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Joshua Martinez

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Josh can't stand him, but Chris is always trying to hang out with him. I think Josh is the ONE man his age that he can stand being around.
 

 

PodMonkey

Josh being the badass Chris thinks he is
A more recent photo of Virginia's answer to Antonio Banderas
Josh is STRONG

Joshua Martinez carpooled with Christian Weston Chandler when they attended James Madison University for speech therapy as children. Joshua's attendance was required due to his thick Spanish accent.[1]

Years later, apparently, after Chris finished high school and returned to Ruckersville, he and Joshua remained friends. The two took to hanging out after school in Harrisonburg, a town several miles northwest of Charlottesville, where they would eat at a restaurant called Country Cookin and loiter around an abandoned airplane. While Josh has moved on, Chris never really got over his habit of hanging around and making a nuisance of himself.

Lori Lopez

Main article: Lori Lopez

Joshua was the first troll to masquerade as a boyfriend-free girl in order to fuck with Chris. In the fall of 2007, he pretended to hook Chris up with a girl named Lori Lopez, chatting with Chris as her and sending him pictures. These images were actually pictures of the pop star Vanessa Hudgens. The truly hilarious part of this is that Joshua closed communication as her by confiding to Chris that "she" actually loved Josh. Eventually Chris discovered that he was trolled, and (as he does about every humiliation inflicted upon him) wrote about it in his comic.

Chris counterattacks

After Chris discovered he had become a lolcow, he tried diverting the attention from himself to Joshua with gems like the following edit to his ED page. Since Chris was still of the belief that trolls went after him because he was so amazing and talented at the time, the reasoning he gives for the unknowable hordes of the Internet to descend upon Josh amount to a weird ramble about how successful in life and sex Josh is.

 
 
--- Look, pal, if you REALLY WANT to TAKE DOWN someone who HAS a REPUTATION, consider one JOSHUA MARTINEZ.

Ladies come a runnin' from at least as far as New York City to his house in Dyke, VA; not just any ladies, but STARS like Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson and plenty other whores. He also has been Piggy-Backing on the Stardom of Vanessa Hudgens; singing with her in her Latino Albums, and starring with her in various HBO movies, and even worse, TRANSFORMERS 2. He has her and some other gal named Brittany for BOTH HIS SIMULTANEOUS GIRLFRIENDS; DUAL Marriage in the works here.

He's a more LUCKY S.O.B. than I can ever surmount to.

RUIN HIS REPUTATION.

Joshua Martinez.

PS YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS WHOLE THING FROM ME.
 


 

—Chris thanking Josh for saving him $22.49 for a Nintendo Wii[2]

Vanessa Hudgens

Oh noes!
Main article: Vanessa Saga

In early 2009, Josh served as a sort of Eastern Front for the trolling war on Chris, as he impersonated Vanessa Hudgens.

The trolling culminated in Josh attempting to sell a special PSP to Chris intended for "Vanessa." He was foiled when trolls suspected that Josh was doing so for personal gain, and not simply for the lulz. Josh isn't exactly too bright either — see the Vanessa Saga chats for ample evidence of his limited imagination and clumsy attempts to manipulate Chris — and Chris's dalliances with Vanessa were also interfering with the success of Ivy. Josh's involvement ended and Chris canceled the check for the PSP according to Ivy's instructions, yet Chris refused to return it because "Vanessa would be upset." It was a knock-down, drag-out case of retard vs. retard.

Chris's parents are furious at Josh, and actually did go to the police in an attempt to bring him in for conning Chris out of his cash. However, during the exact same visit Bob and Barb found out that Chris was stealing money from them, prompting Bob to deny police assistance for fear that Chris could be implicated.

Josh has since stopped talking to Chris.

Sources

  1. User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992
  2. [1]
List of males Chris doesn't hate, according to Chris

I. Chris II. Bob Chandler III. Santa Clause IV. Jesus V. God

VI. The President of the United States:
Barack Obama (as of 2009)

VII. All the World Leaders:
Kim Jong UnMahmoud AhmadinejadManuel Noriega

VIII. ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
Cole SmitheyDr. David Alan ChandlerJonathan CareyUncle Raymond
Joshua MartinezJoseph HerringWes IseliLucasMimmsRobert Simmons V (as of 2009)

List of males Chris doesn't hate, corrected for accuracy

I. Chris II. Bob Chandler III. Santa Clause IV. Jesus V. God VI. The Bear

VII. The former Presidents of the United States:
George W. BushBarack Obama

VIII. Select male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
Robert Simmons VKenneth Erwin EnglehardtWilliam Elliott Waterman

IX. Celebrities:
Jack BlackJerry SeinfeldRed SkeltonR.L. StineSeth MacFarlaneVarious comedians

X. Robots:
MegatronOptimus Prime

XI. Hedgehogs:
Sonic the HedgehogBionic the Hedgehog

XII. Electric Hedgehog Pokémon:
Sonichu (Ultra SonichuMetonic)
Wild SonichuPunchy SonichuMagi-ChanBlakeDJ JamstaBlazeBob SonichuMitch SonichuDarkbind Sonichu

XIII. Pornstars:
Bailey Jay

List of males Chris does hate

JERKS

Christian Weston Chandler's people

Chris himself: Chloe | Bill Riley | Junior Jenkins | Carlos Chantor | Stephanie Bustcakes | Night Star | TwiSparLicious


Family:

At home: Bob Chandler | Barbara Chandler | Patti Chandler | The Chandler Cats | Clover and Snoopy

Others: Cole Smithey | Aunt Corrina | Minor Family Members | Daniel Weston | Anne Boleyn

Future: Lovely Weather | Crystal Weston Chandler | Reginald Chandler


Friends:

Sweethearts: Blanca Weiss | PandaHalo | Julie | Ivy | Kacey | Jackie | Catherine | Cryzel and Magi-Chan

Minor sweethearts: Lori Lopez | Hanna | Sarah Jackson | Emily | Vanessa Hudgens | Faeryn | Jessica Quinn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan Schroeder | The Wallflower | DoopieDoOver

Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole Hammer | Laura Dorazio | Kellie Andes | Tiffany Gowen | Anna McLerran | Kim Wilson | Clare Porter

White knights: Robert Simmons V | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt | William Elliott Waterman

Others: Female fanbase | Joshua Moon | MLP voice actresses | Pokémon club friends | Rocky Shoemaker | Virginia Jeanine Sanford


Trolls:

The Miscreants: Arjen Van Dierten | Bryan Bash | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Jason Kendrick Howell | Joshua Martinez | Liquid Chris | Lordsillynipples | Man in the Pickle Suit | Sarah May | Surfshack Tito | Vivian Gee

The Asperpedia Four: Alec Benson Leary | Evan Christopher George | Mao Ling | Sean August Watley

Famous people: BILLY MAYS | Jay Z | Jimmy Hill | Reggie Fils-Aimé | Shigeru Miyamoto | Takashi Tezuka

Traitors Arthur Spatchcock | Bryanfrogboy | CWCProtectSquad | Idea Guy | Jeff/Francine |

Others: Johan | LadyOfTheCosmo | Sam and Ellen | Surfshack Tito | Thorg |


Other enemies:

PVCC: Kene Meniru | Mary Lee Walsh

Jerkops: Bagget | Jerkhief

Manajerks: B-Manajerk | Kirby | "Lady" Manajerk | Michael Snyder | ScotPalazzo | Turdijerk | W-M-Manajerk | Yellow-Shirted Foe

The GAMe PLACe: Daniel Mimms | Lucas

Jerks: Joseph Herring | Wes Iseli

Others: Abusive babysitter | Bruce Johnson | Kathleen | Lulu.com executives | Pmurt | Sonic Boom producers | Rob Bell


Miscellaneous:

Famous people: Barack Obama | George W. Bush | PewDiePie | Red Skelton | R.L. Stine

Orbiters: A-Log | DStecks | Michael Hirtes

Others: Adam Stackhouse | Caitlin | Mia Hamm | Ryan Cash

Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Kimmi | Meg Griffin | Naru | Officer Nasty