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Sonichu 4 Official Videobook

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Sonichu 4

Sonichu #4 Official Videobook is a series of videos made by Chris, in which he reads and comments on Sonichu #4. He started uploading these videos on 14 September 2009.

The print version of Sonichu #4 includes reprints of the first four sub-episodes, but Chris goes ahead and skips to the new material.

  • In Sub-Episode 5, marvel at the exciting conclusion to the McAttack! Crystal Weston Chandler (no not that one, the other one) makes her first appearance-but not before W-M-Manajerk knocks those stupid anime wings off Chris's fat head!
 
 
"HAVE SOME FISTFULL FRIES!!"
 

 

  • In Sub-Episode 6, Christian provides a glimpse into the inner workings of the jerkops. Later, Crystal stuns them with her super-slut powers, and Chris finishes them off with magic!
  • In Sub-Episode 7, Chris fellates a Target soft-drink! Oh, and he gets handcuffed by Bagget. I mean Dagget.
  • And in Sub-Episide 8, tiring of Chris's faggotry, Bagget gives him a noogie on the rough, unyielding Get-Tar carpet!
 
 
Here's a tattoo... on the house!
 

 

Chris's tears of blood have never tasted so very, very sweet.

Sub-Episode 5

Part 2 of McAttack
Stardate 14 September 2008
Episode Sub-5
Other Cartoon CWC, W-M-Manajerk, Cherokian Ancestor, Crystal, Slaweel Ryam, and Count Graduon
The OFFICIAL Sonichu Videobooks
previous
Sub-Episode 4
next
Sub-Episode 6


Transcript

Okay, now for our next installment of... most of Book Number 4. Because we got most of the Sub-Episodes out of the way, we shall skip right up to, uh, Sub-Episode 5. Once again, all Sonichu material is copyright March 17, 2000 by Christian Weston Chandler. Any names or persons illustrated in any of the Sonichu and Rosechu comic books except that of myself, that may seem similar to anybody in real life or fiction, are purely coincidental or otherwise parodic. Anyway, here is the cover of Book Number 4.

"Hey, bur-ba-bur-ba-dur, Virginia is for Virgins!"
"Hey, true love is illegal in Virginia!"
"You'll never get away from loneliness! Deheheheh!"

I'll persevere. I'll get over it. And I will find my sweetheart!

Sub-Episode 5: Part 2 of McAttack.

As you recall from the previous Sub-Episode, Darkbind Sonichu and I kicked those M-C-D-ville manajerks' behinds. Darkbind left after the battle to continue his quest for his Princess Zelina Rosechu's re-awakening. After my victory speech, the manajerk in the Mal-Wart Region barged in to challenge me. Which brings us up to date!

"HAVE SOME FISTFULL FRIES!!" [PSH!]

"Aaah!" He knocked my wings off my head! [sound effects]

Oh man, all this soda pop gone to waste... I'd better take a shower and ooh- uh- come out smelling like a flower. [PFFFFFFF!] That was a mighty CWC shower. "Anyway, now I'm mad. YAAAAH!"

I threw a punch and he catches it with his fist. Oh. Uh, and he lifts- and he lifts me up!

"Ah ha! Try to get out of my evil grip! Hahahahaa!"

[telepathy ensues]

Dang it, I should've stayed transformed. But even then, would I become able to defeat this manajerk by myself?
Don't sweat it, Chris. There is a way to defeat.
What? Ancestor?
Hello, Chris.
It i- it is you. So good to see a friendly face. But I'm in a real bind now, so what advice do you have for me, wise one?
Do you recall how your powers made your wings real?
Yeah.
What you need now is a woman's touch.
What?
Look.
My Heart Torch? But it's made from Pixelblocks!
Yes, Chris, but understand I know if you combined with your powers, you could use it to summon your dream sibling. She would be able to help you much better than your... mother or yourself. Farewell, Chris, I'll check in with you later.
Summon my dream sibling? A'course! My twin sister, Crystal! I'll get the- I get the Heart Torch- I gotta get the Heart Torch, ah shoot, but there it is with the rest of my stuff on that table. I may be unable to transform, but I can still attack. "Electric Hedgehog Attack, Growth!"

And I'm bade- And I'm made bigger. [WOOWOOWOOWOO] And oh- and my hands and legs become bigger than his hands and grasp. So then I easily get up and jump out of his- jump out- jump out of his hands, and I land nearby a chair. And then, there's like there's still distance between me and the Heart Torch, so he pulls out a laser gun and he... zaps me, and he tries zaps me, but he misses all three times.

I get the Heart Torch and I go, "Heart Torch, Glow!" [WOOWOOWOOWOO] The beam blue light surrounds me [WOOWOOWOOWOOWOO] and then the- right behind me, [WOOWOOWOO] I get cloned [WOOWOOWOOWOOWOO] with my female sis- with my female clone, [WOOWOOWOO] which would be considered my sister. [WOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOOWOO] "Ah well. Huh."

"Fancy seeing you in the flesh, Christopher... my brother! Even though we're clones, we're still like siblings!"
"And it is good to have you here, too, Crystal, my sister!"

"Oh, swell," replies the W-M-Manajerk. "Now there's two of 'em? That makes my job a lot harder! But I'll do it anyway! [PKEW!] He zaps his gun.

[gasp] "Get down, brother!" [sound effects]

It misses the both of us.

"Oh, great! Another hole-in-one!"
"Ah, thanks for the save, sis!"
"No problem."
"I see your- but d- your medallion. Do you possess the same amount- same anchuent powers as I do?"
"Yeah, I can transform!"
"All right, then let's- all right, then let's transform and get him!"
"Yeah!"

YEAH!

[singing together] Electriiic Hedgehooog Powerrr! [transformation noises]

Ta-da! Chris-Chan Sonichu! Crystalina Rosechu!

[PEW-PEW! PEW-PEW! PEW-PEW!] Continues to zap at us, but we deflect with Mirror Coat, and shoots his shooting arm off.

"Aah!"

Crystal and I come together, and jump up and bego- and lean on and towards a double-corkscrew KICK! [VRRRRR! PPPPPPSH!] We knock him down. Hmm.

"Hey sis, let's finish him off!"
"My com- by combining our ultimate attacks... you read my mind! Oh yeah, let's do it!"
"Mmmph," he's nadrama.

So then she... takes off her tiara, and she goes "Shocking Tiara!"

And I start off my Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha, then she throws her tiara and I launch my attack, "Ha!" aiming at the intersection point of her tiara and the- and the duh- and the manajerk, combining our powers into one forceful attack. We hit- we destroy his robotic body and his head comes poppin' off. BOOM! [sound effects]

And he's landed- his head just lands near by us.

"Eeh!" And then the Seinor Merried Keer- Seinor Comic says, "I knew he couldn't get him- I knew he couldn't get him e-der!"

Then the black manajerk says, "Yeah, we three should go back to PVCCitizens." Hmm.

"Wow. Just a head. Well it shows that he can never be left behind."
"Hahaha! That's a good one! But seriously, I have a few words for this manajerk."
Oh great. [mental grumbling]
"How dare you intrude in my brother's long and enduring quest to find a boyfriend-free girl! And not only that, you also had the nerve to attempt to hurt him emotionally and physically! Ynaow would you feel if you were in his situation? You'd understand that spelling it out is the way to find a girlfriend from the ground up especially since he is very shy! But I pity you, because you have no body, which leads to the obvious conclusion that you have no heart. You are missing out on some awesomely great emotions, big time! You can't possibly feel the intense emotions from having a frustrated hormones, as well as his loneliness, you jerk! Why don't you just..."
"Eh ok ok ok, sis, I feel- I think you made your point. What I- what I want to know is who sent this jerk?"
"Grr. Fine, I'll tell you. I'm from the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, and I was sent by its president, Slaweel the Witch."
"Dang that witch! It is so like her to attempt to murder my soul again! Let's send this bowling ball flying back toward- to that witch, sis!"
"Alright!"
"Alright, we kick on 'hike.' HUT, HUT, HUT, HIKE!" [PFFT]

And the head gets blown- gets b- gets kicked sky-high.

Meanwhile, at Slaweel's office at the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, Slaweel watches us from a crystal ball.

"Come, Crystal. I'll treat you to lunch."

And then Count Graduon says, "Hehe, you'll get his soul yet!"

"Curses that Chris! He has thwarted my fed- efforts again!"

[PFFT!] And the head- and the head of the manajerk crashes in [Chris giggles] and it bonks Mary Lee Walsh- bonks Slaweel Ryam on the head!

"I thought it couldn't get any worse!"

[TWEETWEETWEETWEETWEE! CUCKOO! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!] And her cuckoo-clock goes, "If she thinks he'll never find a boyfriend-free girl with his method, then Slaweel is CUCKOO! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!"

End of the episode. Stay tuned for the next Sub-Episode.

Sub-Episode 6

Sub-Episode 6: Backyard Safari
Stardate 14 September 2008
Episode Sub-6
Other Sonichu, Cartoon CWC, Crystal, and ScotPalazzo
The OFFICIAL Sonichu Videobooks
previous
Sub-Episode 5
next
Sub-Episode 7


Transcript

[intro music]

[singing] Surf up- Surv- Surviving and exploring the Galapagos and the jungles and all that~

Epi-

Sub-Episode 6: Backyard Safari

"Safari, Pop? Yer examining the jerkops, not an elephant, or a beaver..."

Beavers are so much better anyway, heheheheheh.

[CWC reads a long passage "in character" as Cartoon CWC]

"Hello! And welcome to ano'er episode of Backyard Safaris! I am your host, Christian Weston Chandler. On today's show, we will take a close-up look at the carnivorous jerkops. They may look like your everyday males and females of just-yice, but they- but they were- but they- take my word, folks: the jerkops are evil and mean.
"Let's take a look at one- leketake a look at this one- edone- in this illustration right here. Now, here we see its head is basic human shape, but only thinks evil and naughty thoughts. Note its eyes are frowning--they stay that way 24-7. With this face, they rwarewy- er- rarely attract any women, or men upongs- amongst the janekops.
"This badge is a phony. It's really a graham cracker covered in glitter-glue. It wards away all who approach it with its out-of-date breadstick. They wear basic black pants to cover their agile-yet-ugly legs; veins, hair, and sores. Oh my! Ech.
"Some n'all wear black- wear black glove to cover- to cover the spot where one finger fell off as it grew up.
"They wear brown shoes, because they are ashamed of their sausage-feet.
"When attacked by one, you can take it down easily by kickin' it... here. In the sourdough-area.
"This is the leader of the jerkops; mostly he's know as the jerkheek- the jerkhief. It is the meanest, most strict, and evil of all. Not only is it mean, but it is also related to the na- to the not as mean illnuts- to the not as mean lummox. You can look up the information now on the lummox in the Ben and Stumpy Show, available on DVD. Now, the jerkhief's head is bigger than a bowling ball, yet due to his triple chins, it is shaped like a lightbulb! But it comes up with very few bright ideas at all. It also has a basic frown, and glassy eyes. Literally! You can identify a jerkhief by its badge, instead of a cracker! It uh- it's a hunk of tree bark. Showin' the inside, lighter side, it has a glitter-glue all over it. Among with- along- among its, uh, with its natural color, the jerkhief w- all- wears all brown articles of clothing to cover its bulging blobbiness. Because of its monstrous bones and blubber a jerkhief willeigh 1500 pounds. A lot more... than a Snorlax [snores] at ten- at ten-hundred-fourteen pounds. Its weak point is still the sourdough region, but it would take FIVE KICKS to get to it: its blubber gets in the way. Instead of a breadstick, it uses a metallic psss- a metallic slingshot to ward away all who approach it. The jerkhief really, really loves virgins for some all- for some odd reason, and will attack one at first sight. When it attacks, it attacks with its tribe of jerkops, as they shout threats, then they attack without mercy.
"The other day I was hangin' around with some of my gal-pals, and from out of nowhere a jerkop ca- tribe came in and shouted their threats e- p- s- duh- as, uh- shouted their threats. As a lonely virgin, I was in danger! But luckily, my partner Sonichu was there, and he videotaped the encounter. So we'll show it to you now, and you can learn how to defend yourself if you come into a similar situation. Sonichu, would you please show the video."
"Yes sir, mon capitan!"

Mmm.

"I started off as- in calm, pleasant mood 'cause I was conversing with my gal-pals. Just so you know, a gal-pal is not classified as a girlfriend; they're just friends. Then they- then they came, the squad of jerkops, threatening me, the lonely virgin. Ah, but I am not the weak virg- person they think I am. I am much much saltier! Let's watch and see how the battle went."

Mmm.

"'ey, I was thrilled thatcha- uya'll stopped by the, uh, league last- league to talk to me last night."
"Yeah, no problem, Chris, no problem, ublablablablah~"

Hmm.

"UH, WE NO WANT YOU ON OUR LAND, SO YOU LEAVE NOW OR WE KEEL YOU!"
[sigh] "C'mon, I'm only hangin' with my friends! I'm not leavin', you lousy jerkops."

[barely recognizable Old West Showdown Music]

"Hey, brother! I'm coming out now!"
Sis? Aw, man! She's gonna be in danger if she doesn't get out of here!
"Whatdya think, bro? Am I a fashion-du-jour or what?"

And then all the jerk- and then all the jerk- and then all the jerkops and jerkhiefs turn and look at her and like "ooh" and they- and they start droolin' up a storm.

"Oh, you look fan-san-san-" uh, and so I tell her, "you look fantastic sis. Uh, please do your fashion show bit."

And then she realizes- then she jerkops- and she realizes, oh, jerkops, yeah, I see. "Ok, brother, you got it!"

Yeah now's my- heh- now's my chance to s-s-strike them out. "Electric Hedgehog Attack: PSYCHIC POWER!" [FFFFW!]

And my eyes turn purple from blue and green. Mmm.

[Cartoon Chris holds up a banana-finger and launches into another monologue]

Well, as we all know, all male creatures of any species will always fall for a very pretty face, and wow, does my twin sister Crystal have one. I have seized the opportunity while the jerkops were distracted and drooling!

Boy! They let out more drool than watefall. Uch. Gross!

Now, with my psychic powers, I was ready. First I took control of their weapons, opened da dimension hole and I levitate the weapons into the hole, and I close da dimension hole. Once I was sure all of the weapons had entered the h- hole... yeah, then I shut it up... Those less-than-two-bits jerkops were still drooling. Over my sister. Not reaizing the sitch, leavin' the j- leaving the jerkhief alone for the moment, I took control of the jerkops' bodies levitated them all and speci-cly arranged them outside the store's entrance, as so! [vaguely phallic shape]

Great! That's more drool than Lake... Erie! Heheh!

"Aha! Now it is your turn, jerkhief!"
[drooling sounds] ublublublu~
"You're not getting to me no matter what. You may try in attempt or threat. I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want! And I will never quit in my search for a boyfriend-free girl, either! So all you jerkops may as go back to Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens and tell Slaweel Ryam that if she still intent on shattering my heart again, she can not! My heart is indestructible. And the more you haze me, I will go strong you. Grow stronger. Beware, evil, for in the name of my heart, soul, and sweetheart search, I will punish you!

And so I use my p-psychic powers, to levitate the big guy, and make him curl into a ball. I and den I launch him like a bowling ball to the array of jerkops I've left standing there. And I aim, and I fire the bowling ball!

[BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB-BBB] "I only need one more strike for the win... and the championship!" [BBBBB- PFF!] "Yes! I got 301! Hey... ya ever heard of someone who got 300 and lose?"

[VVW] And my- and my psychic powers go away, there, and I go back to normal and then I say "That's Game!"

[Cartoon CWC delivers another wall of text]

"Right after da- those jerkops struck out, they all feared me and ran away with their tails between their legs. If they had tails. The jerkops rarely preproduce, due to the lack of females, which they would be classified as janekops. And there are a few janekops in their. So they brainwash the slow-minded people with the h- hypno-gun. I've managed to snag one from that day. The beam only works on slow-minded, mentally handicapped adults. My mind like most of the world-wide population is not slow so the ray has no effect on me. Although when functional the beam makes the victim able to, uh- hang on a second I lost my place- oh, able stand up... straight, develop a terribly aggressive attitude, and transforms him or her into an official jerkop or janekop within seconds!
"Wellp! That's all the time we have for now. Tune in again next time as we- and we will trek upon the grounds of the PVCCitizens to investigate how these nasty, evil villains are made!
"Good night, folks!"

And yet my show is being watched by the... evil ScotPalazzo, in the Fa-Square Sho-Mo Regio- Region.

[incensed, ScotPalazzo launches into a mental rant]

How utterly ridiculous... that man has his own TV show and comic book? This world is so corrupt. I have to call PVCCitizens and order more jerkops and janekops to intercept him. He seeks love and companionship from a girlfriend I WILL NOT ALLOW IT! For love is the one thing that makes this world so dizzy, and the less love there is, the better. I know this because my mother loved my father so much, that she killed him, then herself! I will not allow that idiot Christian Chandler to ever letceed- succeed in his love quest!

What a total son-of-a-BEEP! And a total DEET!

End of the Sub-Episode; stay tuned for the next one!

Sub-Episode 7

Sub-Episode 7: Off-Target, Part 1
Stardate 14 September 2008
Episode Sub-7
Other Cartoon CWC, Slaweel Ryam, Count Graduon, Rosechu, Saramah, Dagget, Crackder, and Crystal
The OFFICIAL Sonichu Videobooks
previous
Sub-Episode 6
next
Sub-Episode 8


Transcript

Sub-Episode 7: Off-Target, Part 1

Beginning from the, uh- from a comic- from the drawn previously drawn comic strip that happened a while back, before this date of July 23, 2005.

I am Chris-Chan- I'm as Chris-Chan Sonichu and I'm at the, uh- I'm at the, uh, Fashion Square Mall where I'm intercepted by the jerkops and Slaweel.

"Mar- Slaweel Ryam! This is a trap!"
"That's right, Chris-Chan! And there's no escape from my magic and my jerkop squad! Want a girlfriend? Tough lightning!"
"BRING IT ON!"

And I go into a spin dash, and I knock the jerkops squad- knock some of the jerkops out.

And yet they manage to strike me down. Dirty rats.

Rosechu's nearby, and she's like "Oh, no! Chris!"

S-Saramah Rosechu comes out. "I've gotta save him from those fiends!" And then she uh- s-shoots and arrow up at S-Slaweel Ryam's... pitchfork. Then she goes down.

"Shoot!"

And then all the jerk- and then all the jerkops and janekops temporary get deactivated from lack of command. And then Nicole comes nearby me after we both change back.

"Chris, are you ok?"
"Oh, Nicole, you save me! Thank you!"
"Well, tyranny and pression is against your swuest, huh? Let's rest for a while then I will help you! Want a girlfriend? You got it, best friend!"

And then, ne- nearby the S-Slaweel Ryam fal- fall down, "Ooh."

And then uh- and then, ah- and then the, uh- and then Count Graduon is nearby in the wand, he's sayin' "Ooh... One day, Christian, I will destroy you with the strongest, most evil villain, ever!"

Oh, I'm sorry- this actually happe- this, uh, bit actually happened, so we're fast-forwarding to the actual date, Ja-

July 20, 2005.

Mean eh- meanwhile in the apa- at the office of Slaweel Ryam at the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens: [PSH! PKEW!] Ahem. Mmm.

"Count Graduon! Count Graduon and I have com- gone over your records, and we have found that you are the best te- tu- of the worst! You're even better than that Jerkhief! So I give you a s-very special assignment!"

And then they're seeing me, in their... in their crystal, there. Mmm. In their crystal ball. And... Graduon says, "Our nemesis, Christian Chandler, has been located at the new Get-Tar Region. We want you to intercept and capture him. Bring him to us. I will send a hypnowave to the manajerks in the region. To help you in the capturing."

"But if you faaail, you shall spend the rest of eternity in the pool of hot lava, do you understand?"
"I will not fail you, Mistress Slaweel Ryam."
"See that you don't!"

And so the mysterious man wanders off to, ah... a- try and intercept me. A- Yet I'm starti- yet- yet July? Stardate July 20, 2005: Hmm. I'm realizing that, like, you know, it's been calm and peaceful here but anyway~

[a wall of thoughts commences]

After being throwed out of regions because having girl- girlfriend was illegal, I lost all possible great watering-holes. But that the new- then the Get-Tar Region opened, I feel that I am right on Target in finding a boyfriend-free girl or- to be my sweetheart.
Ahh, this is a great set-up. An open bar-table facing the paths to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and I- and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm downed- I am bound to be found by a boyfriend-free, current-my-age-year-old-girl now! Especially since this sweetheart search has been going on for about two years now. [sigh]
[singing and giggling] Toodie-froodie, drawing manga the all day long. (Hahaha!) Only three days since I skipped my last deadline! (HoohoohooHOO!) Goshirento, you're so silly! (Hehehehehehee...) Toodie-froodie, drawing munga all day long... (Huhahahaha!)

And then these t- and then the two manajerks come in.

"HEY PUNK! WE DON'T WAND CHU IN OUR REGION! WE'VE GOT- WE'VE HEARD OF YOUR STATUS!"
"And by the order of Slaweel, the headmistress of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, you are being banned from this region't!"

But yet I'm just got my headphones on, and I'm continuing to draaww~!

"Hey! Are you listening? Stop your cursed loitering and get out!"

And then I'm, like, being somewhat sarcastic and say, "I'm sorry, were you addressing me?" An' I'm thinkin' "not again... oh well!" Anyway, I frustrate them, so they're about to attack, an' I-

[sigh] Not again... Oh well, I'll just blow them away! "Electric Hedgehog Attack: Whirlwind!" [FFFFFWWWWWWWWWWWWW! FWW!]
"Aaah!"

Blow those two away~

Chris-Straw.jpg

And then a little while later while I was... drinking some soda from my Target cup--THAT IS A SOFTDRINK CUP, and the straw was red too. Go figure: the Target colors. I mean Get-Tar. You know what I mean. Anyway, WHOOSH!

Then this guy comes in, spinning uh- spinning out of nowhere. [WSHWSHWSH-PT] Lands right in front of me.

"I am Dagget, Jerkop Daitenzen! For searching and wanting a girlfriend for about two years and by the order of Slaweel Ryam, Ruling Mistress of PVCCitizens, I'm taking you down, Christian Weston Chandler!"
"And the jerkops- as the jerkops, we're here for backup!"
[sigh] "Down to where? All that's down is the lonely floor! 'S the floor! Ha! But if that's how it's going to be... ELECTRIC HEDGEHOG POWER!"

[FWWW-WSHWSHWSHWSH-PING!] Chris-chan Sonichu!

"You are not getting to me no matter what you may try, in attempt or threat. I will hang out where I want, when I want, and how I want because I am making myself publicly visible in my s-search for a sweetheart! That is my boyfriend-free girl to make into my sweetheart! So all you jerkops may as well go back to PVCCitizens and tell Slaweel that she will never share my indestructible heart! The more you haze me, I will grow stronger. You are all mean and vicious, so in the name of my heart, soul, and sweetheart search, I shall punish you!"
[FWSH] "I don't think so," says Jerkop Daiken- Daitenzen as he pulls out a sword. And then so I make my own sword... of lightning. [FWSH]

[standoff music] DUN-UH! We're about to have a sword-duel! DUN-UH-NUNUN!

And yet a crowd forms around us, and Crystal is nearby; she's like, "OH! S-something's going on! I'm tr- I'm 'fraid my brother may be involved. S'too many people! I gotta get in there! Woo-oo! Dang people!

''music'' And then we hunge towards each other, and then he launches his sword attack, but I divert and I make my double-team attack. And yet... we both swung our swords. [BING! SHWW] But yet, I was the one that was able to put my sword back into place. [FSH] And then th- and then Jerkop Daitenzen Bag-Dagget goes down, paralyzed.

"Ha! As long as my heart beats, I will find my heartsweet! Now return to the darkness from which you came!"

And then he goes, "I don't think so," and he presses his badge, like a button, and then all of a sudden we hear this WHOOSHWSHWSHWSHWSH-PSH! Something comes in through the c- through the ceiling! This giant robot!

"'OLY VECTOR SIGMA!"

And then the Jerkop Daitenzen crawls up- runs up the, uh, robot's arm to be the pile. He's like, "I have you in my hand now! Taste the arsen'l of my change-bot, made from impor- made from parts imported from cybertron! Crackder! Take them d- take 'em down!"

"YES." [PSHW]

And so he fires a shot at me. But I dodge the shot, and he he misses. So then I run up his other arm, which is cana arm, and I launch a punch at his face, and I make his head spin! And then I- and then I get down offa there, and I'm like, "That'll confuse him! But I really need to spin-dash his spark out. And I have just the... GHU!"

HE GRABBED MY TAIL IN A WEDGIE!!

Fwaah! And I'm stuck and I'm about ta fall forward! Nooo! [PSH]

And my [sigh] chestmark hits the floor and I like transform back and now the jerkops are lookin' down on me like... dogs lookin'- like strong dogs lookin' down on dead dog. And Dagget gives the order: "Cuff 'im!" [cuffin' sounds] And then Crackder picks me up by the head. And then Dag- and then Dagget says, "So, hero, what sayest thou now?"

And then I say, "All I wanted for over two years was a boyfriend-free girl into make into make into a sweetheart from the ground up, with friendship! Whom I can love and honest- love and trust truly and honestly!! Why is it illegal to find true love? But in this situation I can only say one thing... HEEELLP~!!

And Crystal hears my cry, and gasps, and say "I'm coming, Brother! 'Scuze- me- through- lemme- through! This d- this crowd is too much!"

"Looks like we'll have to torture yar- torture you until your trap is shut! Crackder: drop him!"

Ang- ges- and he drops me and I'm falling.

To be continued in the next Sub-Episode. Stay tuned.

Sub Episode 8

Sub-Episode 8: Off-Target, Part 2
Stardate 14 September 2008
Episode Sub-8
Other Cartoon CWC, Dagget, Crackder, Jerkhief, Crystal, Slaweel Ryam, Count Graduon, and Cherokian Ancestor
The OFFICIAL Sonichu Videobooks
previous
Sub-Episode 6
next
Episode 12


Transcript

Sub-Episode 8: Off-target, Part 2

Last time, I was encountered by a Jerkop in Power Rangers' clothing. We battled and I paralyzed him, but he then summoned his changebot and things became beet chaotic. I would have knocked out that body- if I hadn't been tripped- if he hadn't tripped me over. But then I was captured after a cry for help f-flew from my mouth into Crystal's ears.

Bagget dropped- Bagget dropped- Dagget dropped me. Now my sister goes through the crowd; I'm fallin' to the ground, hand-legged and handcuffed.

But then: what's this? I'm now levitating just-a-ma few feet off the ground? And Dagget's puzzled as well. But it's Crystal who saves me with her- with usin' the psychic powers.

Well for now, this is the best I can do. Break Chris's fall.

But I was aware of her assistance, and I'm like, Thank you, sis.

And then Dagget's like, "How'd he suddenly stop his fall? No matter, dogpile on him!"

"With pleasure," says the Jerkhief.

An' I'm like, dogpile?

And then- eh!- an' they're all dogpiling on me an it's- they're really heavy!

And then, j- and then, Dagget jumps off the j- du- gon- jumps off Crackder. [PFWW] And he lands down nearby my head, puts his hand down like as if he's about to pet a puppy, but then he's like, "Here's a tattoo... t-on the house!"

And then he grabs my head and rubs my head vigorously against the rough carpet! And he leaves- and he leaves me with uh- eh, you know, with a injury on my head... makes me get-ch-r-ies tears of blood.

And then he says- then he gives another order, "Hogtie him, tighten up his dominant hand, and toss him in da Crackder's cockpit [CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK-CRANK] Then Crackder transforms.

Denshelike, [gasp!] Crystal-'s in shock! L-as she- as she witness, she- comes get- she, uh, could not get there until l-earlier she witness me being carried in.

"Just post him in the back, Jerkhief. You ride with me. The rest of you can h-head back to base in the car."
"Stop it! You're hurting my brother! Let him go! I'm on my way, Christopher!"

And then the Jerkhief sees her comin'-he's holdin me by the- by my wedgie pants, and he shoc- socks her in the face, and knocks her back! She hits a wall, poor girl.

God damn that jerk, hitting a lady like that!

"OH NO! They flew away! B-They have Chris! I have to go after them! But I don't know where they went! But I know how to find out though! Electric Hedgehog Attack Psychic, L-TELEKINESIS! [WOOWOOWOOWOOWOO]

So she is actually in on the cockpit- in the discussion- in the conversation between Dagget and the Jerkhief, n'the Jerkhief says, [wrong voice] "Are we there yet?" [right voice] "O- ARE WE THERE YET?"

"No. We're just a few minutes away from serving Slaweel her worst enemy on a sliwee- on a silver platter!"

And then h-after hearing that, Crystal realizes: Slaweel! They must be headed to PVCCitizens! Getting there on fast feet will be faster than borrowing Chris's car, so... I have the option! "Electric Hedgehog Power!" [WSHWSHWSH] CRYSTALINA ROSECHU!

So then at this point, the Cracker-jet is near- is nearing d- nearing de building and- and uh- poor- n'poor Crystalina is, uh, just I'on'know, is on- is just trekin' away. She a few miles away from the Get-Tar Region now, and that's a lot of mile between Get-Tar and th' PVCCitizens.

Anyway, Later at PVCCitizens, Graduon says, "I sense our servants are almost here."

Then she says, "GEHHHD."

And then they land in the cockpit. And then they land on the landing strip of the building.

And Dagget p-p-approaches Slaweel and bows to her, and says "My mistress, I have returned victorious. Here is the being you requested for dinner."

And then I'm like- I'm on the platter, and I say, "Oh, this is the pits. This is the worst situation I could ever be in."

"You've done well, Dagget! I've been waiting for this! Hang him above the cauldron! Ahaha!"

[PTW] I spit out the apple that the- dang Dagget put in my mouth. I gotta hang in there... ooooh, the pain... this hurts.

But shortly soon though, Crystalina get approaches the building.

"Hold on Chris, I'm on my way! Look out Slaweel, you've got a sss- you got another guest coming tonight! So prepare another place at the table."

She makes her way towards the uh, ent- towards the nearby entrance of the window, an' d'Jerkhief is sayin', as I hang over the cauldron, "Before the Mistress rends a verdict, would you like to beg for your life? It sometimes helps, but often doesn't."

"If I could transform, I-! If I could transform..."
"Silence, or you'll be held in contempt of this court!"
"I have nothing but contempt for this court!"
"Guilty or innocent?"
"Oh, come on, he's innocent! So drop him in! HEHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

And my latch breaks. But surely enough, Crystalina haves quick speeds, climbs the tower, approaches the window, and crashes through the window! [PSH!] And then she lunges towards me, breaks my fall, catches me.

AnSlaweel-eh, "AH?"

And the she drops me down safely nearby wall.

"Crystal, thank you."
"Sit tight, an' I'll get the key."
"That's fine, I'm at a loss of enrgy right now, though."
"Slaweel, you have tortured my brother's body, heart, and soul for the last time!"
"He has a sister?"
"You fools! Get her!"

[whimper] And then, the battle's on... [sound effects]

[telepathic wall-o'-text commences]

Anyway, I'm thinkin', It's good that my sister's come to my rescue, but I'm still without a girlfriend! Not only that, but she's in trouble and I'm unable to help her...

There is a way out!
Ancestor! Please share with me your wisdom!
I reali- realized a number of new friends you've made along in your sweetheart search, in person, or over MySpace.com, and believe that by stopping your foe will help them in some way too.
It's hard to concentrate with such low energy.
In that case, call upon the Anchuent Powers from your royal ancestors to give you a morality boost. Also believe in your sister to aid you. May the Anchuent Prowers protect you.
Sounds good to me, thank you. Uhhhh... hard to concentrate.

And then Crystalina's just gettin' worn out from the battle; she takes a breather, she, "I can't get to that key! And I can't fight them all alone."

So then she gets right by me, and grabs- and then holds my hands. Then she's like, "I'll give Chris s'lil' of my power. To help him recover. So she puts in some of her energy force- her powers energy within me."

See, I'm thinking, Oh, I can feel the energy. [FFW]

And then all- and then I wake up- and then I wake up energized and I break the cuffs behind me and in front of me on my legs. And I instantly transform!" [WSHPSH!]

"And I'm back! Man, this is so Pretty Cure!"

HAHA!

"Protector of the quest! I am Chris-Chan!"
"Protector of all love and hearts! I'm Crystalina!"
[together] Together we're CHRIS-CHAN PURE!
"What, no way! Their power has covered tenfold?"

"No problem, Mary, I got ya," says Count Graduon.

Then I go, "SLAWEEL RYAM! I will never forgive you for shattering my heart and soul! We are going to see that you never shatter any more hearts or souls ever again!"

"I'm ready, bwo. Let's do this thing."

We hold our hands together, and we summon!

"BLUE THUNDER!"
"ORANGE THUNDER! Our unique, wonderful shoals- souls..."
"...shall crush your h-evil hearts and dark souls! Hey Crystal, aim for the crystal ball"

CHRIS-CHAN POOR PULSE-JOLT LANCE! [PFF] We launch our attack~

"Uh oh, time to get out of here," says Count Graduon. And while Slaweel and r- the Count have teleported out, our attack still hits de crystal ball [sound effects] and beams of light are emitted from the- b- from the tow- from the tower top of the building. [sound effects] And n'yet when the shatter was possessed, the facility returned to what it was- returned back to being PVCC. Dadaa. And the tower above the building was destroyed.

Sunny d-, sunny happy days returned to PVCC and all the enrolled students were released from Slaweel Ryam's dark spell. Instead of the dark, grim criminal and corrupted courses, the greater, better math, English, biology, computer, business and other courses have returned.

Crystal and I, we returned to the Get-Tar to get my car and drove home.

As for Slaweel Ryam and Count Graduon, an abandoned MancheNasu was found...

"Well, it was good thing we had a back-up plan."
"Yes, we'll be back in dirty business. Again!"
"Overtaking a high school is better anyway. Younger, stronger, more-dim students ripe for brainwashing!"
"Even though granted was... abandoned?"
"I don't care; we'll bring some more in anyways! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEE!"

This is the end? No it's not, it's going to continue, unfortunately!

Stay tuned, for the next segment!