Joshua Martinez

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Josh can't stand him, but Chris is always trying to hang out with him. I think Josh is the ONE man his age that he can stand being around.
CWC informant PodMonkey
Josh being the badass Chris thinks he is
A more recent photo of Virginia's answer to Antonio Banderas
Josh is STRONG

Joshua Martinez carpooled with Christian Weston Chandler when they attended James Madison University for speech therapy as children. Joshua's attendance was required due to his thick Spanish accent.[1]

Years later, apparently, after Chris finished high school and returned to Ruckersville, he and Joshua remained friends. The two took to hanging out after school in Harrisonburg, a town several miles northwest of Charlottesville, where they would eat at a restaurant called Country Cookin and loiter around an abandoned airplane. While Josh has moved on, Chris never really got over his habit of hanging around and making a nuisance of himself.

Lori Lopez

Main article: Lori Lopez

Joshua was the first troll to masquerade as a boyfriend-free girl in order to fuck with Chris. In the fall of 2007, he pretended to hook Chris up with a girl named Lori Lopez, chatting with Chris as her and sending him pictures. These images were actually pictures of the pop star Vanessa Hudgens. The truly hilarious part of this is that Joshua closed communication as her by confiding to Chris that "she" actually loved Josh. Eventually Chris discovered that he was trolled, and (as he does about every humiliation inflicted upon him) wrote about it in his comic.

Chris counterattacks

After Chris discovered he had become a lolcow, he tried diverting the attention from himself to Joshua with gems like the following edit to his ED page. Since Chris was still of the belief that trolls went after him because he was so amazing and talented at the time, the reasoning he gives for the unknowable hordes of the Internet to descend upon Josh amount to a weird ramble about how successful in life and sex Josh is.

--- Look, pal, if you REALLY WANT to TAKE DOWN someone who HAS a REPUTATION, consider one JOSHUA MARTINEZ.

Ladies come a runnin' from at least as far as New York City to his house in Dyke, VA; not just any ladies, but STARS like Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson and plenty other whores. He also has been Piggy-Backing on the Stardom of Vanessa Hudgens; singing with her in her Latino Albums, and starring with her in various HBO movies, and even worse, TRANSFORMERS 2. He has her and some other gal named Brittany for BOTH HIS SIMULTANEOUS GIRLFRIENDS; DUAL Marriage in the works here.

He's a more LUCKY S.O.B. than I can ever surmount to.


Joshua Martinez.


Chris thanking Josh for saving him $22.49 for a Nintendo Wii[2]

Vanessa Hudgens

Oh noes!
Main article: Vanessa Hudgens

In early 2009, Josh served as a sort of Eastern Front for the trolling war on Chris, as he impersonated Vanessa Hudgens.

The trolling culminated in Josh attempting to sell a special PSP to Chris intended for "Vanessa." He was foiled when trolls suspected that Josh was doing so for personal gain, and not simply for the lulz. Josh isn't exactly too bright either — see the Vanessa chats for ample evidence of his limited imagination and clumsy attempts to manipulate Chris — and Chris's dalliances with Vanessa were also interfering with the success of Ivy. Josh's involvement ended and Chris canceled the check for the PSP according to Ivy's instructions, yet Chris refused to return it because "Vanessa would be upset." It was a knock-down, drag-out case of retard vs. retard.

Chris's parents were furious at Josh, and actually went to the police in an attempt to bring him in for conning Chris out of his cash. However, during the exact same visit, Bob and Barb found out that Chris was stealing money from them, prompting Bob to deny police assistance for fear that Chris could be implicated. He instead announced his intention to take Josh to small claims court, but it's unknown what, if anything, came of this. This visit also saw Rocky Shoemaker get involved to investigate the trolls, ultimately ending the Ivy operation alongside the Vanessa operation.[3]

Josh has since stopped talking to Chris.