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Jerkhief

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His wooden badge looks delicious.

Jerkhief (pronounced [ˈdʒɝ.kiːf] "jur-keef"[1]) is the black leader of the Jerkops known best for uttering nonsensical phrases such as "My wooden badge was delicious!" or "MY SOUL HURTS!" in Sonichu 4. Jerkhief is based on a real-life mall security guard who told the manchild to GTFO; Chris had his Attraction Sign at the time and he was apparently creeping out the people in front of GameStop. Chris has put Jerkhief's weight at three-quarters of a ton, failing to understand that someone that obese would barely be able to move.

In Sub-Episode 1, Jerkhief interrupted CWC's Love Quest and told him to stop soliciting like any sane person would. Chris was adamant about his quest and refused to leave. So, he beat up a bunch of Jerkops, but then Jerkhief activated his mecha battle armor. Unfortunately, he could not overcome the power of Chris-Chan Sonichu. This whole "Jerkop-Tastropie" took place in CWCville Shopping Center.

"My wooden badge was delicious!"

As one of the things that has utterly baffled readers, someone was courageous enough to ask Chris this in an IRC chat and Chris explained its meaning:

lolwut?
Dogpile!
 
 
the Jerkhief has a Badge made from TREE wood, painted to look like an "official" police badge, and the Jerkops under him have Badges made from Graham Crackers, painted to be the mockery badges as well. The Jerkhief portrayed on the cover took a bite out of his wooden badge, as if it was made from a Graham Cracker, and called it delicious like a Graham Cracker...which you would have learned that from the "Backyard Safari" Sub-Episode.
 

 

This is backed up by Sonichu Issue 4, pages 55-56. Even with the explanation, it is strange for Jerkhief to compare the taste of tree bark to a sweet treat.

Gallery

See also:

Pickles.jpg
Tired of "Good Fan Art"? Visit our constantly expanding Gallery of Evil Fan Art! There's even a whole section dedicated to Jerkhief!

  1. Sonichu 3 Official Videobook