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Chris and the Law

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Chris always keeps a watchful eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal his already-stolen characters.

Laws are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by law enforcement and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For Chris, however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless quest for china and a weapon with which to threaten his real and supposed enemies.

As of 2017, Chris has six misdemeanors - three from hitting Michael Snyder with his car, one from macing the Yellow-Shirted Foe and two from failing to acquire proper tags for his dogs.

Understanding

 
 
I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of 2008, and nothing has sunken into that clown head of his.
 

 

Michael Snyder[1]

Violence is Comic Chris's usual solution to law enforcement.

Like his grip on reality, Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best, and dangerously naïve at worst. Chris legitimately believes trolling is illegal. He regularly threatens internet trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of Rosechu with a pickle to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making extremely violent threats, such as threatening to murder Vivian Gee and her entire family because of her creating the audiobooks. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-President George W. Bush in an attempt to get rid of his Encyclopedia Dramatica page. He has even poorly attempted to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,[2] and has attempted to contact the former President, Barack Obama, to stop people from posting gay ads on the CWCipedia. Chris also believes that the laws in CWCville and the laws stated in Sonichu should be enforced in real life.[3]

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, particularly when their enforcement inconveniences him. During his time at Target, he saw nothing wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently soliciting hanky-panky. Chris often remarks that his emotional state entirely justifies his actions, stating in Vivitheg's AIM chat that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally screaming "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.[4]

Self-contradictory as ever, though, Chris's disregard of many laws does not stop him from rigidly observing others, often with completely skewed priority: In Sonichu Special 4, his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit - while on his way to confront Liquid Chris and assault him with a deadly weapon. In a May 2010 video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking one cigarette.[5]

In addition, Chris has very little respect for those who enforce the law:

 
 
Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.
 

 

—Excerpt from Chris's diary

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and lie to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause (or effect).

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the Pokémon TCG League let him off the hook.[6] In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his Love Quest efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

Of interesting note, is that contrary to Chris's general political views, he seems to be in favor - or at least accepting of - gun control legislation.[7] Whether or not he has a firm understanding of what he's saying, we'll likely never know.

Interestingly, Chris seems to have a very skewed view of the idea of "self-defense", which is exemplified with the acquisition of pepper spray. Pepper spray, like most defensive weapons, should be used as a last resort, to keep people from attacking you. As seen with the GameStop attacks, Chris uses it as a means to keep anyone he doesn't like away. Using that event as an example, the man he sprayed wasn't even near him and Chris decided to spray a quick spritz on his chest without any provocation. It got worse when, days later, he began a commotion in a Walmart using the device. To Chris, it's the ultimate troll and Jerkop deterrent, when in actuality, he's waving around assault charges on a stick.

Legal troubles

The following is a list of incident Chris had with the law. This list may not be complete; in a telephone conversation with Ivy in 2009, Bob told her that Chris had in the past six or seven incidents with the law,[8] and yet this article lists only three incidents that precede 2010.

2004

On 11 September 2004, Chris was detained at Charlottesville Fashion Square for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in Sub-Episode 1. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

2005

On 20 July 2005, Chris was charged with disorderly conduct[9] and trespassing[10] at Target, as depicted in Sub-Episode 7 and Sub-Episode 8. After 2 hearings,[9][10] prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

5 days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.[11] He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

2010

Chris's various run-ins at The GAMe PLACe have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.[12]

On 4 June 2010, Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for disturbing reasons, Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike for use as a dartboard--still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his 6 June 2010 video in response to these events.

2011

In a May 2011 Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which "a woman complains and tattles on me, and a stereotypical Brute male shouts me out. I felt embarassed. [sic] When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me." This supposed brute male may or may not have been with mall security.

In his 3 new videos posted after an 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of The Chandler Show believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word blackmail in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit saga shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the trolls threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused Mike of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (like pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Mike did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a PlayStation 3 and numerous children's toys.

On 28 October 2011, Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and 2 misdemeanors in what appears to be a 3rd attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe, although all charges were reduced to misdemeanors upon sentencing.

As a direct result of his 28 October 2011 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris had found both himself and his mother on the receiving end of a civil suit. Having been sentenced to community service and put under a probation, and being charged with paying Snyder's medical bills, this may very well have been the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats. However, it is much more likely that he simply doesn't care, or still feels as if he were the real victim in all of this.

2012

Card.PNG

On 4 February 2012, it was revealed on his Facebook that Chris no longer has respect for any sort of law enforcement after the events of 28 October 2011, officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a Jerkop. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the GAMe PLACe, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approached him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is Son-Chu, and driving off.

On 12 April 2012, Chris announced the loss of his virginity, giving off strong hints that he had slept with a hired prostitute. He all but confirmed this on 1 May, when he said that he 'found her on the backpage', most likely meaning that he found it on the website Backpage.com, a Craiglist clone that also solicits prostitutes--Chris's prostitute was codenamed Mia Hamm, as seen on the website. In the state of Virginia, this constitutes a Class 1 Misdemeanor and is therefore illegal. It is unknown whether or not Chris is aware of this, but it's very likely that if he is, he simply doesn't care.

On 28 April 2012, Chris revealed another incident in the mall. Prior to his Facebook note on 30 March 2012, Chris got into a shouting match with a troll on his cell phone at the mall. The shouting did not go unnoticed, and Chris bolted once security was called in. On 25 April, Chris received a ban from the mall,[13] though it is unknown if it was for that incident or an incident that happened between those two dates.

On 10 July 2012, Chris was arraigned in court for the 28 October 2011 incident. After calling Snyder a "thieving liar" in the courtroom, Chris was sentenced to community service and put under a one-year probation. He was also ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills.

2013

In September 2013, Chris committed an act of vandalism (an arrestable offense) by defacing a HEXbox One display at a Walmart, but got off easy by merely just being banned from the store. Given his furious reaction to this and his track record with a certain store owner who also did the same, it remains to be seen if Chris would follow up on his threat to have his revenge. Also, much like his tantrum at the Fashion Square Mall in 2005, Chris was also confronted by a jerkop at a local restaurant after scratching a woman's car with his, and screaming out loud in public. Chris claimed he was cursing God for all his misfortune recently.

2014

On 29 March 2014, a report surfaced on the CWCki Forums saying that earlier that month Chris has been spotted trying to steal merchandise from Best Buy. The next day Chris denied the truthfulness of the report, but Kim confirmed that the attempted shoplifting had indeed occurred.[14]

On 26 December 2014, Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display in GameStop in the Charlottesville Fashion Square and was forced out due to a previous ban, but not before he attacked a staff member with pepper spray who was calling security. By the 28th, he was confirmed to have been jailed.

2015

Thoughout most of 2015 Chris behaved himself, presumably because his sojourn to the jailhouse was fresh in his memory. His punishment for the pepper spray incident was eventually decided (after seven hearings) in October - a very light sentence of a three-figure fine and a six-month prison sentence that he won't have to serve unless he breaks the law again during probation.

2016

In August, Chris was fined $121 by Greene County for two charges, each misdemeanors, of failing to acquire dog tag and rabies licenses for his dogs.

In November, Chris made several death threats against President Trump. He is blissfully unaware that threatening the President or President-elect is one of the few restrictions on freedom of speech in America, and could land Chris with a fine and/or up to five years in prison.

2017

In June, Chris was sued by Mariner Finance for failing to pay his debt.[15] He is due to appear in court on 24 August. The case was dismissed on August 24.

Chris's parents and law

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

  • When Chris was thrown out of the Cub Scouts after an unknown incident, his parents attempted to sue the Boy Scouts of America for discrimination.[16]
  • When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school for restraining him.[17]
  • When Mimms and Lucas took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but as usual never followed through).
  • When Snorlax thought she had indigestion, she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese establishment the food came from. When it turned out to be colitis, she dropped the subject.
  • When Barb and Bob had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.[18]
  • When Alec called the Chandler household posing as The GAMe PLACe employee Matthew Noble, Borb claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "not illegal." This came after threatening to sue Mimms and Lucas for doing exactly that.[19]
  • During that same call, Bob simply won't have a bar of the concept that an individual can be prohibited from private property, saying, "it's a business place," which has absolutely no bearing on private property laws.[19]
  • On 28 October 2011, Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, her bad health and her hopeless, dependent clod of a son seem to have helped earn her some clemency.
  • On 10 July 2012, Barb was arraigned in court for her participation in the 28 October 2011 incident. She was sentenced to community service and served a two year probation.
  • On 19 February 2016, Barb was sued by Discover Bank for unpaid debt. The judgement stated that the owes $4,706.93 and $56 in court costs.
  • On 4 August 2016, Barb was sued by Capital One Bank for the same reason. She owes $15,906.99, plus $56 in court costs.

Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws

Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.

Chris believes the police in real life are corrupt, and sees them in the same light as he sees the Jerkops in his comic- the Jerkops act as a stand-in for police who wronged him, and are portrayed as being impostors with no legal authority (probably indicating that Chris does not recognize real policemen as legitimate authority). In light of these things, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for drinking, smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris inexplicably portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.[20]

On 31 December 2009, Chris orated about a law he wanted made in order to prevent Jack Thaddeus from using the ad space he paid for:

 
 
I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already Snail-Mailed President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.
 

 

—Chris


As one can see, Chris is seeking the direct intervention of the president of his country and beseeching him to outlaw advertisements he doesn't like. Aside from the fact that Obama himself couldn't have done anything about this, the fact is that Chris was mandated by law to display the ads Jack paid to display. Chris should have written to his congressman about this rather than the president, but either way he would have received no response.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with Mary Lee Walsh. More than a decade ago, she put a stop to Chris soliciting sex on her campus. War ensued and Chris received a well-deserved time-out for his behaviour. Six years later, in 2009, Chris decided it was time to make peace. He went to her office and left her a "Framed Hand-Drawn Apology" on her doorstep.[21] Her reaction was to file a trespassing notice. Chris disastrously believed that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to sender, he wasn't liable for it.[22] Thankfully, Chris didn't trespass again.

Mailbag 55 posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, presumably disregarding women, gay men and boxing enthusiasts), and two, he wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings (purely for his own benefit of course), thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

In the aftermath of distancing himself from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second Flipnote, Don'tGetTrolled!. The details are unknown, but Chris essentially wants to make so that online, nobody can ever speak negatively of anybody else under threat of prosecution. There do exist laws against cyber-crime and online harassment but these laws vary by country (and concern rather more serious deeds than drawing Rosechu with a dick), and so even if Chris's law were somehow implemented federally, only his fellow USA residents would actually be held accountable. Chris is failing to comprehend that people besides Americans use the internet, or worse, assuming the entire world can be held to the USA's laws.

In the comic

CWCville used to have a police station, but no more.

The law, such as it is, in the comics is a horrifying totalitarianism where anybody anywhere is subject to the whims of a dictator. In CWCville, Chris is "mayor" (read: god-king) and has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a US$1,500 fine (which Chris considers an equally bad punishment. CWCville has its own currency (despite being nothing more than a small city) and why fines are levied in USD is unknown.[23] Importing tobacco or alcohol incurs a greater punishment than murder or rape.[23] However, it should be noted that Chris repealed the law against alcohol in June 2009.

The Rosechus often congregate to "protest" for women's rights. These protests usually involve nudity and/or pornography. They campaign for basic, archaic things like eligibility to vote, suggesting Chris (or one of his predecessors) has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

It is never clear whether or not CWCville is legally a part of the United States (and thus subject to its federal laws) as Chris characteristically sends mixed messages a lot - some things are distinctly American (the aforementioned USD fines, for instance) but CWCville has its own currency, and its own set of "laws", the likes of which would never be permitted in a developed or even undeveloped country, even if CWCville were some sort of Vatican-like sovereign state. The only arrangement that makes even the slightest amount of sense is that CWCville is just that - a sovereign state, on US soil. Chris doesn't seem to have thought this out though, and evidently believes the mayor of a town is legally entitled to act as an authoritarian dictator.

As a mayor, Chris does nothing bureaucratic, ever, and makes his secretary do all the paperwork (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "Dating Education" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

Actual police officers did not appear until quite late in the series and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing between peace and violent anarchy. However, Sonichu #9 seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from Mary Lee Walsh's jerkops), as well as his own team of Power Rangers and a team of Transformers.

 
 
Is CWCville under Martial Law?
 

 

Jack Thaddeus citing the truth as he sees it

In conversation with Jack Thaddeus, Chris revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.[24] Add this to the fact that Chris cannot be deposed as mayor ("there is no elections") and the fact that the police and a fleet of superpowered goons obey literally anything Chris demands of them, and it paints a very frightening picture. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."[25] Apparently in CWCville, the Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the U.S. Supreme Court ruling finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

Even though Chris's deranged laws exist only within his city-state-country-whatever of CWCville, he exacts his deranged fury unto people whether they're actually in his jurisdiction or not. Sonichu #10 shows four distinct crimes committed outside of CWCville: the destruction of the 4-cent garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of terrorism as Chris and his goons heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Chris may be able to commit murder without being reprimanded, but of course this doesn't apply to everyone. Following the death of Simonla, the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the Sixth Amendment) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're killed by the people they've wronged (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the Eighth Amendment forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a state attorney, as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

Were it not obvious by now, any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) mayor.

References

  1. [1] (the video is fine, but that comment is no longer present as of Jun 2014)
  2. http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266 (dead link as of Jun 2014)
  3. Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!
  4. Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"
  5. 05142010
  6. Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place
  7. A Public Announcement for Congress
  8. Ivy Q&A#The end
  9. 9.0 9.1 Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005
  10. 10.0 10.1 Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005
  11. Following too close, 28 July 2005
  12. Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean
  13. Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D
  14. March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour
  15. File:Mariner Finance vs Chris.png
  16. Mailbag 18
  17. [2], case 0438-94-2 (dead link as of Jun 2014)
  18. Greene County Conspiracy
  19. 19.0 19.1 Matthew Noble call
  20. the only one
  21. out of the blue
  22. Mailbag 26
  23. 23.0 23.1 Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008
  24. Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3
  25. Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck

See also

Chris and...

Introduction

Life: ☠️ Death👕 Fashion 😷 Health🌐 The Internet 📰 Journalism⚤ Sex📺 Television 🎮 Video Games

Psyche/Personality: 😠 Anger👑 Ego🎭 Hypocrisy (🤥 Lies) • 😇 Kindness🎓 Knowledge📼 Nostalgia💭 Psychology (Autism) • 🌎 Reality😟 Remorse😥 Stress

Communication: 🙊 Censorship🇬🇧 English🤝 Negotiation🗣️ Oration📱 Socialization🇪🇸 Spanish💬 Speech✒️ Writing

Society: 😱 Drama⚧ Gender (🤡 Tomgirl) • 👮 The Law🗳️ Politics✊🏻✊🏿 Race⛪ Religion👧 Sexism (👨 Misandry) • 🏳️‍🌈  Sexuality (SLGBTQ)

Business: ™ Brand loyalty💼 Business© Copyright🏭 The Industry💰 Money (📉 Begging)

Skills: 🎨 Art🎥 Cinematography🏆 Contests🎩 Cosplaying➗ Mathematics🎶 Music