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Bionic the Hedgehog

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For the short story, see Bionic the Hedgehog (short story).
Sonichu character
Bion.PNG
Bionic the Hedgehog
Date of birth 13 November 1986 (in universe)

13 November 1996 (IRL)

Gender Male
Length 5'4" (163 cm)
Weight 120 lbs (54 kg)
Species Hedgehog
Parents Chris
Astci3 conquered! Remarkable! Now he just needs to conquer cross-eyedness and his colors flowing outside of the lines!
 
 
Bionic the Hedgehog is Sonic the Hedgehog's long-lost brother. He is a professional basketball star and hand with tools in mechanics. He can score over 100 baskets in a single B-Ball game.
 

 

Bionic the Hedgehog Animal Crossing card

Bionic the Hedgehog (born 13 November 1986[1]) was Chris's first recolor, predating even his crowning achievement Sonichu. Brother of Sonic the Hedgehog, Bionic loves to play basketball.

Despite his name, Bionic is not a cyborg. According to Chris, Bionic rhymes with Sonic and the "B" is for "basketball".[2] He made it clear that "Bionic is not a robot" during the Asperchu saga when Alec's version of Bionic was depicted as an actual cyborg, styled after Davros.

Character history

An early image of Bionic, c. 1996

Chris claims to have created Bionic way back on 13 November 1996, when he was standing in the middle of the hallway of his high school next to the basketball courts, staring into the void like a retard. He claims that he was daydreaming about Sonic the Hedgehog character Mighty the Armadillo.[3]

Standing there motionless, daydreaming about Mighty, Chris was — you guessed it — hit in the face with a basketball. This, in Chris's words, "opened the lockers to his mind," and led to the creation of the recolor we know and tolerate today as the completely original character of Bionic the Hedgehog.

Bionic's backstory[4] tells us that he was Sonic's brother, and that when they were young, Bionic fell through a portal into a world filled with basketball players. Sonic, for his part, forgot all about his dimwitted sibling, and went on to be a real star. Cut to years later, when Bionic showed up to save his brother, and then go on to have other exciting adventures. It's interesting to note that, unlike all of Chris's other characters, Bionic was created within the SatAM/Archie Comic universe and not the video game universe.

As this was before Chris started churning out comics, Chris's very first creation Bionic was limited to only ever appearing in the occasional drawing or short story Chris thought up. Among other works, Bionic starred in the "Autism Conquered" drawing seen to the right, the rough sketch on the left, and a short self titled story.

In Sonichu

Years after he was initially forgotten about and replaced by another equally stupid and unoriginal recolor, Bionic appeared in his successor's comic series at the end of Sonichu #6, where he arrives just in time to save his creator from being murdered by his homosexual evil twin after Chris got beaten up again. Chris eventually regains consciousness after being initially knocked out and Bionic gives him the fourth Sonichu Ball that Chris was fighting Reldnahc for.

In the following conversation, Chris and Bionic both make some very meta references to Bionic's creation and the last time Chris drew him, though Bionic for some reason does not seem to resent being almost completely forgotten about for years on end. The conversation ends with him asking Chris to provide him with a girlfriend, (you know, since he gave Sonichu one and everything), and Chris nonchalantly decides that he's now going out with Megan's character Megagi La Skunk.

Sonichu #7 followed up this thread by showing Bionic and Megagi leaving to go on their second date, and Chris, Sonichu and Magi-Chan then spent the rest of the issue traveling through time to retrieve a Sonichu Ball that had been lost in the past in Manchester High School. Chris worked his and Bionic's history into this story, recreating the above mentioned basketball incident in comic form, except with the Sonichu Ball filling the role of the basketball, which Chris then took and replaced with an actual basketball to keep the timeline consistent with his memories.

In Sonichu #8, Bionic appeared again with Megagi at the beach during the spring break special, during which time Megagi recounts a story of Bionic flirting with an anthropomorphic cat until she interfered and stopped them. Bionic says nothing and passively agrees with everything, showing that he has since lost his balls.

Bionic made a reappearance in Sonichu #9, describing getting into a fight at a basketball court with several comical attempts at "street" slang after he and Darkbind save Sonichu from the trio of Reldnahc, Giovanni and Robotnik, who had kidnapped his girlfriend Rosechu.

For some reason, Bionic didn't appear again until much later into Sonichu #10, where he made a brief cameo complaining about his depiction in Asperchu. He made a second cameo later in the issue, being one of the characters to execute Alec Benson Leary via ten-button electric chair, loudly proclaiming "I am not a robot!" as he did. Bionic's unwarranted murder of Alec is to date his last appearance.

Notably, Bionic used to look rather different from Sonic the Hedgehog, with smaller head-spines and much larger back-spines, and a tail. This different (but no less stupid) profile shape is likely not so much an act of originality as much as a simple inability to properly copy Sonic's design. Chris being Chris, Bionic's current iteration in Sonichu looks like the palette-swapped Sonic the Hedgehog he always was at heart.

Gallery

References

  1. CWCipedia article on Sonichu
  2. Mailbag 6
  3. DVD, note 4
  4. Bionic the Hedgehog. By: Christian W. Chandler

See also

List of males Chris doesn't hate, according to Chris

I. Chris II. Bob Chandler III. Santa Clause IV. Jesus V. God

VI. The President of the United States:
Barack Obama (as of 2009)

VII. All the World Leaders:
Kim Jong UnMahmoud AhmadinejadManuel Noriega

VIII. ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
Cole SmitheyDr. David Alan ChandlerJonathan CareyUncle Raymond
Joshua MartinezJoseph HerringWes IseliLucasMimmsRobert Simmons V (as of 2009)

List of males Chris doesn't hate, corrected for accuracy

I. Chris II. Bob Chandler III. Santa Clause IV. Jesus V. God VI. The Bear

VII. The former Presidents of the United States:
George W. BushBarack Obama

VIII. Select male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
Robert Simmons VKenneth Erwin EnglehardtWilliam Elliott Waterman

IX. Celebrities:
Jack BlackJerry SeinfeldRed SkeltonR.L. StineSeth MacFarlaneVarious comedians

X. Robots:
MegatronOptimus Prime

XI. Hedgehogs:
Sonic the HedgehogBionic the Hedgehog

XII. Electric Hedgehog Pokémon:
Sonichu (Ultra SonichuMetonic)
Wild SonichuPunchy SonichuMagi-ChanBlakeDJ JamstaBlazeBob SonichuMitch SonichuDarkbind Sonichu

XIII. Pornstars:
Bailey Jay

List of males Chris does hate

JERKS