Sweetheart from the Ground-Up
Sweetheart from the Ground-Up is a CWC-ism Chris uses to explain the type of woman he wants, because apparently a girlfriend isn't a sweetheart and he has to teach her how to be his "sweetheart". He apparently finds this term so clever that he uses it incessantly. He may think that it rhymes.
Chris intends this phrase to mean that he wants a female friend who will eventually become a sweetheart. To all other human beings it sounds like he wants to chain a young woman in his basement, break her and rebuild her as his fantasy woman by brainwashing her into loving him. To the mad scientists among us, or the gramatically sensitive (Chris almost always mistakenly adds a hyphen to "ground up"), it sounds like he wants to reanimate all of his old coffee grounds in his basement laboratory, and then, Pygmalion-like, begin a romantic relationship with them. This is one of thousands of reasons why non-inflatable women won't touch him.
It's also worth noting that he did say he was searching for a Sweetheart From The Ground-Up in several of his attraction signs. Considering the entire point of said signs is to find a girlfriend, not a regular gal-pal, his usage here conflicts with his given definition of the term. However, it is unlikely that he intends the phrase to have multiple meanings, but rather that he's simply too retarded to understand that a complete stranger can't be a great friend at the same time.
Uses by Chris
- The Story of My Current Days includes one of the earliest recorded examples of the term, where Chris imagines that "there had to be a Boyfriend-Free Girl out there, somewhere, for me to get to know, grow a strong companionship with and make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up."
- One of Chris's MySpace messages from 2005 includes a rare variation of the term: "I have been in the market for a Boyfriend-Free Girl to make into a girlfriend from the ground-up for over two years now."
- In an e-mail to his middle school teacher Virginia Sanford from February 2007, Chris explains the motivation behind his original Attraction Sign: "I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up."
- An e-mail to Megan from August 2007 includes the usual Attraction Sign boilerplate about needing to "make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up."
- Towards the end of Sub-Episode 7, the tale of his ordeal at Target, Chris complains, "All I wanted for over two years was a boyfriend-free girl into make into make into a sweetheart from the ground up, with friendship!"
- During the September 2008 round of white knight e-mails, Chris summed up his goal in life as "SIMPLY PUT, I'd like an 18-29-Year Old Boyfriend-Free, Caring, Smoke-Free, Non-Alcoholic, white (Optionally virgin) Woman to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up."
- Save for a slight change in the age range, he says more or less the same thing in Vivitheg's AIM chat: "in a nutshell, I'm looking for an 18-26-year old, Boyfriend-free, caring, smoke-free, non-alcholic white woman to make into a sweetheart from the ground-up."
- Chris's introductory post at Sonichu Girls explains that he's "waiting to be personally approached by an '18-(my age at that time and current) Boyfriend-Free, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic white girl, to make into a Sweetheart from the ground-up.'"
- The Sonichu Chronicles, Chris's Powerpoint presentation designed to pitch his character to Nintendo, he explains that "IN REAL LIFE, I’ve been in my Search for a woman to become my True Sweetheart From the Ground-Up."
- Chris's Book of Matches profile from late 2008 or early 2009 says "I WANT to start a relationship from the Ground-Up."
- In Mumble 4, Chris says that he's qualified to give relationship advice because of his "personal experiences...when I tried to find myself a woman to make a sweetheart from the ground up." He also explains a bit more of the meaning of the term, which apparently denotes a relationship "starting with friendship" and progressing into romance.
- LOOK at the truth!, one of Chris's rants against Liquid Chris, includes the following lament: "I have still been having a...harder time of trying find a boyfriend-free girl...to make to a sweetheart from the ground-up. Yet he was able to get a girlfriend..."
- Mumble 4, ~32 minutes in
Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Darling | Dating education | Friend Zone | Gal-pal | Heart Level | Homos | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | SLGBTQ | Sweetheart | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up
Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Christian Love Day | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fuzzy-Wuzzies & Prickly-Wicklies | Honest Content | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Random-access humor | Saga | Scale of Respect | Tomgirl |
Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | GOPony | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkops | Kick the Autistic | Laughs Under Lucricities | Manajerks | Naïve | Niggos | Pmurt | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Slow-in-the-minds | Tobacky