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Hanna

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The original troll and our hero.
The Starbucks in Fashion Square Mall, as it appeared in April 2015.

Hanna (later retconned as Fandanna) is an IRL troll notable for smashing Chris's heart down to 15%. To add insult to injury, this was right after the Heart Level jumped from 20% to 100%. Little is known about Hanna except that she works (or worked) at the Starbucks Coffee in Fashion Square Mall and likes Chuck Paladuck [sic], director [sic] of Fight Club.[1] Hanna, realising that this joke was going on for too long, eventually told him that the date was a joke and that she wasn't interested in being with a fat, balding, autistic manchild. As a result, Chris let out a loud, anguished "NOOOOOOO" in his last conversation with her, which got him banned from the mall.[2]

Chris's run-in with Hanna was memorably recounted in Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart". She has not been seen again, either in the comic or in real life.

Chris's Explanation of the Real Life Meeting

 
 
One day in March, 2005, I now go to Fashion Square, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, with my Nintendo DS, GBAVideos, GBAJukebox, my Sonichu Scrapbook, and I've brought up some courage to start saying "Hello" to the girls I find very pretty, and possibly Boyfriend-Free.

Earlier this week, a girl, who shall remain nameless in this story, finally noticed and approached me. I was hoping for a moment like this. And she asked me to have a beverage with her and talk about things. I was very ESTATIC [sic], and my SHATTERED Heart had a speedy recovery back to 100%; We had a nice "Mini-Date," I maintained Eye-Contact, I was very attentive, and I took notes about her. I thought she was very pretty, I enjoyed her charming wit, and I found her to be a very nice and lovely girl. But, later on, as I was figuring out steps for future dates, I learned from a couple of Gal-Pals, that I have previously made at the Shopping Center, that my new girlfriend was not serious; she was setting me up for a prank. I could not believe it at first, so I found and asked her myself. Unfortunately it was true. I was shocked, and my heart was re-shattered down to being 15% intact.
 


 

—Chris, from his MySpace page

Footnotes

  1. His name is Chuck Palahniuk, and he wrote the novel that inspired the movie, which was directed by David Fincher. But Chris will be Chris.
  2. Vivitheg's AIM chat

Sources

Christian Weston Chandler's people

Chris himself: Chloe | Bill Riley | Junior Jenkins | Carlos Chantor | Stephanie Bustcakes | Night Star | TwiSparLicious


Family:

At home: Bob Chandler | Barbara Chandler | Patti Chandler | The Chandler Cats | Clover and Snoopy

Others: Cole Smithey | Aunt Corrina | Minor Family Members | Daniel Weston | Anne Boleyn

Future: Lovely Weather | Crystal Weston Chandler | Reginald Chandler


Friends:

Sweethearts: Blanca Weiss | PandaHalo | Julie | Ivy | Kacey | Jackie | Catherine

Minor sweethearts: Lori Lopez | Hanna | Sarah Jackson | Emily | Vanessa Hudgens | Faeryn | Jessica Quinn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan Schroeder | The Wallflower | DoopieDoOver

Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole Hammer | Laura Dorazio | Kellie Andes | Tiffany Gowen | Anna McLerran | Kim Wilson | Clare Porter

White knights: Robert Simmons V | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt | William Elliott Waterman

Others: Female fanbase | MLP voice actresses | Pokémon club friends | Rocky Shoemaker | Sam and Ellen | Virginia Jeanine Sanford


Trolls:

The Miscreants: Arjen Van Dierten | Bryan Bash | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Jason Kendrick Howell | Joshua Martinez | Liquid Chris | Lordsillynipples | Man in the Pickle Suit | Sarah May | Surfshack Tito | Vivian Gee

The Asperpedia Four: Alec Benson Leary | Evan Christopher George | Mao Ling | Sean August Watley

Famous people: BILLY MAYS | Jay Z | Jimmy Hill | Reggie Fils-Aimé | Shigeru Miyamoto | Takashi Tezuka

Others: Arthur Spatchcock | Jeff/Francine | Johan | LadyOfTheCosmo | Thorg


Other enemies:

PVCC: Kene Meniru | Mary Lee Walsh

Jerkops: Bagget | Jerkhief

Manajerks: B-Manajerk | Kirby | "Lady" Manajerk | Michael Snyder | ScotPalazzo | Turdijerk | W-M-Manajerk | Yellow-Shirted Foe

The GAMe PLACe: Daniel Mimms | Lucas

Jerks: Joseph Herring | Wes Iseli

Others: Abusive babysitter | Adam Stackhouse | Bruce Johnson | Kathleen | Lulu.com executives | Omar Woodley | Pmurt | Rob Bell


Miscellaneous:

Actual people: A-Log | Barack Obama | Caitlin | DStecks | George W. Bush | Mia Hamm | Michael Hirtes | Ryan Cash

Inanimate objects: Kimmi | Naru | Officer Nasty


Sweethearts and gal-pals

Chris himself: ChloeNight Star


Sweethearts: Blanca WeissPandaHaloJulie MilvanaIvy O'NeilKacey DevoriaJacklyn RomyCatherine Sorrentino

Minor sweethearts: Lori LopezHannaSarah JacksonEmilyVanessa HudgensFaeryn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan SchroederThe Wallflower (in Chris's words) ♥ DoopieDoOverJessica Quinn

Present sweethearts: N/A

Future sweethearts: Lovely Weather


Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole HammerLaura DorazioKellie AndesTiffany GowenAnna McLerranKim WilsonClare Porter


Other acquaintances: Female fanbaseMLP voice actressesPokémon club friendsSam and EllenVirginia Jeanine Sanford


Inanimate objects: Officer NastyKimmiNaruPS3


See also: List of Chris's sweetheartsLove QuestMia Hamm


CWCipedia entry on "Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts"