Mailbag 13, posted to the CWCipedia on 9 December 2009, was unique among the mailbags in that it did not contain a single actual email. All the letters in this mailbag were written by a collection of CWCki members to produce maximum information about Chris's sordid life.
Due to the focused nature of this mailbag, there is a distinct absence of the common staples of mailbags past. There are no letters on Aspergers, no drawings sent in by "fans" and only one completely inoffensive mention of homos. Each letter does the minimum required amount of ass-kissing to get Chris's attention before launching a battery of questions that the trolls have been curious about.
Chris answered the letters in this mailbag in the very early hours of 10 December 2009. Surprisingly, he actually managed to provide full answers to almost all the questions asked, only occasionally veering off topic to talk about video game betas or shout at his Sysop in bolded all caps.
Dinosaurs with evolution rights, and some Brotherly Love
|From: Charles Darwin <email@example.com>
First of all, I'd like to thank you for putting so much effort into creating your wonderful 'Sonichu' comic! The crew on my ship loves to read it, and the adventures of that Electric Hedgehog Poke'mon have inspired us all! My personal favorite character is Wild Sonichu.
I have a few questions that I'd like to ask you, though...
1. Which theory do you align yourself with, evolution or intelligent design? Most Christians believe that the theory of evolution is nothing but myth, but your comic seems to be pro-evolution. Is this true?
2. What is your current relationship with your brother, Cole Smithey? I've always enjoyed reading his film reviews, so it was certainly a surprise to find out that you two are related.
3. If God loves us all, then why is there so much suffering in the world? Why are you made fun of so much? Why are there homos and dykes in the world? If all of these things go against God's will, then why do they exist?
4. Whatever happened to your gal pal, Chloe? I remember you mentioning her in a video a while ago, but she just disappeared after that.
5. How can you justify Rosechu's behavior in Issue No. 8 of your comic? What is it that Jason Kendrick Howell did that was so bad... draw a picture of Rosechu with a pickle? You clain to be "patriotic" and that you "love America" (even though you don't know the words of the National Anthem and mock national tragedies), yet you act as is someone creating a parodic image is like an abomination of God. In your mind, is having one's head shoved up an Electric Hedgehog Poke'mon's vagina and then electricuted the correct punishment for drawing a picture?
I look forward to reading Issue No. 10... keep up the good work, Christian!
|Thank you for your support. To your first question, I am in support of both theories equally. God made the Big Bang, then created the Garden of Eden to start, but outside the garden was where the dinosaurs roamed. The dinosaurs, and the other creatures, had to begin in their own way, so God gave them the evolution rights, whereas in the garden, he went to the point "B" of the final creature/human creations. To put it another way, within the garden were his final ideas, and all those outside of the garden were all that were to be made the final ideas being made from scratch. It's like drawing the plans for a house; the plans is comparable to the garden, but to make the actual house, you would have to start from scratch.
Cole and I have not communicated with each other for years; he does not care much for our mother, whereas I love our mother, so therein is the difference that has made the conflict between him and me. I do not know for sure, but I can imagine they are here as a challenge for us to cope with. If we didn't have these events/people, this world would be boring. I'm not sure who you are referring to, I currently have no recollection of a Chloe. Rosechu was standing up for Women's Lib and Rights, and they have the right to object to being portrayed so wrongfully; I agree fully.
--ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)
My brain feels like a bomb, night and day. It must expand!
|From: Gabe Syme<firstname.lastname@example.org>
I've been reading your comics for a long time now, and I have to say, your writing style is very unique! I've grown to appreciate it a great deal, and being an avid reader, I would like to enjoy more books like it!
I absolutely love books of all forms. Some of my favorite authors include Tim Dorsey, Max Barry, GK Chesterson, Robert W. Chambers, Mark Z. Danielewski, and of course, Christian Weston Chandler! :) But I'm curious to know what you like, or what you find particularly inspiring. So I gotta ask:
1.) What books or authors would you say influenced your writing the most? I know you're a fan of RL Stine's work, but are there any others?
2.) What books would you recommend to your fans? Again, I know you enjoy the collective works of RL Stine and How to Talk to Girls by Alec Greven. What else do you enjoy?
3.) Have other mediums inspired your writing style? For example, I love the storytelling of Gochi Suda (Who wrote the story for games like Contact and Killer7). Are there any TV, Film, or Video game writers that influenced how you tell your stories?
4.) A little bit off topic, but a lot of great writers crave variety, and like to occasionally take a break from their established work and focus on telling a completely new story that's totally disconnected from their prior work. Do you plan on telling any stories with nothing to do with Sonichu, Rosechu, or anybody else from CWCville VA?
Please be as in depth as possible, as I really love your work, and want to know as many of your inspirations as I can! :D
Thanks a bunch, and have a great day!
|Thank you. The "Sonic the Hedgehog" comic books from Archie's Comics were of good influence. "Of Mice and Men", "The Giver", "To Kill a Mockingbird" and a few others. Definitely ALL Sonic the Hedgehog and Pok'emon titles... and a lot of other various TV Shows, Video Games and Movies as well. I may create such stories. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)|
Dude, Where's My Job?
|From: Kevin Flynn email@example.com
Chris, since you're so good at figuring things out I was wondering if you could give me some perspective.
I got a job at Wendy's after my dad said I had to get a real job. Anyway I worked there for a few weeks and the manager fired me! (It was more like 5 weeks but I've been rounding up to two months so it sounds better on my resume) We didn't get along that well but I didn't think it would come to this. I was honestly shocked because I thought I was doing a real good job, showing up on time every day and doing stuff they told me to do. Man, what gives?
I read that you got fired from Wendy's once, too. Can you give me some more details on your last day? What was your experience at Wendy's like? How did your boss act? How many hours a week were you working?
I feel like a huge failure after getting fired from the only job I've ever had, and it being Wendy's. How did you cope with it?
Take it easy,
|I'd rather not go into the last day details. My boss was fair sometimes, but other times his judgment was questionable. The job was okay. I worked about 7 hours a day out of a 5 day work week. I take it one moment at a time. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)|
Rosechu's running skills are inferior, and Chris sleeps in the buff
|From: Amber Blue firstname.lastname@example.org
Hey Chris, I can't believe I'm actually talking to you! XD Loyal sonichu girl here, saw you on web soup and then found your awesome sonichu comics! I'm sorry you've had to take so much shit from throlls, you're obviously straight and I would never buy anything from the dumb kid who's impersonating you. I hope he is still feeling the effects of that curse you put on him in that one video. I've been wondering some stuff about the world you've created. I'd love to hear what you have to say.
As a white law student who just got a porsche for my birthday, I sometimes like to imagine what it would be like to be married to the creator of sonichu and rosechu. What do you wear when you sleep? Would you like to sleep close to a girl or leave some room in between?
Love the daily updates, keep them coming!
-Amber Blue xoxoxoxxx
|They actually ran that episode of Web Soup? Please e-mail me the details of the episode; what day it aired, episode title and such to my e-mail address at ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com, or make a reply message in the Mailbag, and I will thank you for the response.
Anyway, yeah... I am certain he is feeling the curse around him everyday. Rosechu can run on own power, but she likes to be close to Sonichu. Plus, to get to the crime scene on time, he has to carry her, because she can only run average speed; not Sonic Speed. In bed, I'd have to say sheets, blanket and b-day suit; Definitely Close to my woman. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)
Chris would not be surprised if a biography was written about him
|From:Brittany J. email@example.com
I know you're probably REALLY busy right now (the holidays are so stressful for me!); so I'll make this really fast. A couple of gal-pals and I were chatting about our favorite celeb biographies, and I couldn't help but think of you. How would you react if, someday in the future, an independent author wrote a book about you? Like, idk, a CWCography? As long as it's truthful, I think it'd be soooo cool.
PS: Don't let the crazy emails get to you. Some of them seem REALLY WEIRD, lol.
|I agree, I feel it would be awesome, yet I would not be surprised. Que cera, cera; whatever will be, will be. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)|
Take Your Prescribed Medicine, Young Man
|From: Rod B <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Recently I got into a little bit of legal trouble. Nothing really bad, it got blown way out of proportion I think. Basically some guys taped me saying things on the phone to a friend AS A JOKE and then told everyone I was being serious (BUT I WASN'T!) and I ended up getting fired at my job. Well I'm still mad about it, but that's not why I'm writing.
During the trial, I tried telling people the truth, but they wouldn't listen, and I just got so ANGRY and started YELLING. I didn't mean to be rude to everyone but they were telling lies and wouldn't listen to the truth! It kind of reminds me of how the trolls are always trying to slander you, and thinking about how you keep going inspires me so I can keep going too!
Anyway, they made me go see a psychiatrist (I AM NOT CRAZY, IT WAS NOT MY CHOICE) and the psychiatrist told me I should take some medicine to help me be less angry. I don't know if I want to or not, I mean sometimes I do get mad and just fly off the handle at people, but I don't want people to think I'm crazy because I take medicine! Do you take any medicine? Do you think it helps? My doctor said he was going to give me pixel or paxel or something like that, have you ever heard of it?
|Taking medication to quell the anger does not make one crazy. I take medication for my stress levels. Let me tell you, I had taken them for soo long, I had no idea of what it would be like without them. I stopped taking them for one month, and I felt More and Worse Pains in me, so Obviously it was a Huge Mistake for me to stop, so I went back on the medication, and I felt better. I used to take Paxil, but as I got older, I had to switch to a similar prescription, because of Paxil's side-effects that only hit adults. Take Your Prescribed Medicine, Young Man. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)|
Concerning the sanest members of the Chandler family
|From: Patricia Elizabeth Thompson-Andrews <email@example.com>
So, I hear you're an animal lover, and that, in the past, you've owned a dog and several cats! As a fan and fellow pet owner, I just wanted to ask a few questions...
1. Where did you get each of your cats from?
2. I'm having a lot of trouble getting my new kitten house-trained. Do you think I should just give up teaching him to use the litterbox? If so, why?
3. On a related note, my brother has a new puppy, and he's trying to decide whether to housebreak her or just let her live outside in a pen. What do you think, and why?
4. How come we never get to see your cats in any of your videos?
5. Out of the cats you have now, do you have any favorites? If so, why?
Well, that's all for now! Tell the kitties I said hi!
|I got my cats from various occasions and places. Do not give up; if the cat does not like the liter, try newspaper over the box and see if the cat likes that better. Otherwise, continue on with the liter. It depends on the maximum growth size of the dog; if he feels the dog will be too big to keep inside at the later time, then outside is the choice. But if the dog will remain the same size its lifetime, or maintainable size within the house, then inside is good. I had not felt the occasion to show them off yet. I love all my cats equally. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)|
No one lives forever
|From: Walter Breuning <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I was wondering: if you were too old or too sick to continue writing comics, would you ever consider passing the Sonichu torch to somebody else? Your future child, perhaps? I would like to think that the Sonichu legacy will live on and enrich the lives not only of people today, but generations to follow.
Yours in Christ,
|To my future child, yes.|
|From: Team CWCket <CWCemail@example.com>
Just a quick message from a group of your most loyal fans! We're a women's cricket team from England who are all huge fans of your work, so we decided to call ourselves "Team CWCket" in tribute to your good self!
We love team sports, and we noticed that you were a manager of your high school basketball team - that's so cool! Do you have any cool stories about the team beyond what you've told us in the comic and your writings? We'd love to hear all the gossip!
Hope you have a great day, Chris, and like our team motto says - "Keep a happy thought!"
- From all your pals on Team CWCket! <3 <3 <3
|I will write up some of the stories of my Manager days in a page on the Cwcipedia at a later date.|
Paging Dr. Freud, paging Dr. Freud...
|From: Eddy Rex <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Hi Chris! As a loyal Sonichu fan, can I ask for a little bit of advice?
See, like you, I'm in my twenties, and I still live with my mother. And people think I'm weird for it. They keep saying I should move out, but I just don't want to. They also think it's weird that sometimes, my mom and I cuddle up next to each other while, say, watching TV. I don't see anything wrong with being close to your mother!
What do you think? How close are you to your mother?
|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend finding yourself a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|
Tough money choices, previously missing crucial game details, and Moon People
|From: Erik Pikkuvikainen <email@example.com>
Hello Chris! I'm a 16-year-old Sonichu fan from Finland.
I've got some questions:
1) I just saw you were looking for sponsors from Europe. I don't like the horrible horrible ads either! I might help! Me and my best friend have €1000 in savings. We were going to buy PS3s (I think they go for about €500 these days, if it's less, we'd buy some games too). Do you think we should buy the PS3s? I mean, we don't have any other new consoles right now, just old GameCube and PS 1 and GBAs. Or should I spend it on the ad space?
2) These Sonichu games you had mentioned sound awesome. Can you tell us more about what you planned for them? I know they've got Sonichu and Rosechu and other characters, but what kind of games they are? Are they like Sonic 3D games? Or are they more like Pokemon? Or are they something between (like how Sonichu is between Sonic and Pokemon)? Are they action games or RPGs? Or maybe even Action RPGs?
3) Metal Sonichu was awesome! (I mostly liked him because the metal characters are awesome in SSB Melee) Will he ever return from the Moon? My friend thinks he's probably allied with Silvana now - is that true?
|To your first question, I am thankful for your gesture, and that you are asking for my opinion. I feel it should be of you and your friend's mutual agreement; which is more important to you both: being charitable for the cause of keeping up the website and removing the ads, or upgrading your videogame console choices? Whatever your decision, I am still thankful for kind and considerate people like you two.
The games would be both; the Pok'emon Lightning Version would be obviously an RPG, whereas Sonichu's Adventure and CWC's Adult Chronicles would be 3D Adventures. Metal Sonichu will make his return around Book 12. Neither M.Sonichu or Silvana knows about the other yet. --ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)
CWCVille Mall: A New Classic of American Design (and surprise gameplug)
|From: Bert Speer <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Hallo from Germany!
I'm a big Sonichu fan, and I like your Comics because I like Sonic the Hedgehog and architecture - I want to be an Architect one day. So it was very interesting to see that you've studied engineering and drafting! And it shows in the Comic! That's why the Comic is so interesting! And I see you've put a lot of effort to the architecture of the CWCville!
But I'd like to know a bit more of the CWCville and the Mall that is featured in the Comic, if you don't mind.
Putting a Mayoral Office in a Mall was pretty innovative! I've not heard of anything like that. You can imagine my surprise, because here, municipal buildings (like City Halls) and business buildings are strictly separate! Is it common in America to have Mayoral Offices in Shopping Malls? If it is unusual in America too - and I guess it could be - how did you come up with such an interesting Plan?
And who owns the CWCville Mall? Here, we have some Government-Owned Enterprises, but I have heard they're quite rare in America. If the Mayoral Office is based in the Mall, does the City own the mall, or have they rented the office space? There must be some special Arrangements in place, right?
As I said, I'm not yet an Architect, but I have made some City Plans. Have you made more detailed City Plans of CWCville? The ones in the Comic are not very detailed, but it would be fun to see a more detailed City Plan.
-*- Bert -*-
|Smart decision on studying building designs and structures, and I thank you for your compliments. I think the concept is unusual around here, but if they can put a Police-Like Office in a Shopping Mall, why not a Mayor's Office or better? We, the city, own the mall space, and then some.
Also, Current and New Qore Subscribers, Subscribing before December 18, 2009, will all be able to get a Code for the Modnation Beta, so don't delay, it is Only on the Playstation Network, and the subscription of 12 Digital Video Magazines is only $24.99.
Pardon my going commercial. :D
--ChrisChanSonichu 06:48, 10 December 2009 (CET)
Yes, the same Chris-chan who flat out hates the X Box 360 because it has a subscription fee shells out $25 a year for Sony's stupid little magazine that contains news you can find on a plethora of gaming sites for free.