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Hanna

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The original troll and our hero.
The Starbucks in Fashion Square Mall, as it appeared in April 2015.

Hanna (later retconned as Fandanna) is an IRL troll notable for smashing Chris's heart down to 15%. To add insult to injury, this was right after the Heart Level jumped from 20% to 100%. Little is known about Hanna except that she works (or worked) at the Starbucks Coffee in Fashion Square Mall and likes Chuck Paladuck [sic], director [sic] of Fight Club.[1] Hanna, realising that this joke was going on for too long, eventually told him that the date was a joke and that she wasn't interested in being with a fat, balding, 23-year old autistic manchild. As a result, Chris let out a loud, anguished "NOOOOOOO" in his last conversation with her, which got him banned from the mall.[2]

Chris's run-in with Hanna was memorably recounted in Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart". She has not been seen again, either in the comic or in real life.

Chris's Explanation of the Real Life Meeting

 
 
One day in March, 2005, I now go to Fashion Square, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, with my Nintendo DS, GBAVideos, GBAJukebox, my Sonichu Scrapbook, and I've brought up some courage to start saying "Hello" to the girls I find very pretty, and possibly Boyfriend-Free.

Earlier this week, a girl, who shall remain nameless in this story, finally noticed and approached me. I was hoping for a moment like this. And she asked me to have a beverage with her and talk about things. I was very ESTATIC [sic], and my SHATTERED Heart had a speedy recovery back to 100%; We had a nice "Mini-Date," I maintained Eye-Contact, I was very attentive, and I took notes about her. I thought she was very pretty, I enjoyed her charming wit, and I found her to be a very nice and lovely girl. But, later on, as I was figuring out steps for future dates, I learned from a couple of Gal-Pals, that I have previously made at the Shopping Center, that my new girlfriend was not serious; she was setting me up for a prank. I could not believe it at first, so I found and asked her myself. Unfortunately it was true. I was shocked, and my heart was re-shattered down to being 15% intact.
 


 

—Chris, from his MySpace page


The Comic Explanation

Since the comic's first issue (Issue 0) specifically states that all people in the comic are fictional and any relation to real life is coincidental, it is of course natural of Chris to go against this and completely name drop and add in a real life person. Chris details the events to the last detail- 1 year and eight months since the love quest began, and he has been recovering from a previous broken heart, currently at 20%, and eating 8 chicken nuggets. Fandanna/Hanna approaches in a shine of light, saying she had heard he was looking for a girlfriend. The two introduce themselves and she asks him to have coffee at the shop later. Chris freaks out internally, declaring his love quest over, his heart quickly making a 100% recovery. While he waits for her to arrive, Rosechu appears out of nowhere to say she had heard about the 'date', and Chris is happy all his hedgehogs are cheering him on. Then, he asks her to spread the word around CWCville (as it's a girl's duty to gossip). She first calls Bubbles, who has not been introduced and technically Rosechu should not know (until this episode became Issue 4, she did not know the Chaotic Combo- they appeared in Issue 3, and only Sonichu was seen meeting them at first). Chris and her talk, Fandanna/Hanna has an interest in playing guitar and reading Chuck Paladuck (as you know, he's the Director of Fight Club *rated R*). The talk immediately becomes about Chris as she asks him about the medallion, and he pulls out the Sonichu scrapbook. After the date, Chris gives her a "double-take flirt (whatever that is), then decides to call his entire family about meeting a girl and takes out his dating sim game to find out some dating tips. Rosechu is then seen talking to Wild (again, she should not know him when this was in Issue 2), and states if he were human, he'd fall for Fandanna/Hanna too. She stops briefly since her women powers cause her to hear gossip. Fandanna/Hanna's co-workers's ask if Chris is dreamy and if they hear wedding bells. Fandanna/Hanna explains that the date was a joke and it was the boss's idea to set her up (Since women would NEVER get the idea themselves to be mean to Chris, assuming the boss is a JERK). Rosechu is clearly holding the place of Chris's "gal-pals", as she tells Wild she will call him back and pities Chris, knowing it is the right thing to do to tell him.

Meanwhile, Chris is loitering and sitting on the floor, finding some "good" pick up lines to lay on Fandanna/Hanna ("So, do angels have names?"). Rosechu tells him what she overheard and, because she's not Sonichu or any of his male characters, Chris does not believe her and decides to go ask himself, asking Rosechu to keep his spot warm (???). He meets up with Fandanna/Hanna and point-blank asks if the date was a joke, to which she says she's sorry, but yes. Chris pleads, asking if any of their special moment meant anything, to which she responds with a simple "no". Chris's heart shatters to 15% and he belts out NOOOOOOOOOOOO! The ending is Chris sending her an email trying to get her to pity him, complimenting her and saying he has had his heart shattered and she made it all better. He believes telling her he was on the Honor Roll will help, and she knows where to find him if she changes her mind. He then asks if she's boyfriend free, and if she smokes (smoking is a turn off for him). Whether or not he actually emailed her is unknown. Perhaps this was a plea for her if she were to come across the comic.

Footnotes

  1. His name is Chuck Palahniuk, and he wrote the novel that inspired the movie, which was directed by David Fincher. But Chris will be Chris.
  2. Vivitheg's AIM chat

Sources

Christian Weston Chandler's people

Chris himself: Chloe | Bill Riley | Junior Jenkins | Carlos Chantor | Stephanie Bustcakes | Night Star | TwiSparLicious


Family:

At home: Bob Chandler | Barbara Chandler | Patti Chandler | The Chandler Cats | Clover and Snoopy

Others: Cole Smithey | Aunt Corrina | Minor Family Members | Daniel Weston | Anne Boleyn

Future: Lovely Weather | Crystal Weston Chandler | Reginald Chandler


Friends:

Sweethearts: Blanca Weiss | PandaHalo | Julie | Ivy | Kacey | Jackie | Catherine

Minor sweethearts: Lori Lopez | Hanna | Sarah Jackson | Emily | Vanessa Hudgens | Faeryn | Jessica Quinn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan Schroeder | The Wallflower | DoopieDoOver

Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole Hammer | Laura Dorazio | Kellie Andes | Tiffany Gowen | Anna McLerran | Kim Wilson | Clare Porter

White knights: Robert Simmons V | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt | William Elliott Waterman

Others: Female fanbase | MLP voice actresses | Pokémon club friends | Rocky Shoemaker | Virginia Jeanine Sanford


Trolls:

The Miscreants: Arjen Van Dierten | Bryan Bash | Clyde Cash | Jack Thaddeus | Jason Kendrick Howell | Joshua Martinez | Liquid Chris | Lordsillynipples | Man in the Pickle Suit | Sarah May | Surfshack Tito | Vivian Gee

The Asperpedia Four: Alec Benson Leary | Evan Christopher George | Mao Ling | Sean August Watley

Famous people: BILLY MAYS | Jay Z | Jimmy Hill | Reggie Fils-Aimé | Shigeru Miyamoto | Takashi Tezuka

Others: Arthur Spatchcock | Bryanfrogboy | Idea Guy | Jeff/Francine | Johan | LadyOfTheCosmo | Sam and Ellen | Surfshack Tito | Thorg


Other enemies:

PVCC: Kene Meniru | Mary Lee Walsh

Jerkops: Bagget | Jerkhief

Manajerks: B-Manajerk | Kirby | "Lady" Manajerk | Michael Snyder | ScotPalazzo | Turdijerk | W-M-Manajerk | Yellow-Shirted Foe

The GAMe PLACe: Daniel Mimms | Lucas

Jerks: Joseph Herring | Wes Iseli

Others: Abusive babysitter | Bruce Johnson | Kathleen | Lulu.com executives | Pmurt | Sonic Boom producers | Rob Bell


Miscellaneous:

Famous people: Barack Obama | George W. Bush | PewDiePie | Red Skelton | R.L. Stine

Orbiters: A-Log | DStecks | Michael Hirtes

Others: Adam Stackhouse | Caitlin | Mia Hamm | Ryan Cash

Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Kimmi | Meg Griffin | Naru | Officer Nasty


Sweethearts and gal-pals

Chris himself: ChloeNight Star


Sweethearts: Blanca WeissPandaHaloJulie MilvanaIvy O'NeilKacey DevoriaJacklyn RomyCatherine Sorrentino

Minor sweethearts: Lori LopezHannaSarah JacksonEmilyVanessa HudgensFaerynJessica Quinn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan SchroederThe Wallflower (in Chris's words) ♥ DoopieDoOver

Present sweethearts: Unknown Sweetheart

Future sweethearts: Lovely Weather


Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole HammerLaura DorazioKellie AndesTiffany GowenAnna McLerranKim WilsonClare Porter


Other acquaintances: Female fanbaseMLP voice actressesPokémon club friendsSam and EllenVirginia Jeanine Sanford


Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Officer NastyKimmiMeg GriffinNaru


See also: List of Chris's sweetheartsLove QuestMia Hamm


CWCipedia entry on "Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts"