April 2012

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Chris in April 2012.
Chris thinks he's losing weight.

April was the fourth month of 2012. The fallout from the 28 October 2011 incident continued, as well as some activity from Chris' Facebook page. This month is particularly notable for it seeing Chris finally lose his virginity, to a woman "from the backpage". However, this largely failed to lift him out of the funk he was in at the time; it seems that finally getting some china did not solve Chris's deep-seated problems like he expected it to.


  • 1 April - Chris writes An Open Note on Facebook declaring that no one really cares about him.
  • 3 April - Chris changes his PSN status to "I am Christian" and buys more Vita games.
  • 4 April
    • A secret friend of Chris forwards him an ad for a prostitute on Backpage.com. Desperate to lose his virginity as soon as possible, Chris accepts the ad's offer and pays $150 for an hour of her service.
  • Upon arriving home, he tells his Facebook friends, "I am not a virgin anymore."
  • Chris relates the full story to a secret friend.
  • 5 April - Chris and Barb have another hearing at 1:00 p.m. Trespassing and assault charges are dismissed, and a Grand Jury is to decide on the felony hit and run charges. Michael Snyder's protection order is granted against both Chris and Barb, potentially equating to jail time if either of them trespass again.
  • 8 April - In a private Facebook status update, Chris reveals more details about his lone sexual encounter.
  • 9 April - Chris and his mother visit Barb's hometown of Red Oak, Virginia and plant flowers on their deceased relatives' graves. They do not visit their living relatives in the town, who want nothing to do with them.
  • 13 April
    • Chris makes a public announcement that he has had sex.
    • Chris posts new photos of himself on Facebook and says he is losing weight.
  • 14 April
    • Chris deletes the Facebook note confirming that he had lost his virginity.
    • Chris tells his Facebook friends that he enjoyed that year's Three Stooges film.
  • 16 April
    • After a two-year absence, Chris returns to Twitter to wish death upon Michael Snyder and delete all his followers.
    • Chris and Barbara appear before a grand jury at 9:30 a.m. They are indicted on felony charges and will be arraigned on July 10th.
    • In a public Facebook message, Chris sneers at the trolls on the CWCki.
  • 17 April - Chris tells his Facebook friends that he likes a new hairspray recommended by his hooker.
  • 19 April - Chris writes on Facebook that he still has trouble talking to women.
  • 22 April - On Facebook, Chris says he is still desperate for a sweetheart.
  • 23 April - Chris tells his Facebook audience that he is deeply afraid of being alone after his mother dies.
  • 24 April - Chris continues to panic about not having a girlfriend.
  • 25 April
    • Chris snaps at his Facebook friends that they are not doing enough to help him find a sweetheart.
    • Following an 11-day absence, Chris makes a public post on Facebook about Derpy Hooves.
  • 26 April - Chris posts on Facebook saying that he aims to return to using an Attraction Sign at Charlottesville Fashion Square on Saturday. This is a deliberate lie.
  • 28 April - Chris posts a note on Facebook claiming "victory" against the trolls, saying that his announcement that he would be using the attraction sign again was a lie.
  • 29 April
    • Chris expresses uncharacteristic self-esteem and optimism on Facebook.
    • Chris accuses suspected Korean trolls of bringing him poisoned food.
  • 30 April
    • Chris tells his Facebook friends to follow Kim's example and tell women about him.
    • Chris posts on Facebook saying that the JenkinsJinkies camp gay experience story wasn't real. PUNKED!
    • Chris changes his voicemail greeting.