—Chris, on his duck.
Duck is a CWC-ism for penis, usually in the context of Chris's own penis. (The genitalia of other males, and those of Rosechus, are pickles.) This neologism was originally thought to be a misspelling of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 February 2009 Mumble chat that it is an intentional euphemism.
Chris and his duck
—Chris, displaying his love-hate relationship with his penis to Colin.
Chris's circumcised penis is bent at a horrifying 45° angle, though he has never clearly explained why. Some speculate that Chris has Peyronie's disease, or more likely chordee. It may also have been a botched circumcision, although this is unlikely. Further damage could have resulted from when Chris stuck his duck in the ice for 15 minutes trying to imitate Jackass.
Chris proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long. He even edited the CWCki at one point to remove a bit of piping that suggested otherwise. In spite of this, visual evidence suggests it is at least an inch shorter (five inches being closer to the average size), and Chris readily lies about the dimensions of his body. In a Let's Read of the 'Giant Penis' comic, one reader speculates that the duck is about 3 inches long (7.5 cm). This is possible, considering Chris did indeed trace his duck onto the paper at the request of Ivy, and more than likely he used standard computer paper - 8.5 inches by 11 inches - and the duck looks to be about 1/3 of the paper width.
Chris at least concedes that his penis is of no more than average size, which is a source of some insecurity for him. In an e-mail to Evan during their feud over Simonla Rosechu, he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you." In Kacey Call 11, Chris asked Kacey for details as to the size of Liquid Chris's penis and expressed regret that his own was not as large. He once attempted to enlarge it with ExtenZe, a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.
Toward the very end of his communications with Jackie, Chris claimed that his penis has grown larger and straightened itself out since it was last photographed for public consumption. Determining the likelihood of this occurrence will be left as an exercise for the reader. At any rate, this claim was disproven in the Tomgirl images, leaked in April 2011, wherein his penis is still visibly bent and the same size it always was.
Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his pubic hair. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case, it just draws attention to the abundant pubic fat surrounding his genitalia. This can not be described as an attractive effect.
When he announced the alleged loss of his virginity on Facebook, Chris claimed his sex partner praised his duck for its size, saying it was the biggest she had ever seen, and put all past partners to shame. This sex partner was later confirmed to be a prostitute, so while it is likely that she said it, its sincerity was dubious to say the least.
It seems that, as of 2014, Chris now actively despises his own duck in the wake of his coming out as "Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser". It is common for (legitimate) transsexuals to detest their own genitalia, which they perceive as incorrect, and in fact, he even uses a homemade device to hold it in. However, the fact that Chris loathes ALL penises is more indicative of issues with his sexuality than with his gender.
Coincidentally, real-life ducks are known for their horrifying, twisted penises.
References by Chris
- One of the annotations from I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
- In his final SingStar Challenge song, "Smell Yo Dick" (as chosen by CChanSonichuCWC), he attempts to circumvent his own rules about not changing lyrics by saying duck instead of dick.
- Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the Kacey chats) or angry (in one of the White Knight emails, he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring Rosechu with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!")
- In an IRC chat from October 2008, Chris said, concerning Jimmy Hill, "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.