|“||Sonichu Comic Book #2||”|
|Chris's title for his file of the comic|
|Cover Date:||24 April 2005|
|Finished:||3 May 2005|
This issue introduces one of the bigger MacGuffins in Sonichu canon, the "Anchuent Prophecy" that by predicting future events, somehow also causes them to inexplicably occur. Having addressed Sonic and the introduction of Black Sonichu in the previous issue, Chris's next urgent business is to get down to addressing his feelings from his awkward love triangle with Sarah Hammer and Wes Iseli, via this trilogy in which they turn into furries and are forced to team up to attack a giant monster. Note that Chris completed this entire issue in under two weeks – a blistering pace compared to his later efforts – suggesting that his heart was most into his work when he was using it to talk about himself.
Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"
|Sonichu Site:||Episode 7|
Sonichu is zapping to the extreme in a field somewhere near CWCville when he discovers a strange rock formation. The largest of the three rocks has a cave-like opening, with the other two rocks in front of it. Sonichu notices a hedgehog-looking insignia on one of the smaller rocks and pauses to read its inscription: "Only the Creature, and his Master, of the Prophecy may enter the Destiny Cave."
Just then, the other rock is revealed to actually be a mysterious old man, who explains that he is the Keeper of the Destiny Cave. He instantly recognizes Sonichu as the Creature of the Prophecy and explains that Sonichu's true original creator can enter the Destiny Cave to unlock a special power. Sonichu zaps back home to tell this to Christian, who inexplicably then tells it back to him. They then leave for the cave.
Here they learn the Anchuent Prophecy of the Cherokian Clan, which tells of how the clan's leader would be reincarnated as someone who "gives birth" to an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. This reincarnated chieftain would then come to the Destiny Cave and release the powers of his past life, as well as the powers of his queen and rival. The reincarnations of these three people would receive their released powers, allowing them to transform into Electric Hedgehog Pokémon to battle an ancient evil that was inadvertently released by Sonichu's discovery of the cave.
Deciding that he will need the ancient powers to defeat the ancient evil, Christian fulfills the Anchuent Prophecy by place in his homemade Sonichu medallion on an ancient pedestal in the ancient center of the ancient cave. As the Keeper says the magic words "Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!" the medallion levitates and returns to Chris's neck, causing him to experience a vision. Chris speaks with his past self, who was in life Christian's identical-looking Cherokee great-great-grandfather, who is blue-eyed and clad in Roman armor. This ancestor warns Chris that his rival will try to fight him, but his lady friend will show up to help.
Christian tries out his new powers, and when he awakes from the vision he finds he has been transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu, an electric hedgehog that almost looks like a blue version of Sonichu. Chris-Chan is pleased by this development, but Sonichu is disturbed and asks that they both zap out of the cave.
This is the start of Sonichu ceasing to be about Sonichu and instead it's creator, Chris. The Anchuent Prophecy proves to be confusing, and further retcons will make it even more so. Also, Anchuent Prophecy. We don't know what's worse, the pun, or the fact that we initially thought it was a typo.
The makers of AXE purchase an ad with a highly revealing message to consumers: smell so great, it's almost like you bathed!
Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Chaos & Serenity"
|Chaos & Serenity|
|Sonichu Site:||Episode 8|
Wes Iseli experiences a vision very similar to Christian's, in which he meets his past self, a member of the Wasabi Clan, naturally wearing a robe and wizard hat. Just as the Cherokee leader had said, his Wasabi rival is only concerned with their old grudge and instructs Wes to use the power of the Fireshock Pendant to seek revenge against Christian. Since Chris was once jealous of Wes, this provides the perfect impetus for Wes to want to kill Chris, so he accepts this mission and transforms into the orange Wes-Li Sonichu, and undergoes training during his vision.
Sarah Hammer also experiences a vision, wherein she meets the Queen of the Cherokee Clan. The Queen tells Sarah that she must use her Lightning Bracelets to bring serenity to the other hedgehogs of the prophecy, whom she does not identify for some reason. Sarah transforms into Saramah Rosechu and also trains to use her newfound powers.
Instead of receiving training from his ancestor, Chris-Chan Sonichu has been instructed in the use of his powers by Sonichu. The only thing they can't figure out is how to change Chris-Chan back to Christian Chandler until Sonichu gives his father an awkward pat on the chest. By touching the pattern in Chris-Chan's fur shaped like his medallion, Sonichu accidentally changes Christian back to normal. Unfortunately, this has left Christian vulnerable, as Wes-Li has arrived to destroy him. Saramah is not far off, but will not arrive in time to prevent the fight.
Chris and Sonichu are able to avoid Wes-Li's initial attacks until the orange hedgehog reveals himself as the rival foretold in the prophecy. Once Chris realizes that Wes-Li is Wes Iseli, they stop fighting long enough to air their grievances, little realizing that Saramah is eavesdropping. Chris admits he was jealous for Sarah, while Wes-Li rambles on about the coveted Cherokian crown. Saramah is, of course, awed and elated by Chris's jealousy. Wes-Li finally resumes the battle, but Christian counters (completely inexplicably) with Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, which buys him time to transform back into Chris-Chan. The two furries trade uninspired anime attacks until Wes-Li lands a Sky Uppercut to Chris-Chan's chin, allowing Wes-Li to obtain the Cherokian crown, which materialized out of nowhere immediately prior.
Before Wes-Li can finish Chris off, Saramah finally bothers to intervene, shooting arrows into Wes-Li's body that pin him against a non-sacred tree.
Even ignoring the white Native Americans and Wasabi tribe, this episode still blows. Uninteresting characters, a big non-joke that can be seen in the picture, and the non-sacred tree being a reference that loses it's meaning unless you're in the know, and the intended audience for this is most likely not.
Sonichu appears with a milk-mustache, to support the California Milk Processor Board.
Episode 9: Chris-Chan, Saramah, & Wes-Li in "The Evil that Stomped CWCville"
|The Evil that Stomped CWCville|
|Sonichu Site:||Episode 9|
Having saved Chris-Chan's ass, Saramah returns to him the Cherokian crown that he didn't own in the first place. She then reads the riot act to Wes-Li, allowing him and Chris-Chan to recognize that she is Sarah Hammer. Outraged over the way Wes-Li has treated her bestest friend ever, Saramah yanks her lightning arrows right out of his chest, and breaks up with him on the spot. Wes-Li cries and pouts until Saramah reminds the trio of their duty to stop the prophesied evil.
Chris-Chan, Wes-Li, and Saramah battle Count Graduon. Sarah breaks up with Wes, but then turns around and cockblocks Chris as well. Just then Sonichu reappears for the first time in, like, a week to tell Chris-Chan that Rosechu called to say a rock monster is attacking CWCville. Chris sends Sonichu on ahead, and Saramah uses her powers to levitate the others in floating bubbles.
Meanwhile, in CWCville, it is apparent that the giant golem monster is being directed by Christian's old nemesis Mary Lee Walsh, riding a broom and armed with a scepter possessed by an ancient spirit. The spirit gloats that, despite having been imprisoned for centuries by the Cherokian and Wasabi clans, he will have his revenge and rule the world. When the hedgehogs arrive, Saramah asks for Chris-Chan's opinion based on his familiarity with the city. Chris's answer has nothing to do with that; he vaguely suggests that large monsters always have weak knees (which is just a throwaway gag from an episode of Excel Saga, which made a lot more sense in context). Wes-Li is thoroughly depressed by Saramah breaking up with him and is utterly useless. Chris, who would never surrender to self-pity, gives Wes-Li a pep talk.
All this time, Rosechu has been spending Sonichu's hard-earned money at CWCville Mall instead of defending her city and home. She stands around hoping Sonichu and Chris-Chan will be alright because being a female she cannot possibly be of any real assistance.
The three Electric Hedgehogs employ a three-pronged attack, completely disregarding Chris's prior idea of focusing on the knees. Their combined forces stagger the golem, and Chris leads them in their Team Blast maneuver, the Blue Fireball Attack, for the win. With the golem destroyed, they face down Mary Lee Walsh, but she elects to retreat while the talking scepter casually introduces itself as the ancient evil, Count Graduon. Sonichu finally shows up, having arrived too late for his entire self-titled series, although he has Rosechu in tow, suggesting he stopped off for a quickie on the way. The three prophesied hedgehogs revert to their human states and Chris summons a cab to take them back to his mayoral office.
Later, in Chris's bedroom, he and Sarah discuss their adventure and catch up on old times. Chris spies an opening now that Wes is out of the picture, and it just so happens Sarah is thinking about a new man in her life... named William.
In a coda to this issue, Chris dedicates the story to the real-life Sarah Hammer, his best friend in the whole wide world. Judging from the tribute page, he doesn't seem to know anything about her beyond age ten.
Well, it's not really that different in quality from the rest of the issue. Sonichu barely even appears, and the golem fight is anti-climatic. It'll take a while for the comic to get really bizarre.
Chris gives the short, short-version of Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares in a single page dedication.
Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"
|Sonichu Site:||Sub-Episode 3|
Following her brief, unexplained appearances in Episode 9, Christian's narration quickly gives Mary Lee Walsh a proper introduction, explaining that she tore up his Attraction Sign, shattered his heart, and hurt his soul in the early months of his Love Quest. He resolves that Mary Lee must be stopped before she hurts others.
Despite his ancestor advising him to use his powers responsibly to protect innocents, Chris-Chan Sonichu commences an unprovoked invasion of Mary Lee Walsh's office at the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, while she is stirring some potion in a boiling cauldron. Chris-Chan makes a token effort to suggest he's here for the safety of the public, but it's obvious he's just avenging Christian Weston Chandler. Walsh mocks Chris-Chan's corny old Sailor Moon poses and attacks him with dark magic, but Chris-Chan counters with Thunderbolt, Double Team, and Mirror Coat.
Seeing that their magical attacks are too evenly matched for her to gain the upper hand, Walsh invites Chris to hand-to-hand combat. Chris assures us he's never hit a woman (since women are weak and stupid), but since she's asking for it, he strikes her with a Mach Punch. The blow from a super-powered hedgehog doesn't faze her, however, and she responds with a kick to the crotch. Chris-Chan tries a Mega Kick, but, Walsh strikes him with her pitchfork and somehow presses his transformation spot without completely impaling him.
Chris reverts to human form and lays prone on the ground, as Mary Lee Walsh puts two and two together: Chris-Chan Sonichu is secretly Christian Weston Chandler. Having shattered his heart, defeated him in battle, and discovered his secret identity, Walsh decides there's nothing left to do but kill Christian. Before the final blow is struck, however, Sonichu intervenes, revealing that he has been watching the whole time in case his father needed help. Christian quickly recovers and together they deliver their final attack. As Walsh cackles maniacally, Chris casts Curse-ye-ha-me-ha while Sonichu uses Thunder; the combined energy appears to destroy Mary Lee, as she screams into oblivion. Or does she...?
Another Sub-episode, and it's nothing new at this point. All we get is an origin for Walsh, which amounts to her being a witchier version of the real Mary Lee Walsh.
In the original releases of Sonichu #2, the back cover featured a personal army request from CWC, where he asks his fans to start a grass-roots campaign to get Nintendo to recognize and embrace the Sonichu franchise.
In the CWCipedia version, however, the back cover message has been replaced with the ad for Sonichu Adventure.