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Captain's Log

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Real life: the final frontier.
These are the fails of the lolcow Chris-Chan. His continuing Love Quest: to explore strange new Attraction Locations, to seek out new gal-pals, and new sweethearts; to boldly go where no high-functioning autistic virgin has gone before.



Ladies, set Tasers to stun.

"Captain's Log" was, for a while Chris's usual opening to a video blog, first appearing in his 24 September 2008 video. It comes from popular sci-fi franchise Star Trek. In a typical episode, the captain, commander or other senior crew member would make an entry to log what has happened in the situation prior to the beginning of the episode. Most Star Trek Captain's Log entries are noticeably void of tard rage.

Sometimes, Chris gave an incorrect date (though the date is technically always incorrect since he says "Stardate" and gives a Gregorian Calendar date), or failed to provide a date at all. An example of Chris giving an incorrect date would be many of the entries made in July 2009. The CWCki has organized the Captain's Log entries by the date they were uploaded.

Interestingly enough, Chris is not a Trekker/ie and has never seen any Star Trek media.[1][2]. His usage of the phrase most likely comes from other shows that reference it, such as Family Guy and Futurama.

He may have encountered the phrase from the Star Trek game he purchased as a result of the Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes competition, but knowing his gaming habits, he probably never played it.

In his later videos, Chris began to stop including it, and he had completely ceased to use it by 2011. However, the opening made a glorious return on 18 July 2016 with Update 20160718.


Generally, a Captain's Log video is one in which Chris addresses his fanbase, a sort of video blog where he asks his True and Loyal fanbase to be his personal army or to express his hatred about some troll.

This is in contrast to other styles of Chris videos, such as those where he addresses a specific individual (often expecting people to know he's posted a video about them, such as Michael Snyder of The GAMe PLACe) or his music videos.

Occasionally, a video is dead serious, and therefore not worthy of a Captain's Log introduction.

Captain's Blog

In November 2009, Chris began maintaining an irregular text blog on the CWCipedia, featuring updates on the progress of his comic and his quest to turn Sonichu into the heart of a multimedia empire. He also dubbed this a "Captain's Log" and marked the successive entries with "Stardates". It could be found halfway down the right column of the site's front page (and also at Template:Captain's Log, and he maintained an archive of his updates.


  1. Mailbag 3
  2. Mailbag 14


Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Dating education | Gal pal | Heart level | Sweetheart | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | Gaybian | Hanky-panky | Homos | Honest Content | Mass debating | Navy | Pickle | Raincoat | Recycling | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | Cherokian Clan | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fangs | Fuzzy-wuzzies | Honor roll | Mental Block | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Prickly-Wicklies | Random-access humor | Scale of Respect | Heart level | Tomgirl | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Parody | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt | Reeb

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkop | Kick the Autistic | Laughs Under Lucricities | Manajerks | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Tobacky | Pmurt

Cursewords: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Naïve | Niggos | Pedofork | Slow-in-the-minds

See also: Minor CWC-isms | Chris and English