Chris and nutrition
Food is both a biological imperative and a cultural medium for humans. The human body is meant to run on a wide variety of foodstuffs for a balanced diet, and cultures around the world have created a multitude of dishes using available ingredients, mostly from animal and plant sources. But more recently, food has become industrialized, and this industrial process makes food cheaper and tastier, to the love of our hero Chris. Unfortunately, this industrial Western diet doesn't always carry the best nutrition.
Chris claims that he cooks for himself 4 or 5 days a week, making his cooking a major source of his nutrition. He has said that he took Home Ec. classes in school and that he owns cookbooks. However, when Jackie asked him to cook spaghetti (an incredibly basic dish, mind you) in a YouTube video, he dodged responsibility by claiming that Barbara had blocked the kitchen up with junk, so he instead mimed the act and microwaved some canned spaghetti and meatballs. It can be deduced from this that Chris can't or doesn't cook, and simply buys microwaveable meals every time he claims to be eating at home.
In a letter written to Kelly Sheridan that was posted to Twitter, Chris claimed to have taken up basic cooking skills as a way to keep his mind more active.
In addition, Barb no longer cooks for Chris after he and Bob had turned down a spaghetti meal she had offered them, a turn-down he claimed to have "deeply apologized" for, making it even less likely that Chris eats anything that requires to be cooked, let alone anything that requires time and preparation to be made.
- Main article: List of restaurants
As a result of his minimal cooking skills, and due to how even the simplest of tasks tire him out, Chris often prefers to eat out over making food by himself. He is an infamous fast food lover, eating at either McDonald's, Burger King or some other fast food restaurant at least once a day. He has been known to dine out up to 4 times a day. The fact that he's merely fat and not morbidly obese with such an awe-inspiring calorific intake and inactive lifestyle suggests a fairly high metabolism, one which will almost certainly not last indefinitely. The frequency of his fast food trips was confirmed in 2015 when a Kiwi Farms user sent him $500 to see what he would do with it.
Some places where Chris likes to eat
Consumption of food
Many, many times, Chris has been shown to be a glutton for all kinds of food, eating excessively in public places and during parties. His complexion also gives insight into his daily nutrition, often showing various signs of acne and acne scarring. His most probable nutritional intake is as follows:
- Breakfast: Often nothing because he usually sleeps from 6 a.m. to noon, but when he doesn't do that, he travels to McDonald's or another fast food restaurant with a breakfast menu.
- Lunch: Something quick at home or fast food.
- Dinner: Dine out at a fast food place with family, or have a poorly-cooked microwave meal.
According to Chris, he eats more vegetables than any other food group. The veracity of this statement is dubious, given what is known about Chris's medical history and health in general (as well as his tendency to lie).
During the Father Call, Chris told Kacey's father that he was prescribed Lipitor for his high cholesterol. He claimed he stopped taking the drug in fall 2009, but whether he was being honest (especially given the number of obvious lies he told about his health in the course of the rest of the call) is uncertain.
When Chris admits to going to McDonald's regularly for his meals (including the time in the father call) he will often fall back on another lie that he only eats the salads provided and drink the lemonade. Which is ironic since when Macdonald's salads were still around they were actually proven to contain more calories than an average Big mac meal (due to the sauce that came with them); Chris also seems to be under the impression that lemonade is healthy because it has (or at least tastes vaguely like) lemons despite them being just as unhealthy as any other type of soda.
In 2016, he began listening to Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis videos under the false believe that they would improve his health. He liked videos such as "Lose Weight Super Fast!", "Eliminate Armpit Odor Permanently Fast!", "Lower Your Blood Pressure Fast! Hypertension Treatment", and "Produce Odorless Farts Fast!". There is no sort of scientific and medical evidence that proves listening to binaural beats can do these things.
In 2017, Chris had a brief online relationship with Jessica Quinn, who has a fat fetish and influenced Chris with it. The Sonichu comic features an obese Rosechu in issue 12. After their breakup, Chris consumed a large bowl of ice cream, then took a side photo of his gut, saying, "THIS!!! Right Here was ALLLLL HERS!!!!!!" This marks one of the only times that Chris has admitted that he has Obesity issues.
In 2019, Chris showed us his idea of a "salad", mostly made with unhealthy ingredients like bacon bits and croutons.
In 2020, Chris claimed to make breakfast omelettes/scrambled eggs with ghost pepper sauce or spinach.
Now that Chris has been in jail for quite a while, it's safe to assume he has broken his long standing policy of not eating prison food and has entered the regular diet alongside all other inmates. Ironically, this is quite the improvement to his regular dietary habits, as prison meals are provided in equal quantities per inmate and no amount of entitlement will help you get a second serving. Pretty much the only way Chris can overeat is either by buying the food separately via commissary money or donations. Chris has stated that he likes the selection of food items the jail has for sale, meaning that most of the commissary money that he does get will most likely be spent on junk food.
The quality of said prison meals, on the other hand, is debatable; prisons in America can have anything from barely edible slop crawling with parasites, to extremely nutritious meals that come in great variety and flavors. In any case, it's probably safe to say that even if Central Virginia Regional Jail is sitting in the latter category, the meals provided will be far healthier than what Chris is used to eating. In an October 2021 letter, Chris discussed the quality of the meals by writing that the "Food's mostly good and well; not perfect meatballs (Banquet Dinners have better meatballs), and chicken is often dry."
Hydration and water consumption
Before 2020, Chris rarely drank water and focused a lot more on carbonated drinks and energy drinks (which have been proven to increase erratic behavior). This was such that an entire page of the CWCki was partly dedicated to just how much Coca-Cola he drank over the span of two years.
Said article revealed that on many of the days between 6 March 2007 and 4 September 2009, Chris drank about 1.8 liters (over 3 pints) of Coke every day (assuming that none of it was drank by his equally obese parents), so he could gain points on My Coke Rewards. This represents a grotesque 195 grams (nearly 7 ounces) of sugar per day from Coke alone, representing almost 800 calories (1/3 of his daily calorie intake). To put that in perspective, Chris drank enough Coke to fill 10 oil barrels in order to get the amount of points he got. Needless to say, the effects are staggering. On record, he apparently consumed a whopping 120 cans of cola on 9 April 2008, 24 March 2009, and 15 August 2009; how this didn't send him into immediate diabetic shock is anybody's guess.
Now, Chris drinks tons of water from a Glacee water bottle with amethyst crystal on the bottom. He believes that there are many health problems that drinking water in this fashion alone can cure. He believes that doing so cures conditions such as food poisoning. While this is not actually true, it's at least far healthier than drinking tons of soft drinks. Ever since the discovery of himself being Goddess CPU Blue Heart, he has used this bottle constantly as a way to charge up his "powers", in order to help further the merge into its future stages. The reason he went with the amethyst crystal is most likely the same reason that he uses his Amnyfest Ring in the comics as his main source of power. So, therefore, Chris now uses this bottle as a way to inadvertently makes his powers stronger.
Results of Chris's Diet
- Main article: Obesity
Chris's teeth have obviously suffered greatly during the decades of constant sugary abuse. Several videos which he exposes his teeth have revealed that his molars are extremely rotten and full of cavities while his frontal teeth are yellowish at best and an olive colour at worst. This combined with his infamous lack of hygienic prowess means that it's flat out a miracle that all his teeth haven't fallen out at this point.
Caffeine is a well known irritant and also well known to decrease ability to sleep his drinks all have an amount of caffeine in them, from Fanta to coffee Chris is undoubtedly addicted to both, even going as far to burning his own house down by accident while he was attempting to make coffee at 3:00 am with a faulty coffee maker.
- Main article: DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS
It is believed that Chris's diet is one of the causes for his fecal incontinence (the other one being ramming stuff in his rectum), as chronic constipation can be one cause of fecal incontinence. Chris's diet of McDonald's, microwaveable food, and little or no fruit or vegetables is very likely ridiculously low on fiber and thus a sure-fire way of causing constipation, and Chris has been going on with this diet for who knows how long. Irritable bowel syndrome may be another reason for Chris's problems with controlling his bowels. The cause of IBS is not known, but two major triggers are stress and poor diets, with wheat, dairy, and carbonated drinks being known IBS triggers. Chris has given testament to fast-food not agreeing with him, However, being raised on a poor diet, it's unlikely he'll stop eating junk anytime soon.
Denial of poor diet
Chris often denies his diet is doing more harm to him than good. In the Father Call, Chris constantly lies about his poor eating habits to an unimpressed Matthew Devoria. At one point, he went off on a tangent about how he stuffed vegetables and fruits down his throat; this was after Matt metaphorically compared his daughter's book reading to how much candy Chris probably consumes.
- Mumble #6
- IRC (18 December 2008)
- Jackie E-mails 24
- Kacey Call 7
- Quinn's missing out!
- August 2019 social media posts#Magi-Chan eats a .22salad.22
- December 2020 social media posts
- Jail Letter - 25 October 2021 (Virginia fan)
- Jail Letter - 4 October 2021
- Drinks and Youth Self-Reported Hyperactivity/Inattention Symptoms
- Fecal incontinence on Wikipedia.
- Mayo Clinic: Irritable bowel syndrome
- August 2016 Facebook posts#Whopperrito