Chris and drugs
|“||The despicable mention of rude words and... D-R-U-G-S.||”|
|Song of Christian|
A drug is any substance, other than food, that changes an organism's physiology or psychology when consumed.
Much like shoving things up his ass, recreational drugs were something that Chris used to preach against, until he eventually tried alcohol and discovered he loved the somewhat pleasant effect. As of 2021, Chris has consumed caffeine, cannabis, and alcohol. He has yet to smoke a cigarette or try any hard drugs such as cocaine. Chris has also been on a litany of prescription and over-the-counter drugs to treat his various ailments.
Psych meds and other drugs
Prescriptions for mental health
- Main article: Autism
Due to Chris's autism, he has had to take a variety of prescription drugs over the years. As of 2000, Chris has been taking the antidepressant Paxil for his Autism (which increased from 20mg to 30mg after his Psychiatric diagnosis), but sometime before December 2009 he stopped taking it, and instead began taking Paroxetine, citing Paxil's side-effects. Interestingly enough, both have the same chemical composition, meaning both are the same drug with different trade names. If word ever gets out that Chris felt Paroxetine didn't have the same side effects as Paxil, know that this is just an example of the placebo effect. It is possible that Paxil/Paroxetine's side effects included making orgasm harder and increased potential for weight gain. Sometime afterwards, Barb found out about it's side effects and switched to fluoxetine. It is likely she switched relatively recently, as she still mentioned paroxetine well into October 2017.
In that same paper, it also mentioned his taking of Imipramine for unknown reasons.
Prescriptions for other ailments
- Main article: Chris and health
For the majority of his life, Chris has had cholesterol problems. To combat this, instead of eating like a normal human being and getting exercise, he eats poorly and rarely exercises while taking Lipitor, a cholesterol-lowering drug. While Lipitor and similar drugs can have a positive effect in lowering the cholesterol levels of those taking it, if one doesn't change their lifestyle as well there will be little change in the cholesterol level. Chris, having taken Lipitor since at least August 2009, has had some improvement with his cholesterol levels. getting a score of 140 mg/ml, while not low, is not high either. Since Chris is very unfit, it's likely that Lipitor seems to be doing a decent job.
Chris also takes a drug to combat blood pressure, likely a blood thinner concerning his fat-high diet. It is known that Chris also takes antibiotics for UTIs.
Ever since May 2015, Chris has been taking HRT one way or another to successfully transition.
Normally, transgender people plan out their gender transitions with doctors to ensure safety throughout the process, especially if they are taking hormones.
Unfortunately, Chris has done the opposite. In 2015, he acquired Oestrogel, a hormone replacement therapy cream meant for post-menopausal women. It is meant to be prescription-only, but Chris got around the requirement to see a doctor by ordering it through Offshore Pharmacy. Oestrogel has health risks, such as fluid retention, weight changes, rise in blood pressure (disastrous for an obese person like Chris) and blood clots, and that is when it is applied properly via a small dosage on the arm once per day. He even managed to fail at following the directions on the package, as shown in Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To., in which he slathers the cream onto his stomach "like buttering bread".
Kim Wilson revealed that he was taking the hormones in May 2015, and Chris mentioned the drug again as late as August 2016. Throughout 2015-2016, he repeatedly complained, via Facebook posts, of feeling dizzy and ill, but has failed to connect the dots and see that taking over-dosages of a black-market drug without a physician's approval could be a reason for it.
At some point in fall 2016, he finally went to a medical professional and was prescribed proper HRT. In his interview with CopperCab, Chris mentions he takes the testosterone blocker spironolactone, which he nicknames "Spyro the Dragon", and estradiol to assist in transitioning.
Chris describes alcohol as a "slow-acting poison" in his FUTURE MESSAGE video. He also touches on the subject during Vivitheg's AIM chat, where in line 309, he mentions that he would not go to a singles bar because of it (and cigarettes). When asked about it in Mumble Chat 2, he stated that it "causes liver dysfunction and likely bar fights and automobile accidents".
Chris delivered a particularly effusive tirade in one of his e-mails to Reggie Fils-Aimé:
|“||ALSO, I BET YOU PROBABLY SMOKE AND DRINK, don't you? I SPEAK AGAINST THOSE AS WELL SINCE THEY ARE TOOLS TO SPEED YOU TO DEATH WITH CANCER, LIVER PROBLEMS, BAR FIGHTS AND AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENTS. GIVE UP THE HABITS! THEY ARE BEYOND GROSS AND DISGUSTING!||”|
|Chris, to Reggie, early in 2009.|
Discovery and use
Despite this, a hypocritical video of Chris drinking a Long Island Iced Tea was uploaded to YouTube on 12 June 2009, perhaps showing us Chris will be willing to throw all his principles out the window when chances of being around a female arise.
Alcohol was mentioned briefly in a video shortly after, titled I'm Sorry, Dude. In this video, Chris makes an offer to treat Logan to drinks; as opposed to his past offers of "coffee or soda" to those whom he wanted to get to know. Alcohol was briefly revisited again on camera in Chris's Big Night Out II, where Chris was seen drinking. Chris's first recorded video where he appeared visibly intoxicated was Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls. Alcohol began a slow and steady progression into Chris's life; this was made obvious in an email to Regina, where he said "I've also tasted Mike's Hard Lemonade, Budwiser, Miller, Micolobe [Michelob], Samual Adams and a couple of others. And I look forward to sampling more varities of liqour."
Budweiser is apparently his brand of choice, based on eyewitness reports from Fridays After Five and his account of a trip to a bar prior to visiting the GAMe PLACe on 6 June 2010. Meanwhile, a video from mid-October 2010 showed Chris slugging Kahlúa straight from the bottle, although he didn't seem to enjoy it too much.
When a correspondent in Mailbag 6 challenged him regarding his shift in attitude, Chris replied, "I discourage underage drinking fully; I wanted to try it once for myself."
In Mailbag 16, from December 2009, he described his drinking habits in more detail: "I am more of a Social Drinker; I generally do NOT spend a weekly amount on drinks; I only drink at like a party or with a friend on rare ocassions [sic]." This remark was met with some skepticism from trolls, since Chris has no friends, much less any who would invite him to parties.
Even after discarding his original hard-line attitude, though, Chris still found opportunities to get a little preachy regarding the demon liquor. In Mailbag 33, from early January 2010, he remarked, "And Alcohol; in Responsible, Moderate amounts, it can be good for you, yet I do not support Too Much of it, as if left unchecked, unresponsible or unassisted, too much can lead to fights that can lead to a trip to the hospital and automobile accidents." He also, in Mailbag 5, advanced the bizarre theory that drinking while pregnant "CAN PROVOKE homosexuality in the child."
Alcohol may be contributing to Chris' declining health. Since his decision to leave the Internet and instead seek real life interaction, Chris has revealed to us that he spent most of his day sitting in bars and playing on his Nintendo DSi. While he once claimed to be a "Social Drinker", it is becoming quite obvious that he is anything but. Chris's childlike perception of the world is most likely deafening his awareness to the substance's advancement of relevancy in his life. At this point, he may be turning to alcohol for escapism. Also, alcoholism has been proven to be a telltale sign of Peter Pan syndrome, which clearly applies to Chris. In addition, Chris, being the slow-in-the-mind that he is, is alleged to add raw sugar to his beer on a regular basis. Not only is this unnecessary, but may lead to further problems in the near future.
It is obvious that with Chris's current loneliness and depression, his alcohol use may yield repercussions in his life - and it did. In July 2016, Chris, while thought to have been drunk and depressed over lack of progress on his gender transition, sliced open his taint with a knife to simulate the opening of a vagina.
Alcohol made another appearance in the Cherokean Chant performance, in which Chris states he had five swigs of vodka.
The Teen Troon Squad, aged 18/19, tried to get Chris to buy them Reeb in 2018.
In 2021, enabler KwaiiSandbag revealed that Chris had told him in messages that he would drink heavily once every few weeks. Even with known accounts of Chris's past alcohol use, this news was surprising and concerning.
The Holy Labels which Chris has been sending to fans from jail are expressly intended to be used for drinking non-alcoholic beverages. This is a strange inversion of the Christian rite of Holy Communion, which most Christian denominations celebrate using wine (although some Protestant denominations use non-alcoholic grape juice).
Chandler family and alcohol
It is interesting to note that Cole Smithey mentions that Bob and Barbara Chandler met at a bar and acted like a couple of drunken losers. The Chandlers' pre-fire family room included memorabilia from various brewing companies including Ballantine and Bass, indicating that Chris's parents never shared his antipathy to alcohol even in their old age.
Chris's family line has a history with alcohol. Chris's maternal great-grandfather, Robert Pettis Wynn, "drank heavily and had a girlfriend during the time he was married. Family stories say he failed to provide even the most basic support for his wife and children ...there are others who say he was a moonshiner."
In the comic
In Sonichu Chris refers to beer in all instances as "Reeb" which is just "Beer" spelled backwards. He probably thinks that this is very, very clever.
At first glance this seems odd, until you realize Chris still thinks Sonichu is targeted towards children (despite the graphic sex scene in issue 8, and frequent depictions of violent death), and so, he feels he must censor any mention of alcohol in the comic. This is a common theme in English-translated anime shows such as Dragon Ball Z and Pokémon, particularly those aimed at a younger audience.
Possessing or drinking alcohol was also one of the worst crimes to commit in CWCville, and could have led to a $1,500 fine or ten years in prison (the fact that Chris thinks that ten years in prison and a $1,500 fine are interchangeable is indicative of his broader attitude towards money). It is also interesting to note that this punishment is much more lenient than the CWCville penalty for homosexuality. And you thought Chris was intolerant.
Chris later said in his Rollin' and Trollin' video that the prohibition had since been repealed.
"Reeb" is the drink of choice for the drunkards working at 4-cent_garbage.com. It should also be noted that there really is a drink called Reeb; it's a Chinese beer produced in Shanghai, though it's doubtful that Chris knew about it.
|“||And smoking will eventually cause cancer, and it will—you'll be more likely to get heart attacks, viruses, and your life will be cut drastically short. They don't call cigarettes and cigars "death sticks" for nothing, other than killing you slowly. If I could, I would take every last ounce of tobacky, put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the Moon.||”|
Tobacco, called tobacky by Chris, is a recreational drug derived from Nicotiana plants. If Chris could, he would send every last ounce of tobacky on a rocket to the Moon.
Chris on tobacky
Chris's tobacky rocket plan was elaborated on in January 2009:
Chris has also related a dream he once had regarding the risks posed by tobacco consumption:
|“||I was in a factory and I watched PEOPLE lying on a conveyor belt with their mouths full of cigarettes, going through BURNING OVENS, coming out singed (not ON FIRE), then dunked into a huge tank of Alcohol that DISSOLVED THEM to DUST like ACID would do, and their remains would come out of the factory's smokestacks in puffs of smoke and ashes. And another detail, the Front of the factory is SKULL-SHAPED.||”|
|Chris's cigarette nightmare|
Chris has stated that tobacco and alcohol importation is the most severe crime in CWCville and warrants "ten years [imprisonment] or fifteen hundred dollar fine". In short, importing cigarettes is worse than rape, theft, murder, or even being a homo in CWCville.
Chris seemed to have an even stronger hatred for cannabis (marijuana, pot, weed, etc.), despite it being hailed as a possible autism treatment. This is evidenced by the fact that, in CWCville, cigarette smokers are only given a US$1,500 fine, but those who simply possess weed are taken to a maximum security prison, the same place CWCville detains terrorist leaders, as was the fate of Kathleen in the Book10Replacement.
Interestingly, the Jamaican war veteran Inos from the original Sonichu #10 somehow managed to escape this sentence, instead being forced into a soup hotel by Ultra Sonichu. Dialogue indicates it was because Sonichu believed he was actually smoking tobacco, despite him being high as a kite, unintentionally revealing that Chris may believe tobacco and cannabis to be interchangeable. The fact that "wacky tobacky" was used as a name for cannabis back in the 1940s and 50s further adds weight to this theory.
Chris confirmed that he did try weed a couple of times in a Twitter comment.
|“||Thanks; not totally my thing, that kind of high. The couple of times aside.||”|
Under the influence of the Idea Guy, Chris changed Sonichu's official birthday to 20 April, or "4/20", often celebrated as a stoner holiday. However, given the Idea Guy's apparent obsession with Nazis and other offensive topics, this could also be a reference to the birthday of Adolf Hitler, or the date of the 1999 Columbine High School massacre.
Being an avid Coca-Cola drinker, Chris is no stranger to caffeine consumption (though he curiously denied using caffeine in the autism papers). His heavy soda consumption is likely to blame for his distorted sleep patterns.
Notably, the 2014 house fire started after Chris tried to brew coffee in the bathroom early in the morning, causing a frayed extension cord to spark and set the house on fire.
- Common and Rare Side Effects for Estrogel transdermal. WebMD
- May 2015 Facebook posts
- KwaiiSandbag calls#Chris's Drinking and Smoking Habits
- Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008
- Mailbag 31
- Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE
- Dating profiles
- Sonichu Girls
- CWC's Diary
- List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica
- IRC (02 January 2009)
- Mailbag 39
- Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008
- January 2018 tweets#Much love for MAGfest fans