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Rocky Shoemaker

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Rocky offers me advice for most general things for counsoling [sic]. I can't say all of the things she has helped me with off of the top of my head, aside from the recent thinking of myself as retarded


—Chris explains how Rocky helps him[1]

She's a troll herself. If she was really trying to help Chris, she could help Barb and Bob as well. But she didn't. Her priority has always been to pursue trolls in lieu of helping Chris. She had this motivation from day one. "I'm trolling you back" pretty much sums up Rocky.


Ivy's view[2]

Rocky Shoemaker

Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church, who advised Chris on several matters, going as far back as the Miyamoto Saga.


On 11 September 2008, after nudes of his were leaked to the internet by a troll who deceived him, Chris sent to his Reverend Elizabeth Foss an email in which he told her about his foolish acts and asked her to forgive him. Five days later Elizabeth replied and referred Chris to the church's new pastoral counselor, Rocky Shoemaker,[3] and so began her role in Chris's life.

In the year of our Lord 2009, she brought about the end of the Ivy Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy.[4]

The last straw came in the form of Joshua Martinez, aka Vanessa Hudgens, who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a PSP. After that, Shoemaker made Bob Chandler and Barb contact the cops. The agreement was that the cops would only be involved in the Joshua matters, as they were dealing with the trolls on their own terms. However, Rocky blindsided Bob and Barb and brought up Ivy and the trolls with the cops. She even had them try to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing.[4]

In a July 2009 IRC Chat Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to rape Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.

The ultimate white knight?

Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the Love Quest, it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for china. Rocky recommended to Chris the children's book How to Talk to Girls.[5]

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and Clyde Cash, it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his lust, gluttony, avarice, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. Clearly she hasn't been able to stop Chris from sending nudes of himself online (the reason why he was referred to her in the first place) as his privates were seen by the internet five different times after Chris started receiving counseling from Rocky.[6]

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out another on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with Jackie).

In the past, Chris has insisted that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist,[7] and seemed to uncritically accept whatever she said. Later on however, Chris came to conclude that she was an ineffective counselor, as evidenced in his letter to his church. In a demonstration of pure insolence, Chris did not forward the letter on his own but sent it to Rocky via iPhone, asking her to print copies of it and spread it in among Wesley Memorial's parishioners.

The date of the letter is unknown, but cannot have been written earlier than July 2011, as Ed Winkler, the pastor mentioned in the letter, joined the staff of Wesley Memorial on that month.[8]

Interaction with trolls

Rocky Shoemaker in her younger days

In a monumental display of ill-judgment, Rocky provided a great deal of information about Chris's home life to a troll posing as a court-appointed psychiatrist during a phone call in the run-up to his scheduled court appearance in December 2011. During this call it was revealed that Bob Chandler had been quarantined for bug bites shortly before his death, and that 14 Branchland Court is so badly infested that Chris is forced to stay in his room to avoid being bitten himself.

See also


Christian Weston Chandler's people

Chris himself: Chloe | Bill Riley | Junior Jenkins | Carlos Chantor | Stephanie Bustcakes | Night Star | TwiSparLicious


At home: Bob Chandler | Barbara Chandler | Patti Chandler | The Chandler Cats | Clover and Snoopy

Others: Cole Smithey | Aunt Corrina | Minor Family Members | Daniel Weston | Anne Boleyn

Future: Lovely Weather | Crystal Weston Chandler | Reginald Chandler


Sweethearts: Blanca Weiss | PandaHalo | Julie | Ivy | Kacey | Jackie | Catherine | Cryzel and Magi-Chan

Minor sweethearts: Lori Lopez | Hanna | Sarah Jackson | Emily | Vanessa Hudgens | Faeryn | Jessica Quinn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan Schroeder | The Wallflower | DoopieDoOver

Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole Hammer | Laura Dorazio | Kellie Andes | Tiffany Gowen | Anna McLerran | Kim Wilson | Clare Porter

White knights: Robert Simmons V | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt | William Elliott Waterman

Others: Female fanbase | Joshua Moon | MLP voice actresses | Pokémon club friends | Rocky Shoemaker | Virginia Jeanine Sanford


The Miscreants: Arjen Van Dierten | Bryan Bash | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Jason Kendrick Howell | Joshua Martinez | Liquid Chris | Lordsillynipples | Man in the Pickle Suit | Sarah May | Surfshack Tito | Vivian Gee

The Asperpedia Four: Alec Benson Leary | Evan Christopher George | Mao Ling | Sean August Watley

Famous people: BILLY MAYS | Jay Z | Jimmy Hill | Reggie Fils-Aimé | Shigeru Miyamoto | Takashi Tezuka

Traitors Arthur Spatchcock | Bryanfrogboy | CWCProtectSquad | Idea Guy | Jeff/Francine |

Others: Johan | LadyOfTheCosmo | Sam and Ellen | Surfshack Tito | Thorg |

Other enemies:

PVCC: Kene Meniru | Mary Lee Walsh

Jerkops: Bagget | Jerkhief

Manajerks: B-Manajerk | Kirby | "Lady" Manajerk | Michael Snyder | ScotPalazzo | Turdijerk | W-M-Manajerk | Yellow-Shirted Foe

The GAMe PLACe: Daniel Mimms | Lucas

Jerks: Joseph Herring | Wes Iseli

Others: Abusive babysitter | Bruce Johnson | Kathleen | executives | Pmurt | Sonic Boom producers | Rob Bell


Famous people: Barack Obama | George W. Bush | PewDiePie | Red Skelton | R.L. Stine

Orbiters: A-Log | DStecks | Jacob Sockness | Michael Hirtes

Others: Adam Stackhouse | Caitlin | Mia Hamm | Ryan Cash

Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Kimmi | Meg Griffin | Naru | Officer Nasty