Gal pal

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My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.
Chris, Autism Tutorial Part 3
Chris's gal pals at his 18th birthday party. From left to right: mystery girl, Kellie Andes, Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, Tiffany Gowen.

A gal pal or gal-pal is a CWC-ism for a female friend.

Chris believed he had a lot of these while growing up. However, a middle school "friend" had actually been a pseudo-babysitter paid by Chris's father Bob to walk Chris to and from the bus stop,[1] and high school "friends" had taken pity on Chris and either let him hang out with them at lunch or helped protect him from bullies,[2] and had ultimately been arranged by Bob and the principal.[3] A popular rumor is that the high school gal pals were paid by Bob to act as Chris's friends, but this rumor has not been verified by either Bob or the girls.

Chris was hesitant about making friends with other males due to bad experiences with jerks. He said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."[4]

This unbalanced approach to socialization perhaps contributed to his warped views on gender and him adopting rather effeminate traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the sex tape, or having a collection of My Little Pony action figures), unaware that what might be acceptable for girls might be considered outwardly taboo for guys. Some have suggested that he clung onto female acquaintances as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Long after high school ended, he developed feelings of nostalgia over it and the gal pal acquaintances, to the point where he recreated a high school and several gal pals out of Legos.

From school years

Protip.jpg
PROTIP:

Do NOT contact or troll any of them. They have since moved on with their lives and have nothing to gain by reuniting with Chris.

Chris had several gal pals in his childhood. One, Natasha Turner, was essentially a babysitter paid by Bob to walk Chris to the bus stop. Chris read too much into the acquaintanceship, not realizing at the time that the money Bob handed him to give her was for payment, and believed she was a legitimate friend.

In Manchester High School, Chris again believed he had many gal pals. However, their "friendships" with him had all been arranged by Bob,[5] in a misguided attempt to help Chris socialize.

Sarah Hammer

Main article: Sarah Nicole Hammer

Tiffany Robinson

Tiffany Robinson is a former gal pal of Chris's from the days he lived in Richmond and was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".[6] In 2021, Chris said that she lived "somewhere beyond Standardsville" [sic] and that he had a crush on her.[7] Her current whereabouts, or if she is aware of Chris anymore, are unknown.

In 2008, early troll lordsillynipples impersonated Tiffany in order to catfish Chris into sending her a copy of his then-unreleased DVD.

Natasha Turner

Natasha Turner is a former schoolmate of Chris's from Providence Middle School. They were next-door neighbors for a while. His father Bob paid her to protect Chris to and from the bus stop.[1] She was slightly older than him and, in Chris's words, a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her until he saw her smoking: "That was It for me right there".[8]

In 2013, when his illusions over his high school gal-pals was finally shattered, it compelled Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point, he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha had been paid by Bob. He remembered that Bob had given him money to give to Natasha, with Bob directly telling him it was "like babysitter money". Chris had not understood why Bob was paying Natasha at the time, and wrote, "I remember my Father giving me money and asking me to give it to Natasha as payment for her Friendship and Attention. I didn't know why, at that time, but I Know Now." This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my dreams; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reinforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".[1]

Kellie Andes

Main article: Kellie Lyn Andes

Kellie Lyn Andes is a former high school classmate of Chris and one of his crushes. She was one of the girls who attended his 18th birthday. Their relationship meant a lot to Chris, as he kept in contact with her after high school, giving her a mixtape. He called her weekly for around a year before giving up (the reasoning behind which is inconsistent).

Kellie severed all ties once she found out about what Chris had been up to post-education, blocking him on Facebook after she shared a link to For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV.

Tiffany Gowen

Main article: Tiffany Nicole Gowen

Tiffany Gowen is a former high school classmate of Chris. She acted as a compassionate friend, consoling him after his graduation meltdown[9] and bravely danced with Chris during Senior Prom after finding out he took his mother to prom.[10]

A decade after high school, Chris was determined to reunite with Tiffany.[11] Of all the Gal Pals from his High School days, he was obsessed with Tiffany the most, according to one e-mail from an unknown Gal Pal. Tiffany, who had a partner and least one child by then, was creeped out by this and avoided Chris on purpose after she became aware of his shenanigans. His search ultimately ended in 2013 when he received emails supposedly from "Tiffany" (created by Thetan, but based off of real emails from Tiffany herself) telling Chris to leave her alone.

Sarah Anne Bevel

Chris's photo of Tiffany Gowen and Sarah Bevel.

Sarah Anne Ingram (née Bevel) is Chris's former classmate at Manchester High. She and Kellie Andes were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class, sat with him at lunch, and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".[10] He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" sometime later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer know him, despite having been one of his "Closest Friends".[12] In October, Thetan hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a poem expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h". He even "remembered" that Sarah had questioned his heterosexuality back in high school.[13]

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, Kellie Andes shared a link on her Facebook for Chris's For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"[14] Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's Craigslist ad for used porn, posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."[15] And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the prophetic comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".[16]

Molly Quarles

Molly Quarles is a former high school classmate of Chris. She was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris, it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".[17] In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).[18]

It appears that, like Kellie Andes and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's Craigslist ad for used porn and posted a screenshot to her Facebook account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"[15] Despite her disgust, she remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.[19]

Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.

Miranda Joyce Mitchell

Miranda (or "Maranda") Joyce Mitchell is a former classmate of Chris. He described her as "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".[17] Chris met her during his junior year in Computer Graphics class where they were partners and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the CWC's PokéSite 2! logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of Sonichu.[20] She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".[21]

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.

The illusion shattered

Thetan, a troll known for impersonating some of Chris's high school gal pals in communications with him, as well as for claiming to have been in contact with two of the real gal-pals, was heavily involved with the events below.

On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from Manchester High School had only put up with him out of pity for him.[2] According to Thetan, the email sent to Chris had been quoted from an actual email.[22]

I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now, but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.
An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

According to Marvin, Thetan had fabricated a story to Chris claiming that the high school gal pals had been hired by Bob, and that Chris then asked his mother Barbara whether or not the story was true, and she claimed it to be true.[23][24] According to Thetan, Chris told the story of Barbara's claim to Catie in an attempt to elicit pity. Thetan further claimed in Kiwi Farms postings that she had asked two of the gal pals about the story, and that they allegedly made a vague reply about an arrangement with the principal with no further details, and Thetan wrote in her Kiwi Farms post that she didn't think payment was involved.[3]

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear, the Mount and Do Me oral sex video, and a recent Craigslist ad where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

Even so, he refused to let go of them.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a CWCki Forums thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls.[25]

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his high school days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of personal and/or financial gain after Bob and the principal hired them.[5]

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.[26]

Adult gal pals

Female friends Chris made after graduating from high school. These women have been mostly indifferent to Chris's internet reputation, although Anna has sometimes taken an interest in Chris's e-fame.

Fan gal pals

Women who befriended Chris as a result of his internet infamy. Some of these women are trolls as well, although (unlike the troll gal pals below) they interacted with Chris under their real names.

Troll gal pals

Fake personas created by trolls to manipulate Chris. Most of these were played by bona fide women, but Vivian Gee was a creation of Clyde Cash.

In the comic

Gallery

See also

References

HighSchoolSaga.png High School Saga HighSchoolSaga.png
The Players: The Games: The Prizes:

The CWC-tionary

Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Darling | Dating education | Friend Zone | Gal-pal | Heart Level | Homos | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | SLGBTQ | Sweetheart | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | JULAY | Mass debating | Negligent | Pedofork | Pickle | Recycling | Soul Bonding | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Christian Love Day | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fuzzy-Wuzzies & Prickly-Wicklies | Honest Content | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Random-access humor | Saga | Scale of Respect | Tomgirl |

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | GOPony | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkops | Kick the Autistic | Manajerks | Naïve | Niggos | Pmurt | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Slow-in-the-minds | Tobacky

Fantasies: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | Dimension | Fangs | Godjesus | Iron Curtain | OC | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Nombie-zazis | Parody | Rosechu | Sonichu | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt


See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media