Nothing interesting actually happened in this Mailbag because Chris replied to nearly all of the emails with short, generic responses that didn't address the actual content of the messages. The only point of note is that he continued to insist that he had a new sweetheart while not revealing the slightest thing about her beyond "she exists." This sweetheart would eventually turn out to be The Wallflower, who was never really interested in Chris at all.
As the CWCipedia died in late May 2010, this was the last Mailbag Chris answered.
- 1 Answered
- 1.1 Because Chris always gives nice responses
- 1.2 You killed him, Chris
- 1.3 On Chris's rapidly deteriorating human form
- 1.4 Everybody loves dead Simonla!
- 1.5 Show, don't tell
- 1.6 Toys
- 1.7 Sonichu Revolution is the best!
- 1.8 In which Chris misses the point
- 1.9 Mental block in full effect!
- 1.10 Only Chris's sweetheart isn't real
- 1.11 In which Chris isn't sorry at all
- 1.12 On appreciating tone (also the end)
Because Chris always gives nice responses
|From: Who Cares <firstname.lastname@example.org>
CHRIS. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I see your fucking messages, you say, yeah, you're gonna start to clean shit up and start treating us better in the Mailbag. And what do I see? You use a FUCKING COPY-PASTED RESPONSE.
I want you to go back and respond to my message, you pussy. Am I stressing you? FUCKING PROVE IT.
It just goes to show that while you're not abusing your authority anymore, you still aren't giving a shit about your fans. That's why we all fucking left, Chris. EVERY. LAST. ONE.
|It's abrasive, derogatory and extensively obscene comments like that which gets such a response, because I do not care for those. As Miss Monica Rial told me when I met her, "People who are nice to me get nice responses. People who bad-mouth me, I say 'Go to hell.'"|
You killed him, Chris
|From: Keith Keithson <email@example.com>
Chris, you missed the letter from Mike Jackson's widow.
You just slapped her in the face and pissed on the corpse of her husband--after you MURDERED HIM, I should add.
You call that a "neutral reply"? I don't think so, as "neutral" implies that you're not pissing people off, and I know that a MAJORITY of the FEW remaining fans consider this to be the last straw.
|I beg your pardon, for the while, I was under a misunderstanding. I thought they were talking about the Pop Star, Michael Jackson, not the dude-child who ran away to marry a prostitute. And with that, I am very sorry.|
On Chris's rapidly deteriorating human form
|From: Crow Servo <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Dear Director Christian Weston Chandler
I am a huge fan of your work on Sonichu (I also love Asperchu, but your series is a dozen times better). I wanted to ask if you are aware if your health. You seem fine now but all that junk food you eat will likely come back to haunt you (not literally mind you). Also, I believe you are balding as well. Have you gone to a doctor recently? If not, I'm probably sure you are over due for a check up.
Love, a concerned fan,
Crow T. Servo
|I am exercising, I am not going bald, and I get my check-ups every few months.|
Everybody loves dead Simonla!
|From: Ethan Mittel <email@example.com>
"Wild is a carpenter; Simonla is a Constructor, so they can build/rebuild full houses/buildings with furnishings together. And they both knew that they were just meant to be together. Take it at face value."
Face value: Superficial Superficial: Skin-deep Skin-deep: The relationship between Wild and Simonla
However, it is good that you killed of Simonla. I'm proud of you for doing that.
Show, don't tell
|From: Evang7 <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Will we ever actually SEE ScotPalazzo, Manajerk of the FA-Square, Sho-Mall region (he banned all virgins from his region) and Trebor Capman (Accomplice) getting cured? It's kind of a copout to just SAY they got cured. Trebor Capman (Accomplice) is my favorite villain.
|You will see them cured.|
I saw your "Your letter has been read fully" bullshit copypasta. Nice to know how little you think of your real fans that you can't be bothered from your oh-so-busy schedule of sitting on your fat ass and playing with toys like a little fucking three year old to actually address and answer their concerns and questions.
Here's something for you to input: Fuck you, Chris.
|Go to hell to you too, dude.|
Sonichu Revolution is the best!
I love your new Sonichu Revolution comic book. It is much better drawn and written, in my honest opinion. The old comic looked like it was drawn and written by a four year old. I mean, Crayola markers? So childish. I'm so glad you've decided to reboot. Consider me a fan again.
|Those pages are NOT mine; Alec is drawing those, and I never gave him permission to do so, and he is wasting the adspace he wrongfully bought with that crap that does not pertain at all to My, and The Original, Sonichu Pages.|
In which Chris misses the point
|From: DR. TRAN
This is relevant to how YOU plan to write the comic.
"4) I do not wish to hire a Ghost Writer, because he/she may mess with it and distort the story."
Chris, if you hired a ghost writer you'd have to approve anything he or she wrote in order for it to be posted/published.
"5) They have their own Personalities; take a deeper look."
I don't see how Lolisa is a standard radio co-host personality or how Bubbles is supposed to be "Stern, but Caring". You can't just say "Character X has Personality Y", you have to show Character X doing something that someone with Personality Y would do. That's your job as the writer--their personalities are all in your head and your head alone, you have to show them displaying those personalities so everyone else will know that as well. We are not mind readers, Chris.
Now, let's take Alec as a good example. In his comic, Bubbles is a lovable idiot. He instantly shows this by having her get a straw stuck in her eye and by having the other characters regard her as something of a house pet. He doesn't just say "She's stupid", he shows her doing stupid things and lets us draw the conclusion ourselves.
|Alec has no right at all; his pages are NOT THE PAGES; they are ONLY Parody.|
Mental block in full effect!
|From: Robert Neville <email@example.com>
You really need to move out of your parent's house. You've said in the past that you feel comfortable within the safety of your own four walls, with your parents living under the same roof. That's understandable, but surely now you're really just doing more damage than good for yourself?
You can't rely on your parents forever. Of course they'll always help you when possible, but the simple fact is, your parents may not even be here within 10 years. Your parents are both getting on in years, particularly your father, who I know has a medical history of heart problems.
If you're still relying on their warmth and shelter until the day they die, what happens to you then? You will have no savings for yourself, because you waste it all on unnecessary material gain, such as videogames and porn. You'll have a poor credit history from your unpaid debts, which means that not many people are going to be willing to trust you with renting a place. Buying a place would simply be out of the question for somebody in your financial situation.
You're very nearly 30 years old and you have never lived alone, or with a partner. Should the day come when you do move in with a woman, I think she'd probably leave you when you become unbearingly dependant and demanding of her, much as you have done with your parents.
Don't you think you're being unfair on them, too? At this point in their lives, they just want to spend quality time together, after sacrificing many years to raising a child, knowing that their son is a success and is making his own way in life. Only trouble is, he isn't.
|Well, those are your opinions.|
Only Chris's sweetheart isn't real
Now that you have a new Sweetheart Chris, will Sonichu and Rosechu's relationship have more depth?
I assume now that you know how a relationship works, you can apply that knowledge to your comic, and make it a lot better.
In which Chris isn't sorry at all
|From: Mike Jackson Jr <firstname.lastname@example.org>
That was my MOTHER you gave that canned response to. Yes, I am the son of Mike Jackson.
I've had a tough time dealing with my father's death. My mother has had to start counseling because she found my father's cold lifeless body laying in the living room. She had to put her hands on his wrist and check to see if he still had a pulse as well as check him for breathing as she dialed 911.
My mother had to keep my screaming and crying siblings from coming into the living room while she waited ALONE WITH HIS BODY for the ambulance people to arrive and pronounce him dead. SHE IS HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT THAT NIGHT EVER SINCE. She hasn't eaten, she sleeps very little, and she cries all the time. His death has shattered her heart levels to depths that you will never even feel, you asshole.
This isn't even including how I've been dealing with my father's death. My wife Debbie has been consoling me constantly- I love her so much that I can understand how traumatic what my mother experienced was. Debbie has been taking care of my siblings as well as handling the responsibilities of the house and business. I am studying to take over the business in a few years.
I swear man... if my mother and siblings didn't need me so damn much, I'd fly down to Ruckersville Virginia and beat your fat ass into a bloody pulp. I know my mother wouldn't like that and I KNOW my father wouldn't approve of violence, so you better count your blessings. Your nasty and emotionless response to my mother sent her into a catatonic state for days. My father reached out to you for help and you didn't care enough to help him. Then my mother decides to be nice and tell you about his death and you didn't care. The fact that one person could be so cold, nasty and unfeeling about someone's death has shattered her mind.
You can bet for damn sure that I'll never read your comic again. I've told all of my friends about this and they're just as disgusted as I am. One of them even mentioned to me that you gleefully depicted your ex-girlfriend Ivy dying by hanging, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised, you sociopathic bastard.
|I am sorry.|
On appreciating tone (also the end)
|From: Gilgamesh Gaylord <email@example.com>
"Your letter has been read fully, and your thoughts have been inputed and accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts."
Now that's just insulting, Chris. This proves that you sincerely don't care about your fans at all anymore; you're not even willing to properly respond to their e-mails. Also, "inputed" is not a word. Get a spellchecker, or go back to school and learn the basics of English again.
You're such a lazy, lying bastard. Everyone knows you're just using this to ignore most of the e-mails you get. We're not like you, Chris, we aren't stupid.
"I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and not make me feel intruded by inquiring constantly."
In other words, she doesn't exist. If you're going to lie, at least try to make it a good lie.
|She does exist, and I do not appreciate your tone at all.|