Kellie Andes

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I REALLY missed out on that when I could have had the chance to take it.
Chris, totally deluded[1]
Kellie Andes (circa 2000).

Kellie Andes was Chris's crush in high school that he met in sophomore year. They lost contact in mid-2001.[2] Today, Chris thinks he had a chance with her but blew it due to naïveté.[3] Chris calls her his High School Sweetheart, despite the fact that the term is usually reserved for people that are officially dating.

During High School

Kellie was Chris's lab partner in chemistry class at Manchester High, along with Sarah Anne Bevel. Chris developed a crush on her in his sophomore year. She was apparently friendly enough with Chris to attend his 18th birthday party, where she gave him a jawbreaker.

After High School

Unlike most of his gal-pals, Chris managed to keep in touch with Kellie for some time after graduation. He gave her a personalized CD for Christmas 2000. He claims to have called her every weekend for about a year. Then he stopped. He has told contradictory stories about why. In notes he made for his DVD in 2007, he said that the cause was noviophobia: "I was afraid that you [Kellie] may have moved on to someone who you may have called your sweetheart."[4] In 2009, however, he told Kacey that one week, he just forgot to call Kellie, and, having broken the routine, never resumed.[5] Even more confusing, while his May 2009 Wikipedia profile indicated that he believed that he could have gotten some from Kellie if he just hadn't been so damn shy, a few months later he told Kacey that his mother had informed him back in 2001 that Kellie obviously had a boyfriend at seinor prom, and that his weekly phone calls were in vain. In 2014, he changed his story again to make himself seem less clueless, implying that he had figured out for himself around graduation (not a year later) that Kellie was dating someone.[6]

His mother's eye-opener in 2001 that Kellie had been someone else's sweetheart all along was a "shock" to Chris that lasted for several weeks. It broke his last remaining tie to his high school life. It obviously contributed to his sense of loneliness and self-doubt.

Chris never had a chance with Kellie under any scenario. In 2010 correspondence, Kellie confirmed that Chris was definitely not her type.

I never liked Christian in that way. Christian is def. not my type nor has he ever been.
Kellie, describing her relations with Chris

Throughout 2013, as Chris planned the fifteenth annual Manchester High School reunion, he fantasized about hanging out with Kellie, but in reality she wanted nothing to do with him. In December 2013, Kellie discovered Chris's antics since high school and provided some telling commentary. She shared a link on her Facebook page for Chris's For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV video with the comment, "OMG guys it gets WORSE! I threw up a little in my mouth after watching this. If you have a weak stomach, turn back now."[7] Chris admitted in 2014 that Kellie had blocked him on Facebook a few years earlier.

In the comic

Kellie, upon discovering Chris's nudes.

Kellie appears in the last page of Episode 15 of the comic as someone who discovers Chris's nudes. In Episode 17, Rosechu mentions Kellie as the one who informed her about 4-cent_garbage. In reality, Chris admits that he only gave Kellie the honor of discovering the ED page in the comic.[8] It's highly unlikely she did in real life.

Some argue that she is also the inspiration for Kel's name. In Sonichu #10 Kel is actually referred to as "Kellie"; while it's still possible they're not meant to be the same person (especially considering the appearance of "real" Kellie in episode 15), the spelling at least reinforces the idea that Kel is meant to be some version of Kellie. The fact that Kel is in love with Reldnahc (who is essentially a Freudian version of Chris) is telling of Christian's obsession with his high school years.



Christian Weston Chandler's people

Chris himself:

Bill Riley | Carlos Chantor | Chloe | Junior Jenkins | Night Star | Stephanie Bustcakes | TwiSparLicious


At home: Bob Chandler | Barbara Chandler | Patti Chandler | The Chandler Cats | Clover and Snoopy

Others: Anne Boleyn | Aunt Corrina | Cole Smithey | Daniel Weston | Minor Family Members

Future: Crystal Weston Chandler | Lovely Weather | Reginald Chandler


Sweethearts: Blanca Weiss | Julie | Catherine | Cryzel and Magi-Chan Ivy | Kacey | Jackie | PandaHalo

Minor sweethearts: Emily | Faeryn | Hanna | Jessica Quinn | Lori Lopez | Sarah Jackson | Vanessa Hudgens

Sweethearts-to-be: DoopieDoOver | Megan Schroeder | The Wallflower

Gal-pals: Anna McLerran | Clare Porter | Kellie Andes | Kim Wilson | Laura Dorazio | Sarah Nicole Hammer | Tiffany Gowen

Guard Dogs: Null | The Captain | Marvin

Others: Copitz | DRWolf | Female fanbase | Joey Vance | Leftovermedia | MLP voice actresses | Pokémon League friends | ProjectSNT | Rocky Shoemaker | Virginia Jeanine Sanford | Xleepy

The Unholy Tetrad:

White knights: Kenneth Erwin Englehardt | Robert Simmons V | William Elliott Waterman

A-logs: A-Log

Enablers: Ben Saint | Bryanfrogboy | CWCProtectSquad | Idea Guys | Jacob Sockness | Teen Troon Squad | Other Enablers

Weens: Michael Hirtes


The Miscreants: Arjen Van Dierten | The Asperpedia Four (Alec Benson Leary, Evan Christopher George, Mao Ling, and Sean August Watley)| Bryan Bash | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Jason Kendrick Howell | Joshua Martinez | Liquid Chris | Lordsillynipples | Man in the Pickle Suit | Sarah May | Surfshack Tito | Vivian Gee

Famous people: BILLY MAYS | Jay Z | Jimmy Hill | Reggie Fils-Aimé | Shigeru Miyamoto | Takashi Tezuka

Others: Arthur Spatchcock | Jeff Ouzuo | Johan | LadyOfTheCosmo | Sam and Ellen | Surfshack Tito | Thorg

Other enemies:

PVCC: Kene Meniru | Mary Lee Walsh

Jerkops: Bagget | Jerkhief

Manajerks: B-Manajerk | Kirby | "Lady" Manajerk | Michael Snyder | ScotPalazzo | Turdijerk | W-M-Manajerk | Yellow-Shirted Foe

The GAMe PLACe: Daniel Mimms | Lucas

JERKS: Joseph Herring | Wes Iseli

Others: Abusive babysitter | Bruce Johnson | Kathleen | executives | Pmurt | Rob Bell | Sonic Boom producers


Famous people: Pmurt | Barack Obama | George W. Bush | John Tesh | PewDiePie | Red Skelton | R.L. Stine

Others: Adam Stackhouse | Caitlin | DStecks | Mia Hamm | Ryan Cash

Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Cryzel | Kimmi | Meg Griffin | Naru | Officer Nasty

Sweethearts and gal-pals

Chris himself: Chloe

Sweethearts: Blanca WeissPandaHaloJulie MilvanaIvy O'NeilKacey DevoriaJacklyn RomyCatherine SorrentinoJessica QuinnJacob Sockness

Minor sweethearts: Lori LopezHannaSarah JacksonEmilyVanessa HudgensFaeryn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan SchroederThe Wallflower (in Chris's words) ♥ DoopieDoOver

Present sweethearts: Cryzel, Magi-Chan, Sylvana and Mewtwo

Future sweethearts: Lovely Weather

Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole HammerLaura DorazioKellie AndesTiffany GowenAnna McLerranKim WilsonClare Porter

Other acquaintances: Female fanbaseMLP voice actressesPokémon club friendsSam and EllenVirginia Jeanine Sanford

Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Officer NastyKimmiMeg GriffinNaru

See also: List of Chris's sweetheartsLove QuestMia Hamm

CWCipedia entry on "Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts"