List of Christian's edits to the CWCki
After Chris discovered the CWCki in March 2010, he demanded that pages related to his family and gal pals be removed, giving two deadlines. Around midnight on 1 April, past the second deadline, he decided to attack CWCki, signing up as GodofThunderGodofWar. In true CWC style, his vandalism was less than impressive. In fact, since he made them on April Fools' Day, many users just assumed that it was an elaborate and lulzy prank on the part of the administrators. But no, it was f'real. Christian vandalized the CWCki's articles to make them look as if they are praising him. As usual Chris's tenuous grasp of grammar made his edits stand out like a sore thumb.
Chris later returned under the guise of JenkinsJinkies, making several posts from 5 May 2010 to 13 July 2010. Chris returned again about a year later as Christianchandler on 4 November 2011, part of the 28 October 2011 aftermath. He uploaded three pictures of Michael Snyder.
Although Chris originally demanded that the CWCki's administrators only edit or remove pages related to his friends and family, it is perhaps telling that when he finally set himself to actively vandalizing the site, he ignored those pages, choosing instead to make edits glorifying himself.
Listed below are all of Chris's edits made on his accounts, unedited by trolls and exactly as he wrote them. An exception is made for headings, which are replaced with bold text in the quoteboxes.
- 1 GodofThunderGodofWar
- 2 JenkinsJinkies
- 3 Christianchandler
- 4 References
- 5 See also
1 April, 12:35
His first action was editing the Did You Know? column, removing the majority of the factoids while adding a few of his own, most of which were merely rewrites of existing comments. Hilariously, he begins to glorify himself only after stating "The CWCki is a LOAD OF BULL", effectively nullifying his own attempts.
The following comments however, were left untouched.
Some of the factoids were likely left alone because Chris failed to notice their sarcasm and mistook them for compliments. On a troll site. It should also be noted that the Pixelblocks factoid was also untouched, save for Chris adding the word "not" in the middle. It was likely that he perceived it to be a spelling mistake and decided to correct it, even though the word "neither" instead of "either" later in the sentence causes Chris to add a mistake instead. Chris finally relinked Song of Christian to "10th grade", a broken link.
*Altered for this article. This normally links to a YouTube video, but external links mess up the quoteboxes.
1 April, 12:42
Chris then changed the "Article of the Now" from Ian Brandon Anderson to himself.
Christian Weston Chandler (born Christopher Weston Chandler on 24 February 1982) is a high-functioning autistic virgin, Honest, Cool and Honest Dude, and creator of Sonichu, a brilliant character, starring in his own self-titled online comic book.
His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of most Normal Human Beings; Finding their Meaning of Existence, Their True Love, Their own Self-Character. No One should ever interfere or ever make a mockery of such a tride and true quest to finding HIS own Happiness with his WOMAN who is to be his Wife.
Yes, friends, it gets far sweeter.
This edit is perhaps the most condensed essence of Christian to ever emerge in pseudo-paragraph format. Between the utter butchery of the English language, blatant ego stroking, and unintentional creepiness ("Yes, friends, it gets far sweeter"), Christian pretty much sums up what legions of trolls have spent nearly half a decade trying to record for the world. Also note that, while on a website dedicated to trolling him, he still attempts to insert links to other parts of the wiki. In all likelihood, Chris planned to vandalize these elements as well but stopped due to stress. In the original edit, the link "brilliant" linked instead to the Fail page. Much like the 10th grade link example above, Chris removed this part and created a red link.
1 April, 12:44
A couple of minutes after, he made the infamous CWCRockin4Way.jpg the Picture of the Now.
Not much needs saying here. Chris chose the image and added some random-access humor. Why this image? Nobody knows. Also, the red link this time was actually put in entirely by Chris himself, rather than being another unintentional mistake. Why he thought the CWCki would have a page on "Sweet, Sweet Sex" is anyone's guess.
5 May, 01:08
In his first edit on the new account, Chris commented on the hacking of the PS3, saying the supposed bug was just an antenna. However, later that day he tore out the antenna anyway, just to be safe.
Dude, Really? That's an Antenna
I trolled around and found it. http://www.eeshops.com/ps3-wifi-antenna-tyco-19039281-w400-p-528.html --JenkinsJinkies 01:08, 5 May 2010 (UTC)
8 May, 03:09 - 03:16
Chris then turned to the List of Chris's PSN game downloads, clarifying that his Resistance: Fall of Man add-on pack was not bought by the trolls who took over his PSN, but his Killzone 2 pack was. He also said that the Downfall he bought was a movie, not a video game, and removed a slanderous mockery implying that his duck was small.
3 July, 16:02 - 16:25
Chris created the bizarre Coffee Place article, quoted below, in which he ranted about Amanda, a part-time manajerk, who wouldn't give Chris a The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Sweepstake token because he only bought a $1.09 ice cream.
Within this single fast-food joint of the small town of Ruckersville, VA, Bobby goes for a morning coffee and breakfast most days of the week. Sadly, though, on some of those days, along with other seinor citizens who have been going there for years for their own "Early Bird Specials", they get harassed by one or two of the snot-nosed, snooty employees.
One of which, Amanda, is one of the Part-Time Manajerks who gives her elders the coldest of shoulders. Even with the recent Twilight sweepstakes, one or two of these folks who have enjoyed the Medium Icees for a single dollar and nine cents during their limited-time promotion and received the cups with the game pieces on them, Amanda recently decided that "One Dollar is TOO LITTLE for a Piece of the Sweepstakes Action."
Amanda also really Opens Up for the Black People; she would be most friendly to any of the black people. Uncle Ruckus would really kick the shit out of the bitch for not treating us white people with good kindness and respect. All of the seinors who loyally come in for their daily morning bread would just itch for the chance to smack her ass and crack her china in due respect to the harassment she has butthurt unto them.
Not much else is known about Amanda at the moment, but the seinors have heard that she is a mother of two (probably get a daily butthurt from her every night). She is also assumed to be still married. I feel really sorry for the dude who has put up with that woman for the amount of time they've been married.
More Coffee Goodness
It has been reported that Chrissy has been sighted there, but no photographs has been taken, aside from the one above, of him inside the restaurant.
Photographic evidence should be sent to cwcsightings(AT)hotmail.com! Also, feel free to show off to everyone around you at the time the fresh Gay Trucker Photographs are taken. Users will be greatly rewarded with china and/or pickles!
This edit was the first where Chris began to make his presence known. All edits under the JenkinsJinkies name were subtle up until this point, where any effort of subtlety ends. Chris made it obvious that it was him right from the start, both from his poor spelling and his terrible attempt to imitate what he believes trolls are like; for example, he obviously believes trolls to be racist, so he goes off on a tangent about black people halfway through. He believes that all trolls have sexual issues, so he acts like an outright misogynist in the last paragraph. He also attempts using internet slang like the word "butthurt", which he somehow manages to use as a verb. Chris also updated the places template accordingly to link to his new article.
3 July, 20:16
After CWCkians later arrived and saw that a contributor had put up a shitty article with no citations or real evidence of anything happening, they assumed a troll pretending to be Chris made the article, or else a really stupid person, and put up a deletion template. Chris noticed and leapt to the article's defense on the talk page with this textwall.
Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.
My family and I were there one morning a couple of weeks ago; my camera was screwing up with me, so I ended up with the photo of the front counter. I haven't been back for a while (Damn parents won't drive me back there), and I'm only 14.
Robert was shouting at Amanda, and eventually Chrissy joined in with an uproar so loud, it would have awaken the dead. It was in response to Amanda harassing them that day. I asked around after Robert and Chris left, without my family taking notice of me.
I can get away with anything within my reach; I'm the middle child of a set of three in my family. Sadly, we were only passing through that week on our way back from a visit with my Grandma and Grandpa in South VA; we live up in Boston.
Being bullied as a Freshman last year in my High School was no fucking picnic either. And I really loath ANYONE who is even considered "Special". I'm Special enough on my own for being invisible yet able to attract attention remotely with a mere thought or do-nothing and having to put up with the aggresiveness in my fucking family; I am very much the Master Mind in the family. My father is damned retarded.
But enough about me, I hate Chris as much as the rest of you. Stopping the presses on his books and giving up his website; it still pisses me off. If I recall correctly, it was about 10:30 when the Father and Son Duo left, so best bet is about 10:00 AM to try and intercept. I want to see Chris, if not both of them, squirm in torture from our Trolling of him. I really want to see him blow his top off again. LULZ.
Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.
For the LULZ!!!!
--JenkinsJinkies 22:16, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
Here, Chris established his troll backstory and continued trying to act as close to what he believed a troll to be like as possible. This time he plays the part of a sadist who hates Chris because he's special, was bullied at school, and had daddy issues, because that is what real trolls are like entirely.
11 July, 19:43 - 12 July, 08:05
In response to Clyde leaving Chris a message on his user talk page, asking for his personal information so he could send him a reward for providing them with information, Chris posted this strange rambling.
Thanks, man, but I'm good; I lost my young virginity with a Seinor Cheerleader; her china was sweeeeettt! Plus, as an Anon, I prefer to keep my add off of the web. I would not want Chris coming after my ass. The mindfuck that he is, I would not want to fall victim of one of his impulsive manchild rampages. I just enjoy getting the LULZ off of him.
That's all the info I got of Amanda; my family and I don't travel to South VA that often, but I'll see if I can hitch another trip and find a place to crash in VA. I wouldn't be missed; I am soo overlooked in my family.
Something else that has piqued my curiousity [sic], from the Hooker incident, I'm wondering from which luscious company or group Bryan Bash the ladies came from, specifically the company name, their website, and from within Chris's crappy (434) A.C. Because if they were out-of-his-state, I may give them a call myself. >:D
Thank you for your support, Clydec; you're awesome.
--JenkinsJinkies 18:43, 11 July 2010 (UTC)
The main focus of the message seems to be Chris establishing more of his troll backstory, giving excuses as to why he couldn't give Clyde his details, and dropping as many troll buzzwords as possible, like "Anon" and "LULZ". He also inquires about the hookers sent to his house by Bryan Bash, likely so he can take advantage of their services to get rid of his hated virginity. Also notice how even when he's deep undercover as a Chris-hating troll, he still feels the need to bolster his own ego, claiming to be genuinely afraid of Chris; something no other than Chris himself could ever consider seriously other than a joke.
When Clyde pointed out appropriately that being afraid of Chris indicated that Jenkins was a pussy, Chris replied with:
Firstly, I am not a pussy; I am as wild as a serial raper. Second, I saw those videos; he is still a curiously impulsive individual. It is people like him that tend to explode in a hidden-potential fury that could be very dangerous. While you may see him as a weak fuck, I see a crazy man who will likely strike at any given moment.
During the time now, I enjoy laughing during his weaker moments, yet I still am concerned in what intelligence and fury lie within him waiting to strike. He may be only waiting and plotting for the day when he may hunt us down, one by one. We can only hope that day will never come.
--JenkinsJinkies 07:05, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
Again, despite being undercover as a troll, Chris spends time trying to convince Clyde and others that he is very strong, intelligent and will probably kill them all. Again, these are things which only Chris could ever seriously believe. Also add "wild as a serial raper" to the list of memorable Chris-Chan quotes (and English fails. It should be "wild as a serial rapist").
13 July, 22:24
He has his Beta Track Up
As well as some actually neatly recreated Hot Wheels vehicles. He locked a couple of them; the manchild must have Favorited those TWO cars from his collection. LOL His track is lengthy, and confusing, but I managed to run some laps on it. And he added a good version of the Park with a fountain, and a Beach.
Download his Beta Cwcville Track for the laughs of using the defaulted Beta Tools.--JenkinsJinkies 22:24, 13 July 2010 (UTC)
This was his last edit on the CWCki before he signed up for Trollin Train, which was a scheme by Clyde and Surfshack Tito to trick Chris into destroying his PS3. It ended in great success. All further JenkinsJinkies dumbfuckery is documented on the Trollin Train article.
4 November, 18:26 - 18:32
Chris's first action under this account was to upload three photos of Michael Snyder taken with his 3DS during the 28 October 2011 incident. The first was taken from the interior of The GAMe PLACe, and was put on its CWCki article. The other two were taken in the parking lot from inside Son-Chu; they were added on Snyder's article, one of them replacing an existing image. Chris added his own captions, in which he hilariously mocked Snyder's weight and accused him of being a child-molester, while leaving the
Jew gentle phrase unaltered.
The photos Chris uploaded are below, including his captions.
4 November, 18:40 - 18:41
Chris proceeded to make the second photo the Picture of the Now...
|Michael Snyder, in the flesh.!|
...And subsequently added mentions of all three to Da Update.
|*4 October: Michael Snyder; up close and personal in three new "HNI" photographs.|
4 November 20:02 - 20:03
Chris returned about 80 minutes later to upload two new pictures. The first is of an anime girl named XBOX360ko, apparently a human with every feature of an XBOX 360. He then replaced the second Snyder photo with a picture of a colorful fox. The bottom-right corner reads ©ME ME ME ME ME. The purposes of both photos are unknown.