List of things Chris has shoved up his ass

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As for what turned me onto the idea was watching women doing it for themselves in some of the porn I watched. I tried it myself with just my fingers, and it felt alright to me, especially recently.
Chris explaining the origins of his anal fixation

Chris has shoved many things up his ass for sexual pleasure (and in one instance, because he was being "blackmailed"). While anal stimulation is an activity not exclusive to homosexuals, in Chris's case it's particularly hypocritical, seeing as how this activity is generally associated with gay men and he undertook it while he happened to be an insanely homophobic virgin with rage. For quite a long time Chris repeatedly denied ever committing such heinous, homoerotic acts, but eventually all it took was a few trusted gal-pals for him to confidentially reveal the graphic TRUE and HONEST details of his anal experiences. Despite his repeated experimentation, he rarely admits to taking any pleasure in the acts.

One can only imagine what wonders this does for his already-terrible bathroom issues.

This list only covers what Chris has admitted shoving up his ass. Given that he was hesitant to admit this much, out of fear that he will be misinterpreted as a homo, we can only imagine what items he has experimented with that he's too ashamed to confess.

Things Chris has shoved up his ass

  • A vibrating dildo (with a condom on,[1] later destroyed in an attempt to prove his straightness and his strength[2]). He later told Catherine, "Seriously, it did nothing for me."[3]
  • Anal beads (ended up "covered in poo" and thrown away because Chris didn't understand how they work).[4]
  • Sonichu Medallion (broken into pieces first, done under duress because a 13-year-old told him to).
  • His fingers (unlike with the other things he shoved up there, Chris actually admitted that this "felt alright", and it appears to now be his preferred method of anal stimulation).[5]
  • Jets of water from his shower head (told Vanessa that he used to put things up his butt but it became uncomfortable for him so now it's just "sometimes with a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose").[6]
  • Another dildo, this one non-vibrating, sometimes covered with a washcloth, at least four times. He found it painful and unenjoyable.[7]
  • His own duck, apparently.[8]

Things Chris is willing to shove up his ass for his true love

  • A fake dick ("I would take that in for her").[9]
  • Strap-on dildo. While he told Jackie it could NOT be dick-shaped because that would be gay,[5] he made no such qualification when referring to Catherine.[10]
  • A real dick (if Ivy wanted him to).[11]