never appeared in a Disgaea title. Seeing as Disgaea is a Strategy Game, I have my doubts as to whether or not Chris has even played the damn thing, let alone beat it. It amuses me greatly knowing he has less common sense than a turkey shoving things up his ass to make him look "too fat" for the hunters to kill.
| From: "The Engineer" (beecave656@buildersleagueunited.com)
Howdy, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler! Folks at work like to call me The Engineer, and I suppose that's what I got my PhD for. Now, normally I don't truck much with video games and comic books 'n all that, but some of my co-workers are into that sort of thing and they called to my attention a lil' ol' mystery that goes by C.W.C. Accordin' to your website you say you've got a degree in Computer Aided Drafting and Design, and that somehow you managed to take six years in gettin' it. Now, not to be hostile just yet but taking six years to get a CADD degree is a little like not learnin' how to tie your shoes until you're in high school, architecturally speakin'. Most people in your position would be whippin' out PhDs and doctorates in the time it took you to get situated in CADD and spending that much time in gettin' it seems just plain egregious. Now, I assume you got your reasons for taking that long, an' I trust that they're good reasons. Call it Southern hospitality. Nonetheless there's somethin' weird about this whole thing so let me just get a few questions offa my mind. Namely these questions are about that city you like to trump about, the one from your comic book, the one you call C-W-C-ville. You seem to think this city built outta Legos is real, you keep sayin' it's real when it's brought up, and yet you say, and I'm going to quote from you directly so there's no confusion as to why I'm confused, "the city and the mall Can Be Built and Dedicated." First of all, last I checked things that don't exist yet are fictional. I got a PhD in quantum physics too (those teleporters ain't buildin' themselves) so I know for damn sure that if your city ain't built yet it sure as hell ain't real. You seem'ta built a little C-W-C-ville out of Lego, but a city of Lego ain't a city of tens of thousands of people. So, I suppose the first question is, "why do you think just wishin' it were real makes it real?" Second of all I gotta wonder why you think an entire city built and named after a cartoonist is even vaguely possible. You're not talkin' something like Disneyland where a multi-billion-dollar megacorporation builds up a massive amusement park, you're talkin' about defictionalizing a city from a comic book, that is to say making it a real-live hundreds-of-thousands-of-people-big city. Named after you. A cartoonist. In my experience most cities get named after people who do things like win wars or kill a bunch of Indians. That means Question No. 2 is "why in the Good Lord's name would they build a city for a guy whose main contribution is drawin' a bunch of magic hedgehogs going on whimsical little magical hedgehog adventures?" Unless there's a bunch of won wars or dead Indians you ain't been mentionin'. Last of all, I just gotta ask--why ain't you usin' none of that CADD work in your comic? I mean, the stuff you show is all done up in Crayola marker and ball-point pen, it's hideous. It makes my engineer's soul hurt. You spend six years gettin' that CADD degree and yet for some reason the Good Lord seems fit to withhold from us, you do your design not-on-computer. Seems to bypass the "computer-aided" part of that degree. I hate to see a fine education bein' wasted. Anyhow, Chris, hate to bend you so harsh like that, but like I said, I'm a Texas man. We don't believe in holdin' back. Hope I got you some food for thought, and hope I can get a little clarifyin' on the subject. No hard feelin's, "The Engineer" --- Builders' League United Your first choice in discreet construction! |
| From: Stan 'Sonichu's Biggest Gay Fan' Mathers (myteasgonecold@didomail.com)
Dear Chris, You still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance! I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans!!! If you didn't wanna reply to me outside your Mailbag, you didn't have to, but you coulda at least post a decent reply! You upset Matthew - that's my little brother man, he's only six years old! We waited in front of the computer screen for your reply, for hours, and you just wrote, "(INSERT WHAT CHRIS ANSWERS HERE)" That's pretty shitty, man - you're like his fucking idol, he wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to! Remember when we met in the Poke'mon League - you said if I'd write you you would write back? See, I'm just like you in a way: I never liked those straight JERKS neither, they just always cheat on girls and beat them! I can relate to what you're saying in your comics, so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and browse them all, cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed... I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest! Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds - it's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me See everything you draw about is real, and I respect you 'cos you tell it. My boyfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7, but he don't know you like I know you Chris, no one does! He don't know what it was like for "Homos" like us growin up! You gotta call me man, I'll be the Biggest Gay Fan you'll ever lose! Sincerely yours, Stan. P.S.: We should be together too <3 |
| From: Stan 'Sonichu's Biggest Gay Fan' Mathers (myteasgonecold@didomail.com)
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Answer-My-Fans, This'll be the last message I ever send your ass! It's been (INSERT TIME INTERVAL HERE) and still no decent reply - I don't deserve it??? I know you got my last two letters, I typed the addresses on 'em perfect So this is my last letter I'm sending you, I hope you read it - I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway Hey Chris, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night", about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him??? That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning!!! Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy and all I wanted was a lousy reply or a call!!!!! I hope you know I ripped ALL of your drawings off the wall!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU CHRISSSSSSS we coulda been TOGEHTER THINK about it YOU RUINED IT now I hope you CAN'T SLEEP and you DREAM about it and when you DREAM I hope you CAN'T SLEEP and you SCREAM about it I hope your CONSCIENCE EATS AT YOU AND YOU CAN'T BREATHE WITHOUT ME SEE CHRIS SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING TYPE!!! Hey Chris that's my homo boyfriend screamin in the trunk but I didn't slit his throat I just tied him up see I ain't like you cause if he suffocates he'll suffer more and then he'll die too ... Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now :) Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit ou |
^-- I chose to make "Stan" gay (er... gayer) because that raises the chance Chris won't answer the first letter, or will put it in a Rejected Mailbag, or will write a 3 words reply, or smth. along these lines. That would give me a chance to reenact the whole song. If you think I should better make him an Aspie to get that effect, say so, I'll change the letters. I suggest maybe the mods should post the letters in subsequent Mailbags, so that Chris won't forget "Stan". --GokuGetEm 13:12, 27 December 2009 (CET)
| From: Tor Go (iTaKeCaReOfThEpLaCe@manos.com)
Hello, Chris. Can you help me with a problem? You see, at my workplace, there are a lot of beautiful women that I'd love to make my sweetheart, but my boss is such a cockblock (not to mention an egomaniac - he wants us to call him "the Master"!), and he won't let me go near them when he's around. Of course, he's done it with every single one of them, so he's a big hypocrite. Recently, we just hired a new woman I'm especially fond of, and I want to make it clear to the boss that I won't put up with his crap anymore by asking her out. However, I'm going to need your advice first. 1. We kind of got off on the wrong foot - I might have done a few things that creeped her and the rest of her family out (Oh, and the boss's dog attacked her poodle on my watch, but that wasn't my fault, I swear!). How can I make a better impression? 2. How soon in a relationship is it okay to touch her hair, shoulder, etc.? Do you think women like that? 3. What is the most romantic thing you can do with a woman? What's the most romantic think you have actually done with a woman? 4. My boss has been eyeing this woman's daughter lately, and, from what I've been hearing, he's going to hire her soon so he can get close to her over time, then start a relationship with her as soon as she's legal. I think that's creepy. What do you think? 5. Off-topic, but I was once in a movie that didn't do very well in theaters or with critics. Tell me, what do you think about critics? Do you think they're too mean, or just doing their jobs? Well, I have to go take care of the place while "the Master" is away. Thank you! |
| From: Mac Tonight (Moonman3k@gmail.com)
Hey Chris, my organization, the KKK loves your comic. We would like you to join. Basically we're a group that believes that Homos should try to become straight and that black boys should find black sweethearts and white boys should find white sweethearts. You may have heard a lot of bad things about us, but we only want to do what god wants us to do and love who we're supposed to. Our official chant is "KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK" we would be honored if you featured that chant and our official spokesman "Moon Man" in an issue of Sonichu. If you do this you will be fully inducted as a member of the KKK, which stands for "Kute Kitty Kat". I have included an image of Moon Man, the KKK official spokesman, please include him in your comic.
|
| From: Mary Lee Walsh (maryleewalsh@pvcc.edu)
Dearest Christian I read your comics, perhaps I was wrong. You clearly are a creative genius, I feel really sorry for trying to stand in the way of your finding a girlfriend. I am so sorry. You added me as a villain which I thought was pretty cool, but then you renamed me "Slaweel Ryam" Chris, what I did to you was wrong, and although you may have forgiven me. I would like you to change Slaweel Ryam back to Mary Lee Walsh. Many of the faculty read your comic and I used to brag about how I was included in it. Anyway Chris, I give you full permission to use my name for the villain. Just call it a little something for me, okay? With Love, Mary Lee Walsh |
A test of his gullibility and knowledge, plus Slaweel Ryam is inredibly stupid.
| From: Lady Dr. Ashmere Caladbolg (hillsplittingblade@resurrectionlabs.kvx)
To Mr. Chandler: Is Lady Dr. Ashmere Caladbolg. You have not heard of me. Am not one to be heard of. But am sexologist from distant land not-to-be-named. Our is secret study. Name assumed for secrecy (this name is not mine from birth; name theme chosen for achievement in life). Allowed research outside for sanity purpose given secret kept. Apologies poor English. Translation software poor on computer. I must ask question. Question useful to study. Would be happy with answer. (One) Is note you use porn "Educational Purpose." Is funny you do so Mr. Chandler. Pornography not educational. Pornography like action movie. Bruce Willis shot at ten thousand time, is not hit once, is jump through glass uncut, is "kill helicopter with car." Not to be learned from. Impossible in real life. Pornography same. Strange acts, strange position not intimate but interesting to see on film. Impossible conditions, strange fetish to be shown common. Not like real sex. Real sex not have crew, director, hours between shot to keep strong. Why consider porn education, Mr. Chandler? Is strange. (Two) You say you are not gay. I believe you say truth, believe you like women. But what you say is not listened to because you say it always, always. Seem like you are hiding untruth. Others hear, think you are gay, trying to hide for fear Society. Seem very easy to anger, Mr. Chandler. Would have been better to say nothing. Have said everything. Are disbelieved. Is ((superiority comedy)) to them. Why be angry Mr. Chandler? Respond to everything with anger. Anger never work. Why every time claimed gay, you correct loud as possible? Solves nothing, makes only worse. (Three) Hear that your penis is bent, like elbow, like beast of Loch Ness. Painful condition Mr. Chandler. Is to be corrected. Is not normal. Make sex-with-woman difficult. Am hear you receive ((mercy payment)) from government; why not save for operation? Would make Mr. Chandler Penis mighty and vigorous. This you want, yes? Why is not done? Would help. Would help Lady Dr. Caladbolg, who splits the hill with her blade. Would help much Lord Dr. Caliburn, who rests in stone until pulled free. Would help much Lord Dr. Durandal, who even mountain cannot break. Would help Lady Dr. Curtana, whose blade yields to mercy only. --RESURRECTION LABS "Durch das Leiden, zu den Sternen" |
Felt like writing in a funny voice, really.
| From: Yuji Naka (Yujinaka@sonicsega.com)
I am the president of the Sega Corporation, Yuji Naka, and I wish to inform you that Sonichu infringes several copyrights. I understand that Sonichu is under the protection of Parody law and is a humorous parody of Sonic The Hedgehog, for which I applaude you. But your use of Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik, Sonic The Hedgehog, Amy Rose, as well as Giavonni (from Pokemon), Optimus Prime (from Transformers) cannot be tolerated. If you wish to sell your product you must refrain from using these characters as well as rewrite the plot to exclude uses of them. You do not own them and no self-respecting company will be found using other people's characters. When Robot Chicken makes a parody, they purchase licenses to use those robots and when Family Guy or Simpsons includes an external character they change the design in order to make it forgein to the original property. Thus they are no longer in fault. Notice the South Park episode "Chimpokomon" which uses non-pokemon characters to poke fun at Pokemon, the name is similar so you can still tell what it is parodying, but had Pikachu been in it they would have been sued instantly. To restate my previous statements, Sonichu, Rosechu, Blake, and Slaweel Ryam, all fine with me. Robotnik, Giavonni, Sonic, Optimus Prime, and Amy Rose... I am afriad you'll have to get the proper concent of Sega, Nintendo, and Bandai to continue displaying images of these characters. Failure to do so will result in a lawsuit. I can already tell you that no one at Sega authorized Sonic, Amy, and Eggman's inclusion. I don't know if Bandai or Nintendo did, but if you wish to gain licenses to Sonic The Hedgehog to continue showing the images with the characters, you will have to ask Sega Of America. Good day, you have three months to get the licenses or remove all images containing Perfect Chaos, Amy Rose, Sonic The Hedgehog, and Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik. before you recieve a cease and desist. Sega Of Japan President, Yuji Naka. PS: I am pleased with your work, and believe that if you ask our licensing department you should have no problems getting the rights to Sonic, Amy, Robotnik/Eggman, and Perfect Chaos. |
| From: Andrew Ryan (andrewryan@rapture.net)
Hey Chris. I've been a fan since sonichu was first released and I'm glad to be writing you. I am impressed with the way you have led CWCville. However, I have a question. Who are your favorite porn actresses? |
Ironically, Andrew Ryan would have an aneurysm if he ever heard about CWCville's "Soup Hotels." But mainly I just want him to be more specific about his taste in women.
| From: Joseph Goebbels (JGoeb@3rdR.gov)
Dear Christian: I am a government worker, and I have given some thought to your stances on homosexuality in CWCville. It occurs to me that the stamping out of the gay community could be accomplished in four simple steps. First control the media in the city. It would be rather simple to install a V-chip in all major signal recievers in CWCville so that no Objectionable Content could reach the citizens. This will also serve to keep them docile. Second, expand Magi-chan's police force. Create a special task force comprised of sonichus that can work quickly and efficiently, as opposed to the slower police force, which is bogged down with protocol. You could call this the "Sonichu Squad", or 'SS' for short. They report directly to Magi-chan, and when a homosexual is located, the SS can round them up and place them in a Correction Camp, where their will can be systematically broken and reshaped into something you personally deem more 'kosher'. You can also put them to work while in these camps so that the camps pay for themselves. And for the truly unrepentant homos, they can be given permanent jobs cleaning the smoke stacks around the city. Third, a campaign of misinformation against the imaginary 'homo gene' can work wonders. If people can be convinced of the ridiculous notion that a simple sneeze or sharing a coke can turn someone gay, people in the city will be too frightened to even talk to one another, allowing you to consolidate your power for the final step. Finally, when the community is about to self-destruct, begin to distribute a 'vaccine' for the gay gene. While this is obviously just snake oil, since no chemical cure for a desire can possibly exist, but in their panic, people will accept what you tell them and heil you as a hero. Never again will you have to worry about impostors or elections. The populace will follow you to any lengths. I hope this plan helps you with your current predicament. Joseph Goebbels. |
| From: Lyla Gowan (lilyonthepond@neural.net)
Dear Chris, My name is Lyla Gowan. I have something important to say to you. I don't think you're gay, but I know why people keep saying you're gay: you act like what people think gay people act like. You like little-girl pop music like Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys, you like girl's toys like My Little Pony, you like wearing sports bras. These are all meant for girls and women, but because you like them it makes you look like a stereotypical gay guy. And then you go on about how gays are evil and need to be reprogrammed and these people think you're a self-hating gay man who wants to erase gays so you don't have to think about it. I don't think you're gay, but I do think you need to see what things are like from our perspective. I'm a lesbian, Chris, and I have to live with oppression every day. You gotta understand that gay people suffer a lot. We're hated because we break with how men and women are "supposed" to act. People that are uncomfortable with that like to quote the Bible at us out of context and use that to beat us down. We're alone and hated all over the world. It's terrible. It's like 1960s America, and we're all black, and the law is against us and lots of the people are against us and every step forward we take seems like it's followed by a slip two steps back. The difference is, we can pretend to be someone else, pretend not to be gay... but it's all just pretend. It hurts. You believe in truth and honesty, but the way things are, we can't be true to ourselves, honest with ourselves, just because we're different. The world doesn't want us to be who we are. You suffer like us. You're different and people hate you for that. But then you go and hate us because we're different, or because you don't want to be lumped in with us and made more different. You don't seem to realize that people hate us for the same reasons they hate you. We're ore alike than different. Like I said, I don't think you're gay just because you like My Little Pony and stuff. The same people that hate gay people for who they are also hate people like you because they think what you do is "gay." Gay people who see you act like a stereotypical gay while also hating gays think you're some kind of closet case, and so they make fun of you. Mostly I think they're out of line, but when you keep saying things like "gay people need to be reprogrammed," that just makes my heart sink and I start to wonder if you deserve it for being so mean. You keep linking that old cartoon, but you don't take its message to heart. You don't like when people say you're gay just because they think you fit what gay people look like. But you hate gays for the same reason! You think that being gay is "unnatural," so you think they should be fixed--that they're not really bears, just men in fur coats, and that their fur coats can get taken off and they'll fit right back in. But you'd just be hurting them just like other people have hurt you. It's a sad and sick situation and it hurts me to think just because some people call you gay that all gays have to go. Every day I wish the world would accept us for who we are, and even though you could be helping us and helping yourself, you just keep lashing out at people who are like you. I just want you to know that I think you should be free to be yourself... but I wish you could think the same of me, Chris, and the same of people like me. I hope you can understand us more, Chris. I hope you do. Love, Layla Gowan. |
| From: Jacob N. (jacob_n333@hotmail.com)
Good day, Chris! There are two things I must relay to you. Firstly, I must say I'm a little disappointed that you will "carry on" with your plans for Simonchu even after the copyright fiasco you went through lately. Just as a warning, you might be in for more if you don't go through with Evang-y's wishes for his character. He does still maintain the copyright to the character, seeing as how there was no formal agreement to transfer rights. Be wary of that. Second, and more important... You pride CWCville on being a democracy, part of the good ol' USA, right? The thing is, in your recent mailbags, you've done all in your power to portray CWCville as, to quote one of my history major friends, a fascist magocratical dictatorship operating on American soil. If CWCville were to exist in real life exactly as it exists in the comic, the United States would almost certainly declare war to reclaim its land and citizenry, and I'm not sure how Sonichu would fare against the might of the US military, especially in a setting where they are certain to field powerful superhumans. Let me explain in detail. One: There are no elections. You've said this repeatedly. You are the mayor, and that's it. The country was founded on the belief that no one ruler should reign for life, that the people may democratically elect who they wish. Further, the idea that one man could always win 100% of the votes is ridiculous--dictators like Saddam Hussein have repeatedly cheated the system that way, sometimes not even bothering to hide it, so they can claim they rule a democracy even though there's no real democratic rule at all. Two: CWCville has its own coinage. Every city in the United States, everybody in the United States, uses the same kind of currency. I can think of one exception: slaveholders who paid slaves with their own personalized "voucher" currency only usable on their own property, so that slaves could never escape the life they were forced into. Seeing as how, for example, your vending machines only take C- or W-quarters, and there are no other units of currency used in the comic... Three: CWCville has no free will. This is utterly damning. Your recent revelation that Magi-chan constantly reads the minds of the entire populace means that, in essence, nobody has any freedom. You're violating the most basic freedom afforded by nature, the freedom to think as you will and be who you are, even if you have to hide it. For someone who's gung-ho on truth and honesty, you don't seem to notice you've taken the freedom to be true and honest from your population. Four: CWCville has its own stand on federal violations. Sex with a minor in CWCville, according to you, is punishable by either a 500 dollar fine or 50 hours community service. In contrast, the punishment from the United States is a minimum five years and up to a maximum of 30, and fines ranging from tens of thousands of dollars to hundreds of thousands... and many people think this isn't nearly ENOUGH punishment! In contrast, your punishment is barely a slap on the wrist. In fact, it's barely an annoyance. Even with a psionic prevention system, CWCville would be the child rape capitol of the United States. Five: CWCville is ruled by the superhuman. Apart from the "vice mayor" Allison Amber, the entire legal system of CWCville seems constituent of superhuman individuals who have near-godlike power compared to baseline, non-powered humans, and Amber is able to dispense these beings at will. There is no real way the people can possibly fight back or defend themselves should the government go rogue--and seeing as how it's criminalizing thoughts, it's well past the time to rebel. CWCville isn't a city in Virginia, it's an Orwellian hellhole ruled by a dictator-for-life and patrolled by a small army of decadent living war machines. Clearly this isn't what you meant... but the way you've got it right now, CWCville is much, much more evil than the PVCC. No wonder the PVCC is more popular than the Chaotic Combo. The good news is that the most damning problem is the Magi-chan mind-reading network, and you haven't integrated that into the comic yet. The rest are unfortunate implications--strongly hinted at in the subtext, but possible to reverse if you start damage control. With a little work, you can make CWCville seem not so unspeakably horrible. Yours in writing and in the Cherokee nation, Jacob Nathaniel Lights-in-the-Sky |
| From: Stephen Strange <sorcsupremeDoc@gmail.com>
Hello Christian I've taken great interest in your character Magi-Chan Sonichu. However, your recent statement that he spends his time monitoring the thoughts of CWCvilles citizens disturbs me. You see, Magi-Chan possesses a powerful gift, and if I may speak frankly, this gift is wasted on such trivialities. There are unspeakable horrors lurking on the edge of reality, ready at any second to prey on those unsuspecting of their great evil. These are the forces, the mere mention of whose vagaries test the sanity of even the most sound and rational minds, which demand the constant vigilance of one whose abilities are such that they can be driven away. Magi-Chan is that one. He is by far the most important and powerful of all Sonichus, and as mayor you are squandering his tremendous talents on the whim of your sexual insecurities. Without speaking too much of my business, I feel you must redirect Magi-Chan's efforts away from such diversions, and let him get back to his all-important occupation. Don't you feel that the security of CWCville relies upon more than preventing recreational sex between consenting adults? Using him in the manner you do is a vulgar waste. The forces of cosmic unbalance are at your doorstep, Christian. I pray you may keep them at bay. -Dr. Stephen Strange |
| From: Satoru Iwata <Iwata2002@hotmail.com>
Hey, fellow Pokemaniac! I have to say, having 387 of the 497 Pokemon at your command must mean you're one tough customer. What moves does your regular gym team (as described in your Sonichu article) have? Especially your Salamence. Considering that Sonichus and Rosechus are Pokemon, what are their base stats? I don't mean "Sonichu is very fast," I mean "Sonichu has 110 base speed and Rosechu has 80 base HP" sort of base stats. With this kind of information, we would be able to see how Sonichu and the other Electric Hedgehogs would do in tournaments. Who knows, Sonichu may be the kind of Pokemon that wins matches! |
Chris' level of technique has been a major issue for me. The easiest way of telling if he's shit or not he is is by his technical knowledge. I hope that he gives me enough to work off of. --OFSheep 02:39, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
| From: Charles Darwin <cdarwin0100@gmail.com>
Hello Christian, I have just finished reading your new comic book pages for Sonichu No. 10, and I must say that I am a bit shocked. I have a few questions that I'd like to ask you.... 1. How can you justify the deaths of the thousands of people in the 4-cent Garbage building who you slaughtered when you demolished it? Your problems lie with Clyde Cash, not the ordinary hard-working people who only worked there to make a living for their family. Was this terrorist attack some sort of a sick, hackneyed attempt at a metaphor for the 9/11 terrorist attacks? Both yourself and Sonichu are mass murderers. 2. Why do you hate Jack Thaddeus so much? He may be a homosexual, but isn't he the person who is bankrolling the CWCipedia? Without him, you wouldn't have a website to host your comic books and hate speech. I think that it is certainly very ungrateful and un-Christian to wish death on someone who is your benefactor. 3. Speaking of Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, I am very offended by your constant pleas for them to commit suicide. A very close friend of mine killed himself this summer and I'm still trying to get through it. How would you like it if your mother, father or one of your Gal Pals committed suicide? Making death threats isn't a suitable response for someone being a homosexual. 4. However, I must say that it is ironic that the exchange between Jack and Clyde in your comic before their deaths is the closest you've ever come to an honest and poignant moment in your comic. It's apparent that Jack and Clyde care deeply about eachother and act in a realistic manner. This surprised me. No, Christian, I am not inferring that you are a homosexual. I know that you are not. I know that you have likened the sexual content and violence in your comic to classic tales such as Romeo and Juliet (which I assure you is not for children) and Family Guy, but including tasteless and horrific scenes of mass murder and suicide is out of line. Chris, I used to really enjoy your comics. I always liked how you had your own personal form of storytelling and artistry, but you've taken things to a new low. Please give me a dignified response, and not just "whatever" or a hateful rant calling me a dumbass or yelling at me. I've written to you in a respectful manner, and I'd like to recieve the same from you. Charles |
| From: Dick Foamy <jiggadildus@gmail.com>
Dear Chris I was a gay fan of Sonichu for awhile, there are few comics out there that show tolerance towards the homo people of the world, as such I found Sonichu to be a blessing, a shiny nugget within the tar pits of bad comics. It is nothing short of brilliant, the works of R.L. Stine are nothing in comparison. But what's this I hear about a "Homo Vaccine" the idea that my "Homoness" is something that needs to "cured" is, just offensive, I am deeply shocked you would do such a thing, I demand you change something so that the gay vaccine never existed in the first place, or at least just undo it. You can keep all the characers you want straight, to stay straight, but please give the people of cwcville their sexaulities. It is apart of their personal identity, what if I just put a "Sonichu Vaccine" in the water, that made everyone hate Sonichu. You would be pissed! I do however fully support Magi-Chan and Silvana Rosechu getting together, I wish to see, how that develops. Just please, for the good of all of your gay fans, get rid of the freaking Gay Vaccine. Didn't you see X-Men:The Last Stand, and how pissed the mutants were, that there was a mutant vaccine? Yours Truely, Dick Foamy |
| From: Bill Gates <masterchief@picklemail.org>
Dear Chris, I think you should give the Hexbax 360 a try, that just dropped the online fees entirely, it's all free now. The console is awesome and Bayonetta works really well on it, which is a game about a witch woman who turns into a very sexy demoness with her hot ass fully exposed, which a STRAIGHT male such as yourself would really appreciate, also she fights demons, which is awesome, because demons are from the devil. So it also has strong christian values, that I'm sure any family would enjoy, it's rated M for Moof, but like Brutal Legend, I'm sure this one's alright, it's one of my personal favorites. Also it's made by Sega, which made great games like Alex Kidd, Space Channel 5, Golden Axe, and of course Sonic The Hedgehog. I don't think there is a PS3 version, and I didn't hear any plans about an eventual PS3 Release. There is also a game called Dead Or Alive Xtreme 2, which is COMPLETELY, TRUELY, AND HONESTLY exclusive to Hexbox 360 which is an awesome Volleyball/Racing game that features boobies. Another straight title, I think you'll enjoy on the Xbox 360. I would hate for someone as cool and hip to the gaming community as you to miss out on these great titles, especially when Microsoft has given into fan pressure, and removed all of the online fees. From, Sonichu's Biggest Fan, Bill Gates |
| From: Leeroy Jenkins <smoothcriminal@gayniggers.shit>
Dear Chris How is your comic going to continue if you've got no villians? What the shit man? Without any bad guys there's no suspense, no chase! What da f man? Other than that, I look forward to all new issues you put up on. From your fan, LEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY Jenkins |
| From: ZP Theart <ZPTheart@valleyofthedamned.net>
Hey Chris, Is this the MOTHER FUCKING author of Sonichu? I love that comic, listen I'm in a band called Dragonforce, we're not that popular, but we did manage to get into a video game called Guitar Hero 3 once. It wasn't out best song, just Through The Fire And The Flames, but we hear the kids liked it, and that's all that matters right? But some jams that are really hella tight, are the ones made by your band "Christian And The Hedgehog Boys", Dragonforce plays kinda, sloppy sometimes, so I was wondering. Do you have any tips that may help us, especially me, I'm the band's singer. You have an aspiration for song, that is just amazing, you have a Bing Crosby flavor to your voice which is just fantastic. How do you keep your vocal chourds in such good shape, so that you can sing, with such amazing fierce power! Our song, Through The Fire And The Flames was also featured in another game, called Brutal Legend, maybe you heard of it, it's the new PS3/Xbox 360 adventure starring Jack Black as Eddie Briggs. I personally don't like it very much, but I hear you're game savy, what do you think of it? Truthfuthly yours, ZP Motherfuking Theart. PS: My latest album, Ultra Beatdown is in stores now, I suggest you look into it, it's pretty tight. |