Jackie E-mails 26
These e-mails cover correspondence between Chris and Jackie from 6 May to 19 May 2011. Jackie continues to call Chris out on his hypocrisy for telling her that she's spending money frivolously, but he doesn't rise to it. He tries to elicit pity by saying he's confused by online communication and doesn't know who to trust. Eventually he calms down, saying that now that he's a tomgirl, they have more in common. Throwing caution to the wind, she uses blatant sarcasm to criticize his ego and laziness, but of course he's too stupid to pick up on it. Chris is shockingly detached from his father in his failing health, seeing him even in these last months as an argumentative jailor who should be avoided. He doesn't seem to know a thing about his father's personality or character. His mother, meanwhile, in an effort to kill the tomgirl within him, cuts his hair, forcing him to call her a bitch. He wears a magic charm to make it grow back more quickly, and in the meantime, wears a wig in public.
|May 6, 2011 11:29pm
Chris, $2,000 really isn't that much for a fine quality piece of craftsmanship like this set. Conversely, how much have you spent on your PSN? at least twice that much, probably a lot more, and that's on kiddy games that you don't even own physical copies of - those games aren't really yours, you're basically just renting them from the distributor. Digital distribution is a terrible investment because if the PSN ever goes down or Sony sells it or something, you would just up and lose all that you had. $4,000 right down the shitter. I think THAT'S outrageous - you talk about how I don't "need" things like these chopsticks or any other hobby, but you don't include your own silly hobby in that statement. But we've discussed that before. But you didn't really offend me, you just kind of confused me.
Anyway, I'll inputt your suggestion for the cell phone into consideration. But for the mean time, I am still saving every cent I have for my chopsticks! :)
And I really like the letter! It was very well-put. Although I notice a factual inaccuracy: You say that Sony is not to blame for the hacking and data loss, but that's actually not true. Sony was incredibly inept, complacent, and careless about how they handled their customers' data, there was NO encryption whatsoever on personal information, it was like they just put peoples' credit cards on a silver platter and said "here you go trolls, come get some". But before this happened they claimed they did have encryption, which means they lied to their customers too. See? They have NO respect for their users, you included. What an awful, awful company.
Well, I gotta go to bed. Goodnight!!
|May 7, 2011 9:54pm
Yes, I do not deny spenidng the vast amount over the PSN in small amounts that accumilated over time. I just feel that in the current economical times, the lesser expensive items are just as good, and in cases better, than the more expensive. Like paying $200 or so for a fancy pen which may not or may be refillable or reusable after being emptied or used up, when I can pay less than a dollar for an R.S.V.P. brand pen which IS refillable, and it comes in multi-packs too.
And yes, one can blame Sony for faulty security, but it is still the Trolls' fault for taking advantage of the situation. At least security improvement is in the works, and I feel better for stepping forward and admitting my fault in the situation. Aside from the bad, some good has and will come from this. Justice against the Trolls! I still won't feel peace of mind until at Least the Cwcki is down for good, and at most in any Google search of my name, will show slim results or ONLY Good Things about me. It irritates me that there is soo much hate against me on the internet.
But I digress. I would like to inform you that even though I feel little trust in you at the time, I still care about you, Jackie. I really want you to earn my heart back, because we can only trust so many people around us in the world. I seriously would do my best for you and me in the relationship, but I want to feel like you can show me your best in return. Do you understand what I am talking about?
I'll e-mail you later. Stay Safe with Care, Christian.
|May 7, 2011 11:49pm
Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Your video game purchases weren't "small amounts", they were sometimes in the hundreds of dollars per month. Honest workers lose their jobs and go broke and homeless while you get the collector's edition of new PS3 games that comes out. To follow your pen analogy, you spend $100 on a video game that often you'll never touch again after playing it for a month (as shown by your PSN activity). And what does the current economical times have to do with your situation? You keep getting your same monthly tugboat, and buying new games, no matter how people who actually have to earn their living are suffering. I just don't think you are in a position to be saying anything about the economy, or my behvior in reaction to it.
I thought you were done with the internet? You swore off of it a long time ago. Why do you still care what's on the internet? The cwcki isn't going to stop you from getting a job or anything like that. The kinds of jobs you apply for, like Wal-Mart and McDonalds and so forth, do not google your name; they hire ex-cons and former drug addicts, they regularly hire people that would be considered "unhireable" by other employers, they don't care about their employees past. And many people have told you that and shown you proof of that. So you're either done with the internet or you're not, which is it?
And what have I done to earn your mistrust? I haven't done shit to you. I didn't release your pictures, so why should you not trust me? Why should I have to "earn" your trust? You were never interested in earning my trust. What exactly do you want me to do? I think we should start with a blank slate, otherwise I don't see how this can work.
Honestly, you're just confusing the hell out of me.
|May 8, 2011 1:56pm
Well, my concerns that confuses my feelings include when right after our first breakup there were previously confidential words that were exchanged which were later posted on the Cwcki. Lars went out, came back, then left again. I sense your feelings are still strong for him. You put chopsticks that won't care for you back over getting in better in touch with someone who already does care about you. And not to mention my currently ongoing paranoia of the Trolls, ill feels for a long-distance relationship which hasn't been brough closer and my feeling discomfort in communication through digital text that only lead to a non-immediate response that can only be better put in person and/or in vocal. I feel frustration from being by myself for real without someone to talk with and/or be by my side for real. With these issues, I feel clouded and confused myself. *sigh*
Resetting to a blank slate at the moment is easier said than done. I can't feel easier peace of mind remaining by myself facing a monitor instead of the emotionally changing at the respectful situation (smiling or neutral prefferred), pretty face of yours.
I may still be communicating online on Rare occassions or ONLY for a Few close people, but on a choice if I had one, it is Still Real Life and In Person or Bust for me. I still Discourage Socializing Online regardless.
And I will keep my finiancial opinions to myself for a while.
TTYL. Stay Safe with Care, Christian.
|May 8, 2011 5:43pm
Hey Chris. I have a few points to respond to you in regards to your concerns. They are as follows:
Bottom line, I did the math, and we do need to clear the slate. But it turns out it's YOU who's in the red, not me. So how would you like to go about this? Is there anything you can think of that you can do to wipe it all clean? I mean, I know it looks daunting because there's so much history of dishonesty and deceit on your part. But I believe in you, Chris! I'll try to think of things you can do to bring us back to square one, but try to come up with some ideas on your own too. It would make me so ecstatic to wake up one morning soon and see a perfect idea of how you're going to do it in my inbox! Ooh, I'm shivering with anticipation!!! :D :D :D
|May 9, 2011 9:23am
I forgot to ask one more thing, Chris. Answer me this: Why are you feeling mistrust toward me for my allowing my computer to get hacked and emails to get stolen from me, while at the same time you are defending Sony for their PSN getting hacked and your pictures stolen from them? What's the difference? You expect me to go above and beyond to earn your trust back but Sony doesn't have to do anything. Why do I earn mistrust while you still rush to defend Sony when the exact same thing happened?
|May 10, 2011 7:11pm
For your information, I have long gotten over Ivy, AND that elevator gag was ONLY for comic story; she in reality committed suicide over me.
And in response to your later question, there is little difference between the two issues.
I feel frustration mostly from the internet communication and my reluctance to online socializing. With the two factors cooenciding with each other, it leaves me feeling the less trust with people I haven't met in person. beforehand. With my past experiences with the internet, how else am I supposed to feel?
I am soo complicated.
Stay Safe with care, Christian.
|May 11, 2011 6:43pm
I'm sorry if I kind of shocked you with the way I phrased my previous emails, but I felt it was appropriate to use the wording that I did, because I needed to show you how my perspective of your words looked. I didn't mean to make it like a rude thing or anything, and I'm sorry for bringing up Ivy. I just thought it would help if I showed how your words looked in relation to some of the things I have brought up with you in the past. Like, how you question my buying the chopsticks instead of buying a cell phone to communicate with you, even though you chose to buy video games instead of getting a PC that would allow you to communicate with me. I thought it was a valid point to make, since it looks like total hypocrisy on your part, and I don't want you to be a hypocrite. And like you say, there is little difference between the two issues.
And on a related note, I don't think you should worry about internet communication being a problem, because I would really be bringing up the same exact questions and concerns whether we were in person, over the phone, or email, or whatever. I know the trolls have bothered you but that really has nothing to do with our communication with each other. The internet is just the medium, the things I say are the same no matter what.
Well anyway, since we've come to a consensus on that, I'll keep you posted on how my chopstick hunt is going, but I'm going to hold out til I can get the pair that really satisfies me. Anyway, how's your dad doing? Is he still at home or has he had to go back to the hospital? You must be really worried sick about him, I kind of feel silly for not having asked how you're feeling about him recently. How is your mom doing? What about other stuff?
P.S. Here's another set I'm interested in: 
Wish me luck!!
|May 11, 2011 10:05pm
Yes, the rewording in that past e-mail left me feeling befuddled. At least you and I have come upon mutual emotional agreement in the past issues. I think I am starting to feel in a better state of mind about the thing between us, but I still feel iffy in the heart at the moment. Yes, I think we can restart on a clean slate here. I still feel that it is of importance that you and I meet in person ASAP, so let me know when you'll be in C-Ville visiting your family again or whatever so scheduling the meet is a good-to-go.
My dad is still at home faring okay, and my mom is okay too.
I also feel a bit of a moron, because I've forgotten some of your details, except from what I remembered, including the C.T.D.s being your favorite band, you attending Mary Baldwin College, working with the newsletter as a journalist and bunkin' with your roomies. Please refresh my memory, including your birthday (was it in June?). I'm soo sorry for forgetting, it has been a while.
I'm gonna go shower now. I'll e-mail ya later.
Stay Safe with Care, Christian.
|May 12, 2011 10:23pm
I'm feeling better adjusted to the emotional reset between you and me, Jackie. I also looked up your past profile entry on the Cwcki; it bothers me that after I said to myself that I would NOT go onto the Cwcki to refresh my memory then I did. It does however take me back to finding you back on OKCupid, followed by the same article in the Hook, a couple of years ago. You requested for an older man (and I, a younger woman; both of us old-fashioned), good build, good smile and good sense of style; also an outgoing person. Someone who doesn't Need to be with someone, but wants to with knowledge of how amazing it can be. I was soo lonely, and I had the bod and smile. Yet it took me a while longer to find my better sense of style. I have had the great awareness of how amazing True Love between man and woman was and is. Upon retrospect I felt it was a need back then, yet throughout, I have always Wanted to feel the Amazing.
You and I have had and still have the latter in common between us, and now there is more. Now we can actually share styles and makeup.
In the past communications between us, there Was a mutual spark. Now I understand to withhold the beyond like feelings during pre-in-person meet communications. I mean, I Like you, Jacklyn, and I do care about you as a person and a woman; I have to be cautious to not go too far emotionally prematurly.
Do you feel the same about me at this time, Jackie? Do you still like and care about me truly, yet feel like wanting to go further emotionally but can't due to the distance and not having met in person yet?
People have taken it soo far with their online socializings and what they post on their pages; unlike them, I was just not ready at all to be famous, even so cheaply. And yet those who think they're ready to be famous when really they are not still volunteer lewd images and converse details and secrets that should not be shared at all. And to follow are vicious people who will remotely blackmail, smear and hate those previously innocent people who lacked the understanding or fullest social networking skills to prevent the hate campaignes from happening to them. I was no different... I was no different. And all I can do now is minimize internet communication and warn other people to NOT become internet famous, NOT to share any private information or footage at all and to socialize ONLY in real-life because it is way better and more valid to make eye-contact and watch the other people's expressions and body language. Internet Socializing inhibits self-confidence in the Essential Real-Life social situations.
But I digress. I await your next e-mail.
Stay Safe, Jackie. Christian.
|May 13, 2011 2:08pm
I'm glad you're feeling better about our blank slate beginnings. And I much enjoyed reading your recollections of our meeting on the Hook. You bring me back to the good old days of the nostalgia of our first encounterings. ;) Yes, I'm so glad I met you when I did. I posted all those silly things about wanting someone with a good well-muscled body, who was outgoing, and goal-driven, and successful, and all those superficial things. But then I met you, who had none of those qualities, and I began to see what really mattered - having one's heart in the right place. I mean, just think, if it wasn't for the internet, which allows for a person to show parts of themselves that would be hidden in real life encounters, I probably wouldn't have given you a second glance. Before you I was soo used to guys like Lars, who worked out and were physically strong, and who spent all their time out doing things and working and such. I never imagined that someone like you could have such a strong heart hidden under so much apathy and gristle. God Bless the internet for breaking us out of our rigid shells!! :) :) :)
And I'm glad you see it's important to not take things too quickly in the initial stages. We need time to grow and redevlop the trust and mutual feelings during this, our blank slate development. We need to take the time to build ourselves up once again, as we once did. Yay, I'm so excited Chris!! :D
Anyway, I know how difficult your pursuit of fame, power, and glory became for you. You saw how quickly Sonichu developed fans after you created it, and you became drunk on your e-fame. I remember you used to talk about wanting to turn Sonichu into your multi-million dollar business franchise - you wanted so badly to make Sonichu into a professional comic book, a video game, a kid's cartoon show... heck, you even wanted to build a Sonichu-themed shopping mall. Such grandiose aspirations... and all your fans, bless their poor naive souls, were no help to you; by feeding you such attention they didn't help you combat your ever-growing ego and vanity. I'm glad that you saw the evil path you were treading and chose to do away with those demons, to do away with your infernal tempter Sonichu. That comic was No Good for your soul and well-being and it took a strong person to admit that Sonichu was bad and that you needed to abandon it, which you did. Kudos, my lovely darling. In the end, your desire to keep your soul overpowered your desire for financial gain. I'm so proud of you :)
Well anyway, thank you for writing, you made my day. I'll write more later. But hey, in the next email, why don't you tell me a little bit about how your mom and dad are doing, and how your relationship with them is going? I'm sure you must have a lot on your mind regarding them, and it seems like you haven't written much about them to me (I hope you weren't trying to spare me from any negative feelings that are going on, I want to be able to support you and listen to anything you might want to say). I'll talk to you soon!!!!
|May 14, 2011 5:54pm
I appreciate the encouragement and appreciation in your reply, but I have to inform you of a couple of "on the contraries". I am not "apathetic"; I am FULL of emotions, and I do not lack feeling. I have good Empathy. And while you have made the true point of being drunk with power through fame, I actually have felt struggle and frustration from the amount of brainwork it took to respond to the fans and the Trolls. Sometimes it is okay to think big on some things, and yes there is still a limit on that. Like I did NOT have an idea for a "Sonichu-Themed" Mall, and the Cwcville Shopping Center is not of any particular theme. Although it did have the amount of ME in it, and it has the built-in Mayoral Office. Also I am NOT finished with Sonichu; I have a lot more in mind for the comic series; I am awaiting inspiration to get back to drawing on a daily basis, as well as taking the time to find myself, go out an socialize, find the truest love and romance, somehow get all that hate campainge against me off of the internet, finding financial security from employment and maybe finding a place for myself away from this house or otherwise get the clutter of my mom and dad out of here and donated to Goodwill or something eventually.
And as for my mohter and father, there is little to hide about them. Mom and Dad are both seinor citizens at 69 and 83 respectively. Dad's a retired egineer from G.E. who also designed the controls for the plastic molding machines, so without him, you wouldn't have the plastic casing of things like your keyboard or as simple as a plastic funnel. Mom was mostly employed in secretarial-type work in a few places including Virginia Power and F.N.A.N.B. (First North American National Bank). They're good people, but their mindset is little up-to-date; they're not all that modern with the trends. Like for example, they're still not used to me being a tomgirl, and they're against me wearing makeup and nail color. And I wear my skirts behind their back as well. I wish they would accept the feminine fact and let me be, so I wouldn't have to hide it from them. But the Trolls did get the photos and wind, and they have pestered them into worse paranoia. Do not believe everything that is on the internet about them either.
Something else I'll let you in on about myself; I do enjoy the chick flicks as well as the romantic comedies and classic musicals. I'm game for flicks among the other genres well. I'm up for the occational thrill from a thriller or horror flick... come to think of it, I may have told you about that before with my enjoying the story of John Kramer, A.K.A. Jigsaw in the "Saw" movies. Please let me know if I bring up anything I've already mentioned before.
And please ask me about anything else you'd like to know about. I'm coming up blank on topics, but I do make reminder notes of to-be-mentioned topics for reference; I need to think up some more. Please verify for me if your birthday is coming up in June or when is it?
TTYL. Stay Safe, Christian.
|May 14, 2011 10:43pm
Hey there Chris!!
Hey, I appreciate the position you're coming from, but you have a couple errors in there. I'll point them out for you, and also I'll bring up some questions I have about each of your points:
-The word "apathetic" doesn't have anything to do with emotions, at least not in the way you think. It means passive, unconcerned, unmotivated. Because, you know, you have trouble getting motivated to think of things to do or work to pursue, or to actually put any legwork into any of your projects or ventures to get them off the ground.
-I know that your fans bothered you with all their questions - that's part of what made you so drunk on your power. Because you were more concerned with what your fans could do for you, but you didn't really care about the thoughtfulness and concern you owed them in return for their long-time faithfulness (I think their feeling unappreciated was a big reason a lot of them left to follow Asperchu, wasn't it?).
-You certainly DID have an idea for a Sonichu-themed shopping center! It's all detailed right here: http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Cwcville_Shopping_Center It was a project you did in your CADD class in college, and I know I've heard you speak before about how it was a major project that you would like to put into reality at some point (I think when you spoke to that one girl's father a couple years ago you talked about it).
-I don't understand what you mean about Sonichu. You say you have inspiration for ideas, but then you say you DON'T have inspiration? Which is it? I mean, I'd love to see you start working on your artwork again, but it's been a year and a half of you doing absolutely nothing so you're going to have to forgive me for assuming you stopped caring. What ideas do you have for the series? For that matter, what ever happened with that trollbusters comic you were going to do? You had this huge plot outlined for the first issue but then you just dropped it and that was months ago. Are you still planning that one too? What other art/design projects are you planning currently? (Any new comic websites on the horizon? Oh hey, have you ever seen My Little Pony? You should make a tomgirl pony!!! It's cutie mark can be the tomgirl symbol!! That would be so rad!!!! :D)
-You have mentioned a lot about wanting to get a job, become financially secure, and move out of your parents. Those are all good ideas, but what have you done to actually pursue it? Where have you been applying recently? This is especially important considering that you're saying getting a job and becoming financially independent is a prerequisite for working on other goals. (That's why I say you're kind of apathetic; you talk a lot about your noble intentions but you never seem to want to put any work into it.)
As for your parents, that's all the basics, but don't you have anything else to say? I mean, you tell me not to believe everything I read about them on the internet, but the cwcki has over ten times the information on them that you just gave, and a lot more detailed too. Don't you ever converse with them? Don't you care about them? I mean, your dad just had cancer and major surgery, he ALMOST DIED. I would think that when I ask you to talk about your father, you would at least have something to say about that, but instead you just give me a little blurb about the most basic details, and then switch the conversation to how they bother YOU. You know, I understand that you are annoyed they aren't being very supportive of your transition to tomgirlhood, but you have to consider that your lifestyle changes are coming at the same time as your father and mother have to deal with life-threatening cancer. That's something that is taking a LOT of their energy to deal with. You really don't have a right to just demand that they put their priorities on hold and open their hearts without delay to whatever is going on in YOUR life, especially when you aren't willing to do the same for them.
Anyway, I had a bunch more to write but it's getting late and I have to get to bed, so I'll write more later. Goodnight!!
|May 14, 2011 10:57pm
I want to add something to my response to the Q about my parents. I care about my mother and father a LOT. Given on how old they are, the recent hospital drama we're still recovering from, and I'm working on myself, I feel sad talking about them these days. Plus, between them, they're arguing half the time, and I have been in the middle soo much; frustrating. But in their own way they are generally good people.
My mother is a country-raised tomboy gal who worked through school, been in and out of a few exes, one of which gave her my half-bro, Joseph Cole Smithey. And he has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother. Then finding and marrying my father, being the great wife and mother of me she was throughout the years. She has done a lot and suffered through hard times with my autism. She deserves the grandest award there ever is, including my love and care for her while she puts up with her hubby.
My father was well-educated, became drafted into the signal corp of the Army in WWII, stationed in Korea (before the split). Married one time before my mom, during which he had my other half-bro, David Alan Chandler and my half-sis, Carol Suzzane Chandler. Working between a number of General Electric plants designing, working and all that. He found and married my mama and put up with me too. Yet he picked arguments with me and mama throughout. He also raised me on music and the golden oldie musicals and got me started on the gaming world with a Commodore 64 computer. His abilities have slowed down over the years, and he was 53 upon my conception, so he was a Seinor ALL of my life. I did not have much of a father figure to look up to, as he was fading on and on and still truckin' with his Cherokee blood.
They both have done a lot for me throughout my life, and I will always appreciate their deeds and all, and I will continue to care about them both. But I have a life of my own too, and I feel crestfallen when going into details of my fading family and the situation I feel traped in, which are details for another time post-meeting.
I'll e-mail again later. Stay Safe with care, Christian.
|May 15, 2011 9:48am
Well, it's all well and good for you to SAY that your parents deserve better, but mostly you just complain about how they aren't serving your desires and whims. And once again, you just gave me kind of an encyclopedic little blurb about them which contains basic information I could find on the cwcki. I mean, your father almost dies from cancer, and you have nothing new to say about your relationship with him, just the same old complaining about him "starting arguments". I bet if I talked with your mother or father and asked about their relationship with you, they could go on for hours about you. I thought you wanted to start with a blank slate so we could build a talking relationship that wasn't based on only video games and toys; I don't really see why you refuse to talk about more serious subjects until some arbitrary point after we meet, but whatever.
Anyway, I attached an image of some My Little Ponies I created! Maybe you can work them back into Sonichu now that you're working on it again, or your new comic, whichever one you're doing. (When are you going to have the first pages ready?) They are a tomgirl and tomboy pair of ponies by the names of KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash (KaKa is on the left, Brony on the right). You should take them and use them!!
|May 15, 2011 5:33pm
I do have conversations with my mom and dad now and then, and they have confided secrets in me before. It's mostly topics I have already heard before which I can recollect about half or so of the grand latter. And I do not "demand" that much from, and on the topic, I have rarely "demanded" or expected Anything from my fans. Among topics, I learned to try mixing appropriate edibles into a combination which mostly makes it better in taste. Recently, my father suggested putting pork/beans and sliced hot dog into a baked potato. He also likes to add his own spices into the spaghetti from Sabaro's. I have remembered some of the makeup and styling ideas from what I had learned from mother throughout my life, as well as organization and following instructions to the letter.
Back to the fans, having them AND the trolls in the mixed blender of confusion, I always have felt appreciation of their support, and I have felt disgust for the hate. Eventually, it became that much harder to tell one from the other, so I was mostly blank and confused in response without being sure how to respond, and no response or a neutral response was all I could come up with. I Rarely "expected" or "demanded" anything from them (the one time exception was when someone purchased as a gift the download of Half-Life 2 through Steam; I responded with a "thank you, but I'm not a PC Gamer; I would have better appreciated the Orange Box on PS3".
It's hard for me to get motivated to do some things, because I get that from my parents as well. Being in their years the past few years, they hardly self-motivate themselves individually. Plus With my paranoia of what can be found in the background check, regardless of rather or not, and there ARE rumors that can get around. I applied to the new Wal-Mart and McD in Ruckersville; supposedly NO background required, right? NO, I never got a call back from Wal-Mart, even after reminding them, and I was not hired after the Interview at McD. Rumors do fly from the internet.
And I have little knowledge or aid in being able to move out of this house; my SSI is under my father's name and SS#, so I'm stoned there. Money is tight for me, and I am unable to pawn off anything at this time after pawning off all of the older consoles and stuff, and I can't do eBay or whatever for the unpawnable stuff I have. So I need in-person help with all that.
I appreciate your artpiece of custom ponies, and it looks very nice. I am not using any ponies in any of my comic pages, because they're not really cannon with Sonichu and Rosechu. The Mall is Cwcville-Themed; NOT Sonichu-Themed. I do not deny designing it, and if I had the chance and the grand amount of money, I would buy Fashion Square and have it rebuilt into the two-story mall of my design (with or without the mayor office). Or if my family had the money, we would take the old restaurant building in front of the Circuit City building in C-Ville and turn it into a Meet, Eat and Greet Bar and Restaurant (my father's idea; Emphasis on Meet and Greet). I have all of the ideas for the future comic pages, but like my parents, I do as I feel. But I have a LOT of details in my head from reality, that I find it hard to focus talent-wise and feel blessed even to be able to focus on my social skills and beauty improvement. And I have been going out more for Karaoke and Fridays After 5 and such.
And you and I can discuss adult topics; all you have to do is bring them up so I can respond appropriately and better think of more topics of my own to bring up as well. Like for example, the death of Osama; I am neutral on the topic. It is sad that another human being was killed, but on the other hand, he WAS a terrorist and we're better off without him. My father is against the death, though; he's responded to it as a total murder on Obama's head. Maybe it's not the best example, but it does emphasize that you and I CAN talk about adult topics and current events and whatever; it does not have to be toyful, gamey or cartooney.
And there ARE complicated details between me and my family and whatever that I don't feel comfortable telling you over e-mail, and I promise you that when the time is right and we have met in-person, I will share them with you in strictest offline confidence. And even though I have lied before, we are starting on a clean slate, and I promise you that I will tell you only the truth, ONLY withholding deeper truths for offline confidentiallity.
I'll have to re-read the other questions you have typed in your recent e-mail that I have missed addressing before I address them in my reply.
I'll e-mail you later. Stay Safe with Care, Christian.
|May 16, 2011 8:46pm
Being around people who aren't motivated to do anything is no excuse for not motivating yourself, whether they're your parents or not. Especially when you KNOW that it's happening. I've known plenty of people in my life who are lazy and don't do anything with themselves, that doesn't excuse me from not having to do anything. Whether your parents are lazy or not - that has nothing to do with you, it doesn't matter. You are responsible for your OWN actions and behavior, not them. You're 30 years old, it's not their job to force you to do things to take care of yourself and improve your life.
As for Wal-Mart and McDonalds, you have no idea why they didn't hire you. Maybe they just hit their quota and your application came at a bad time. You can't just assume that your internet reputation and the cwcki are responsible. You have NO reason to assume that is the case; I told you, employers don't sit around and google applicants. How many places have you applied for besides those two? Or are they the only places you applied? And both were MONTHS ago. Where have you been looking for a job RECENTLY? Do you know how many jobs I have applied for in my life that I didn't get? DOZENS. And there is no website or group of trolls tarnishing my reputation, so how do you explain all those places that didn't hire me? But I still find employment because I KEEP LOOKING. And you've been using the excuse for years that you have "little knowledge" of how your tugboat works. It's your responsibility to go learn and figure it out, you know. I don't think anyone wants to hear you complain about how bad things are for you when you refuse to try to fix your problems yourself. If you actually tried and still failed and THEN asked for help, I think people would be a lot more sympathetic to you and willing to help. But you don't try, you just beg others to do the legwork for you.
But you know, speaking of the tugboat check, there's no possible way that check is not in your name. That money is YOURS, not THEIRS. YOU are the disabled person; that means the government issues it to you. You need to stand up to your parents and tell them that you are holding the banana, not they, and they need to respect that. You say how unmotivated they are, so what are they doing with that money of yours? Probably nothing. Don't just accept your dad's handwave that his SSI number means he controls the money. Confront your parents and find out the truth!
Well anyway, even if you don't want to use KaKa HooHoo and Brony Dash in Sonichu, I'd love to see what they look like if you drew them. Maybe you could start up a new comic featuring them, and then run it concurrently with Sonichu and Trollbusters. When are you bringing those two back again, by the way? (Or not "bringing back" Trollbusters I guess, since you never actually started it. But when will you be starting it?) Or maybe you could just draw a portrait poster of my two ponies or something. But I don't really get what the difference is between CWCville and Sonichu, CWcville is the location that Sonichu is set in; that would be like saying if I drew a Gotham City comic that it wasn't Batman-related, even though Batman is based in Gotham City. So really, it was a Sonichu-themed mall.
Well, I gotta go, but I'll talk to you soon!
|May 17, 2011 5:33pm
I am not 30 Yet. Those people MAY have met their quota in employees. I do not know why they did not hire me; I am not a mind-reader. I do not know what else I can inform you about that has to do with why I further fear looking for a job. But I DO know that Most People who Hire actually DO perform Background Checks. Regardless of Troll input, I still feel fear on What IS found in my Background Check. I do not know everything that is found when a Background Check IS performed on me, and all things considered, I do not think or feel that I want to know.
I will draw the two ponies for you another day; I stand behind my mall NOT being Sonichu Themed; I can, and Will, use the city of Cwcville as the Hometown of Cal and Dee^2, the TrollBusters. On that note, would you be saying the mall is TrollBuster-Themed also? You can not mix themes in that sense. The Mall is a Mall, and its ONLY theme is C.W.C.; Christian Weston Chandler; ME. I don't want to further discuss it.
I have also just been in another emotional family drama. Last Sunday, My mother comes upstairs and yells at me about how She Thinks I'm turning queer from being Tomgirly and Feminine, AND she fears that I would kill her. Hand to God, I would never kill Anyone, including my own mother and father. Violence and Murder is Rarely the answer; murder is Morally Wrong; I care about my mother and father Very Much. And even worse, she threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage. She also took my keys. And shortly later, she tells me to come downstairs, so I go; she tells me to sit down, and she does the worse thing that broke the last straw on my camel's back, she Cuts my Long Hair Short and Butchered. After seeing the butchered hair in the mirror, I was soo in shock, I wield the double-edge sword I have been holding in for weeks since a much earlier fit of emotional rage of hers. I called her a Bitch. With her as a bitch, that makes me a son of a bitch, and it hurts me deep too. My hair is soo bad, I have to wear my PaRappa wool hat to cover the whole mess when I go out; I can not be seen in public with this short-hair mess.
Yesterday, I go out to Wal-Mart with my father, and I find and purchase some Shampoo and Conditioner from Garnier Fructise's Length and Strength Brand to prayfully grow my hair back more quickly from what would have been MONTHS. She cut off Two Inches; that's about 4 Months. This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the Mary Tyler Moore hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery. I forgave her for the butchering of my hair today, but now while I still care and love her like a child for a mother, sadly there is now a Mutual lack of deep trust between us. I will continue to run errands and shop for her and dad, and we're talking again.
My head Feels a Bad Kind of Naked now. Answer a question for me, please, Does a Hair Salon ACTUALLY have an immediate hair growth solution for styling and such?
And now that we're on the subject, please tell (or remind) me of your family; mom, dad, siblings, etc. I think you're familar [sic] with my half brothers and sister.
E-Mail ya later. Stay Safe with care, Christian.
|May 18, 2011 8:43pm
Hey Chris. In order to better answer the points you made, I'm going to break down your email into quoted segments and respond to each individually:
"I am not 30 Yet." Oh, excuse me, 29 and change. Huge difference.
"I do not know why they did not hire me; I am not a mind-reader." Then stop pretending like you are one. Stop pretending like you know for a fact that your internet reputation is the reason you haven't been hired.
" But I DO know that Most People who Hire actually DO perform Background Checks." Of course you know that employers perform background checks. I know you know that because you have had background checks explained to you in detail a hundred times over, most of the time by myself.
"I do not know everything that is found when a Background Check IS performed on me" Yes, yes you do. I have explained to you COUNTLESS TIMES what a background check is. A background check is an automated program in which the employer checks to see if you have any FELONIES ON YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD. As I have gone over with you MANY times, you have NO felonies to your name (the incidents with the police at the Game Place and Fashion Square were NOT felonies, your record is clear), so an employer's background check would cause NO PROBLEM for you. You have no excuse for not acknowledging this. But even if you don't believe I know what I'm talking about, why don't you take the effort to go learn from a source with more expertise?
"I do not think or feel that I want to know." That much is evident. Sticking your head in the sand seems to be the only thing you DO want to do.
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. How come you just sit and let her cut your hair? You could have gotten up and left, it's not like she could physically hold you down. I understand you feel bad about calling her a bitch but I understand why you did it; she obviously put you in a very bad place by betraying your trust like that.
Let me ask you, I know Rocky is helping to search for a job for you, but have you thought about asking her with help moving out? I think your relationship with your parents would be a lot smoother if you were out of the house and had freedom to pursue your goals without being mocked and judged by them. I think you should talk to her about it.
|May 19, 2011 8:02pm
Yes, I could have backed out and went back upstairs from my mother, but at the moment, I was feeling fear, and I had the default mental preset of honoring thy mother. Plus I also felt mentally paralyzed. I'm praying for quicker hair growth, I'm using Garnier Fructise brand Length & Strength Shampoo & Conditioner items, and I have a wig that is adaquate enough for me to be seen in until when my hair grows back.
I have asked Rocky on looking for a way for me being able to move out and into a place based on my Autism; the details of the deal are mostly over my head, and I understand only like one or two things of it.
Let's talk about more pleasant things for a while (more or less). I remembered it was you who recommended "Pink Flamengos" and "Cannibal Holocaust" to me. I would still like to be reminded of some of the other things you've told me before. And I would still like to read about your family. I pray they are still doing well.
Stay Safe with Care, Christian.
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