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Darkbind Sonichu

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Sonichu character
081-Darkbind.jpg
Darkbind Sonichu
Date of birth 16 May 1985 (in universe)
Nickname D.B.
Gender Male
Length 5'4" (163 cm)
Weight 120 lbs (54 kg)
Species Sonichu (Electric Hedgehog Pokémon)
Type Electric/Dark (?)
Evolves from Sonee (Trade with Claw Fossil)
 
 
I am the savior who dashes in the light. I am the Link who will save our beloved Princess Zelina Rosechu. I... am Darkbind Sonichu!
 

 

—Darkbind, Sonichu #3

Darkbind Sonichu (born 16 May 1985[1]) is a Sonichu from the distant land of RuleCWC. Together with Zelina Rosechu, he has a convoluted and idiotic backstory despite never substantially contributing to any of the comic's major plotlines, presumbly because Chris got bored of the idea and retired it. Like virtually every other character in Sonichu, he has no distinguishable personality.

Darkbind rips off:

Darkbind cannot be deprived of his balls.
  • Sonic and Pikachu, as with all the Sonichus
  • Darkwing Duck (The typeface for "Darkbind" is taken from the Darkwing Duck logo)
  • Link from The Legend of Zelda series. The sword, as well as "Bind" possibly being used as another word for "Link". Darkbind even refers to himself as "the Link that will save Princess Zelina Rosechu". Subtle.

Biography

Backstory

This backstory, written to The Wallflower, appears to be largely ripped off from the plot of the NES game Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, with some elements (Such as the character being born and raised in a forest, and the appearance of a wise owl who acts as a mentor to him.) originating from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the Nintendo 64.

Also, just to make it clear, Zelina and Darkbind, of the kingdom of Rulecwc, are Rosechu and Sonichu respectively. And Clawdorf is a kind of warlock monster character; all I have of him is a 3 or 4 finger hands and a black cloak and hood, but he can be a combination of all of the enemy creatures we have come up with so far.

What I have so far on that can be read in some of my comic pages. But in short, Darkbind Sonichu and Princess Zelina Rosechu have been sweethearts. In a cave in Rulecwc forest one day, Clawdorf released the power of the seven Chaotic Crystals (A.K.A. Sonichu Ball Crystals); he turned to stone and Zelina fell into a deep slumber. A few years later, the original Sonichu donned the power of the 7 Crystals and reawakened Zelina (Clawdorf was also destoned in the process).

The King and Queen of Rulecwc have no biological children. But from the Chaotic Rainbow of Sonichu and Rosechu's Origin, many Sonee and Rosey (baby Sonichu and Rosechu) eggs were released throughout the world, time and space. One egg landed in the audience of their highnesses, and Zelina Rosey hatched out; they adopted her and dubbed her successor to the throne. The egg with Darkbind Sonee landed somewhere in Rulecwc Forest; after evolving to Darkbind Sonichu, he was found by a rogue master swordsman (sort of like Link from Legend of Zelda) and trained under his guidance, also with later guidance from our owl, King Alistair.[2]

Sonichu #3

Darkbind shows up in the "McAttack" Sub-Episode, helping to defeat Merried Seinor Comic.

Sonichu #4

In part two of "McAttack", Chris explains that Darkbind "left after the battle to continue his quest for his Princess Zelina Rosechu's re-awakening."[3]

Sonichu #6

DB makes his first appearance in the main storyline, introducing the Sonichu Chaotic Ball Crystals. According to Darkbind, the Balls were unleashed from an ancient tablet by the evil wizard Clawdorf. Clawdorf used the power to curse Darkbind's gal-pal Zelina Rosechu into a magic sleep. In the process, however, Clawdorf was turned to stone, leaving Darkbind to gather the Sonichu Balls and use them to break the curse. How Darkbind knows this will work, and why the Sonichu Balls were scattered throughout the world in the first place, are never explained.

Sonichu #9

Darkbind helps to defend CWCville, fighting Jerkops and cutting off a Punislav's hand.

Sonichu #10

Ultra Sonichu uses the Anchuent Power of the Seven Crystals to revive Zelina, and she is reunited with Darkbind. This entire storyline is vintage CWC writing, in that it is resolved by one of Chris's stand-ins acting as a deus ex machina, while neither Darkbind nor Zelina have to actually do anything and the main villain (Clawdorf) doesn't even make an appearance.

Sources

  1. CWCipedia article on Sonichu (Yes, Sonichu, as not even Chris could be bothered to create an entire article for such a useless character.)
  2. Wallflower E-mails 2
  3. Sonichu 4 Official Videobook

See also

List of males Chris doesn't hate, according to Chris

I. Chris II. Bob Chandler III. Santa Clause IV. Jesus V. God

VI. The President of the United States:
Barack Obama (as of 2009)

VII. All the World Leaders:
Kim Jong UnMahmoud AhmadinejadManuel Noriega

VIII. ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
Cole SmitheyDr. David Alan ChandlerJonathan CareyUncle Raymond
Joshua MartinezJoseph HerringWes IseliLucasMimmsRobert Simmons V (as of 2009)

List of males Chris doesn't hate, corrected for accuracy

I. Chris II. Bob Chandler III. Santa Clause IV. Jesus V. God VI. The Bear

VII. The former Presidents of the United States:
George W. BushBarack Obama

VIII. Select male acquaintances and friends, past and present:
Robert Simmons VKenneth Erwin EnglehardtWilliam Elliott Waterman

IX. Celebrities:
Jack BlackJerry SeinfeldRed SkeltonR.L. StineSeth MacFarlaneVarious comedians

X. Robots:
MegatronOptimus Prime

XI. Hedgehogs:
Sonic the HedgehogBionic the Hedgehog

XII. Electric Hedgehog Pokémon:
Sonichu (Ultra SonichuMetonic)
Wild SonichuPunchy SonichuMagi-ChanBlakeDJ JamstaBlazeBob SonichuMitch SonichuDarkbind Sonichu

XIII. Pornstars:
Bailey Jay

List of males Chris does hate

JERKS