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Hanna

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The original troll and our hero.
The Starbucks in Fashion Square Mall, as it appeared in April 2015.

Hanna (later retconned as Fandanna) is an IRL troll notable for smashing Chris's heart down to 15%. To add insult to injury, this was right after the Heart Level jumped from 20% to 100%. Little is known about Hanna except that she works (or worked) at the Starbucks Coffee in Fashion Square Mall and likes Chuck Paladuck [sic], director [sic] of Fight Club.[1] Hanna, realising that this joke was going on for too long, She eventually told him that the date was a joke and that she wasn't interested in being with a fat, balding, autistic manchild. As a result, Chris let out a loud, anguished "NOOOOOOO" in his last conversation with her, which got him banned from the mall.[2]

Chris's run-in with Hanna was memorably recounted in Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart". She has not been seen again, either in the comic or in real life.

Chris's Explanation of the Real Life Meeting

 
 
One day in March, 2005, I now go to Fashion Square, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, with my Nintendo DS, GBAVideos, GBAJukebox, my Sonichu Scrapbook, and I've brought up some courage to start saying "Hello" to the girls I find very pretty, and possibly Boyfriend-Free.

Earlier this week, a girl, who shall remain nameless in this story, finally noticed and approached me. I was hoping for a moment like this. And she asked me to have a beverage with her and talk about things. I was very ESTATIC [sic], and my SHATTERED Heart had a speedy recovery back to 100%; We had a nice "Mini-Date," I maintained Eye-Contact, I was very attentive, and I took notes about her. I thought she was very pretty, I enjoyed her charming wit, and I found her to be a very nice and lovely girl. But, later on, as I was figuring out steps for future dates, I learned from a couple of Gal-Pals, that I have previously made at the Shopping Center, that my new girlfriend was not serious; she was setting me up for a prank. I could not believe it at first, so I found and asked her myself. Unfortunately it was true. I was shocked, and my heart was re-shattered down to being 15% intact.
 


 

—Chris, from his MySpace page

Footnotes

  1. His name is Chuck Palahniuk, and he wrote the novel that inspired the movie, which was directed by David Fincher. But Chris will be Chris.
  2. Vivitheg's AIM chat

Sources

---- Christian Weston Chandler's People ----

At home: Bob Chandler | Barbara Chandler | Patti Chandler | The Chandler Cats | Clover and Snoopy

Family: Minor Family Members | Cole Smithey | Aunt Corrina | Daniel Weston | Anne Boleyn | Reginald Chandler | Crystal Weston Chandler

Enemies: Michael Snyder | Adam Stackhouse | Wes Iseli | Mary Lee Walsh | CADD Chef | Bagget | ScotPalazzo | Manajerks | B-Manajerk | Jerkhief | W-M-Manajerk | Kirby McDerbie | "Lady" Manajerk | Yellow-Shirted Foe | Omar Woodley | Lulu.com's executives | Pmurt

Jerks: Joseph Herring | Lucas | Joshua Martinez

Sweethearts: Blanca Weiss | PandaHalo | BlueSpike | Sarah Jackson | Emily | Ivy | Kacey | Jackie | Catherine

Gal-Pals: Laura Dorazio | Tiffany Gowen | Kellie Andes | Megan Schroeder | Anna McLerran | Sarah Nicole Hammer | The Wallflower | Kim Wilson

The Asperpedia Four: Alec Benson Leary | Evan | Sean August Watley | Mao

Trolls: Liquid Chris | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Jason Kendrick Howell | Kathleen | Man in the Pickle Suit | BILLY MAYS | Vivian Gee | Sarah May | Robert Simmons V | Jimmy Hill | Shigeru Miyamoto | Reggie Fils-Aimé | Takashi Tezuka | Jay Z | Surfshack Tito | Jeff/Francine | Arthur Spatchcock | Johan

Other: Abusive babysitter | Hanna | Ryan Cash | Vanessa Hudgens | Bruce Johnson | Virginia Jeanine Sanford | Rocky Shoemaker | Rob Bell | William Elliott Waterman | Mia Hamm | Lori Lopez | Caitlin | Chloe | Officer Nasty | Kimmi | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt | DStecks

Sweethearts and gal-pals

Sweethearts:

Past: Megan SchroederBlanca WeissPandaHaloJulie MilvanaVanessa HudgensIvy O'NeilKacey DevoriaThe Wallflower (in Chris's words) ♥ Jacklyn RomyCatherine Sorrentino

Present: Naru

Future: Lovely Weather


Minor sweethearts: Laura DorazioKellie AndesLori LopezHannaChloeSarah JacksonEmilyFaeryn


Gal-pals: Tiffany GowenSarah HammerCaitlinAnna McLerranSarah MaySonichu GirlsKim Wilson


Inanimate objects: Officer NastyKimmiPS3


See also: List of Chris's sweetheartsLove QuestMia HammSweethearts in Chris's words