Sweetheart

“	Kacey: Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? Chris: I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.	”
from Kacey Call 9

A flock of potential sweethearts.

A Sweetheart (sometimes heartsweet) is Chris's flavor-of-the-month.

Definition

Chris's goal is to build a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, lose his dreaded virginity (which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after "the illustrious metal" and a name similar to his own). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and having sex with his mother. Thus the sweetheart label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's Gal-Pals; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his Love Quest aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for Kacey. Based on his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever, it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with a kid or two. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents and their hoard, who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

Qualifications

See Also: Sonichu's News Dash and Attraction Sign

It's the one on the left.

In the early years of his Love Quest, Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the News Dash, and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be bent a little, as expedient.

18-Years Old Boyfriend-Free Blonde or Brunette White Pretty Average or Slender Body Type 5' or Taller No Smoking or Drinking Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area Has Own Car Average to High Income Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

No Children from Previous Relationships No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)

Present situation

This is what Chris's break-ups are like.

In July 2015, the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or other - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the Dimensional Merge. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his Love Quest by marrying some of his imaginary OCs, and then declined an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even more unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late July 2021, the incest call was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the 9/11 of the internet" by many, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now another potential contender for this role, it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

See also

• List of Love Quest candidates
• Boyfriend-free girl
• Gal pal
• Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)
• Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor
• Love Quest
• Noviophobia
• Sweetheart from the Ground-Up