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Manajerks

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Artist's rendition of what the B-Manajerk may have actually looked like, based on Chris's descriptions.

Manajerks (a portmanteau of "manager" and "jerk") are villains featured in Sonichu comics, most prominently in the Sub-Episodes, who regularly antagonize Chris's comic book counterpart. They are based on a multitude of real life store managers who all threw Chris out of their places of business for being a creepy stalker during his Love Quest. In the comic, the manajerks are all super powered agents of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, whom Chris and his team of recolors regularly need to neutralize.

After his adventures on 26 December 2014, Chris began using the term ass manager to refer to his victim, the GameStop assistant manager who he had peppersprayed and who ultimately took him to court.

Origins

Chris coined the term in CWC's Diary to describe the two Charlottesville Wal-Mart managers who confronted him on 22 June 2005. He has since used it in reference to other perceived enemies, including the managers of his local Target, the management of the Fashion Square Mall, Michael Snyder, and another Wal-Mart manager who ejected him from the chain's Ruckersville location in the summer of 2013.

Manajerks in real life

Real-life manajerks, or as they're known to people who aren't infantile buffoons, "managers," are employees responsible for organizing other employees to accomplish desired goals within a business. While sometimes frustrating to those who work under their supervision, managers usually seek only to improve the productivity and prosperity of their workplace, thus benefiting both customer and employee alike.

At times, the duties of a manager can sometimes require them to take charge of difficult situations, such as a patron who loiters in the workplace, purchasing nothing and using the facilities as his personal retreat. Such situations can have a negative effect on the business. For example, if this hypothetical patron happened to be unwilling to shower and had numbers of pairs of dirty crapped briefs, his odor might prove distasteful to paying customers. Similarly, if this purely fictional patron should happen to hold a sign expressing his desire for intimate relations with young white women, it might also put off paying customers who would find the patron crude and bizarre. Even worse, if such a patron were to vandalize store property or engage in similar property destruction, it's often a manager's responsibility to step in, and inform the patron that his behavior is inappropriate for a place of business. If the patron becomes unresponsive or difficult, even to the point of, say, assaulting said manager with pepper spray, the manager may also be charged with contacting the proper authorities to have him escorted (forcibly, if need be) from the premises.

Manajerks in Sonichu

In the pages of Sonichu, manajerks, like jerkops, college deans, CADD instructors, and other authority figures, are all tyrannical cockblockers who want nothing more than to ruin Chris's life. To this end, whenever Chris enters a public place to spend hours drawing comics, playing video games, building crude sculptures with Pixelblocks, and panhandling for sexual favors, these evil manajerks descend upon him like the Gestapo, ordering him to leave and never return. Just as Chris refuses to recognize the authority of private security personnel and the police, he also dismisses the manajerks as having no say in how he abuses their businesses. It's also worth noting that Chris seems to have only a nebulous grasp of how businesses work (e.g. his suggestion that you "tip your waitress" the next time you visit your local GameStop),[1] which may explain why he takes their actions so personally.

Since Chris tends to assume all of his enemies are conspiring against him in one great, monolithic organization, he depicts the manajerks and jerkops as operatives of the same Chris-hating team, with Mary Lee Walsh as its leader. Similarly, Chris also assumes that any perceived attack against him is an attack against anything he believes he represents, and so the manajerks and other enemies are depicted as being anti-romance, anti-virgin, anti-autistic, etc.

Though Chris has depicted manajerks numerous times in the comics, not much is actually known about how they operate. Unlike jerkops, who have known to target any and all lovers in the city of CWCville during their invasions,[2] the manajerks seem to target Chris and only Chris. This would seem to make them appear to be assassins of a sort, but Chris is only ever seen being attacked by them while in stores, such as Target, Wal-Mart or McDonald's, which may instead suggest that the manajerks really are store managers, but they just happen to be evil love-hating footsoldiers of PVCC as well. Following the revelation in Sonichu #10 that all the manajerks were brainwashed just like the jerkops were, this seems most likely.

Of note however, is that Chris refers to all the stores where these confrontations take place by a comic book alias. In the comic, he isn't getting thrown out of Fashion Square Mall; he's fighting in the Fa-Square, of the Sho-Mall Region. Target is similarly referred to as the Get-Tar Region and Wal-Mart is the Mal-Wart Region and the McDonalds in the Wal-Mart became M-C-D-Ville. The manajerks are shown to reside in and possibly rule over these regions, as Sonichu #7 refers to manajerk ScotPalazzo as having "banned all virgins from his region", which seems to suggest that the manajerks were not restricted to just being soldiers, but were more like war lords. This of course raises the question however, of how bad things have to be in CWCville that terrorists are able to take over whole shopping complexes and declare ownership of them.

B-Manajerk

Based on a True Story.

B-Manajerk was a manajerk first featured in Sonichu #3 and Sonichu #4. To date, he is one of the only villains that Chris has ever been able to defeat single-handedly, as almost every other one-on-one fight Chris has ever had in the comics inevitably ended with him getting beaten half to death until he was saved by another character. Not much is known about the B-Manajerk, not even his real name. What little we do know comes from Chris's own records of their encounters, as described below. If Chris's accounts are anything to go by, The B-Manajerk was the manager of the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart Chris got kicked out of, or else a subordinate to the man Chris identifies only as a "Merried Seinor Comic". One way or another, Chris was kicked out of the McDonald's, but felt that he was still entitled to loiter in the rest of the Wal-Mart and play with Pixelblocks. Since this was outside of the B-Manajerk's jurisdiction, he called in the manager of the Wal-Mart to deal with him, at which point Chris ran off like a little bitch, which Chris seems to consider a brilliant tactical victory.[3]

 
 
June 22, 2005: Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the McDonald's at Wal-Mart, and apparently complaints were made. The two manajerkss, a Seinor Comic, and a Black, Fat Jerk (he looked a lot like the leader of the Jerkops at the Mall, whom I refer to now as the Jerkhief) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl, like I have been doing for the past over one-year and ten-months. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the sign from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the Jerkops came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the B-Manajerk was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my Pixelblock sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the Wal-Mart Manajerk, and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.
 

 

—Extract from CWC's Diary

Based on a truer story.

The B-Manajerk first appeared in Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in Sonichu #3 and reused in Sonichu #4. In this embellished version of the real-life encounter, Chris sits peacefully at the McDonald's, which he terms "M-C-D-Ville" in the "Mal-Wart Region", until the B-Manajerk and the Merried Seinor Comic confront him preemptively. While the Merried Seinor Comic has cybernetic arms and legs, the B-Manajerk is arrayed in golden armor, wears glasses and has a round head, looking a great deal like the Jerkhief, as Chris describes in his journal entry. He is also armed with a golden axe and a pair of large guns. B-Manajerk explains that the Jerkhief warned them about Chris, and since having a mate of any kind is a violation of Mal-Wart law, they plan to "intercept" him, using Mecha-Jerkops on loan from the Jerkhief.

Though outnumbered, Chris stands his ground, and Darkbind Sonichu comes to his aid, destroying the Mecha-Jerkops and defeating the Merried Seinor Comic so that Chris can battle the B-Manajerk one-on-one. He transforms into Chris-Chan Sonichu, and the "anime wings" he had been wearing on his head transform into working wings, similar to the Wing Hat power-up from Super Mario 64. The B-Manajerk uses rocket boosters mounted to his back to confront Chris-Chan in an aerial duel, but Chris uses several techniques to confuse and misdirect him, including a decoy made of Pixelblocks. After defeating the B-Manajerk, Chris lectured both of his enemies on the importance of his Love Quest and the absolute necessity of his Attraction Sign.

The B-Manajerk would briefly return in the pages of Sonichu #7, when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC, where Mary Lee Walsh announced Chris's disappearance into the Time Void.

Contrary to popular belief, this was actually not the last anyone saw or heard of B-Manajerk and his partner however, like it was for so many others before them. Though he was never actually seen again, the B-Manajerk was mentioned during the events of Sonichu #9. Towards the end of the issue, whilst Sonichu and Rosechu return from the battle against Naitsirhc, Giovanni and Robotnik, they receive a psychic message from Magi-Chan informing them of the state of the battle. In the same textwall in which he announces the death of Ivy and the destruction of the Decepti-Clones, he briefly mentions that B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic had somehow grown to a gigantic size and took part in the battle with the rest of PVCC. The battle is never actually shown, but Magi-Chan assures Sonichu and the readers that they were defeated by the Kart Megazord owned by the CWC-Power Rangers and that the two of them were shrunk back to their original size. The Kart Megazord itself is briefly glimpsed in the background.[4]

This would be the last time the manajerks were ever seen or heard from in the comics. In Sonichu #10, Chris would use his Colossal Chan form to completely destroy PVCC and undo the brainwashing effect used to control all it's members. According to Mailbag 52, this freed all the manajerks too. Chris later stated that the manajerks were cleared by the CWCville courts for their crimes, due to the fact that they couldn't help their actions at the time, but that they were depowered before being set free.[citation needed]

And yes, the "B" in "B-Manajerk" does stand for "black".[5]

Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby

You're missing both your arms, you work in a McDonald's, and you have the most embarrassing and incomprehensible name in the world. Obviously the answer is to go into supervillainy.

Merried Seinor Comic is quite possibly the most unfortunately named villain in all of Sonichu, as one can't even figure out what words Chris was trying to write or what meaning they could possibly convey. The name of his real life counterpart, Kirby McDerbie, offers no insight into this strangeness. Trolls on /cwc/ have been speculating for as long as the character has been around, but no-one has ever been able to determine for sure what his name actually means, though some have guessed that Chris may have meant to say "Married Senior Comic".

The Merried Seinor Comic appeared for the first time in Sonichu #3, helping the B-Manajerk in his opposition of Chris's Love Quest. He is one half of the McDuo of the City of M-C-D-Ville of the Region of Mal-Wart. He has cybernetic arms and legs and is armed with a broadsword, for no apparent reason except that it allows Chris to recreate the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.[6] In Sonichu, Merried Seinor Comic was defeated in a sword fight by Darkbind Sonichu, whilst Chris defeated his partner. In Sonichu #4, which continues the two part story, the W-M-Manajerk arrives as back-up, but when he fails as well the McDuo flee the scene, with the Comic not seeming to even care about the recent loss of both his arms.

In Sonichu #7, the character appears at Mary Lee Walsh's villain convention, where he is even more inexplicably described as Merried Seinor Comic/Kirby, although the "Kirby" has been removed in more recent versions. This is the last time the character is seen, but as mentioned above, he did participate in the Battle of CWCville offscreen, becoming a giant along with the B-Manajerk and fighting the Kart Megazord. It is presumed that he was depowered and set free like the other manajerks after Collosal Chan reversed Mary Lee Walsh's brainwashing.

W-M-Manajerk

Truly a shining example to us all. But for W-M-Manajerk, it's an average day.

After Chris was kicked out of the Wal-Mart's McDonalds, as was described above, he returned two days later, apparently feeling that his expulsion only applied to the McDonalds, and not the entire building. The man he identifies as "B-Manajerk", frustrated with Chris's unwelcome return, asked the Wal-Mart manager to deal with him. After a terse argument, Chris fled, flipping the Wal-Mart Manager off, and shouting his weeaboo magic spells at him. Clearly upset by the events of June 20-22, 2005, Chris took revenge in the only way he could; by turning these men into fictional supervillains he could defeat in his fantasy life.

In the You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!! segment Christian put on his ED page in March 2008, he says he "got [his] ass handed to [him] by a cripple" with an image from Sub-Episode 5 of W-M-Manajerk beating up Chris-Chan. This could imply that the real life W-M-Manajerk might be physically disabled, perhaps explaining the reason he has a robotic body in the comics.

The W-M-Manajerk character first appeared at the end of Sub-Episode 4, which was featured in Sonichu #3 and reused in Sonichu #4. In the comic, Chris defeats B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic with the help of Darkbind Sonichu at the end of Sub-Episode 4. Darkbind leaves, thinking the crisis resolved, but soon Chris is confronted by another enemy, the W-M-Manajerk. Unlike the B-Manajerk, who seems to be a human clad in armor, the W-M-Manajerk appears to be merely a human head in a jar, mounted atop a massive robot body. His appearance seems to be based on Richard Nixon in the Futurama episode "A Head in the Polls". This episode featured Nixon as a similarly built robot with a head in a jar. The concept of a head in a jar is hardly unique to Futurama, but it is a show beloved by Chris and virtually nothing he draws hasn't been at least loosely based off an already existing character.

The story continues in Sub-Episode 5, where Chris and the W-M-Manajerk do battle. Unlike the "verbal combat" in his real life encounter, the fight here is completely physical, with W-M pretty much beating the crap out of Chris, as you might expect a giant robot would. Just as Chris begins to lose hope though, he receives a vision from the Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan, who informs him that he must combine the powers of his Medallion of Fail with his Heart Torch of Fail to summon his Dream Sibling of Fail. Realizing that his ancestor is referring to Crystal, whom he had previously drawn on one of his home-made Yu-gi-Oh! cards, Chris follows his advice and manages to create a physical body for his imaginary twin sister.

Undaunted, W-M-Manajerk presses his attack, but when Chris and Crystal transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu respectively, they quickly overpower him. By combining their ultimate attacks--Chris's Curse-ye-ha-me-ha and Crystal's Shocking Tiara Magic, they destroy the Manajerk's armor, leaving only his disembodied head.

Crystal gives W-M a long, boring talk about how important it is for Chris to get laid, and how W-M is missing out on some "awesomly great emotions, big time". Even Chris gets tired of hearing the bitch ramble on, and he stops her to ask who sent W-M-Manajerk in the first place. W-M reveals that he, along with B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic, were agents of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens lead by Mary Lee Walsh. Furious that Walsh has attacked him again, Chris and Crystal kick the head-jar all the way back to PVCC, where it strikes Mary on the head.

W-M-Manajerk would briefly return (sans body) in the pages of Sonichu #7, when he and his fellow Manajerks attended the council of villains at PVCC.

Unlike B-Manajerk's armor, W-M-Manajerk's robot body is actually pretty damn strong. It survives several attacks from both Chris and Crystal, and appeared to possess super-strength, being able to effortlessly lift the very heavy Chris high above its head, and was also able to punch him with sufficient strength to send him flying backwards into a soda fountain. The jar containing his head appears to be quite durable as well, since it survived being kicked from Mal-Wart to PVCC without breaking, even upon collision with Mary Lee Walsh's head. It can be assumed that the head-jar also acted as a kind of life support system.

Only the combined power of Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu were able to defeat the W-M-Manajerk's body. As these are two of the more powerful characters in the series, that makes W-M-Manajerk a pretty major league guy. Of course, now that he's just a head, his threat level is severely diminished. Hell, Rosechu could probably beat him up now.

ScotPalazzo

ScotPalazzo: a villain who has an uncanny talent of unnaturally bending his arms around tables at 90 degree angles.

The only man on the planet to spell his first and last name without a space, and possibly the first manajerk Chris encountered, ScotPalazzo was based upon the manager of the Charlottesville Fashion Square, rechristened the "Fa-Square of Sho-Mall Region" in Sonichu #4. Chris's experiences in Fashion Square were documented earlier in the series when he battled the Jerkhief and got trolled hard by Hanna, but ScotPalazzo himself would not be introduced until Sub-Episode 6, when he expressed envy of Chris for his made-up TV show CWC's Backyard Safari. Scot was clearly designed to resemble Lord Il Palazzo from Excel Saga, and he is depicted as a jaded misanthrope who blamed love itself for his mother's murder-suicide.

Whether or not the real Scot Palazzo suffered such a traumatic life as his comic counterpart, the fictional Scot remained one of the only villains in the series to give any kind of reason for his actions. Wes Iseli was motivated by jealousy, Mary gave reasons for her own war on love in Sonichu #10, Jason Kendrick Howell's motivation was existentialism, and then there was Scot. Despite being one of the few villains to actually have motivation to do all the crazy super-villain shit the PVCC gets up to however, he never actually does anything. In his debut appearance, he hires more Jerkops to take down Chris, but he never gets any kind of comeuppance for this and he never fights any of the heroes. He cameos again in Sonichu #7 at the council of villains, and his character description says that he banned all virgins from his region, but this is all he has ever been seen to do. In many ways, he is more like an actual manager than any of the other manajerks on this page.

His given motivation conflicts with later revelations that all PVCC members, including the manajerks, were really just brainwashed slaves of Mary Lee Walsh. Colossal Chan's power supposedly undid all brainwashing, and Chris's statements on the subject claimed that all the manajerks were cleared of everything. Presumably this can be taken to mean that Scot was also a victim, and that his jaded personality was reverted to whatever he was like prior to Mary's effect.

Turdijerk and Trebor Capman (Accomplice)

Behold, the two most harmless villains in the series.

The last of the manajerks to be introduced, the duo of Turdijerk and his accomplice Trebor Capman first appeared in Sub-Episode 7 in Sonichu #4, where they confronted Chris in the Get-Tar Region. The episode was based on an incident that occurred in real life at a newly opened Target store in Chris's area. Attempting to start fresh in new prowling grounds, Chris planned to pay a single dollar to receive a soda at their snack bar and exploit their free refill policy to keep refilling that same soda over and over again while he spent the entire day sitting there doodling his shitty characters. This finally caught the attention of management, who eventually summoned officer Bagget to get him out of the store.

Unlike previous Manajerks, Chris doesn't give these two any special powers or armor, and the two aren't even named until their later cameo in Sonichu #7, when all of the Manajerks meet with Mary Lee Walsh at PVCC. In their initial appearance, the two manajerks walk up to Chris at his table and tell him that he was loitering and had to get out. Even in his idealized fantasy world where Chris whitewashes everything he does, the comic version of Chris is indeed loitering, and he also initially ignores the two managers trying to talk to him. Upon noticing them, he screams, and then somehow summons a tornado to blow them both away. It should be noted at this point that these two manajerks did not actually attack Chris, or even threaten him, meaning Chris just assaulted two unarmed normal humans for telling him to leave their store.

The names of the characters are puzzling. Trolls speculate that Trebor Capman might actually be an alias for someone called Robert Capman, given Chris's love for reversing names, and while the origin of Turdijerk's name is somewhat more ambiguous, the two most common theories are that the name was either derived from a stereotype of the Indian accent, (as the character has a vaguely South Asian appearance and his real life counterpart is probably the same), or that the name "Turdijerk" is merely Chris's juvenile sense of humor and a way to insult the real life manager by giving him a nickname that sounds like "turd".

Gallery

References

  1. PS3 History Level
  2. http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_25
  3. CWC's Diary
  4. http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_93
  5. Sonichu 4 Official Videobook
  6. Image:MSCPython.jpg

See also

CWC-isms

Relationships: 🏢 Attraction Location | 👧 Boyfriend-free girl | 🎓 Dating education | 👩 Gal pal | 💔 Heart level | 💕 Sweetheart | 💑 Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | 🔍 Love Quest | 😨 Noviophobia | 👷 Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: 🇨🇳 China | 💦 Comeuppance | 🦆 Duck | 🏳️‍🌈 Gaybian | ⚤ Hanky-panky | 👨‍❤️‍👨 Homos | 🤥 Honest Content | Mass debating | 🛳️ Navy | 🥒 Pickle | ☔ Raincoat | 🍹 Recycling | 😤 Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | ♀️ Women's rights

Himself: ⏰ Biological clock | Butt garments | 📖 Captain's Log | Cherokian Clan | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | 🤓 Fangs | Fuzzy-wuzzies | 🎓 Honor roll | 🚧 Mental Block | 🚢 Monthly tugboat | 👙 Muscle bra | Prickly-Wicklies | 🎲 Random-access humor | ⚖️ Scale of Respect | 💔 Heart level | ⚧ Tomgirl | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | 🗞️ Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Parody | Sub-Episodes | ⚡ Sweetbolt | 🍺 Reeb

Stressors: 🍀 4-cent_garbage | 🎮 HEXBox | JERKS | 👮 Jerkop | ⚽ Kick the Autistic | 😆 Laughs Under Lucricities | 💼 Manajerks | 🏫 Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | 🚬 Tobacky | 🍊 Pmurt

Cursewords: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Naïve | 👨🏿 Niggos | 🍴 Pedofork | Slow-in-the-minds

See also: Minor CWC-isms | Chris and English