Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!
|“||Surfshack Tito started this Lingering Heartache Chaos! I will take him down Personally!||”|
|Chris, blaming someone's else for his mistakes, again.|
|“||[This video] was pretty much dictated [by trolls]. Like, we'd play off of his interests at the time. So he was already trying to use his royal heritage in a half baked attempt to seduce the wallflower. We just prodded Chris into directly challenging Tito, by wearing a kilt to show just how British he is.||”|
|Marvin on how trolls manipulated Chris into recording the video.|
Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots! was uploaded by Chris early in the morning of 14 March 2010. Chris is angry with Surfshack Tito, blaming him for causing a rift between Chris and the Wallflower. He then proceeds to threaten Tito by putting on a Scottish kilt, showing him his underwear, shouting in such a bad Scottish accent that it's insulting, and being completely incompetent with a pocket knife. This video's title was noted in 2018 by the actual Britons at Cambridge University as an example of substandard English, and has become the first known instance of formal linguistic study of Chris's odd habits.
It should also be noted that seeing as Chris is annoyed that the personal details of the Wallflower have been leaked to the Internet, it would only make sense in his continuing parade of fail that he should drop her name. Twice. Furthermore, the very next video he released features her pen name in the title, which is exactly how the trolls identified her in the first place.
It is also worth noting that "Brits" is an all-encompassing term for anyone from the United Kingdom, which includes Scotland and Northern Ireland, as well as England, Wales, and a number of outlying territories and islands. This video was released shortly before St. Patrick's Day, which does something to explain the Celtic vibe of the video. Unfortunately, this also implies an ignorance of the differences between the Scottish and Irish peoples, of which there are many. He also leaves Wales out entirely, which is ironic because it is one of very few countries in the world with people who can naturally pronounce his dumb abbreviation (i.e. "cook"). However, in a case of dumb luck that he couldn't have possibly intended, Ireland's Call, the song playing in the background, is actually the anthem of the united Ireland rugby team, created to be inclusive to both Irish Catholics and Northern Irish Protestants, who are mostly of Scottish descent.
|Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|
|Direct link||Youtube, archive|
|Stardate||14 March 2010|
|Subject Matter||Racism, Violence|
|Performance Style||Rage, Crazy|
|Shirt||Tan Wide Lines|
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|“||Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me lassy today.||”|
[Ireland's Call is playing on the background.]
TITO. Listen to me, you son of a bitch. Your--your days are numbered. I have forwarded your admission...to...[the Wallflower], and also the awesome gal-pal that we know between us, our Scarlet. And with great honor and glory, I will take pleasure in beatin' up your ass...and also...regain th--regain the love...and trust and friendship...of [the Wallflower].
[He then fiddles with a knife for a good eight seconds.] ...or three! [He puts the knife on a desk off screen.]
[Chris begins badly imitating a Scottish accent and standing effeminately with one hand on his hip.] Ach, ye wee laddy. You not gonna get me lassy today. [Chris comes closer to the camera and diverges into an accent somewhere between Scottish and Jamaican.] I kick yo' ass with me shillelagh! [He fails to produce a shillelagh. Chris then holds up his right fist to display his high school ring.] And mah ring, man!
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