Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3 is the third and final call between Jack Thaddeus and Chris, occurring on 31 December 2009. In this call, Jack comments on, among other things; the government of CWCville, Chris's sad status as a human being, and, of course, that the CWCipedia to feature gay ads. At the end, Chris, being the immature prick he is, hangs up in the middle of his conversation with Jack. Less than a day later, Chris was editing the ads that met his high standards of approval, still considering himself the "Captain of da CWCipedia vessel".
Also, from this call, it is revealed that Jack is a snappy dresser and a homo.
Jack: Hey Chris it's Jack.
Chris: Yes, Jack, I was expecting you.
Jack: So I heard you have a problem with the ads.
Chris: Hmm, yes, just the one with the Port-a-John.
Jack: With the what?
Chris: Yeah, with the Port-a-John.
Jack: Port-a...John? I don't... I'm not familiar with that one. Hold on, let me...
Chris: Ou- outdoor toilet.
Jack: Um, that's not a Port-a-John. That is supposed to be a closet.
Chris: Yeh, I get that
Jack: Chris do you even know what... That's not a Port-a-John, Chris!
Chris: That's not... I would not exactly classify it a closet
Jack: It's supposed to represent a closet. It's just a painting of a door.
Chris: Yeh, I get it
Jack: What's the problem here? It's tasteful, I don't see what the problem is, Chris.
Chris: Okay, well. Well. Okay, well, uhh. Just the picture or just the picture I'm okay with the picture just keep it within th- within the side area do not
Jack: Chris, umm, I-I can't be havin' that. Chris I-I-I gotta put the ad there because right now your site isn't getting enough hits for me to, ya know, just have little ads. Because, you're not that productive right now. I mean, you...
Chris: Anyway, but anyways, the introduction box is not a place for ads.
Jack: Ehh, yes it is. I get to dictate where the ads go. You don't seem to understand how this works.
Chris: Would you put the ad of a middle of a banner? In the middle of the website title banner.
Jack: Yeh, some people do do that. It's called sponsorship.
Chris: It's not, but—
Jack: Chris, listen, this—Chris, this is how this works: I fronted the money to get this site started. I need to make this money back. It's called an investment. Do you know how this works?
Chris: Yeh, I get it.
Jack: No, you don't seem to get it, because you seem to be struggling with the fact that I have, in the contract that I have with the SysOp I control the ad space. I dictate what and where the ads go. And I reap the money that is generated by it. Unless you can give the SysOp $2000, you know, in Euro, I still have the ads. Do you have $2000?
Chris: Even if I have $2000, going from America to Europe is not legal.
Jack: Well it is for me, because I have dual citizenship.
Chris: Yes, I ha— I understand that. The SysOp has— had informed me of that.
Jack: Yes, I see that you have been arguing with her and ya know, making quite a nuisance of yourself on the talk page. You, do you treat- do you treat many people that, ya know, that help and support you like this? Do you treat them regularly? Do you treat your church congregation like this?
Chris: I do not regularly treat them like that.
Jack: Regularly? You shouldn't ever treat them like this!
Chris: Anyway— But, no, anyways...
Jack: Look, Chris, you...
Chris: Introduction box is not a place for ads. Look, if you want, you can set up an ad box that goes underneath the introduction box where that goes underneath the introduction box where the ad would be of equivalent size.
Jack: No, Chris. Chris, this is my ad space. Either I get the money, or I take all my money, and I sue the SysOp for not following the contract. Do you want to be responsible for me suing the SysOp? The SysOp is doing you a favor by... by hosting this. Ok?
Chris: Yeh, and I'm trying to come up with a reasonable compromise that we can both agree on.
Jack: It doesn't matter if you agree on it! Ok? Either you take this, or you don't have a site! You can go host your own. We, but, you know what, I have to tell you. Let's look at the track record between when you ran your own site and when we have been running sites for you. Okay, the SysOp has thwarted multiple, at least 4 hacking attempts, and there's almost around-the-clock surveillance of the site. Can you provide that for your own site? 'Cause if I remember correctly Clyde had very little trouble getting a hold of the sites.
Chris: I will not disagree with you on that.
Jack: Okay, so do you like the CWCipedia?
Chris: Yes, I like the CWCipedia.
Jack: Okay, then why is it that you seem to think that it's okay for you to act like it's your... your own, you made it and, ya know, everything on it belongs to you. What belongs to you on there is Sonichu and all affiliate...umm, and the franchise. That, I don't care about that, that's your thing. You can do whatever you want with that. But there's a section for me, that allows me to make money off of the ads, because I invested in this- I bought the server for this. SysOp. And from what I've been seeing, you've been treating her like your slave. Constantly complaining to her about every little thing that you see that you don't like. And then you've been going on YouTube and making rants about how much you hate the homos, which, ya know, I happen to be one, and I have many friends that are... those.
Chris: And by the way
Chris: And by the way, in the past, the way you treated me with the hacking attempts—
Jack: I wasn't, I wasn't doing the hacking attempts. That was Clyde that was doing the hacking on your other sites. I just got into your PSN because I, personally, think, that, ya know, you're wasting your time with that silly contraption. But, ya know.
Chris: Anyway, point is, between all of that, between the both of you on everything in all of that, you're not exactly giving your own homosexual male kind a good name, you're actually worsening it.
Jack: You're not exactly giving the autistic kind a good name. Umm, you're basically, from what I can... If all autistics are like you, they sit around at home all day playing video games, and leeching off of uh, off of um, social security. When I know in actuality that there are many autistics that actually have jobs and, and help in the world. Like, there's um, one woman I know, who is, I know of, who is autistic, and she actually writes books about animal cruelty and equality, because she, kind of, her mind, in a way, thinks like a cow's. She's... Her simplicities allow her to think like a cow and so she sympathizes with how they are slaughtered. It's... it's something you... probably far beyond your grasp, but, she's very intelligent and she helped to, she helps to, uh, bring about, um, more humane practices within the meat industry.
Jack: And yet, here you are, sitting around, drawing your uh, comics, and, ya know, ranting about how much you hate the homos, who really haven't done anything to you. I mean, Clyde and I... The reason we did things to you isn't because you hate homos, it's just 'cause, ya know, you're a despicable person. But, I'm kind of done with that, and I decided that I'm going to help you. And this is how I'm helping you, by giving you your own site. But, but, with everything... There is no such thing as a free meal, Chris. You understand that? No such thing as a free lunch. I don't... And, and, you know, you might think that with your little soup hotels, but in the real world that's not how things work, which is interesting, because if you have so many, how is it that the city of CWCville seems like it has such a small population, but has such a high unemployment and homeless rate? At work, I don't-
Chris: Actually, it's very populated, and a lot of people have jobs there, but unfortunately there are too many people that come into the town that don't have the jobs, or actually live in the town and don't have the jobs.
Jack: Is CWCville even incorporated within the Commonwealth of Virginia?
Chris: I believe it would be.
Jack: Umm. Okay, because you basically run the whole city pretty chaotically, and y'know, it's not very stable in terms of the politics and economically stable either. Y'know, it seems like there is random destruction and, you know, a bunch of weird freaks running around, but, you know, and apparently the police are so inept that they require, you know, some sort of mutant hedgehog things to, y'know, clean up the mess, that from your little fights with, uhh..
Chris: The police of CWCville have their own capabilities. They have their own weapons and tanks and everything, but they can only-
Jack: Tanks? Why would the police need tanks? Why do police need tanks?
Chris: Well, I mean the army-
Jack: Why's the army- Why is the army in CWC- Is CWCville under martial law?
Chris: No, I'm talking about a division.
Jack: A division of the army to protect... Chris, this is very bizarre, I'm just gonna say, I mean... It just seems like, you know, if you can't take care of a little dark magic, then, you know, something's wrong with your city, but, you know, I think I'm just- I don't really care for the comic, you already know that, and so-
Chris: Well the police on their own cannot handle the dark magic, so therefore that's where we come in to handle that dark magic.
Jack: So you basically give these um, hedgehog things extraordinary power within, so they can do whatever they want without warrants or you know, or being held responsible for what they do... Right?
Chris: I grant them the immunity...
Jack: Oh so they can basically just kill anybody and... You know... "Well, that's just that."
Chris: No, no, they're not going to kill- they're not going to kill anybody, they know-
Jack: It's called collateral damage, Chris. It happens. I mean... look at it in Iraq, you'd think that, you know, when there's collateral damage, somebody is always, you know, gonna be held responsible for it, and it doesn't matter if it was a mistake or on purpose, somebody is held responsible for it. You can't just- that's not how it works. That's basically what a warlord does, is they just say "Oh, do whatever you want"... You don't seem to have a grasp of how things in the world work, Chris, you have a very, you know, narrow view of the world. You know, that's one of the things I think that Clyde was trying to work on, was getting you to, you know, look outside your little box. You need to see the world, and you can't see the world from the PS3... I can assure you that. You may argue with me that you can y'know watch all the little videos and stuff that you want, but in reality that's not how it works. You can watch videos 'til you die, but you'll never actually experience the world.
Chris: Well, I will not argue with you there.
Jack: So, are you content with uh, our agreement that um, the ad stays where it is?
Chris: I was hoping we could come to a compromise...
Jack: *snigger* Chris, Chris!
Chris: You could have an ad that is of the same size, which is underneath the introduction box.
Jack: Underneath the introduction box... it IS underneath the introduction box- it says "Welcome to the CWCipedia, the Online Encyclopedia," that's the introduction, and then there's the ad!
Chris: No, but, it's in the big white box, right next to the introduction image.
Jack: Oh, right below that is a bunch of clutter crap! I don't want my ad being put down there just so it can be lost amongst that. I mean, jeez Chris, you know, the SysOp- the SysOp can only hold your hand for so much, you gotta, you gotta, you know, you gotta put in some work too. I mean, she's there to help you, but she's not your little... she's not your nanny that will take care of everything. Cause this just looks like a cluttered mess. Oh and, what's it say in it? "Jack Thaddeus, who is still being an annoying son of a," did that say bitch? Oh. Ok, yeah, yeah that's real nice, that's real nice insulting your benefactor.
(Chris hangs up)
Jack: Chris? Chris! Chris! Hello? CHRIS! Chris, what are you doing? *sigh* Should we call him back? I don't know what happened. Emery?
Emily: He was still on! He was still connected!
Jack: No he wasn't. He wasn't there.
Emily: Ok, well anyways, I'm calling him back.
Jack: Alright. If- if he like, asks about the Emery thing, I'm just gonna say, oh that's Emery my cat. (phone rings) Emeril Lagasse. Oh boy. (Chris's voicemail greeting) Seriously? I'm gonna leave a message.
Automated Voice: Please begin recording at the tone.
Jack: Chris, this is Jack, um, what happened there? Did uh, I lose connection, or did you um, y'know just stop wanting to listen to me? Cause uh, this isn't how we solve problems in the adult world, Chris. Just tellin' you. Alright, talk to you later I suppose. And Happy New Year. Bye.
Jack: God damn it, Bobby. God damn it, BlueSpike.
(end of recording)
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