Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6
Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6 is the sixth of the calls between Chris and Alec Benson Leary, which took place on 4 February 2010. As Alec notes several times, Chris is far too agreeable to Alec's conditions, and at times simply doesn't seem to be listening.
The end result of the demands was the C-log of 5 February 2010, in which Chris half-asses his way through most of Alec's requests.
As a result, the CWCipedia was shut down from February 6 to February 12. When it was brought back up, the Asperchu ads were made worse, just as Alec promised.
Alec spends much of the phone call dictating his list of demands to Chris and asking Chris to recite this list multiple times. Alec repeatedly tells Chris that if Chris meets all of his demands, the ads for the Asperpedia will be removed from the CWCipedia, but if his demands are not met in full, his ads will get worse. All the while, Chris tries to rush the phone conversation, clearly not taking this shit seriously enough. Alec brushes upon the topic of the word naïve and Chris shows yet again that he doesn't understand the meaning of the word. He also believes that the phrase "well, call me naïve" is an invitation to call someone naïve. Alec explains that it is just a turn of phrase, but metaphor and sarcasm seem to be concepts that are beyond Chris's grasp. Alec presents Chris with a hypothetical situation when someone says "just shoot me" and asks what Chris would do. Chris actually considers shooting someone in this case.
Chris's ignorance is in full swing here. He feels that attracting fans from another fandom should be considered stealing, as if fans spontaneously generate out of nothing and the ones he has are his property and no one else's. Also, Chris still has no idea how ad space works. Alec spends a great deal of time explaining to Chris how many Sonichu characters are in violation of various copyrights and that if Chris tries to publish Sonichu, he will be sued by Nintendo, Hasbro, Sega, etc. He proposes to Chris that he must reboot Sonichu without all the Transformers, all the Pokemon, Meg Griffin, and the other shit Chris stole. Chris says he will take it into consideration, but clearly will not as he seems averse to the idea of rebooting Sonichu. Judging from Chris's history of rejecting good advice, Chris will continue Sonichu in all its copyright-infringing glory.
Alec's demands for Chris were as follows:
- Admit that Alec has an greater fanbase.
- Admit that he asked Evan permission to use Simonla.
- Admit that Simonla was never Chris’s creation.
- Admit that he attempted to edit the CWCipedia article to say that Simonla was his creation.
- Acknowledge that Evan took away rights for Chris to use Simonla and that Chris has been ignoring this
- Apologize for using the word naive about Alec.
- Apologize for cursing Mao and give a Forgiveness Blessing to him.
- Apologize for stealing the false Chaotic Combo and Asperchu from Alec.
- Make the apologies in a comic page.
- Apologize for impersonating his mother off camera (not in a video).
- Admit that Chris has been trolling Alec.
- Apologize for insinuating that Alec keeps female prisoners in his basement and rapes them.
- Admit that he doesn’t have a good excuse to not upload pages everyday.
- Apologize for disrespecting his fans.
- Violently kill Simonla in the comic.
- Wear Sonichu medallion and high school ring while filming the video.
- Admit Sonichu is a doomed franchise.
- Not look insincere.
Chris tried to weasel his way out of meeting all of Alec's requests. He gave Mao a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing, killed off Simonla off-screen after Alec specifically asked for her to be killed on-screen, and admitted to not having an excuse for updating some days, but that life gets in the way, even though Chris clearly doesn't have a life. He completely refused to mention that he had been trolling Alec and that Sonichu is a doomed franchise. Chris gave the most resistance to these ideas in the phone conversation. Chris also showed no sincerity and tried to rush though the video. Needless to say, Alec was far from pleased with Chris.
|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|
|Stardate||4 February 2010|
Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5
Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7
Alec: [cut off]-s it's, uh, it's Alec.
Chris: Yes, hello, Alec.
Alec: Hi. Um. Uh, I was uh, wondering if you'd like to...continue our discussion about, um, about getting all the ads down?
Alec: Um, well first I wanna let you know that um, just to make it clear, if you-if you make another video that, um, includes all the requirements that I'm going to list for you, I will, uh, remove all of my ads completely. From the CWCipedia. If you, if you follow my instructions. That sound good?
Chris: Yeah okay, hang on lemme get something to write on and something to write with.
Chris: Okay, I'm listening.
Alec: Alright. Um, first of all, like I said in our last call, I'd like you to admit that I do have a very sizable fanbase. Uh, because I think you believe that I don't have any real fans. I'd like you to admit that I do. I have quite a lot of fans. A lot of them are former Sonichu fans.
Chris: Okay, well, yeah...admit that. Okay what's the next thing?
Alec: Um, well, in your apology video I asked you to address not only Simonchu, but Simonla. And you didn't. And I'd like you to bring up that you actually did ask Evan permission to use Simonla when you first began using her, uh, which shows that you understood from the beginning that Simonla was not yours and you were borrowing her from-or, or him, rather, Simonchu-from the original creator. And I'd like you to admit that Simonla was never yours.
Chris: I see. Hm.
Alec: Will you do that, Chris?
Chris: I'm writing it down, hang on. [pause] Alright, what's the next thing?
Alec: Ummm...I'd like you to admit that you...attempted to edit the CWCipedia article about Simonla to say that she was your original creation. Well, wasn't a nice thing to do to your fans.
Chris: Right. Anyway, uh, got that written down. What's the next thing?
Alec: Um...I want you to acknowledge that even though Evan gave you permission to use Simonla, he later took it away. And he took it away quite a long time ago. And I'd like you to admit that you have been ignoring and disrespecting his requests to remove his character from your comic.
Chris: Alright I'm writing it down. Hm. Huh...permission to [mutters]...
Alec: You know, it sounds like, um, you're actually pretty agreeable about this, and I'm glad about that.
Chris: Yeah well I'm writing it down here. Um...yeah.
Alec: Well yeah you're writing it down. So you're, you're going to do those things so far?
Chris: Yeah. [very quickly, as if trying to sneak this past Alec] Well anyway-anyway it's still debatable. Anyway. What's the next thing?
Alec: [nobody's fool but his own] Nooo, it's not debatable. Chris, all these conditions I'm listing, you have to do these, or my ads go nowhere.
Chris: Yeah. Anyway. Uh, okay, what's the next thing?
Alec: Does that matter to you, Chris? You said that's debatable and I'm saying it's not. Don't you...wanna acknowledge that?
Chris: Acknowledged, anyway, uh, what's the next thing?
Alec: [sigh] Alright. Um, I asked you to apologize for the word "naïve". I want you to do that. Specifically say that you used the word "naïve" because you intended to hurt and insult me, and you know that I am not naïve.
Chris: Alright. Yeah. Okay what's the next thing?
Alec: I want you to apologize for cursing Mao. And um, actually I'd like you to issue him-give him a forgive-a-ness blessing. To-to retract that curse-ye-ha-me-ha.
Chris: Hm. Mm...okay, uh, anything-anything else?
Alec: Um, I want you to apologize for stealing from me.
Alec: You know, the um...the false Chaotic Combo I created, you stole them, and you stole Asper...chu and tried to change them around.
Alec: [inhales] Um, can we talk about S-can we talk about Simonla a bit? Because I wanna know why you say it's debatable.
Chris: Hm. Lemme think about that a moment...mm...okay, I guess that was a...premature thing to say, so I re-I respectfully withdraw it. So, is there anything else?
Alec: Um, so you...so you are going to say that Simonla is not y-you're going to say exactly what I asked you to say about Simonla? You're going to...?
Alec: Okay. Um, the next thing is...these are the things that I wanted you to make in a video. But I also want you to, um, in your comic, just take a page or whatever, you know, take a little side break from the main story, and use the page to explain, uh, everything that I just said as well. And I would like you to, in that comic page, apologize to me, and to Mao, and to Evan, for all the things that I just listed.
Alec: Are you gonna do that?
Alec: 'Cause uh, I asked you...I just wanna make sure you're going to do these Chris, 'cause I asked you to do these things last time that we talked about it, I mean the last time before you, you know, hung up on me, and um, you said you were writing it down but then you forgot like half the things that I asked you to do.
Chris: Yeah. Alright so, is that it, is there anything else?
Alec: Um, I guess you don't have to put it in the video, this next part, but I'd like you to apologize for pretending to be your mother in the last phone call. And uh, pretending that she was calling you away from the phone call.
Alec: And the reason I'd like you to apologize for that is because I, um, really don't benefit a whole lot from calling you about these matters, I was calling you because I wanted to give you a quick and easy way to settle this whole ad business and to settle the fight between us, and rather than take the opportunity to listen to what I said, you pretended to be your mother, and, you know, pretended that your mother was calling you away to do an errand and you had to leave the phone call. So instead of handling the problem right then and there, and if you had done so, then, you know, the ads could have been gone by now, but instead you [Chris 'hm's] ran away from me. It shows you don't respect me.
Chris: Right. Yeah. So, alright. Wrote that down. Anything else?
Alec: Well, I'd like-I'd like you to admit that right now, Chris. That you lied about that.
Chris: Okay, why don't-
Alec: And since you-
Chris: I admit that-I admit that I pretended to be my mother, to end the call early last time.
Alec: Can I ask you why you did that, Chris?
Chris: Because I felt it was going on and on, and I was-
Alec: We were-
Alec: We were barely on the phone for five minutes when you did that. And this is, like I said, this is a serious matter, and it's your problem that I'm trying to help you with. I was being gracious enough to call you, to, you know, give you a way to settle it. And you still-you ran away from me. Real men don't run away from their problems, Chris. When I-I talked to you, I talked to you on an even footing, man to man. I don't lie or deceive you. And I don't run away, even though you are a troll to me. Because, you know, obviously I've been calling you. To talk to you. Instead of hiding from you.
Alec: Um...that's another thing I want you to put in the video. I want you to admit that you are a troll. And that you have been trolling me ever since I-ever since my comic started. And use that word specifically. Say, "I, Christian Weston Chandler, am a troll."
Chris: Yeah. Okay.
Alec: Can you, um, read back, uh, to me the list that you've made since we started this call, please?
Chris: Okay. Admit that Alec has sizable fanbase, address the-I had permission for Simonchu but then it was withdrawn, and I did not admit to-uh, an a, admit-admit-admit Simonla was not mine, admit (?) anything to my Simonla article, yeah Evan gave permission, but withdrew it, gone against his wishes, no Simonla, apologize to Alec for calling him naïve, apologize to Mao forgiveness blessing, apologize for stealing Asperchu and parodic characters, and (?) comic page explaining all of that with more apologies, and I just apologized to you for pretending to be my mother to end the call early, and admit trolling you.
Alec: Okay, good. That's good so far. Um, I'd also like you to apologize for insinuating that I keep female prisoners in my basement and use them as a...unwilling harem and rape them. Because I don't do anything of the sort.
Alec: That's just creepy. I don't...I don't know where you got that idea.
Alec: I mean, I can kinda see some of the other complaints that you had were based on, you know, like direct misunderstanding of things, but-but that, you know, me raping female prisoner things...that just-that c-that came outta left field. Where'd you get that idea?
Chris: [talking over him] Yeah okay well, okay. Well actually...no. Ah...I never said-I never used the word 'rape', you just had them in prisom [sic] and you treated them like hamsters. You did not rape them.
Alec: [talking over Chris, who says something unclear] What do you mean, 'treated them like hamsters'?
Chris: You know, just keep them in cages, giant hamster wheels, giant water bottles, nn...and food pellets.
Alec: 'Kay, um, even if you didn't use the word 'rape', what do you think people-what do you think the impression is people are going to get when you suggest that someone keeps female prisoners in their basement? They're going to think that um, said prisoners are being raped by their captor. And I mean, that seems like a pretty obvious insinuation. Even if you don't use the word directly.
Chris: Okay. Ahh...alright anything else after that?
Alec: [inhales] Umm...I am still trying to think. Um...y-you know, I apologize for seeming like I'm beating a dead horse, but I...I am a little suspicious that you seem so agreeable, because in all our previous correspondences you've been um, you know, insulting, rude, or...manipulative. Or a combination thereof. But now it seems like, you know, you're-you're just rearin' to go with this. ...Are you sure you're just not trying to-?
Alec: -finish the phone call with me quickly? 'Cause,
Chris: Well, I'm not trying to-
Chris: -finish anything.
Chris: I mean, I'm not trying to finish this phone call, I want to put this to rest.
Alec: Okay, well, good. 'Cause like I said, you do all these things perfectly, as I say, um-
Alec: -then my ads will go away. Um, but if-but if you make a video and you're missing anything, or if you deliberately contradict something, um, or if I feel like you are trying to pull a fast one on me and weasel out of something, then the ads are going to get worse. Because at this point I do have to assume that anything that goes wrong is a deliberate, um...evil intent on your part.
Chris: I see.
Alec: Do you-? I mean, that's a...fair assumption for me to make, don't you think? Considering how much you've-
Chris: [talking over him] You have, you have, you have right-you have the right to make that assumption.
Alec: Mmkay. Kay, well good. Excuse me just a second.
[pause, a stress sigh is heard]
Alec: Sorry about that, I'm back. Um...
Alec: Can I ask you why you think the word "naïve" is so... horrible?
Chris: Not only does the word sound like nails on--nails on a chalkboard when one says it, but also, it questions one's intelligence and experience. In life.
Alec: I-I think it actually only questions experience, it's not about intelligence.
Chris: [interrupting] Yeah but, yeah but-experience versus knowledge... still implied, the knowledge part.
Alec: Well no, knowledge is different from intelligence.
Chris: Yeah but also similarly it can sound like, you know, callin' somebody stupid. Or worse than that.
Alec: Well, you know, no pun intended here, but if you...if you believe that then I think you kind of are naïve. I mean, because the-that you-you don't have a, you know, an understanding of the word.
Chris: I looked it up in a disshonary [sic]. I have a understanding of the word.
Alec: I-I don't know what dictionary you looked up that suggested it's a direct question of one's intelligence. ... I mean, lemme look it up on uh, an online dictionary here. Um...let's see..."lacking experience or judgments", it's really not about intelligence. And um, I am still kinda bothered that, you know, you think it's such a horrible insult that you wanted to use it on me.
Chris: Hm. Okay well, in-
Alec: And you-and you had happily-
Chris: Okay well still in my defense though, you did tell me to-you did say, "well, call me naïve" during that particular conversation.
Alec: Um, you know that's just a turn of phrase, right? I wasn't actually asking you to call me naïve.
Chris: [watch as Alec's words bounce off Chris, like throwing ping-pong balls at a whale...] Mmkay. Well, you gave me the opportunity, so that's my defense right there.
Alec: You should-
Chris: (?) -agree on that.
Alec: You should exercise some personal responsibility though, because, you know, you think 'naïve' is such a horrible thing, like, have you ever heard the phrase, uh, "just shoot me"? Like, you know, someone's frustrated, they'll say "just shoot me." I mean, if someone said that in your presence, would you feel, you know, okay with "well, I'll just pull out a gun and shoot them"?
Chris: No, not nec-no, not necessarily shoot them.
Alec: "Not necessarily"? Does that mean you'd consider it?
Chris: Mm. No, I would not shoot them at all.
Alec: Well, I should hope not. I mean, you shot people in your comic before. I hope you wouldn't shoot them in real life.
Chris: Date. (?) Anyway, uh, alright, so, anything else for this video, or I mean-[mumbles] aside from before apologize for labeling you as having female prisoners in your basement and...raping.
Alec: Um, yes. There is another item. I'd like you to admit that you don't have a good excuse to not upload pages every day.
Alec: I mean, I think that's...correct, right? You don't have a job, you don't go to school. I have both, you know, school and a job, and I upload every day.
Chris: Yeah. In my defense though, actually, yesterday I actually went on a nice d-on a date with a nice girl, and it was a great date, could have not gone better.
Alec: Oh, um, what was the date? Like all day, I mean, it wasn't like in the morning, was it? You could have uploaded in the morning.
Chris: Yeah well I wa-Yeah well I was not up in the morning.
Alec: Um, you didn't have, you know, any ti-What time did you wake up? How long do you sleep?
Chris: [Unintelligible word mixing] Yeah, I woke up at about eleven.
Alec: Yeah, well, that's not la-
Chris: [Interrupting] And I had to go out and ru-I had to go-and I actually had to go out to run a couple of errands at the g-grocery store and also I had to go and get my family some anti-freeze for their car.
Alec: Okay, well I-I have chores- [Can't make out over Chris's interruption]
Chris: And 'caus-and c-and the-and then with that I also had to take a shower and make myself fully ready for the date.
Alec: Um [small sigh of disapproval] You know, when I-When I shower and clean myself up, that takes like 20 minutes. I-I, like I said, I have a job and school and I have errands to do and I go out with people and I go out on dates and I still make sure I upload every day. I mean, Sonichu is your-Think of-Think of it this way: Sonichu is gonna be your big franchise. That's what's gonna make you money, right? Um, so you should treat it like it is your...your day to day job.
Alec: And [Chris interrupts again with another "Yeah"] You-When was the last day when you uploaded a page? It's been about a week, hasn't it? I mean, even if you had, you know [possibly "finished it"] yesterday...
Chris: [Interrupting again] Well, in my-in my dis-yeeah-
Chris: -Yeah, well, okay, I did update the CWCipedia day before yesterday.
Alec: [interrupts] With new comic pages?
Chris: I didn't necessarily upload. I made an update.
Alec: W-what kind of update did you make?
Chris: [unintelligible] the captain's log or a quote update.
Alec: W-well, like, a quote? Really? I mean...What does that take? 5 minutes?
Chris: Yeah I mean, well-I mean uh-I-[unintelligible]-answer letters and ema-in-To answer mailbag letters but I just-
Alec: [Interrupting] Yeah, you got some mail-You got some mailbags piling up too.
Chris: I-I just-I just could not-I just could not stand the, uh, image that was plag-that was plaguing my CWCipedia, that Mao put up. [Disapproving "Um" from Alec] I just could not stand that.
Alec: You know, Chris, if we confront our demons head on and defeat them, we come out stronger on the other side. You won't accomplish anything by running from the ads just 'cause they're unpleasant to look at. I mean [Chris puts in a "Right" quickly] Yo-You se-You know, this is the internet. You've seen tons of unpleasant crap, I'm sure I have. It doesn't stop me from [Chris quickly: "Yeah"] going on the internet. Um, a-and like I said; "Sonichu is serious business". It's your job. You should-and jo-Jobs are difficult. Jobs are hard. And... [Chris quickly: "Yeah"] I've had-I've had plenty of hard jobs. Like, you...I don't think you have any real work experience, right? But trust me, jobs are difficult.
Chris: [Probably disregarding everything Alec has just said because he mentioned that Chris has never had a hard job and Chris has only ever had "hard working jobs"] Hmm. Yeah, anyway uh...Is there anything else?
Alec: Umm...Like I said, y-you know; Take Simonla out of the comic and, in the comic, apologize to me and Mao and Evan for...for everything I've listed.
Chris: Yeah. Okay.
Chris: [Interrupting] I have the list here.
Alec: Um, can I ask you what you're going to do to get your fans back? 'Cause you've lost a lot of fans to me and I know you want them back.
Chris: Yeah, well, I'm going to change - I'm gonna continue my work and make my updates.
Alec: 'kay, well, you've said that a lot in the past and your update pattern has drastically' dropped in the last couple of weeks.
Alec: I mean, it seems like... think of it this way, Chris: I'm... I am your competition, obviously, and it seems that with one little series of unpleasant ads, I have completely shut down my competition. Now, I'm a nice guy, and I'm trying to help you, and the average artist who would be your competition is sure as hell not going to help you. So, imagine if they found out 'Oh, all I have to do is buy some space on his wiki and put up an ad he doesn't like looking at'! And that'll stop his comic production entirely. I mean, are my ads really the only reason you haven't uploaded pages in a week? Yeah, well, that and your... busy day... [Chris tries to say something and fails]
Chris: The very dirty ones. Yeah.
Alec: Um, pardon me for being blunt, but that's kind of pathetic, don't ya think?
Chris: Erm... takes one to know one.
Alec: 'Takes one' what? Pathetic person? I... I wouldn't consider myself pathetic, because I have 30,000 fans, the number of which I took from you. So, I don't think I'm pathetic at all. I mean, why do you think I'm pathetic?
Chris: Hmm... [pause] I do not have a reason at the moment!
Alec: *sighs* Well...
Chris: But... but, yeah, you-you'd pretty much had to consider yourself weak to think that, you know, t-to, y-you know, you have a bunch of fans to steal someone else's.
Alec: Um... how else will uh... fans come around, Chris? How else does any new franchise gets fans? They come from other sources. People, people are not living in a vacuum. Y'know, people, fans have been fans of other things. That's how competition works, the better man wins. I'm productive and I...
Chris: L-Lemme... still, the [unintelligible] of whom, your ads on my website. That... that was just... that was like stealing from me.
Alec: Yeah. Yeah, I rented from Jack Thaddeus. That's how it works. And it turns out people like Asperchu, so... I mean, y'know... how do you think...? You watch a lot of TV, right? I mean, you see a lot of commercials. Do you think all those... people who make those commercials, y'know, Coke or McDonald's and all that think that they're bad people because they use ads? That what you're saying to me? That I am bad just because I use ads? Good franchises advertise their products.
Chris: I'm not, I, I am not saying that, but if you consider me competition then it it would just, it's just terribly wrong for you to try to encourage my fans to go to you by putting, by putting your ads on your own competition space. Yeah, what if I had put up, like, I had actually successfully bought ads, put ads, bought ad space on your website, and put my ads on your website. How would you feel about that.
Alec: Umm, honestly I don't think I'd be worried, because you don't respect your fans, and you don't update for weeks at a time.
Alec: I think, I think my consistency, and my sticktoitiveness, and my uh, work ethic, y'know, is what makes my product superior. My fans would stay with me. I mean, they might go and locate your website, your cwcki if you put adverts on mine, but they probably wouldn't see much there worth keeping them around. There's a length of sonichu on the asperpedia front page too, if you hadn't noticed. I mean I'm not...
Chris: Um... Anyway, okay well, yeah, alright, anyway, is there uh, yeah okay are we-
Alec: [interrupting] There is another, there is another... I'm sorry, go ahead?
Chris: Nah, no I'm sorry you go ahead, you said there's another thing?
Alec: There's another item for your list, I want you to apologize to your fans for disrespecting them. You disrespect them in general, I mean, all the time but, it's your mailbags because you don't offer thought out responses, and you delete most of the mail that comes to you these days. And, I, um, there was a bit of a backlash with I think mailbag 50 or 51, whichever one that you fabricated, y'know, positive mails for instead of taking mails from the supply of existing mail. The one that you said, y'know, the one where you, you, you basically wanted all your writers to trash me. [pause] Which is another thing I would add to the list, but I think I already covered y'know, wanting you to apologize for devoting all your time to trolling me lately.
Alec: I mean every video that you've made, like y'know your videos might be 2 or 5 or 10 minutes long, and it probably takes quite a bit of time to upload the videos, y'know that's all time you could've spent making your comic which would've kept fans around. But instead, the average fan sees two artists; they see me who makes a good comic, and they see you who attempts to terrorize other artists.
Chris: I see. Okay well...
Alec: Did I... Go ahead, what're you thinking about that.
Chris: Go ahead.
Alec: No no, I had another subject to bring up, but I'd like to have your response to this first.
Chris: No that's alright, you said you had another topic? Another thing for my list?
Alec: No I'd like to have your response to that first. What are you... do you really think it was a good idea for you to devote what little energy you did put into this whole comic thing in the first place to, um, attacking me? I mean why would you think that was a good idea?
Chris: Well because you attacked me first by putting your ads on my website.
Alec: Uh, that wasn't an attack, that was just a good business move.
Chris: Well to me it was an attack.
Alec: Well... it seems like to you everything is an attack. Seems like to you everything is [unintelligible; fast?] when it's not. [Speaking over Chris as he tries to interrupt] Um, Chris, do you think that it's okay for, um, for you to use Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog as characters in your story? And Transformers and Meg Griffin... I mean, wouldn't their original creators get mad? That you're taking their characters?
Chris: Well first off, we're talking about my own Autobots, my own Autobots-
Chris: -my own Decepticons, with recoloring and different names, so they're not, so hasbro's not going to complain about that.
Alec: You know that Hasbro owns the names "Autobot" and "Decepticon", right? Just using those names is already... taking from them. [Chris tries to interrupt] Even if- even if- What's that?
Chris: I said, nobody's complainin' to me yet.
Alec: Well, that's probably 'cause you haven't made money on Sonichu yet. If you- I promise if you made one dime on Sonichu, umm... Hasbro and Sega and Nintendo... will come down on your head. Because you just recolored their characters.
Chris: Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Or if it's, like-
Alec: Chris, you can't afford to wait 'till you get to that bridge, because you've spent ten years devoting your life to this comic, which will unravel the instant you try to make money off it. Get one dime, lose fifty-thousand dollars in lawsuits. You need to... do something about it now, before you waste any more time and effort on a franchise that is full of, of stolen material!.
Chris: Well, I'll think about that further.
Alec: Chris, I'm trying to help you here. I mean it- [Chris tries to interrupt] -How many, how many times tonight have you said, you know "Oh, I'll think about that, anything else?" like you, I think you are trying to rush this phone call. Chris, I have- you've gotta admit, I've got the patience of a saint, to... keep calling you, and, keep trying to be nice to you. And, it seems like you have no concern for anything I say. I mean, keep in mind, I am- [Chris tries to interrupt again, succeeds]
Chris: I am- I have paid attention to everything you said.
Alec: But, it seems like you don't want to take my advice!
Chris: Well, I am going to take your advice here.
Alec: You mean, you're going to restructure your comic completely and remove all elements of- you know, that belong to other creators? 'Cause that would pretty much take apart your entire comic. What are you going to do? What's your plan, what are you going to to, to... umm... follow that advice?
Chris: The reboot will happen in book number twelve.
Alec: Oh, well... umm... Well, you're still working on book ten, right? So, you'll have that, and then all of book eleven... [He trails off and Chris resumes]
Chris: Yeah, book eleven will be like a clip show- which will unravel some of those plots... nnn.... whatnot. And uh, answer some questions, and then book twelve is, like, restarting with just Sonichu and Rosechu, and me not gettin' involved that much.
Alec: Okay, well... umm... is Sonichu still going to be a product of Pikachu and Sonic? 'Cause that's a problem right there.
Chris: I do not have an answer to that question... at the moment.
Alec: Chris, I suggest that you, that you... instead of going through the rest of the episodes and issues, or, Issue ten and eleven; I suggest that you stop it all right now and come up with a completely different comic. Because that's the only way you're going to get away from lawsuits. You gotta answer this problem, because... you know, Nintendo and Sega, Hasbro and Family Guy... they're not going to wait. They're not, and you- and you know that when I say that you need to do a reboot, umm, you know I mean that all of the Sonichu comics that currently exist- you can never attempt to get punished. Published, I mean.
[Long silence, then they try to talk in unison]
Chris: Yeah, everything you said has been taken to heart... umm... mmm... yeah-
Alec: I kind of doubt that. You're... you've got this kind of lackadaisical tone you're taking with me right now. [Sigh] Chris- do you believe I'm trying to help you? [Chris tries to interrupt multiple times, loses] Do you care that I'm trying to help you?
Chris: Yes, I care.
Alec: Do you feel bad that you've treated me like shit, even though I've tried to help you countless times? [Long pause, Chris tries to talk, but Alec continues] You sound like an old child trying to get out of being lectured, which is why I keep asking this. Chris, I'd like you to make me- I'd like you to make me believe that you actually are listening and believe everything I say, and when I say "Listen", I don't mean, "You wrote down the list I asked you to and can repeat the words back to me", that's not what "Listening" means. "Listen" means: You are actually considering what I say.
Chris: Well I am actually considering what you are saying.
Alec: Prove it to me Chris.
Chris: Okay... how do I prove it to you?
Alec: Show some... [Chris tries to interrupt, but it is garbled] show some concern. I mean.... say something other than 'I will take it into consideration'. That's the same thing you say to your fans every time they suggest ideas to you in the mailbag. I don't think you do take anything I say into consideration. You know what... [sighs] my first few calls with you, I was like nice like this, and you were insulting to me. And then the next few times I tried to call you, I got mean and loud and yelled a lot, and then it seemed like you actually listened. And now I'm trying to be nice again because I didn't want to... I don't like being mean to people, y'know, and now it seems like you've stopped listening again. I think... I was hoping for the best, but I think I may have been right, I may have hit the nail on the head when I said that you seem to only listen to yelling and insults.
Chris: Well that is not true. I do not listen to only yelling and insults.
Alec: Y'know, I think you do. Because... y'know, people, I think a big problem a lot of people have is that they believe the way they behave is the way that everybody behaves-
Alec: -and the world they follow is the world everyone follows, and I think that because you rely on bullying and trolling and insulting and trying to make other people feel bad just to make yourself feel good... Because you practice all of those, I think that you believe that's the only set of rules that applies in the world.
Chris: Well that is not the case.
Alec: [sarcastically] You sound so convincing there, you really do.
Alec: Yeah... [laughs, then sighs] y'know... you seem to really care about what Mao says, and all Mao does is insult you. Did I tell you that to get rid of Simonla, I don't remember if I brought this up...
Chris: [interrupting] Yeah, yes you did.
Alec: Evan wants you to violently kill her in the comic? And display it, don't show it off screen or off panel, you have to show it in the comic, like show her head getting chopped off, or show her getting shot full of bullets, something like that.
Chris: I will not kill her, but she will leave CWCville peacefully.
Alec: Um, you have to kill her. You have to kill...
Chris: [Interrupting] I am not going... I am not going to kill her. I will let her leave...
Alec: [Talking over Chris] Chris... no that's one of my terms. It's not like Poochie from the Simpsons where you can just take his frame out... Chris, you violently kill her, or Evan might come down on you and the CWCipedia. And I know you already got the CWCipedia shut down once when you tried to manipulate the ads. If you don't respect this now, it's gonna get shut down again, because Evan is going to come down on you. And he would've come down on you a long time ago, except I was trying to be the voice of peace and was holding his anger in check. And I'm not gonna do that now. Now I've learned my lesson, now I'm just telling you the terms. You either follow them, or face Evan's anger.
Alec: So you're going to violently kill Simonla, right? And show it?
Chris: That will happen, yes.
Alec: Okay. Um, I suggest fire. I think that's always a good way to go to deal with characters that you want to get rid of. It's just, it's very visually, y'know, draws people in. Everybody loves fire. Sometimes I light people on fire in my comic, and every time I do, I get ALL this fanmail, just praising that one panel or that one page.
Chris: Yeah.. well, I will think of tha- I will think of something. I will think about it. Alright...
Alec: Can I have you one more time read off your list to me?
Chris: Okay... [sigh] Admit Alec has sizable fanbase...
Alec: Let's actually change that to 'admit Alec has a greater fanbase than you.' Let's just, because we should be specific.
Chris: ...greater fanbase.
Alec: Yup, bigger fanbase...
Chris: That Chris can't...greater... said that, alright, anyway, that, address permission of Sonichu use, but then it was withdrawn, and uh, admit Simonla was not mine, uh, admit amending Simonla article, uh remove Simonla by death, apologize to you for calling you naïve, apologize to Mao with a forgiveness blessing to undo the curse, apologize for [unintelligible] Asperchu and parodic characters, make a comic page explaining all that, I just apologize to you for impersonating to be my mother to get out of the last phone call, apologize for insinuating female impri-impri-imprisonment and rape on you, admit to having no excuse for not updating on... uh, as often as I should, and apologize to my fans for disrespecting them in mailbags and delayed updates.
Alec: Uhm and, when you make this video, make sure that you're wearing your Sonichu medallion and your high school ring so everyone knows it's true, and I don't wanna see any of that Groucho Marx glasses bullshit. Because you've done that before. This video, I don't want any way for you to weasel out of this video.
Alec: This video will stand for all time.
Alec: And, oh and, one last thing. I'd like you to admit that Sonichu is a doomed franchise and you have no way of actually profiting from it or publishing it without getting sued six ways from Sunday by the real owners of the products you use.
Chris: [meekly]...um, yeah.
Alec: That's the final thing for the list.
Alec: Uhm, okay, so and... so it sounds like you've got the list comprehensive, which is good, I'm glad you've got that written down. And I just wanna emphasize again that you will do all of those items, both in a video and in your comic, and if you do it all perfectly, exactly the way I've laid out for you, and I don't sense you're trying to weasel out of anything or trying to pull a fast one on me, I will remove all my ads. I will release my contract with Jack. But if you do try to pull anything, then the ads are going to get worse. Because despite the fact that I am trying to be calm with you, I am still very angry with you, and if you try to pull anything on me, then I am going to punish you for it.
Chris: Okay, alright, okay, okay well, I'll do all that, and I'll talk to you later.
Alec: Alright. Well I look forward to seeing the ad and the comic.
Alec: Alright, you have a good night Chris.
Chris: And you too.
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