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|Cover Date:||20 August 2008|
|Finished:||1 January 2009|
Sonichu #8 is the ninth comic in the Sonichu comic series. Based on the cover, this was originally planned as a Rosechu Spring Break special, featuring both Blanca Weiss and her character Jiggliami as introduced in Sonichu #7. However, by August 2008, Chris's focus was entirely on the trolls, and that greatly altered the shape of this issue.
Chris unveiled Episode 17 in September 2008 without having first completed the entire issue, in a break from the established tradition. Rather than featuring a Spring Break story, Episode 17 presents a story of Sonichu and Rosechu fucking until they discover slanderous mislabelings on a website called 4-cent_garbage.com, whereupon Rosechu poses for nude photos of herself to prove that she doesn't have a penis. The rest of the comic deals with the Spring Break element as a means to psychotically address the relationship statuses of the Sonichus and Rosechus. Even though Chris had temporarily stranded his comic self in the Time Void as to focus his attention on Sonichu, it instead treats all the hedgehogs as more of an ensemble cast, which would take hold for the rest of the series.
In the end, the long-awaited Spring Break story would appear as Episode 18, although it would not be completed for several more months following Blanca's betrayal of Chris, his subsequent depression, and the massive distraction provided by playing LittleBigPlanet. Chris would not return to work on the comic until he was told of a boy named Ryan Cash who, despairing of ever seeing his beloved Sonichu comics again, committed suicide. Ryan's tragic story, and the sadness of his mourning brother Clyde Cash, prompted Chris to redouble his efforts, and Rosechu finally got to go on Spring Break in the dead of winter.
Sonichu #8 proved to be widely condemned, primarily due to the hardcore sex scenes between Sonichu and Rosechu, who had previously been described as being 16 and 15, respectively. Chris rushed to include scenes in this issue that would firmly establish both characters as being of legal age to avoid accusations of child pornography.
- 1 Development
- 2 Public Service Announcement
- 3 Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"
- 4 Episode 18:"Spring Break, 2008!"
- 5 Alternate versions
- 6 Gallery
- 7 Links
- 8 Sources and Notes
A few months prior to Episode 18, several plot points were leaked in audio conversations Chris had with his then-sweetheart.
Public Service Announcement
Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"
|Sonichu Site:||Episode 17|
|Audiobooks:||Episode 17 (1 of 4)|
|Episode 17 (2 of 4)|
The story opens with random proclamations from Chris:
- Sonichu turned 19 on March 17, 2007.
- Rosechu turned 18 on December 22, 2006.
- As of November 3, 2007, the pair have been living in a house in the suburbs of CWCville. The house has been fully paid for with taxpayer dollars (although new Mayor BILLY MAYS may revise this item in the CWCville budget to fund smoking and drinking laws.).
Worth noting is that Sonichu and Rosechu's house is yellow and pink, just like its occupants.
Inside, Sonichu shows off his bare ass to the reader, while Rosechu emerges from the bathroom in pink lingerie. The pair engage in disgusting pre-coital banter, which may even be post-coital, since Rosechu suggests they just got done showering together. We also learn that Sonichu has a seven-inch (18 cm) cock, and requires "double-extra length" condoms for safe sex (but anyone who has ever paid attention in health class can tell you that regular-sized condoms can fit Sonichu perfectly).
The two monsters engage in what they call "Missionary Cowgirl", apparently unaware that these are two completely opposite sexual positions. Rosechu responds by saying, "I think I can hotshot. Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'." (The slot line is borrowed from an episode of Family Guy.)
In a moment of illusory mercy, Chris interrupts the action to discuss the nature of Sonichu and Rosechu's reproductive organs. In fact, the reader is subjected to a new kind of horror, as Chris clumsily attempts to explain how naked cartoon characters can have tits and balls. For the most part, Sonichu/Rosechu biology is a sick parody of human anatomy, with the following key distinctions:
- A Rosechu's vagina or "china" is normally hidden from view by some hideous flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a "psych-up" attack.
- Rosechu nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage". This would mean that Rosechus can only nurse their young when horny.
- Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a human uterus.
- A Sonichu's penis and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the Sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This presumably means Sonichu must be erect in order to urinate.
- Sex may be painful for Rosechu the first time, even causing her to bleed from her hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage."
- Sexually transmitted diseases are unheard of in the Sonichu/Rosechu population, which makes sense, given that there's fewer than twenty of the little freaks, and most of them were created abiogenetically.
- If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months," after which the Rosechu deposits an egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant Sonee or Rosey hatches. This reveals that all Rosechus are monotremes (egg-laying mammals).
Chris also declares that "most" STIs can be treated and removed, although it is unclear if he is referring to human STIs or bug-eyed furfag STIs. He refers the readers to local libraries and the internet for more information, and then returns to the hideous yiffing scene in the Sonichu household.
Chris treats the readers to a cock-eye view of Sonichu's penis falling out of his pelvis. As they 69 each other, Rosechu emits disgusting blue fumes from her ungodly orifice, which Sonichu appears to savor. Sonichu finally penetrates Rosechu with his sickening yellow member, and Chris depicts numerous scenes of past intercourse between the two wretched creatures. Grasping Rosechu's tail, Sonichu pounds away at Rosechu's gaping hole, until the two finally reach orgasm simultaneously.
Rage Against the Garbage
|Rage Against the Garbage|
|Sonichu Site:||Episode 17|
|Audiobooks:||Episode 17 (3 of 4)|
|Episode 17 (4 of 4)|
Twelve hours later, Sonichu seeks out even more putrid beast-sex from his sow, but Rosechu is too engrossed in her discovery of a website called 4-cent_garbage.com, which defames the good names of not only Sonichu and Rosechu, but their father Christian Weston Chandler as well. Rosechu shows Sonichu various drawings of them and their friends (in fact, the Rule 34 images Chris himself uploaded to Encyclopedia Dramatica), and Sonichu mistakes them for photographs.
Also note that in order to prove he isn't a homo, Chris drew Rosechu's breasts protruding, and literally pages earlier, Chris said that Rosechus only do this when aroused, meaning that Rosechu is getting off to porn of herself and friends. Because that isn't weird at all!
Rosechu goes on to show him the "apex" of the site, referring to numerous drawings of herself with male genitalia. Overcome with nausea, Sonichu vomits. Unable to distinguish fantasy from reality, Sonichu insists that Rosechu is female, and cites her photoshoot in PokéBoy magazine as proof of her gender. Thinking that the dickgirl pictures were created by mistake rather than malice, Sonichu suggests they "prove" Rosechu's womanhood to 4-cent_garbage.com's staff in person. He nearly faints with weakness, and Rosechu puts him to bed to sleep off the trauma of seeing cartoon penises on the internet.
Incensed, Rosechu decides to retaliate by producing her own amateur photoshoot and uploading it to 4-cent_garbage.com to counter the dickgirl artwork. Her efforts are fruitless, however, as even more Rosechu-with-penis drawings are uploaded all the time. Rosechu decides to consult Bubbles and Angelica for help.
At 1:45 that afternoon, Sonichu, Rosechu, and Wild Sonichu are teleported to the 4-cent_garbage.com Building in Clarksville, Tennessee, courtesy of Magi-Chan Sonichu. While Rosechu seeks to confront the head of the company and protest the website, Wild has been tasked with locating one of the Sonichu Balls, which Magi-Chan detected inside (likely in some feeble attempt to tie this story into the overall plot). While Sonichu contacted the mysterious head of the company to make their appointment, the only name given was "Jason." In a pathetic attempt at subtlety, Chris depicts Thurston Howell III and his wife walking down the street to hint at Jason's full name.
For no reason whatsoever, Wild expounds upon his childhood, telling a tedious story about how his father, a Scyther, was captured by poachers in the jungle. He makes clear that he intends to avenge his father's death, despite not having mentioned it for the last eight issues. Wild turns invisible (a skill he learned from a passing Porygon), and slips into the building.
Sonichu and Rosechu enter through the main door, and find a demonic receptionist in the hellish atrium of the building. He rudely directs Sonichu to the seventy-second floor (66+6). In the elevator, Sonichu angrily whines about the receptionist, until Rosechu reminds him of the story of Joseph, and its moral of forgiveness.
As Sonichu and his pink cum-dumpster ascend the building in the elevator, they stop occasionally to check out the strange things happening on various other floors. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at each floor to look at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever they see, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no reason. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from Encyclopedia Dramatica, whether Chris understood their context or not.
On the thirty-sixth floor, Wild finds a Sonichu ball in an empty room. Holding both of his Balls somehow prevents Wild from using his invisibility power, or contacting Magi-Chan for extraction. Wild is left with no choice but to sneak out of the building on his own, which is implied to be a feat of great difficulty despite the building containing a total of three adversaries.
On the seventy-second floor, Sonichu and Rosechu confront Jason, who introduces himself as a 20-year-old troll, and his companion Kathleen as his "minory 17-year old woman," with whom everything he does is "illegal in these 50 states". When he bids the Electric Hedgehogs to state their case, Sonichu delivers a moving speech to convince Jason that the website needlessly drags names through the mud, and that it's morally wrong to troll innocent people. Jason responds by saying that the page will stay up forever.
Enraged, Sonichu attacks Jason, but he is no match for the troll's awesome powers. Rosechu elects to withdraw, preferring to forgive Jason since there is no reasoning with him. The two leave with their arms around each other, and Chris pointlessly interrupts the story to explain how the two crimes against nature can touch each other's spiny backs without getting hurt.
Adding insult to injury, Jason tosses a pickle at Rosechu, striking her on the back of the head. Pushed to the breaking point, Rosechu crushes the pickle, strips nude, and leaps into the air to attack Jason.
With ferocious roars (and a good deal of plagiarism), Rosechu lands pelvis-first on Jason's head, and wraps her tail and legs around his body, SHOVING his face up her vagina. With sadistic glee, she claws open his head and bites down on the wound, then unleashes a powerful burst of electrical power. Sonichu even says she "had him going." Though dark forces somehow sustain Jason's life, he admits that the attack would have otherwise been fatal. Exhausted, Rosechu gathers her clothes, and leaves with Sonichu. While he is impressed with her display of raw fury, Rosechu is horrified at her primal rage, and makes some mention that she "transformed" into "some monster," expressing concern that "this thing" won't overtake her again. If Sonichu were a better comic, this might be interpreted as foreshadowing, but since it's Chris, this event will never be mentioned again.
Outside, the three Hedgehogs reunite, and Magi-Chan teleports them back to CWCville.
Later, Rosechu hosts a gathering of other Rosechus to protest 4-cent_garbage.com and uphold Women's rights by producing pornographic photoshoots. In addition to Bubbles, Angelica, and Lolisa, the group is joined by Simonla Rosechu, who supplies the backdrops for the shoot and volunteers her services as a model. The group is also joined by Zapina Rosechu, a fourteen-year-old who desperately wants to "volunteer her services of cuteness" to the project and join in the stripping fun. Citing "dumb" laws, Rosechu refuses her help, but Lolisa offers to supervise Zapina as she uses the light from her mutant ass to illuminate the photoshoot.
Chris introduces the Knothole in an ad filled with random-access humor. Some might consider this a parody of a parody, which Chris feels is improper. However, Chris has cleverly pre-empted such accusations by labeling it a tribute, turning the tables on his critics with the power of his high-functional mind.
Episode 18:"Spring Break, 2008!"
|Sonichu Site:||Episode 18|
|Audiobooks:||Episode 18 (part 1 of 3)|
|Episode 18 (part 2 of 3)|
Apparently still concerned that someone will accuse him of being a Pedofork, Chris establishes yet again that his characters are of legal age, this time by actually showing the birthday parties held for most of the main cast since Episode 17. Rosechu turns 19 on December 22, 2007. The Chaotic Combo turn 19 on February 2, 2008. Sonichu turns 20 on March 17, 2008.
Finally, Black Sonichu celebrates his birthday in a private get-together with Bubbles Rosechu. Blake disputes that he even has a birthday, since he was cloned from Sonichu's DNA (and thus not born of a Rosechu's uterus, which is stupid because all the other Sonichus and Rosechus were hatched from fucking eggs anyway). Bubbles, however, insists that he is a 20-year-old "starting straight with a 2-year old body". Bubbles asks Blake what he wished for and he says "It's already come true", where Chris is either butchering the classic teen film "Sixteen Candles" or the Family Guy parody of it. The two kiss, and Black Sonichu agrees to rendezvous with Bubbles at the CWCville Spring Break Concert on March 22.
Chris introduces Spring Break by ripping off a gag from a Family Guy episode, wherein Meg Griffin tries to ignore Spring Break by flipping channels, only to find that every station is covering Spring Break, including the news. Chris repeats the joke almost verbatim, except he fails to include anyone actually watching the television, rendering the joke incoherent. The scene is best remembered for the appearance of FQX newswoman Greta Squall, a hideously deformed woman with club-like arms and scars on her face which look like the numeral "2".
Spring Break, 2008!
|Spring Break, 2008!|
|Sonichu Site:||Episode 18|
|Audiobooks:||Episode 18 (part 3 of 3)|
—Jamsta Sonichu, desperately craving nicotine and liquor
Almost immediately, Lolisa excuses herself to take a swim.
On the stage, Jiggliami and Blanca eagerly await their performance. As in their appearance in Sonichu #7, both of them babble incoherently about their music. Blanca maintains that she will wait for Chris to return from the time void — ironic, since Blanca had betrayed Chris long before this episode was uploaded to the internet.
On the beach, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy themselves. Like Franklin from Peanuts, characters with suntans are depicted with vertical lines for shading. When Chris does it, though, it just looks like the characters are shaking uncontrollably, teleporting, or just soaked with liquid. While Sonichu heads off to surf, the Rosechus lie on the beach.
Unprompted, Bubbles explains at length that she has no need for sunscreen, because she is incapable of tanning and impervious to sunburn. This has something to do with her being a Water-type Pokémon, her body being composed of 90% water (about the same as a watermelon), and her fur being capable of adapting itself to her surroundings. This rant comes despite no Rosechu or Sonichu ever being shown to tan, and how they would tan at all if covered in fur is anybody's guess.
Bubbles's sunbathing is interrupted when Magi-Chan contacts her to collect a Sonichu Ball from the ocean. Before she can get up to find the ball, Black Sonichu kicks sand on the girls. Rosechu threatens to attack him, but Bubbles offers to do it herself, and pretends to force Black Sonichu away from the others. While she and Blake seem determined to hide their relationship, Rosechu and Angelica secretly know the truth, and laugh at the transparency of Bubbles's ruse.
Chris incorporates a drawing of Sonichu surfing by PandaHalo, yet he manages to ruin the continuity by drawing in different colored water around the edges of the picture. Also, Sonichu wasn't wearing his shoes earlier, but Panda's drawing shows him wearing shoes.
Elsewhere on the beach, Bubbles tells Blake of her mission to find the Sonichu Ball, and they agree to meet at Pier 969 later for disgusting sex. Little do they know that the black Rosechu from before has eavesdropped on their conversation. As she transforms into a duplicate of Bubbles, Chris introduces her as Silvana Rosechu and explains that hers was the sixth egg that emerged from the Rainbow along with the five eggs that became the Chaotic Combo. Silvana's egg wound up on the Earth's moon (Chris predictably does not explain how) where Count Graduon somehow made telepathic contact with her in 1989. As Mewtwo mentored the infant Magi-Chan Sonichu, so did Graduon raise Silvana. In addition to training her in the ways of evil, Graduon "upgraded" Silvana to have both male and female genitalia, and enabled her to change her shape.
In the Atlantic Ocean, Bubbles searches for the Sonichu Ball, passing by fan-favorite character Yawning Squirtle, among other crappily drawn Pokémon who sing the song "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid, yet another thing Chris has ripped off.
Magi-chan informs Bubbles that the Ball is claimed to be 5 miles (8 km) out to sea and, helpfully, "2,000-5,000 fathoms" (2.3 - 5.7 mi / 3,700 - 9,100 meters) below the surface, which is impossibly deep for Bubbles to dive (the deepest point of all the oceans is 6.8 mi / 10,900 meters). It's likely that Chris used "fathom" (6 feet / 183 cm) as a measurement of depth without bothering to find out how big a fathom was.
Meanwhile, Black Sonichu buys condoms in anticipation of the nasty, dirty animal sex he intends to share with his revolting mate. Silvana, posing as Bubbles, meets him, and convinces him not to wear a condom. Blake agrees, never suspecting Silvana's power to ejaculate a "paralyzing sleep solution" during intercourse. At Pier 969, Blake humps the foul creature, never suspecting that cock is ramming up against Silvana's own penis, which is perhaps withdrawn inside her vagina. Blake passes out from the effects of Silvana's seed, and she teleports him to a closet in the CWCville Beach stage. From there, she returns to Pier 969 disguised as Black Sonichu, and lays the same trap for Bubbles. What she had actually intended to do after systematically seducing and subduing the various recolors is never elaborated upon.
Before Bubbles goes to the pier, she hands off the Sonichu Ball to Angelica to ferry back to CWCville Mall. As she flies off, Punchy and Wild discuss their sex lives. Punchy wants to bang Angelica, and Wild seems uncertain what to do about his own loneliness. The two resolve to enroll in a Dating Education course offered at CWCville University, thus setting up the next shitty issue.
At Pier 969, Bubbles meets Silvana, but before she can present her hindquarters for vomit-inducing copulation, she receives a telepathic message from Magi-Chan, warning her of the impostor. Why Magi-Chan knows the difference, and why he didn't warn Black Sonichu of the same thing, is left to the reader's imagination. Bubbles is sceptical at first, but Jiggliami calls to inform her that she has discovered Black Sonichu in the stage closet. When Black Sonichu himself warns her of the danger, the dumb slut finally begins to put two and two together. Bubbles exposes Silvana by asking her to attack her with Black Sonichu's electrical powers. Despite the fact that Transform grants the user the ability to mimic all moves known by the target, Silvana instead opts to use her own psychic attack to simulate Blake's power, but Bubbles knows the difference. Silvana reveals herself, and teleports away before Bubbles can avenge Blake's manhood. Horrified, she returns to Blake's side to comfort him.
That night, Jiggliami finally performs the damned song Chris had been promoting for four months. Chris credits Blanca Weiss for composing the lyrics on August 20, 2008, which contradicts the premise of Jiggliami performing the same song on March 22, 2008. Also, the song, "War of Love", makes no sense whatsoever, and resembles the sort of crap Chris writes all the time.
As an epilogue of sorts, Chris establishes that Blanca found "her boyfriend" and returned to her home state of Kentucky, despite previously establishing that she intended to wait for Chris to return from the time void. Acknowledging his own personal life, Chris briefly discusses the three women he was involved with during the fall of 2008. Chris claims to have been uncertain about which one to pursue, and credits God and Jesus for eliminating two of them by having Optimus Prime kill Sarah Jackson, and revealing the second to be in alliance with the trolls. Presumably, this is meant to refer to Blanca, even though Chris has depicted her as his girlfriend in this very story. The third woman, PandaHalo, Chris declares to be his True Sweetheart, and the person he would promise his first time to, although he would abandon her for dead within two months.
In a small note on the last page, Chris acknowledges the suicide of Ryan Cash, and admits a modicum of responsibility for his death.
When originally uploaded to Sonichu.net, Chris offered multiple versions of the Episode 17, depending on which link the reader selected. These were based upon the ratings system used for television content.Encyclopedia Dramatica. These lousy edits can be seen here
Chris would rearrange the content in the TV-14 version numerous times before finally settling on a single version of the story, with most of the nudity removed yet with Rosechu's facerape attack left in. The hedgehog porn was reportedly removed at the request of his parents, and Chris would later add a message to his site stating his solemn vow to never again depict his characters engaged in sexual activity. This promise was soon broken when Chris created Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack and snuck all of the deleted scenes there.
The uncensored scenes
By popular demand, here are the uncensored images from Sonichu #8, including the ones from Episode 17's prologue that now appear on CWCipedia's 'Biology' page underneath 'Reproductive Biology of Sonichu and Rosechu'.
|Uncensored images from Sonichu 8 (abandon hope all ye who enter here)|
Sources and Notes
- While many argue that Chris is referring to "dumb laws" against child pornography, it is plausible he's referring to "dumb" child labor laws which would prohibit Zapina from participating in setting up lights, cameras, etc. for the photo shoot. In any case, Chris thinks it's "dumb" that a fourteen-year-old can't work, sexually or otherwise.