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Bagget with blackup.

Marcus Baggett (spelled by Chris as Bagget) is a senior police detective who currently works for the Albemarle County Police Department. He is the "Jerkop of all Jerkops" who arrested Chris at Target in July 2005. Baggett has done numerous good deeds over the years for his community; naturally, Chris has gone to great lengths to demonize him, proving once and for all that no matter the great deeds someone has done, if they inconvenience Chris in any way they're evil. When Chris was being arrested, he found the situation humorous when he learned the jerkop's name, thinking how "Baggett" sounds a lot like "faggot". Witty.

In real life

Not much is known about Baggett's personal life, but it is known that he was commended by the local House of Delegates for his selfless commitment to public safety after stepping down from his squad car to rescue two people from a smoking restaurant, shortly before it erupted into flames, on 9 March 2002. Ironically, one of the sponsors of the resolution was Robert Bell, who would later on defend Chris in court.[1]

In 2008, Baggett participated in the 16th Annual Polar Plunge along with several other police officers from the Albemarle County Police Department to raise money for the Special Olympics of Virginia. He personally succeeded in raising $630.[2]

In 2009, Baggett was named The American Legion's Commonwealth of Virginia Law Enforcement Officer of the Year.[3] He later participated in the shooting of Colby Eppard on 1 January 2010 after the 18-year-old stole a police car and shot at several officers. Baggett fired a stinger to burst Eppard's tires, and subsequently fatally shot Eppard alongside several other officers.[4]

Chris's arrest

From CWC's Diary:

"July 20, 2005: … I was at the new Target store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do. Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two Jerkops! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of sausages on my 180-pound body was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl. They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my family. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall. So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my mother and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called Bagget (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how funny it was).

You'd think that Chris would recall that he had previously said that all cops were good so long as they wore blue and black.[5] However, because Baggett, a real police officer, arrested Chris (for completely legitimate reasons), he is suddenly not a TRUE and HONEST police officer. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay if they wear blue and black and don't try to arrest him for breaking the law.

In the comic

Bagget appeared in Sub-Episode 7 in a dramatization of Chris's arrest at Target. He is portrayed as the "Jerkop Daitenzen", a sort of strange evil Power Ranger, and a reference to Excel Saga. He wears a brown uniform like the other Jerkops and at times wears a helmet in the same color. He also wears a pair of white gloves and boots, both with blue stripes to complete his appearance, looking somewhat like one of the many Kamen Riders, but without a mask. He commands a great number of Jerkops, as well as the Crackder that takes Chris down. Mary Lee Walsh seems to hold him in high regard, and at one point refers to him as "the strongest most evil villian [sic] ever,"[6][7] apparently making him more evil than Count Graduon.

He is called into action after Chris assaults Turdijerk and Trebor Capman, backed up by the Jerkhief and his men. He fights with a sword, and calls in Crackder to defeat Chris when he fails to fell the manchild himself, which it successfully does. He also briefly lapses into ye olde English for some reason.[8] After a brief round of torture, he then throws Chris into Crackder and they fly off to PVCC, where he presents a hog-tied Chris to Mary Lee Walsh on a giant plate. Despite Chris's humiliating defeat at his hands, he never gets any kind of revenge on Bagget, and he disappears from the comic after handing Chris over.

He would later return in Sonichu #7, making a brief cameo at Mary Lee Walsh's villain meet-up. This was his last appearance in the comic, and his ultimate fate following the destruction of PVCC at the end of Sonichu #10 is unknown.

In later retcons, Chris changed his name to "Dagget"- it's not known whether the Angry Beavers reference was intentional.


See also

Tired of "Good Fan Art"? Visit our constantly expanding Gallery of Evil Fan Art! There's even a whole section dedicated to Bagget!