The CWCki needs help! Please consider clicking the tugboat to make a donation
On 20 July 2005, Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local Target mall store and continue his Love Quest. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a slow-in-the-mind. Chris was charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct in the aftermath of the incident, though the state ultimately decided against taking the case to trial.
In Chris's own words
Chris described the incident in an entry to CWC's Diary.
| "July 20, 2005: … I was at the new Target store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.
Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two Jerkops! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of sausages on my 180 pound body was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl.
They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my family. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.
So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my mother and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called Bagget (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how funny it was).
In Chris's comics
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of Sonichu #4, entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the Get-Tar Region" (which causes many newstarters to the series to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain Guitar Center), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his imaginary twin sister saves him from a Transformer.
What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail to fill the singularity inside his gut with its soda, drawing his shit comics, and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his children.
—Christian Weston Chandler, Sonichu #4
So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or died, whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.
Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being a virgin with rage, and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by Mary Lee Walsh, in a scene ripped off from The Transformers: The Movie).
In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he writes his own mother out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.
The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the Pokémon TCG League let him off the hook. In reality, the charges were likely dropped either due to insufficient evidence, the state just not feeling the case was worth pursuing, or realizing that Chris would likely just pull the autism card and get off with minimal punishment. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charges were "Disorderly Conduct" and "Trespassing"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his Love Quest efforts, and not because he was tard raging.
The real story
Chris evidently started shopping at Target again an indeterminate amount of time after the incident, either through the store employees agreeing to drop the ban, or just forgetting about it. One of these visits was part of his Sonic Boom Protests, where he planned to vandalize any Sonic Boom-related stock that they had. However, he found out that the game boxes were held in a locked case and, clearly forgetting any lessons learned nine years prior, settled for raging at a couple of employees over the store's decision to stock the games.
|The places of Christian Weston Chandler's life|
Chris's education: Greene County Primary School | James Madison University | Providence Middle School | Nathanael Greene Elementary School | Manchester High School | Piedmont Virginia Community College (not to be confused with Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens)
Other attraction locations: University of Virginia | Charlottesville Fashion Square (Abercrombie & Fitch | Chick-fil-A | Pac Sun | Starbucks) | Wal-Mart (McDonald's) | Target | The GAMe PLACe | Impulse Gay Social-Club | Fridays After Five
Other places Chris has visited: Best Buy | Burger King | Country Cookin | "Create-a-Crear Workshop" | Cville Pride | The End Games | GameStop | Golden Corral | McIntire Park | Snooky's Pawn Shop | Taco Bell
Extra-terrestrial locations: The Moon