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Hooker incident

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The hooker incident was an act of trolling in which Bryan Bash sent a gaggle of boyfriend-free prostitutes to 14 Branchland Court on 19 March 2009 so Chris would no longer need to be a virgin with rage.

Background

After Chris's failed date with Emily was ambushed by the Man in the Pickle Suit on 19 March, Chris came home only to find that a mysterious benefactor had provided him with a group of "escorts" to help him divest himself of his virginity.

Result

Chris literally started crying and his parents called the police. During his phone conversation with Emily, who else but Clyde Cash should show up and claim responsibility for the whole incident.

Aftermath

Clyde Cash took the fall for it in a phone call, right after Emily's post-date conversation.


The Aftermath of the Hooker Incident
Stardate 19 March 2009
Subject Matter The Hooker Incident
Featuring Chris; Clyde Cash; Bryan Bash
Saga ClydeClyde Clyde Cash



Clyde: [fake-sounding accent] This call is being recorded. [phone ringing]
Chris: Uh, hello?
Clyde: Hey, Chris. It’s me. Clyde. You seemed a little hasty at the end, there. I just want to talk to you.
Chris: Uh, who is this?
Clyde: It's Clyde.
Chris: Oh. [unintelligible]
Clyde: You want to say "hi" to Emily? She’s still here. Anyway, I just wondered, like, uh, I was trying to help you with your virgin problem, and I sent over some fine ladies over to your house. How, how’d that work out for you?
Chris: Oh, so you were the one who sent them over, huh? Well, for your information, uh, my family, uh, was very uncomfortable with them being, being sent over, and, uh, they re—, and they reported them to the police, and they got turned in, and, uh...yeah, we did not appreciate that.
Clyde: Uh, Chris, you claim to be a virgin with rage all the time. I’m trying to help you, man.
Chris: Yeah, well, sending over prostitutes is not exactly the way of helping somebody find true love.
Clyde: Sex is not true love, Chris.
[Chris talking in the background, indistinct]
Chris: Yeah, you still there, Clyde?
Clyde: Yeah.
Chris: [Barbara prompting him, indistinct] Yeah, keep your nose out of our business, Clyde.
Clyde: Look, I worry for your family and everybody, okay? I’m trying to look out for the best of you, Chris. There are much more evil men in this world.
Barbara: I don't know who you think you are.
Clyde: Hello?
Barbara: I said I don't know who you think you are.
Clyde: Chris, your voice changed.
Barbara: But I’m telling you to both, uh, uh, t-, to cease bothering us, okay?
Clyde: Chris, your voice changed.
Barbara: [overlapping] Otherwise, yer butt’s gonna be in trouble. Yer butt’s gonna be in trouble.
Bryan Bash: Is your refrigerator running?
Barbara: Back off!
Bryan Bash: Uoahh!
Barbara: Don't call us any more. Goodbye!
Bryan Bash: No, [unintelligible] Use the Poké Flute[1], quick!
Clyde: Okay! [inarticulate yell]

Return to hookers?

In July 2010, Chris expressed interest in hiring prostitutes of his own accord, posting on the CWCki under the guise of JenkinsJinkies:

 
 
Something else that has piqued my curiousity [sic], from the Hooker incident, I'm wondering from which luscious company or group Bryan Bash the ladies came from, specifically the company name, their website, and from within Chris's crappy (434) A.C. Because if they were out-of-his-state, I may give them a call myself. >:D
 

 

—"JenkinsJinkies"[2]

On 12 April 2012, a leaked Facebook post revealed that Chris had lost his virginity. The post made suggestions--later confirmed--that Chris had indeed hired a hooker.

Sources

  1. The Poké Flute is an item used in Pokémon games to wake up a Snorlax
  2. User talk:JenkinsJinkies