CWCki:Operation Mailbag

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This is an archive of Operation Mailbag, a project by Cwckians to write letters that would get Chris to answer the most important questions possible. It produced Mailbag 13.


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PROTIP:

Send your mail from here to the Mailbag once you believe it is good enough and then delete it from this page. COOL THANKS.
From: Gilbert Kieth Chesterson <FaithfulMan@yahoo.com>

Dear Chris,

I'm kind of upset you deleted my E-mail. I followed all of your rules for it. I didn't ask about Asperger Syndrome, talk about homosexuality, make any references to the comic you don't like, or anything. All I asked was a simple question. I expected at least some sort of answer.

However, More comics have gone up since then, and I'm afraid my fears that you're using "Sonichu" as a sort of Christ figure have sadly, not been allayed.

On page 56, the purple fellow claims that he "knew he would come to save us" and that none of his friends believed him, much like the Jewish nation fervently believed that Christ would come, dispite the oppressive rule of the Roman Empire. On page 57, the group of colorful hedgehogs exclaim that hyper Sonichu is "Their savior!" and that "They are not worthy". One of them claims that he "Prayed for forgiveness to the Real Christian Weston Chandler" which struck me as somewhat odd, considering that as Christians, we are only supposed to pray to the one true god, this yellow fellow claims he prayed to a man. Specifically, your comic character.

Ultra Sonichu then spreads his arms as though on a crucifix again, and "cures" all the colored fellows of their varied ailments, much like the messiah cured the lame, blind and sick.

I don't understand Chris. If you were using this religious symbolism to make some sort of greater statement about the nature of faith I wouldn't have any problem with it. I myself once wrote a story about mankind's inability to fully understand the infinite nature of God, using a character with godlike abilities to represent the love and fear we simultaneously hold for our creator. If you're trying to create a message about faith and the way it is used and misused, then you're not doing anything wrong.

Sadly, there doesn't seem to be any greater message to your work that your readers can learn from. It's just you and the orange fellow doing whatever you want to do with near-unlimited power. It's kind of scary, really. It this how you think God and Jesus would act?

I look forwards to your response with great anticipation.

Sincerely,

G. Chesterson

One, G.K. Chesterson was a literary genius and I'll never be able to emulate his style well enough. Two, I dunno guys, I think this might be a little too long.


From: Billy Smith <sonichu_zap@yahoo.com>

hi christian,

i was wondering, why do you wear bras? i thought only girls did that!

a big fan,

billy smith, age 10


From: Charles Darwin <cdarwin0100@gmail.com>

Hello Christian,

I have just finished reading your new comic book pages for Sonichu No. 10, and I must say that I am a bit shocked. I have a few questions that I'd like to ask you....

1. How can you justify the deaths of the thousands of people in the 4-cent Garbage building who you slaughtered when you demolished it? Your problems lie with Clyde Cash, not the ordinary hard-working people who only worked there to make a living for their family. Was this terrorist attack some sort of a sick, hackneyed attempt at a metaphor for the 9/11 terrorist attacks? Both yourself and Sonichu are mass murderers.

2. Why do you hate Jack Thaddeus so much? He may be a homosexual, but isn't he the person who is bankrolling the CWCipedia? Without him, you wouldn't have a website to host your comic books and hate speech. I think that it is certainly very ungrateful and un-Christian to wish death on someone who is your benefactor.

3. Speaking of Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, I am very offended by your constant pleas for them to commit suicide. A very close friend of mine killed himself this summer and I'm still trying to get through it. How would you like it if your mother, father or one of your Gal Pals committed suicide? Making death threats isn't a suitable response for someone being a homosexual.

4. However, I must say that it is ironic that the exchange between Jack and Clyde in your comic before their deaths is the closest you've ever come to an honest and poignant moment in your comic. It's apparent that Jack and Clyde care deeply about eachother and act in a realistic manner. This surprised me. No, Christian, I am not inferring that you are a homosexual. I know that you are not.

I know that you have likened the sexual content and violence in your comic to classic tales such as Romeo and Juliet (which I assure you is not for children) and Family Guy, but including tasteless and horrific scenes of mass murder and suicide is out of line. Chris, I used to really enjoy your comics. I always liked how you had your own personal form of storytelling and artistry, but you've taken things to a new low.

Please give me a dignified response, and not just "whatever" or a hateful rant calling me a dumbass or yelling at me. I've written to you in a respectful manner, and I'd like to recieve the same from you.

Charles


From: Tiffany Clarke <astrogal96@hotmail.com>

Hey Chris,

I like Sonichu so much that I've wallpapered my bedroom with printouts of your Sonichu comics. My parents don't like it that much but they're not the boss of me!!! BTW, when is Metal Sonichu coming back from the moon? I miss him!!!

Oh and I was wondering if you could settle an argument. My brother says there's no way there's life on other planets in this solar system, but I think it's totally possible, you know? Since you were on honor roll and stuff you'd probably know about things like this better than I would (I'm in 8th grade BTW) and you're my favorite comic book guy so I was wondering if you'd know. Is there life on other planets in this solar system? If so, what do you think it's like? If there is life on other planets, should we send people to check it out, or should they be regarded as hostile? I'm dying to know what you think about this.

Have a good 2010

Tiffany Clarke


From: Stan Lee (excelsiorstanlee@gmail.com)

Hey Christian,

I've noticed several times in your mailbag responses that you have stated that Sonichu is a parody. How is that?

Wikipedia defines a parody as "A parody (pronounced /ˈpærədiː/; also called send-up or spoof), in contemporary usage, is a work created to mock, comment on, or poke fun at an original work, its subject, author, style, or some other target, by means of humorous, satiric or ironic imitation."

The best examples of true parody are films such as Mel Brooks' "Spaceballs" and "Young Frankenstein", and even the Family Guy Star Wars special. The Encyclopedia Dramatica page can also be considered a parody of you. Sonichu doesn't mock or ridicule Pokémon, Sonic the Hedgehog, Transformers, Family Guy, or Guitar Hero in any way. If Sonichu was, say, about an 'electric hedgehog Pokémon' that didn't have any legs, that would be a parody. The closest thing to parody in Sonichu are the sub-episodes which exaggerate your attempts to find a lover to a ridiculous level where you can defeat jerkops and turn into a hedgehog.

I must also say that I am offended by the tone that you use in your Mailbag responses. Almost all of the people who have taken the time to e-mail you are big fans of your work. Why don't you treat them with a little shred of respect instead of calling them dumbasses and disregarding all of the perfectly valid advice that people are trying to give you?

-Stan


From: Vlad Tepes (emperorface@gmail.net)

Hello Christian Chandler.

I am the next in line to rule my father's country of New Sacea, which shares borders with South America, he passed away last week and I am to be crowned Emperor soon. Unfortantely he was a victim of war us our government has a law stating the Emperor has to take place in any fights as a soldier.

In our country Sonichu is heavily praised as one of the greatest works of fiction ever and a printed version is avalible in almost every New Sacean library. You are highly intelligent and by our scales even wiser than our greatest scholar, William The Sage. Perhaps, the same could be said of all Geinuses. We have made great technologic advances, much wealth, and many beatiful servant women, thus we are prepared to offer you a grand reward if you can help our people solve the following dilemma:

We are a God-fearing nation that hates those damned homos with all our hearts. These abominations unto God are so evil, they steal men's souls and make them their slaves! Unfortauntely, our empire does not have access to the means of curing the "Homo Gene", so all we can do is prevent their wrong lifestyle from spreading. Thus we execute them on sight.

However, our scholars are perplexed by the "Bi Gene" which gives one an interest in both genders, or in simplier terms they like both men AND women.

You see... I was very unfortunate to become contaminated with the foul curse of bisexualness myself! It was not by my hand that I was given that evil gene of bisexualness: it was brought by some homos, who wished to pay me tribute... Oh how I rue that cruel day!.. If bisexuals do indeed count as homos I must take my own life and let my straight sister rule in my place. For the good of my Holy Motherland!

But enough talk, Christian. Seeing as you are the smartest man in our kingdom's recorded history, maybe you can help me? Please tell me, Christian: should bisexuals be considered homos? Or are they just fine? What is a bisexual? A miserable little pile of evil homo genes? Or do they belong in this world? Am I a homo? Or a normal person?

Please, Christian, save our people by giving us your great knowledge of sexuality and genetics.

With much hope, Emperor Vlad Tepes The 3rd


I made two emails, one to question his opinions on bisexuals and one to find out just how bad of a strategist. In addition this will test to see if he even beat the game as he purchased 65 dollars of DLC for it, which would have been completely wasted had he not beaten it as you can only access the non-canon/dlc character during the end game. Also, to further test his stupidity, Almaz Von Adamite is a main character in Disgaea and Roy Mustang is a character from Fullmetal Alchemist who has never appeared in a Disgaea title. Seeing as Disgaea is a Strategy Game, I have my doubts as to whether or not Chris has even played the damn thing, let alone beat it. It amuses me greatly knowing he has less common sense than a turkey shoving things up his ass to make him look "too fat" for the hunters to kill.




From: Stan 'Sonichu's Biggest Gay Fan' Mathers (myteasgonecold@didomail.com)

Dear Chris,

You still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance! I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans!!!

If you didn't wanna reply to me outside your Mailbag, you didn't have to, but you coulda at least post a decent reply! You upset Matthew - that's my little brother man, he's only six years old! We waited in front of the computer screen for your reply, for hours, and you just wrote, "(INSERT WHAT CHRIS ANSWERS HERE)" That's pretty shitty, man - you're like his fucking idol, he wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do

I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to! Remember when we met in the Poke'mon League - you said if I'd write you you would write back? See, I'm just like you in a way: I never liked those straight JERKS neither, they just always cheat on girls and beat them! I can relate to what you're saying in your comics, so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and browse them all, cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed... I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest!

Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds - it's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

See everything you draw about is real, and I respect you 'cos you tell it. My boyfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7, but he don't know you like I know you Chris, no one does! He don't know what it was like for "Homos" like us growin up!

You gotta call me man, I'll be the Biggest Gay Fan you'll ever lose!

Sincerely yours, Stan.

P.S.: We should be together too <3

From: Stan 'Sonichu's Biggest Gay Fan' Mathers (myteasgonecold@didomail.com)

Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Answer-My-Fans,

This'll be the last message I ever send your ass! It's been (INSERT TIME INTERVAL HERE) and still no decent reply - I don't deserve it??? I know you got my last two letters, I typed the addresses on 'em perfect

So this is my last letter I'm sending you, I hope you read it - I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway

Hey Chris, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night", about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him???

That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning!!! Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy and all I wanted was a lousy reply or a call!!!!! I hope you know I ripped ALL of your drawings off the wall!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU CHRISSSSSSS we coulda been TOGEHTER THINK about it YOU RUINED IT now I hope you CAN'T SLEEP and you DREAM about it and when you DREAM I hope you CAN'T SLEEP and you SCREAM about it I hope your CONSCIENCE EATS AT YOU AND YOU CAN'T BREATHE WITHOUT ME SEE CHRIS

SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING TYPE!!! Hey Chris that's my homo boyfriend screamin in the trunk but I didn't slit his throat I just tied him up see I ain't like you cause if he suffocates he'll suffer more and then he'll die too

...

Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now :) Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit ou

^-- I chose to make "Stan" gay (er... gayer) because that raises the chance Chris won't answer the first letter, or will put it in a Rejected Mailbag, or will write a 3 words reply, or smth. along these lines. That would give me a chance to reenact the whole song. If you think I should better make him an Aspie to get that effect, say so, I'll change the letters. I suggest maybe the mods should post the letters in subsequent Mailbags, so that Chris won't forget "Stan". --GokuGetEm 13:12, 27 December 2009 (CET)


From: Tor Go (iTaKeCaReOfThEpLaCe@manos.com)

Hello, Chris. First off, can I just say that I can seriously relate to you? I mean, people put me down all the time, every woman I hit on is already taken...I really understand what you're going through!

Now, on to the real reason I emailed you. I was once in a movie that didn't do very well in theaters. Later on, I found out that the critics hated it, and years later, my acting debut ended up on a TV show that made fun of bad movies! Tell me, what do you think about critics? Do you think they're too mean, or just doing their jobs?

Thank you!


From: Mac Tonight (Moonman3k@gmail.com)

Hey Chris, my organization, the KKK loves your comic. We would like you to join. Basically we're a group that believes that Homos should try to become straight and that black boys should find black sweethearts and white boys should find white sweethearts. You may have heard a lot of bad things about us, but we only want to do what god wants us to do and love who we're supposed to. Our official chant is "KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK, KKK" we would be honored if you featured that chant and our official spokesman "Moon Man" in an issue of Sonichu. If you do this you will be fully inducted as a member of the KKK, which stands for "Kute Kitty Kat".

I have included an image of Moon Man, the KKK official spokesman, please include him in your comic.
http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/272/moonmandrawingcut.th.png
If you get fully inducted you will recieve the title of Electric Dragon From Head Klansman, Mac Tonight


From: Mary Lee Walsh (maryleewalsh@pvcc.edu)

Dearest Christian I read your comics, perhaps I was wrong. You clearly are a creative genius, I feel really sorry for trying to stand in the way of your finding a girlfriend. I am so sorry. You added me as a villain which I thought was pretty cool, but then you renamed me "Slaweel Ryam" Chris, what I did to you was wrong, and although you may have forgiven me. I would like you to change Slaweel Ryam back to Mary Lee Walsh. Many of the faculty read your comic and I used to brag about how I was included in it. Anyway Chris, I give you full permission to use my name for the villain. Just call it a little something for me, okay? With Love, Mary Lee Walsh

A test of his gullibility and knowledge, plus Slaweel Ryam is inredibly stupid.


From: Yuji Naka (Yujinaka@sonicsega.com)

I am the president of the Sega Corporation, Yuji Naka, and I wish to inform you that Sonichu infringes several copyrights. I understand that Sonichu is under the protection of Parody law and is a humorous parody of Sonic The Hedgehog, for which I applaude you. But your use of Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik, Sonic The Hedgehog, Amy Rose, as well as Giavonni (from Pokemon), Optimus Prime (from Transformers) cannot be tolerated. If you wish to sell your product you must refrain from using these characters as well as rewrite the plot to exclude uses of them. You do not own them and no self-respecting company will be found using other people's characters. When Robot Chicken makes a parody, they purchase licenses to use those robots and when Family Guy or Simpsons includes an external character they change the design in order to make it forgein to the original property. Thus they are no longer in fault. Notice the South Park episode "Chimpokomon" which uses non-pokemon characters to poke fun at Pokemon, the name is similar so you can still tell what it is parodying, but had Pikachu been in it they would have been sued instantly.

To restate my previous statements, Sonichu, Rosechu, Blake, and Slaweel Ryam, all fine with me. Robotnik, Giavonni, Sonic, Optimus Prime, and Amy Rose... I am afriad you'll have to get the proper concent of Sega, Nintendo, and Bandai to continue displaying images of these characters. Failure to do so will result in a lawsuit. I can already tell you that no one at Sega authorized Sonic, Amy, and Eggman's inclusion. I don't know if Bandai or Nintendo did, but if you wish to gain licenses to Sonic The Hedgehog to continue showing the images with the characters, you will have to ask Sega Of America.

Good day, you have three months to get the licenses or remove all images containing Perfect Chaos, Amy Rose, Sonic The Hedgehog, and Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik.

before you recieve a cease and desist.

Sega Of Japan President, Yuji Naka.

PS: I am pleased with your work, and believe that if you ask our licensing department you should have no problems getting the rights to Sonic, Amy, Robotnik/Eggman, and Perfect Chaos.


From: Andrew Ryan (andrewryan@rapture.net)

Hey Chris. I've been a fan since sonichu was first released and I'm glad to be writing you. I am impressed with the way you have led CWCville. However, I have a question. Who are your favorite porn actresses?

Ironically, Andrew Ryan would have an aneurysm if he ever heard about CWCville's "Soup Hotels." But mainly I just want him to be more specific about his taste in women.


From: Joseph Goebbels (JGoeb@3rdR.gov)

Dear Christian:

I am a government worker, and I have given some thought to your stances on homosexuality in CWCville. It occurs to me that the stamping out of the gay community could be accomplished in four simple steps.

First control the media in the city. It would be rather simple to install a V-chip in all major signal recievers in CWCville so that no Objectionable Content could reach the citizens. This will also serve to keep them docile.

Second, expand Magi-chan's police force. Create a special task force comprised of sonichus that can work quickly and efficiently, as opposed to the slower police force, which is bogged down with protocol. You could call this the "Sonichu Squad", or 'SS' for short. They report directly to Magi-chan, and when a homosexual is located, the SS can round them up and place them in a Correction Camp, where their will can be systematically broken and reshaped into something you personally deem more 'kosher'. You can also put them to work while in these camps so that the camps pay for themselves. And for the truly unrepentant homos, they can be given permanent jobs cleaning the smoke stacks around the city.

Third, a campaign of misinformation against the imaginary 'homo gene' can work wonders. If people can be convinced of the ridiculous notion that a simple sneeze or sharing a coke can turn someone gay, people in the city will be too frightened to even talk to one another, allowing you to consolidate your power for the final step.

Finally, when the community is about to self-destruct, begin to distribute a 'vaccine' for the gay gene. While this is obviously just snake oil, since no chemical cure for a desire can possibly exist, but in their panic, people will accept what you tell them and heil you as a hero. Never again will you have to worry about impostors or elections. The populace will follow you to any lengths.

I hope this plan helps you with your current predicament.

Joseph Goebbels.


From: Lyla Gowan (lilyonthepond@neural.net)

Dear Chris,

My name is Lyla Gowan. I have something important to say to you. I don't think you're gay, but I know why people keep saying you're gay: you act like what people think gay people act like. You like little-girl pop music like Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys, you like girl's toys like My Little Pony, you like wearing sports bras. These are all meant for girls and women, but because you like them it makes you look like a stereotypical gay guy. And then you go on about how gays are evil and need to be reprogrammed and these people think you're a self-hating gay man who wants to erase gays so you don't have to think about it.

I don't think you're gay, but I do think you need to see what things are like from our perspective. I'm a lesbian, Chris, and I have to live with oppression every day.

You gotta understand that gay people suffer a lot. We're hated because we break with how men and women are "supposed" to act. People that are uncomfortable with that like to quote the Bible at us out of context and use that to beat us down. We're alone and hated all over the world. It's terrible. It's like 1960s America, and we're all black, and the law is against us and lots of the people are against us and every step forward we take seems like it's followed by a slip two steps back. The difference is, we can pretend to be someone else, pretend not to be gay... but it's all just pretend. It hurts. You believe in truth and honesty, but the way things are, we can't be true to ourselves, honest with ourselves, just because we're different. The world doesn't want us to be who we are.

You suffer like us. You're different and people hate you for that. But then you go and hate us because we're different, or because you don't want to be lumped in with us and made more different. You don't seem to realize that people hate us for the same reasons they hate you. We're ore alike than different. Like I said, I don't think you're gay just because you like My Little Pony and stuff. The same people that hate gay people for who they are also hate people like you because they think what you do is "gay." Gay people who see you act like a stereotypical gay while also hating gays think you're some kind of closet case, and so they make fun of you. Mostly I think they're out of line, but when you keep saying things like "gay people need to be reprogrammed," that just makes my heart sink and I start to wonder if you deserve it for being so mean.

You keep linking that old cartoon, but you don't take its message to heart. You don't like when people say you're gay just because they think you fit what gay people look like. But you hate gays for the same reason! You think that being gay is "unnatural," so you think they should be fixed--that they're not really bears, just men in fur coats, and that their fur coats can get taken off and they'll fit right back in. But you'd just be hurting them just like other people have hurt you. It's a sad and sick situation and it hurts me to think just because some people call you gay that all gays have to go. Every day I wish the world would accept us for who we are, and even though you could be helping us and helping yourself, you just keep lashing out at people who are like you.

I just want you to know that I think you should be free to be yourself... but I wish you could think the same of me, Chris, and the same of people like me. I hope you can understand us more, Chris. I hope you do.

Love, Layla Gowan.



From: Stephen Strange <sorcsupremeDoc@gmail.com>

Hello Christian

I've taken great interest in your character Magi-Chan Sonichu. However, your recent statement that he spends his time monitoring the thoughts of CWCvilles citizens disturbs me. You see, Magi-Chan possesses a powerful gift, and if I may speak frankly, this gift is wasted on such trivialities. There are unspeakable horrors lurking on the edge of reality, ready at any second to prey on those unsuspecting of their great evil. These are the forces, the mere mention of whose vagaries test the sanity of even the most sound and rational minds, which demand the constant vigilance of one whose abilities are such that they can be driven away. Magi-Chan is that one. He is by far the most important and powerful of all Sonichus, and as mayor you are squandering his tremendous talents on the whim of your sexual insecurities.

Without speaking too much of my business, I feel you must redirect Magi-Chan's efforts away from such diversions, and let him get back to his all-important occupation. Don't you feel that the security of CWCville relies upon more than preventing recreational sex between consenting adults? Using him in the manner you do is a vulgar waste.

The forces of cosmic unbalance are at your doorstep, Christian. I pray you may keep them at bay.

-Dr. Stephen Strange


From: Satoru Iwata <Iwata2002@hotmail.com>

Hey, fellow Pokemaniac! I have to say, having 387 of the 497 Pokemon at your command must mean you're one tough customer. What moves does your regular gym team (as described in your Sonichu article) have? Especially your Salamence.

Considering that Sonichus and Rosechus are Pokemon, what are their base stats? I don't mean "Sonichu is very fast," I mean "Sonichu has 110 base speed and Rosechu has 80 base HP" sort of base stats.

With this kind of information, we would be able to see how Sonichu and the other Electric Hedgehogs would do in tournaments. Who knows, Sonichu may be the kind of Pokemon that wins matches!

Chris' level of technique has been a major issue for me. The easiest way of telling if he's shit or not he is is by his technical knowledge. I hope that he gives me enough to work off of. --OFSheep 02:39, 9 January 2010 (UTC)

From: Charles Darwin <cdarwin0100@gmail.com>

Hello Christian,

I have just finished reading your new comic book pages for Sonichu No. 10, and I must say that I am a bit shocked. I have a few questions that I'd like to ask you....

1. How can you justify the deaths of the thousands of people in the 4-cent Garbage building who you slaughtered when you demolished it? Your problems lie with Clyde Cash, not the ordinary hard-working people who only worked there to make a living for their family. Was this terrorist attack some sort of a sick, hackneyed attempt at a metaphor for the 9/11 terrorist attacks? Both yourself and Sonichu are mass murderers.

2. Why do you hate Jack Thaddeus so much? He may be a homosexual, but isn't he the person who is bankrolling the CWCipedia? Without him, you wouldn't have a website to host your comic books and hate speech. I think that it is certainly very ungrateful and un-Christian to wish death on someone who is your benefactor.

3. Speaking of Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash, I am very offended by your constant pleas for them to commit suicide. A very close friend of mine killed himself this summer and I'm still trying to get through it. How would you like it if your mother, father or one of your Gal Pals committed suicide? Making death threats isn't a suitable response for someone being a homosexual.

4. However, I must say that it is ironic that the exchange between Jack and Clyde in your comic before their deaths is the closest you've ever come to an honest and poignant moment in your comic. It's apparent that Jack and Clyde care deeply about eachother and act in a realistic manner. This surprised me. No, Christian, I am not inferring that you are a homosexual. I know that you are not.

I know that you have likened the sexual content and violence in your comic to classic tales such as Romeo and Juliet (which I assure you is not for children) and Family Guy, but including tasteless and horrific scenes of mass murder and suicide is out of line. Chris, I used to really enjoy your comics. I always liked how you had your own personal form of storytelling and artistry, but you've taken things to a new low.

Please give me a dignified response, and not just "whatever" or a hateful rant calling me a dumbass or yelling at me. I've written to you in a respectful manner, and I'd like to recieve the same from you.

Charles


From: Dick Foamy <jiggadildus@gmail.com>

Dear Chris I was a gay fan of Sonichu for awhile, there are few comics out there that show tolerance towards the homo people of the world, as such I found Sonichu to be a blessing, a shiny nugget within the tar pits of bad comics. It is nothing short of brilliant, the works of R.L. Stine are nothing in comparison.

But what's this I hear about a "Homo Vaccine" the idea that my "Homoness" is something that needs to "cured" is, just offensive, I am deeply shocked you would do such a thing, I demand you change something so that the gay vaccine never existed in the first place, or at least just undo it. You can keep all the characers you want straight, to stay straight, but please give the people of cwcville their sexaulities. It is apart of their personal identity, what if I just put a "Sonichu Vaccine" in the water, that made everyone hate Sonichu. You would be pissed!

I do however fully support Magi-Chan and Silvana Rosechu getting together, I wish to see, how that develops. Just please, for the good of all of your gay fans, get rid of the freaking Gay Vaccine. Didn't you see X-Men:The Last Stand, and how pissed the mutants were, that there was a mutant vaccine? Yours Truely, Dick Foamy


From: Bill Gates <masterchief@picklemail.org>

Dear Chris, I think you should give the Hexbax 360 a try, that just dropped the online fees entirely, it's all free now. The console is awesome and Bayonetta works really well on it, which is a game about a witch woman who turns into a very sexy demoness with her hot ass fully exposed, which a STRAIGHT male such as yourself would really appreciate, also she fights demons, which is awesome, because demons are from the devil. So it also has strong christian values, that I'm sure any family would enjoy, it's rated M for Moof, but like Brutal Legend, I'm sure this one's alright, it's one of my personal favorites. Also it's made by Sega, which made great games like Alex Kidd, Space Channel 5, Golden Axe, and of course Sonic The Hedgehog. I don't think there is a PS3 version, and I didn't hear any plans about an eventual PS3 Release.

There is also a game called Dead Or Alive Xtreme 2, which is COMPLETELY, TRUELY, AND HONESTLY exclusive to Hexbox 360 which is an awesome Volleyball/Racing game that features boobies. Another straight title, I think you'll enjoy on the Xbox 360.

I would hate for someone as cool and hip to the gaming community as you to miss out on these great titles, especially when Microsoft has given into fan pressure, and removed all of the online fees.

From, Sonichu's Biggest Fan, Bill Gates


From: Leeroy Jenkins <smoothcriminal@gayniggers.shit>

Dear Chris How is your comic going to continue if you've got no villians? What the shit man? Without any bad guys there's no suspense, no chase! What da f man? Other than that, I look forward to all new issues you put up on. From your fan, LEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY Jenkins


From: ZP Theart <ZPTheart@valleyofthedamned.net>

Hey Chris, Is this the MOTHER FUCKING author of Sonichu? I love that comic, listen I'm in a band called Dragonforce, we're not that popular, but we did manage to get into a video game called Guitar Hero 3 once. It wasn't out best song, just Through The Fire And The Flames, but we hear the kids liked it, and that's all that matters right? But some jams that are really hella tight, are the ones made by your band "Christian And The Hedgehog Boys", Dragonforce plays kinda, sloppy sometimes, so I was wondering. Do you have any tips that may help us, especially me, I'm the band's singer. You have an aspiration for song, that is just amazing, you have a Bing Crosby flavor to your voice which is just fantastic. How do you keep your vocal chourds in such good shape, so that you can sing, with such amazing fierce power!

Our song, Through The Fire And The Flames was also featured in another game, called Brutal Legend, maybe you heard of it, it's the new PS3/Xbox 360 adventure starring Jack Black as Eddie Briggs. I personally don't like it very much, but I hear you're game savy, what do you think of it?

Truthfuthly yours, ZP Motherfuking Theart. PS: My latest album, Ultra Beatdown is in stores now, I suggest you look into it, it's pretty tight.


From: Conrad Hall <challcinema@gmail.com>

Dear Chris,

Recently, I read through some of the questions you've answered and I noticed that, in response to one fan who asked about the odd yellowish tint to your videos, you insisted it was a problem with the PSEye software, and how it records in areas with very little light.

However, I would just like to point out that, while modern-day video capture technology has become highly advanced over the past decade, this fact remains: If you don't properly light your shooting space, the quality of the video still won't look good. I've seen some of your videos shot with the other camera, and I'm surprised by how dimly-lit your room is. Surely a little extra light in there wouldn't hurt? I mean, it would certainly improve your videos, not to mention it would be less straining on your eyes.

Furthermore, you've expressed confusion that your PSEye has been having technical problems. I remember you shooting a video where, among other erratic behavior, you threw a phone at the camera. Isn't it possible that this incident may have damaged the camera itself?

Finally, just for future reference, when you're filming something off of your computer, try using screen capture software instead of using your camera to film the actual computer screen. It looks much more professional.

Hope you keep this advice in mind!

-Conrad


From: Betty Edwards <bb4art@gmail.com>

Dear Chris,

As someone fascinated by your interesting art style, may I ask a few questions?

1. Do you use a ruler to draw straight lines? If not, why don't you?

2. Have you considered using more professional-looking art markers, like Prismacolors? You could easily find such markers at arts and craft stores like Michael's or Hobby Lobby.

3. You've said that you don't keep a sketchbook. Why don't you start using one? It'd be great for drawing any concept art, or any quick doodles.

Thank you!

Betty


From: Will Wright <wwright@maxis.com>

How come you no longer play PC games? You're missing out on a lot of great stuff!


From: Sheila Fistergraff <shegriff@yahoo.com>

Hey Chris! Wow, I came across a few images of your room, and I must say, that's quite a collection of Legos, Sonic and video game stuff as well as all your Sonichu things. Wow. I, myself, also collect Sonic and Legos, but my lego collection is held in a 5 gallon bucket, and my Sonic things are cleverly displayed in my closet for most part on the upper shelves, aside from my wall scroll, games, a couple posters, an autographed print from Ken Penders (you might have seen his name... he was a writer for the Archie Sonic comics. I've gotten a few signed issues from him too, since he attends Comic Con, which is in my city every year! ^^ ), a couple figures my mom has let me buy with money I earned from doing extra chores/jobs (such as dog sitting for her friend, or helping with moving furniture, since mom has almost gotten herself hurt when she tries it alone...), and a few plushies, one of which I made, one I'm modifying to be more game accurate, and one that's too cute to take apart. Compared to your stuff, mine is like a cereal box prize! I say that because I'm jealous of the Big the Cat one I spotted hidden in the back of a shelf behind some other Sonic figures. I believe it's next to a Sega 32X/Genesis console in that picture, if the cartridge loaded in it tells me enough.

Anyway... Big the Cat is one of my favorite Sonic characters, but stuff with him in or on it is very hard for me to find. But he's at least a lot easier than finding items based on other minor characters, such as Tails Doll, Bark the Polarbear and Mephiles the Dark... who is currently my most favorite.

I noticed that you MUST have Sonic The Hedgehog, the 2006 game that was released for both PS3 and Xbox 360 (don't be mad, but I have a 360, because it was a gift for me and my cousin to share from my grandma. It's not too bad really... my older brother, who is now in the Air Force remotely piloting Pedators and the other aircrafts like them overseas from the safety of New Mexico, has a 360 as well, and this allows my cousin and I to play games with him when he has time off. My brother, cousin and I grew up under the same roof, so we're all pretty close no matter how far apart we are. My cousin actually said I can keep this console when we have to split, and he'll get himself a new one. What a nice guy!).

Well, despite bad reviews and all, I really enjoyed Sonic Next Gen (That's what I call it, because it was in the Next Gen consoles). I really appreciate the use of predestination paradoxes and all the open ends that left everything up for theories. Mephiles especially. You remember him, right? The main bad guy... the one who was the master string puller, and set everything up to his liking? The one who took on the appearance of Shadow? He was really a genius character.

But, sadly, many people assume that he's simply a cheap recolor of Shadow. That's not the case! He's obviously different! He's colored differently, and walks, talks and stands differently! Heck, he even transforms into a crytalized version (or possibly obsidian, since his counterpart, Iblis, is made of fire, and obsidian is found near volcanos.) of himself, but I hear that people say he looks like Sega just used the design of Sonic the Werehog and modified it to make him! How frustrating it must be for someone to assume something is a rip off of something just because there's an influence or they just can't see it any other way! I often spend time arguing with other Sonic fans that Mephiles is not a recolor and explain how he's different than Shadow. But many still insist that I am wrong. Bummer...

I can't help but notice you seem to have the same problem with Sonichu. People call him a recolor and a cheap mash up of Sonic and Pikachu. A lot of your other characters are also accused of being recolors of Sonic characters as well...

Maybe you should make a side by side comparison of all of them next to the supposed things they say you ripped off, and show them once and for all that there is nothing in common with them. Maybe if you show everyone solid proof that you are not stealing characters, maybe they'll leave you alone.


From: Ellie McKindall <felivestix@yahoo.com>

Yo-la, Chris-Chan! I was wondering... have you ever thought about looking back at some of your older comic pages and redoing them, just to see how much you've improved in your art skills? I like to draw, too, and I have a bunch of pictures I drew when I was 15, and told myself when I turn 20, that I'll draw them again with my new skills. That means after June this year, I better have a lot of paper and pencils as well as colors.

Maybe you should try drawing issue 0 again, and compare them. Take a good look at how much better you've gotten in the past five or so years. I bet you'll be happy with the results.


From: "My Mommy Says I Can't Use My Real Name" <xXPrEtTyCoLoRsArEpReTtYXx@aol.com>

Hi, Mr. Chris. I'm 13 and was told recently that I have Aspergers by my doctor, who told my mom first. I was looking up what it meant on our computer, and I came across your site, where you said that those with Aspergers fake it so that they steal the lime light from real Autistics.

I think that's kinda mean of you. Why would I fake it, if that means that the kids at school, even other girls kick me, throw my books up trees so that I have to be late to class trying to shake them down, push me to the ground and pull my hair while hitting my head, take and crumple up my papers, even my drawings, and steal my things because I can't look them in the eye directly because they scare me, or they do that because I spend my free time hiding behind comics I bring, or even worse to them: I can do my math problems faster than them without a calculator, and I hardly even show my work. I just do it in my head. One time, my GameBoy was stolen and I never got it back. No one cared that it was the last gift I got from a very good friend of my grandma, who died three days after he gave me it for Christmas. He had a heart attack in the early hours, and grandma said he died on the way to the hospital. He had been spending the holidays with us. He was one of the closest things I had to a father, since my real one was never around.

You really think that I let all this happen to me because I want to make myself look better than real Autistics? I can't even get a pair of glasses to let me see better, because my mom is afraid of the kids breaking them. We tried to get someone to stop them, but they always behave when the principal tries to catch them in on the act. The teachers see it, and try to stop them, but they can only look after me as much as they are allowed. I really hate the times when an adult isn't around. I'm scared to let my cat go outside, because the kids have gone as far as trying to hit him with their bikes, and they'll only leave them alone if I take his place. I really hate getting the gravel out of the scrapes I get from doing that. But better me than my poor kitty...

I heard you have at least one cat. Maybe more... a lot of people have more than one. You must know how bad it is when someone tries to hurt your cat or any other pet just because they don't like the way you are. I also have a very old chihuahua I rescued from abuse off the streets years ago, and he's just as paranoid as I am about leaving him by himself. Thankfully, no one has gone near him, because his cloudy eyes (he's going blind now from old age) kinda scare them away.

Please reconsider your opinion about Aspergers. At least let me know that at least one person out there isn't as mean as the rest!

I'm new around here, and the three I just added might be a bit long, so feel free to tweak them as you see fit. Oddly, there is a lot of truth behind all this I wrote, but that made it easier to mask the attempts to get answers.

The first one is simply to see if he can come up with convincing evidence that Sonichu is not a ripoff of Sonic. The stuff before the suggestion is to try to see if that catches his attention, by somewhat relating to him, and complimenting him. I really don't see why HE should have that Big the Cat toy, if I have a whole shelf waiting for one to start the figure collecting. XD

The second one is obvious to me: See if he can see how there is no improvement. If he does, then that's a mind trip. If not, then I failed, and he is still stuck in his idea how his art is the best.

The last one is half based on my childhood, and a little bit of now (minus the fact that I actually got over the obstacle and now enjoy plenty of friends, all of whom we all have get togethers and trips to places as much as possible. ^^ ). By producing a sob story, this is a test of reactions. If he is moved by it, he might try and offer advice, or maybe try and change his opinion in response to the hardships of a young girl. If he just sees "Aspergers" and "Better than real Autistics" and simply rants about how they are not the same and ignores the story itself, then he had reached an all new low where we know that he is willing to insult kids just to make himself seem the best. In other words, this will be a bit of a probe at how far his ego and selfishness goes.

Hope these are good for my first attempts. I have no idea what I can do to really improve the CWCki right now that you guys haven't covered yet, so for now, I hope this will do... I also suck at email names... AsperGirl 10:30, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

From: Adriana Amoretto <singlefemaleartist@gmail.com>

Longtime fan here with a bit of a problem!

I'm in my second semester of college, and I'm taking a required figure drawing class. Every class, we alternate between a male model and a female model - both nude, of course. Well, one of my male classmates objects to having to draw the male model, since he thinks looking at the guy's naked body is turning him gay, and has been telling the teacher that he only wants us to look at and draw women. I've been telling the teacher not to listen to him, since I believe that it's important for us to draw both the female and male figure. (Plus, the guy model is HOT ;) I don't want to give up looking at that gorgeous bod, especially those pecs!)

Who do you think is right?

Just wanted to confront Chris about his implied belief that looking at naked people of a particular sex will make you attracted to that sex. Plus, he seems to be unaware that women can be turned on by the naked male figure, since he thought that the New Moon parody posters in Asperchu were gay propaganda just because of the naked/half-naked guys. And of course, the "pecs" bit is just a nice little jab at his "All guys should wear bras!" statement.--TheyCalledMeMad 16:48, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

From: Kristy Schandiler <whatalifeilead@gmail.com>

Chris-Chan, I got a very interesting question for you: If there is a gay gene, then how is it passed on? Are the gay people making babies with each other, or are they having babies with the opposite sex? If they're doing the last one, then wouldn't that make them STRAIGHT then?

Because my father had another daughter with someone who wasn't my mom (my mom and dad never married, so it's not cheating.), and that means I have a half sister. But she likes girls, and I don't have a preference (if I did, I would chose boys), but she's my little sister, so I can't hate her. How did she get the gay gene if our dad is obviously STRAIGHT (he's had an least 4 kids with 3 women (my big half brother has a different mom too), and he now married with an awesome professional antro artist, who I think I as a big sister I never had. Also, my sister's mom has been with many guys, so she's STRAIGHT too. How can you explain this? What about me? Do I have a no preference gene? Both my parents are STRAIGHT, so where did it come from?

I heard you don't like gay people and encourage others to do the same because gay people will turn us gay too... But this is my little sister here. She doesn't try to make me follow her on that, so she's not causing problems. Should I follow your adivce, or do what I've always done and love my little sister as I've always had. When we were kids, she looked up to me, and always wanted me to be the "adult" so we could get on rides together at theme parks and fairs. I remeber the time she was finally brave enough to try the rollercoaster. She's my only blood related sister, so I don't want to ruin that.

Just an idea I got based on a bit of truth. But really, how would this so called "gay gene" be passed on if it's impossible to procreate with the same sex, unless you're like a snail or something. Humans just can't do that. AsperGirl 20:50, 20 January 2010 (UTC)


From: Ernst Röhm <ernstroehm55@yahoo.com>

Dear Christian,

I heard you had a highschool reunion soon, I bet you are excited. I remember mine, which I had about a year ago. It was good to see all my old friends and foes again and find out what they were doing these days (as well as brag about my own exploits - I've come far in life since my school days)

But as opposed to me, you are famous. That's something that will probably trigger some conversations! I do have an inquiry, however. I, for one, and I'm sure many other loyal fans would like to know more about the reunion, I'm sure you understand.

1) When is the reunion? 2) Will you videotape it in some manner for your fans? 3) What do you look most forward to about it? 4) Will you give us a summary of how it went? 5) Who are you most excited to meet again (you can name multiple people if you want) and why?

Sincerely,

Ernst

This is my first Mail for this operation, I hope I did everything well. Are we supposed to send these ourselves? Will they just be moved? Wtv 12:37, 23 January 2010 (UTC)

From: Nos Crit

If all this happened before this Christian Love Day, wouldn't Asperchu or anything associated with him have existed yet?

Jack Thaddeus and Clyde Cash didn't start trolling you before then, either, and Alec, Sean, and Mao were never heard of then.

Asperpedia, Moon-Pals, Gay4Sonichu, Asperchu, and Metal Asperchu never existed until a year later, AFTER Christian Love Day.

Also, Bush was still president during 2008, not Obama.

From: Alex Solzhenitsein

You told us Issue 10 takes place in 2008. BEFORE Obama became president, BEFORE Asperchu, Moon-Pals, and Asperpedia, BEFORE Clyde Cash, Jack Thaddeus, Sean, Mao, and Alec Benson Leary were ever heard of at all. If it really is 2008, how come you're going after all these people if they never done anything to you at all BEFORE 2009?

From what I'm seeing, you care more about getting back at other people than pleasing your fans or making sense of your story.

Also, we can see what other emails of other people you deleted in the Recent Changes page. They still exist, even after you delete them.

If you delete this email, people will know. We're not stupid.

These guys' names are short for Nostalgia Critic and Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, in case Beat's Keeping Track still. --CWCAttack 00:27, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

From: Matthew Hopkins <wfgeneral@pooritan.org>

Hello, Christian!

I'm SO excited!

As a long-time fan of your comic, I must tell you how happy I am about the return of Slaweel Ryam (Mary Lee Walsh)! Slaweel the witch is my long-time favourite character: if not her I'd be probably reading Asperchu by now - but thanks to her alone I still prefer Sonichu over Alec's original creation!

Speaking of her, is it any chance for Slaweel to get more time on Sonichu? Like, some fanservice art? Or even a special sub-episode? Heck, maybe even a spinoff comic of her adventures! She's such a wonderful original character!

Believe me, she's one of the most popular, if not THE most popular characters in the whole franchise! (Even ahead of maybe-more obvious favourites, like Sammy, Walter Grisby, and of course Bob - I never liked THEM much, personally!) So I'm sure having more of Slaweel Ryam/Mary Lee Walsh would help you turn back many of your fans who've recently abandoned you for the rivals' comics!

Think about it,

Your friend, Matt!

PS: Pardon my imperfect English, I'm from Great Wenham!

Matthew loves 'em witches. He also loves exclamation marks. --Sonijew is back 20:22, 30 January 2010 (UTC)