Jackie E-mails 23
This page lists emails exchanged between Chris and Jackie from 22 to 26 November 2010.
In response to his apathy, Jackie sends Chris a torrent of angry tirades. She explains that regular women don't want to have "friends with benefits." She also says that Chris is ill-equipped for a purely sex-based relationship, due to his unattractiveness. She points out how little Rocky has done for him. Chris fails to respond to the bulk of this, instead taking a chunk completely out of context to compare himself to distressed women who want shallow relationships. He makes the surprising claims that his duck is bigger and no longer bent, and that he's not fat. He whines that she has hurt his feelings, and accuses the world of being "autistic-like" and "unsympathetic," which Jackie again points out is just his way of preserving his ego and ensuring he never has to change. Chris condemns social networking and the Internet, but Jackie reacts with skepticism.
Chris point-blank tells Jackie that her walls of text are just meaningless hate. Jackie offers a final summary that doesn't paint too good a picture.
|November 22, 2010 - 5:13pm
Hey Chris, I haven't heard back from you recently. I thought maybe you were confused about something I said. Let me reiterate some of my points for you so that you can better understand (reread this several times if you need to, I had a lot of ground to cover and it got pretty long by the time I was done writing it):
A self-respecting girl would not want a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a guy. No girl who knows her own value has any reason to want that sort of repugnant relationship. A self-respecting girl wants a real relationship with a guy. But that alone isn't what made your words to me insulting. What made what you said to me insulting was that we had spent months trying to build the basis of a relationship, but you just stomped all over it the whole time and acted like you didn't even want to be part of it. But you lied to me for months and told me you did want to be part of it. You eventually owned up and admitted your desire to be with me was a lie, but then you thought I would have some compelling reason to actually want to sleep with you after all that you had done to me. You basically told me "hey Jackie, I don't really feel like putting out the effort to make you happy anymore, but I still want you to come give me free sex." Not a good way to make a girl feel special, Chris.
All that notwithstanding, I'm not holding a grudge against you. I want to be your friend, so I'm going to be helpful and lay out the facts for you so you know what you're working with. there are some girls who are perfectly willing to have a casual sex-based relationship with no strings attached. However, these girls always possess the same two qualities:
1) They usually have some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering. But you probably wouldn't care about any of that, since all you want to do is fuck them and then ignore them.
2) The thing that I bet you WILL care about is that those women only care about the shallowest aspects of men. By that I mean that they want guys who are good-looking, muscular, manly, and have big dicks. You do not fit any of those criteria, Chris. You are significantly overweight and flabby, you have virtually no muscle, your skin is pasty and your forehead is covered in acne scarring that is the most readily visible thing about you even in a low-light, low-resolution picture or video. Your hair is thinning and looks stringy and greasy all the time because you don't take care of it, your body isn't getting the nutrients it needs to maintain it, and you probably don't wash it all that much. When you dressed up as Chris-Chan Sonichu, your distended gut was hanging so low it completely covered your belt buckle and much of the front of your pants, it reminded me of when Peter Griffin is naked and they don't have to blur his genitals because his giant gut covers them completely. All of those are things that you could take care of if you actually tried, but you just stuff yourself with fast food, soft drinks, and Hungry Man dinners all day and night and make no effort to exercise or keep in shape, which is why you can't do a single pull-up and your body is falling apart before you've even turned 30.
Also, your penis is rather small and bent at an awkward angle, girls who want an FWB arrangement just want the biggest, straightest dicks they can find. And trust me, they don't have trouble finding them. For every one of a guy like you, there are five or ten guys who actually take care of themselves physically that these girls can choose from instead. Oh, the other thing is that those girls will often forgive a less-than-attractive physique if the guy in question has a lot of money to spend on them. But having never tried to pursue an actual career (or earn money with your comics, which you have claimed many times you always wanted to do) means you have no money, either. So basically, you have nothing that an FWB-type of girl would want.
Now, if you want a girl who would look past all of the superficial stuff, you'd need to find a girl who wanted an honest relationship - a girl like me ;) Now, as I'm sure is obvious, I looked past your physical appearance, lack of money, and so on because I wanted to see what your personality is like. A lot of good girls will go for a guy who has a great personality, because that's probably the most important quality a person can possess. Now, consider that I gave you a lot of chances to show me what kind of personality you have.
In all our time communicating with each other, you showed that you are incredibly petty and vindictive. You showed that you care nothing for other peoples' property or livelihood, as evidenced by the ridiculous grudge you still possess against Michael Snyder. You went into the store he was in charge of running, you hogged his TV to play your own games, even though he never owed you that, and then when he tried to assert his dominance over the business HE runs, you scrawled vile graffiti slandering him in his own store, and you refuse to play by the rules and force him to ban you. And YEARS go by and you STILL hold this childish grudge to the point of repeatedly trespassing on the store's property and taking pictures of his children in a threatening manner. You are hateful and judgmental toward entire groups of people you know nothing about. You hate gays for absolutely no reason, you are afraid of black people, you think calling someone a "jew" is an insult, and yet you still get super self-righteous and act all offended whenever you think someone is disrespecting you because they don't like your autism. You are a hypocrite of immense proportions, always holding other people to standards of behavior that you believe you yourself have no obligation to follow. You criticize other people for social networking, saying "the internet is turning them autistic", even though you sit at home playing your Playstation 3 ALL DAY LONG. You throw words from the Bible at people when they do something that offends you even though you lie, cheat, steal, want premarital sex, threaten bodily harm/murder on others, and a whole host of other activities that God doesn't like. And whenever you are cornered and can't explain away your rampant egotism and hypocrisy, you will just claim that "the trolls" are responsible for all your problems, great and small, and act as though your bad internet experience excuses you from having to take responsibility for anything.
And what's more, you expect others to do everything for you and offer nothing in return. You treat Samantha like she's your personal secretary and like she should do all the hard work to make your life better, and for a while now you've treated me the same way. Whenever either of us offer you an idea of how to deal with some problem of yours, you come up with some rationalization why you are too lazy to do it and beg us to do it for you instead. You'll complain about the same problems over and over but you refuse to consider any solution that is offered to you. You have talked down to me, insulted me, lied to me repeatedly (I know you have lied to Samantha countless times), refused to do something I asked you to do many, many times, yet you still expect me to be some perfect girlfriend who makes you happy all the time. You complained about our IM conversations being stressful and said they "could be construed as arguments", just because I had a different opinion than you on things and wanted you to back up your belief instead of just believing things for no reason. You place your prized video games above all other concerns in your life, you drop the majority of what little money you have every month on video games and then whine about how you don't have the money you would need to accomplish actual goals. You complain about other people being addicted You make excuses that "once we're together, then you will improve yourself", suggesting that you expect me to be a babysitter and give your life direction because you are too lazy to give it direction yourself. If you had been a good person, things might have turned out different between us. But you proved your inside was even uglier than your outside.
The most succinct way to put why you are not currently ready to be with a girl is that you want to be taken seriously as an adult man even though you are a person who sits in your room playing video games all day, leeching money off the government that could be going to people who are homeless and starving and at the same time convincing yourself that God WANTS you to have free money, has no goals, no aspirations, and no direction, who avoids any and all work like the plague, whines about his father telling him to do chores to real adults who have to work 60 hours a week and take care of themselves, all the while growing fatter, balder, greasier, and closer to death off your diet of fast food and Hungry Mans and a total lack of exercise or activity. You need to change all of these things about yourself before a relationship (fwb or not) with any girl is practical.
Well, that was pretty long, I admit, but it's ground that needed to be covered. I feel kind of better now that we're just going to be friends instead of pursuing a relationship - I feel like I can be brutally honest about things that I always felt strongly about, but had to kind of sugercoat because our relationship was something different. Friends can sometimes be honest in ways that romantic partners have difficulty with. (You might be wondering, after I just got done explaining why you are such a bad friend, why I would want to be your friend - and that's a valid point. Well, I want to be your friend because I think it is possible for you to change, become good, and get the things you want, and it's not hurting me to help you to try.)
One more thing: I have to ask you, again, what Rocky has really done for you. Has Rocky helped you get a girlfriend and/or sex partner? No, you're still alone and a virgin. Has she helped you get healthy or develop a means of interacting with adults? No, you still live like a slob and play with toys all day. You are severely depressed because you don't have a social life, but she hasn't helped you with that. All she tells you is that nothing is your fault and that your problems will be solved when the trolls are all gone. Well, when the trolls are all punished, you'll still be a lonely, depressed virgin with no real social life, no job, no hobbies, and nothing significant in his life. Why don't you ask Rocky to help you with your actual personal problems, instead of just blaming the trolls for everything? I'M trying to help you by pointing out things you need to change about yourself. Doesn't Rocky? Or does she just tell you that it's okay to sit on your ass playing video games and doing nothing with your life? I've got news for you, if that's what she's telling you, it's because she believes you're too retarded and stupid to accomplish anything and she's just humoring you.
Anyway, I know this probably sounds all pretty brutal and shocking to you. That's why I want you to save this email and reread it, over and over. Read it again each day, so the shock can fade but my message can sink in. Because you really need this message to sink in, Chris. You need to do something different with your life. If you don't, then the life you have now is all you'll ever have.
Write me back,
|November 23, 2010 - 6:34pm
Well, I have not replied lately, because I have been emotionally suffering and lost iin thoughts of my own with my own confusions and lost paths.
Second, in response to your last message, when you described "such a woman", you essentially spelled out how I've been eeling for a long time. I have felt like I was one of them who have "some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering." Congratulations, you put my situation in life in better words than I could have ever.
And I do not appreciate the hurtful insults I have read after hat directed towards me. My dick is bigger than previously photographed, and it is no longer bent. And I am not overweight. Two wrongs do not make a right, so at this point, I'll leave you to think about how much more hurt you've made me.
|November 23, 2010 - 7:33pm
I have been thinking about the stuff I said to you, and will continue to do so. But I do not feel guilty in the least about it. Everything I told you was the complete and utter truth. And as I explicitly told you, I set out with only that purpose - to make you face the truth. I didn't set out to hurt you. I certainly did not set out to wrong you just because you wronged me out of believing that "two wrongs make a right". And what you call being "hurt", I call being knocked off your high horse and forced to accept some humility, which is something you desperately needed. You have believed for far too long that you deserve to have all your desires handed to you on a silver platter and that you shouldn't have to work to earn any of it. I set out to end that. So if you're expecting me to feel guilty or remorseful over trying to set you right, you're in for a yet another rude awakening, buddy-boy.
You would have a chance at a relationship if you just took care of yourself. You need to start eating healthy, take care of your appearance, build some muscle, and lose a lot of weight. You also need to stop treating girls like they are just living sex toys who exist to validate your manliness. You can't have a relationship the way you are now because you treat everyone around you as tools for your own selfish advancement and you never give a shit about what other people want. And yes, you are overweight. YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT. at 5'10" and 216 lbs, your Body Mass Index is about 31, which classifies you as obese. And even that is probably a pretty low estimate - you weight moderately less than a person as fat as you would normally weigh, because muscle is denser than fat, and you have NO muscle. Look at yourself in the picture I included, really look at it. A nearly 29-year-old man should not have that giant gut hanging over his pants.
Do you know why most people don't like you? Do you know why women don't approach you, and why people don't praise you, and why people on the internet mock you? It's because you are a horrible, selfish, egotistical person. You have NO respect and NO consideration for other people. THAT is why you are alone and unloved. People will give you no compassion because you believe you don't have to show any to other people. It's not because people are "jealous" of you - they know your life sucks, they wouldn't want to be in your shoes. It's not because they're playing "kick the autistic". No one GIVES A SHIT that you are autistic, they NEVER DID. People don't like you because you use your autism as a fucking excuse to refuse to do anything and demand that other people fix your problems for you. People don't like you because you want them to treat you like a fucking king at the same time as you treat them like shit. People don't like you because you act as if you are doing everything right and all your problems are someone ELSE'S fault when the truth is that your problems are all YOUR fault.
As I said, not a single thing in my last email was an insult. Not one bit. It was all true. IT IS ALL TRUE. Swallow your fucking pride and accept that I'm not insulting you just because I'm refusing to kiss your ass and make you face the uncomfortable truth about yourself. You know exactly what you have to do to fix your life, Chris. I know you do because Samantha and I (and other people) have told you COUNTLESS TIMES what you need to do to improve your situation. No one else will do it for you. If you don't fix it, no one else ever will.
The way I see it, you have two choices: 1) Put your pride aside, admit you are not special and that you have to follow the same life rules as everyone else, and do the same exact hard work that everyone else needs to do to be happy. 2) Sit on your ass, continue whining that people like me who try to help you are "hurting your feelings", continue to believe that you are a special little snowflake who has endured far worse hardship than anyone else, and spend the rest of your life as a lonely virgin.
I can kind of see now why you love going to Rocky for counseling, and I also understand better what exactly Rocky does to "counsel" you. The answer to both is that she blows smoke up your ass, tells you that none of your problems are your fault, and that you don't have to take responsibility for yourself. And you love that, because you want everyone around you to just kiss your ass. Well, the flip side of that is that Rocky thinks your a retard who will never improve or have sex. I'M the one who believes you stand a chance, Chris. I'M the one who is telling you the truth while she lies to you because she thinks you're hopeless. But by all means, if you'd rather never get sex or love or happiness just so that you can continue to pretend that someone else is obligated to fix your life for you, then don't listen to me. Go ahead and close your mind to the truth when someone who actually WANTS to see you be HAPPY tries to tell it to you like it is. I hope you respond to this and keep an open mind, but I can't make you, and if you want to keep living in your own self-imposed hell I won't lose sleep over it.
|November 25, 2010 - 4:58pm
Hey Chris! Just wanted to wish you happy turkey day. Are you and your family doing anything special today?
|November 26, 2010 - 4:25pm
Thanks for the Thanksgiving Greeting. It was pleasant.
I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are. Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?
I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other.
I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me.
Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please.
Take Care and Stay Safe,
One Misunderstood, Lonely, Caring Idiot,
Christian Weston Chandler.
|November 26, 2010 - 7:36pm
And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.
|November 26, 2010 - 8:24pm
Hey Chris! I'm glad your Thanksgiving went well. Anyway, I have some responses to each of your points, which I will put after each section of your writing.
"I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are."
You are egotistical, because not only do you believe yourself to be an ideal partner for any woman in your present state without requiring change, but you also believe it is plausible and practical to remain in your comfort zone for your entire life, to the point that avoiding any kind of discomfort or displeasure is one of your primary life goals. You are most definitely selfish, as evidenced by your unwillingness to budge even the slightest bit when I asked you to step out of said comfort zone and give me something I wanted. You always tried to twist and warp my requests into something else entirely, then you egotistically told me "it's good enough like that", even though I am the one who would determine that, not you. The truths I told you were things you absolutely needed to hear, because you so strongly believed yourself to be a paragon of manhood and you were in such a strong denial that nothing else COULD get through to you. Throwing that bucket of water in your face was on the same principle on which interventions are conducted. I have been nice to you time and again, but you just refuse to listen when advice is given "nicely". Using harsh words was entirely necessary.
"Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?"
I have two responses to this: First of all, sympathy has nothing to do with this. I have spent months sympathizing with you on every subject that bothers you, but it has gotten you nowhere. You still sit alone in your room, depressed and resentful toward the rest of the world. You don't listen when people sympathize with you. I chose my words very carefully because I KNEW they would shock you. I KNEW that shocking you was the only thing that might stand a chance of making you realize that you don't have the luxury of just sitting and waiting for the world to make itself perfect for you.
Secondly, you complain about not receiving sympathy, but when have you ever offered it? When people sympathize with you, all you end up doing is demanding that they fix your problems for you. You don't sympathize at all with people like me or Samantha when we get frustrated at how you routinely ignore our advice and would rather piss your life away playing video games. Friendship seems to be one-sided affair with you; you expect "sympathy" - which I think you misinterpret to mean "coddling" - but don't return the favor.
Thirdly, stop saying the internet is "making people autistic". That is grade A BULLSHIT. You bitch all the time about how everyone else has friends and relationships and can socialize, and how you are the only person who has your problems socializing; who then are these supposed people who are turning autistic? As I said, my words were deliberately chosen, I didn't "forget" how to "sympathize" with you just because my words came in an email instead of in person. I would have said the same exact thing to you in person. How about you stop playing the fucking PS Triple for 10 hours a day? Because I don't think you have a right to say others are addicted to the internet when you drop nearly every dollar you have buying stupid games on the internet.
"I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other."
Fair enough, it's nice to have friends in real life. So how's that working for you? How many people have you met out in the real world? You can't be talking about ME when you mention socializing in real life - we met online, so talking to me in real life would defeat your silly idea that internet socialization is worthless. Who else do you have? Or are you still expecting people to come up to you and do all the work for you? That's another perfect example of your egotism: You expect others to do all the work of creating a relationship with you, but you can't be bothered to put any effort into it yourself. You just say "I don't know what to do or where to go" as an excuse, despite the fact Samantha has given you many, many detailed ideas of how to start.
"I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me."
I hope you're aware that "Bust" means "virgin forever". You've spent the past decade of your adult life putting absolutely no effort into anything, including making friends, so I don't see why you would start now. I've been doing nothing but trying to help you, but if you arrogantly think you can afford to just toss me away because I won't bend over backwards for a guy who never put effort into making me happy, then I guess I can't stop you. Hope your pride keeps you warm at night when you don't have any relationships.
"Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please."
Wow, thanks. Glad to see how worthless you consider all of your interactions with me. Is that the sort of "sympathy" you were complaining about not receiving? As I said, you do nothing in real life, you just expect others to take care of you for your entire life. So I don't see how the internet is such an awful thing by comparison.
"And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me."
You've just written a large email telling me that you basically want to forget about me because email is inconvenient and because I don't kiss your ass enough. Once again, sterling display of reciprocity you show there, Chris. Everyone is supposed to be nice and sympathetic to you but you don't care what others think or feel or need.
So anyway, if you want to go your whole life without having to face the truth about yourself, that's fine. Just accept that you won't be respected as an adult and that you won't be getting a girlfriend or sex... ever.
|⇐ Jackie E-mails 22||Jackie E-mails||Jackie E-mails 24 ⇒|