Surfshack Tito (troll)
This article is about the troll named Surfshack Tito. For the video of the same name, see Surfshack Tito (video).
|Troll disclosure: This persona was created, appropriated, or otherwise used by trolls to manipulate Chris.
Though this identity is contrived, the CWCki may treat it as if it were a real identity because it was to Chris. (It's also funnier that way.)
|Goddamn womanizing, raping... trollin' stupid pickle-suited... NIGGER!
|Chris on Tito
|Also known as
|Co-Owner and Grillman at the Shore Shack
|Tito, PSN Hacking, Calling Out
Surfshack Tito (real name: Don) was a mysterious troll who first emerged in February 2010. The nickname "Surfshack Tito" is a reference to the corpulent surf-shop owner from the Nickelodeon kids' cartoon Rocket Power. During the exchanges with Chris, most of them from Tito ended with a Tito-styled word of wisdom. An infamous copypasta about Tito most likely inspired the choice to go with the name.[note 1]
Tito gained notoriety in March 2010 when he took credit for the end of Chris's relationship with The Wallflower, causing Chris to make multiple videos openly raging at him, including one where he said the N-word. Judging by Chris's initial responses to Tito, it is safe to say that he initially thought that the actual Tito from Rocket Power was trolling him, before eventually realizing at some point that he was just a character played by a troll. For the next year and a half, Tito continued trolling, his troll plots including tricking Chris into smashing his PS3 and leaking photos of Chris crossdressing. He was eventually called out by Chris, leading to him making an apology video, before abandoning trolling due to him being busy with high school.
- Main article: Surfshack Tito (video)
On 24 February 2010, Tito first appeared by hacking into Chris's PSN account. Nothing much came from this, and the trolling move had already been done three times prior. Chris addressed Tito's PSN hacking in a short video posted on March 2010, where he gives Tito a Curse Shot.
The Wallflower Incident
On 9 March 2010, Chris made a LittleBigPlanet level which used The Wallflower's pen name. Using this information, Surfshack Tito and some other trolls managed to find out The Wallflower's real name. Tito then created a CWCki page about Wallflower, which involved all of this real information. Finally, he sent a link to the page to Wallflower, leaving her horrified by all the personal information on the site, and leading her to cut of all ties with Chris.
Tito started emailing Chris, taunting him over the loss of The Wallflower, leading Chris to make Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!, his second and most bizarre video addressed to Tito, threatening him with a pocket knife while wearing a Scottish kilt and repeatedly saying Wallflower's real name.
Tito began riling up Chris even more by suggesting that he was dating and having regular sex with The Wallflower, sending Chris a photoshopped image of a big black man (Tito) standing with The Wallflower. Chris bought this narrative, repeatedly asking The Wallflower to leave Tito in a video addressed to her. The Wallflower, in an attempt to get Chris off her back, actually played into this narrative by calling Tito her boyfriend. These events happened shortly before the 10th anniversary of Sonichu.
Chris, at peak anger, began emailing Tito, calling him a "nigger" three times, and threatening to track him down and murder him. Chris reiterated this sentiment in the most iconic video from this Saga, threatening to murder Tito multiple times before finally calling him a "trolling stupid pickle suited nigger" and ending the video. This Saga rattled Chris so much that around a week later he claimed that he would leave the Internet forever, starting the "First Exile", where Chris repeatedly tried (and failed) to leave the Internet.
- Main article: Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails
Tito was a frequent poster on Trollin Train, along with Clyde Cash. After Clyde and Tito put up a $9001 dollar bounty for destroying Chris's PS3, Chris would claim it himself by destroying his own PS3. After he e-mailed Clyde a few times, Clyde forwarded him to Tito, who managed his money.
Tito was not as lenient as Clyde, rattling off a list of reasons why Chris was unable to claim the bounty. Clyde intervened with this, saying he enjoyed the video of Chris destroying his PS3, and to give Chris the money. Tito told Chris that they could meet up at The GAMe PLACe, and telling him to come or he would spend the money on hookers. Chris refused to go there, and they rescheduled to a Chick-fil-A in Fashion Square Mall, however one of Clyde's Asian technicians told Tito the PS3 was still intact. To prove it was completely broken, Chris had to run over all the separate pieces of his PS3, which finally convinced Tito.
Tito told him to meet up at Starbucks in Fashion Square, where he would be approached by a female agent with a pickle tattoo on her breast. He was videotaped sitting at a chair in fashion square, creepily staring at women, possibly trying to spot a pickle tattoo. No agents would walk up and give him the money, leading to Chris writing an angry e-mail to Tito. Tito responded stating that he had already given the money to a man who said he was Christian Weston Chandler, with a Sonichu medallion, high school ring, and brown shirt, leaving Chris without any money.
- Main article: Tomgirl Pictures
|Chris decided that being a man was too much work. It often involves stressful activities such as getting a job, excercising, and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.
He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in Highschool. The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.
But wait! Does that make him gay?
Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.
"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl." A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.
Almost a year after the PS3 incident, Chris called out Tito publicly, bragging about having his real name, "Don," and a supposed photo of him. Tito's full name and the supposed picture have both never been revealed, though Chris describes him as being "so fat he'd 'make the Buddha look like a supermodel in comparison." Chris threatened to release the full name and picture unless Tito met his demands, including apologizing to The Wallflower (who he calls his "ex-girlfriend," along with saying her real name again). Other demands included coming forward to Sony for hacking Chris's PSN, and for Tito to give him one thousand dollars. This of course, intimidated Tito, leading to a video apology where he anxiously stated that he would meet Chris's demands, and left the Internet forever.
Nevertheless, Tito didn't end up giving Chris the money he demanded, as revealed by the Thorg Q&A. Despite this, Chris didn't reveal his identity either, possibly after realizing that blackmailing is a crime. The Q&A also reveals that the real reason for Tito's retirement from trolling Chris was that he was busy with high school at the time. Other trolls have implied that Tito has insider knowledge on the events of 28 October 2011, however this knowledge has never been revealed.
|9 August 2011
|Response to Chris's Demands
|TRUE and HONEST Sonichu Fan Videos
(grabs stomach and jiggles it) Heh-heeeeeey, little cuz! Uh...or, uh...Christian Weston Chandler (lets go) if you prefer. It's uh...it's me, uh, Tito! Or, uh, or Don, um...listen, man, I-I got some sand in the potato salad this time; you caught me, cuz. I-(points at the camera and slims down his belly) I admit it. I sold the security files of Sony to the hackers and...and I'll, uh (does a little dance) I'll get you the money! I'll get you the thousand dollars, and the interest! (grabs his belly for dear life) Just don't- just don't release that video, eh, with--with the picture of me, just don't do anymore, man! I'll, uh, I'll do anything, I'll be your slave for a whole week if I have to, I...(dances again) I got people after me, I can't have them finding out who I am, just, just be a cuz, man, and-and-and- and don't let me down! I won't let you down.
- Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!
- Chris Drops the N-Bomb
- Wallflower E-mails 3
- Surfshack Tito E-mails
- Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails
|Coinciding Sagas: Clyde Cash, PSN Hacking, First Exile, Calling Out
|PS3 Hacking Saga
|Coinciding Sagas: Clyde Cash, Julie, Tito, First Exile, Jackie,
|Calling Out Saga
People: Chris • Thorg (Jeremy Slonwhite) • Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia • Jack Thaddeus (Ahuviya Harel) • Surfshack Tito (Don) • Alec Benson Leary (Christopher Paul Whitney) • BlueSpike (NessHelper)
|Coinciding Sagas: Jackie