Fridays After Five

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Fa5 2colorlogo.jpg
they've found me in R. Life to catch footage of me for their gross, uncool amusement.
Chris, referring to the trolls at FA5.
You know he's straight because his bra says so.

Fridays After Five is a large block party/concert series that takes place in Charlottesville, Virginia and Owensboro, Kentucky from spring until fall. In June 2010, Chris was recorded there, enjoying real life for once.

Chris first mentioned Fridays After Five in a video explaining his near hit-and-run on Michael Snyder. Based upon this knowledge, Chris has attended the event since at least 4 June 2010. Chris first alludes to his knowledge of Fridays After Five in the 2009 video "Rollin' and Trollin'", in which he stands outside the Charlottesville Pavilion and mentions how Christian and the Hedgehog Boys play there every Friday night.

18 June Sighting

Chris trying to pick up a boyfriend-free girl.
Chris exhibiting elbow spasms attempting to dance. Note the man on the bottom-right shaking his head in disbelief.

On 18 June 2010, Chris went to one of these events and a good Samaritan (YouTube name 0ArchieBunker0) took these videos and pictures of him out in public.

According to the author, Chris wore a T-shirt that says "I Enjoy Vagina" and was wearing a "gay circular thing" on his hip which is most likely his PokéWalker. At some point, Chris pulled back his crude shirt to reveal his flabby gut and muscle bra, which he had apparently seen fit to write "WANT WOMAN!" on with permanent marker. Note the apparent, inexplicable (knowing Chris) absence of the Medallion of Fail - although it could have been removed just temporarily in order to simplify the (probably planned) act of pulling back the shirt.

Chris's clothing indicates he is looking to put a new twist on his old tricks. Like the attraction sign, Chris is shown making a point to display the writing on his clothing, declaring that he "enjoys vagina" and "wants woman." This is yet another example that this autistic man-child does not learn from the mistakes of his past. Also, the videos filmed at this event mostly showed the back of Chris's head, which shows a small but emerging bald spot.

Besides exposing his covered bosom to potential sweethearts - mostly severely underage - Chris spent his time at the event drawing Flipnotes on his Nintendo DSi, and trying to dance with his famous Autistic Chicken Dance - with all the grace and skill of CWC Fighter.

It is unlikely that Chris was aware of being photographed, which proves that all these actions are Chris's idea of being normal. When Chris eventually realized (or it seemed so) he was being observed, he suddenly disappeared like Batman.

9 July Sighting

Tell me why I'm stuck in a sad lonely cage...

On 9 July, the troll who spotted Chris on Independence Day spotted him again. According to the troll, Chris had unscrewed the zoom lens from his DSi and was using it as a rudimentary telescope by pressing it up to his eye.

Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point.

This time, the troll managed to take a picture of Chris, who appears to be wearing three Pokéwalkers of Fail. Two are red and white, and a custom painted one is barely visible underneath his arm. He also has what looks like a small bottle of hand sanitizer tucked into his belt. Chris has been known to immediately follow up any handshake with using hand sanitizer on himself. Chris is also holding a small piece of paper between his legs in both photographs, proving even further that he hasn't learned a single thing in the past seven years.

Chris's response to this sighting, delusional as always:[1]

I lured out one last Friday at the Pavillion [sic], obviously. I SHOULD have gone after him in pursuit, but the only plan I had programmed in my head in response is take their picture with my DSi. I have reprogrammed my mind to pursue after lure, yell for a policeman, and have him arrested for Taking Photographs at the Pavillion [sic] during Fridays After 5. On their Triangular, Red Column, they have a rules list, which includes, "No Cameras or Videotaping are Permitted". I am positive I'll lure out the same guy from Last Friday; I only got a brief look at his face, but I am positive I'd recognize him on future sight.

Note how he says he's going to have the troll arrested for taking photographs, while in the same sentence noting how he had been taking pictures himself the whole time.

16 July Sighting

Something like this.

On 16 July, a different troll managed to spot Chris at the park. While no photos were taken, the description given paints a very...unusual picture.

This probably isn't a big surprise to anyone, but Chris was also at Fridays After Five on July 16th. No pictures, I'm afraid. He was wearing a bright orange sleeveless shirt with what looked like a beer logo on the back and holding a Budweiser aluminum bottle, a little mini fan made to look like an iPod, and a hula hoop for some reason. Most importantly he had a sort of basic attraction sign with him, nothing elaborate or directly sexual but it said something like "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone" or something similar to that and with more smaller text under that I couldn't make out. He was sitting on the back grass part and left a few minutes before the music was over. I would have loved to catch Chris's attempts at using the hula hoop, I bet that was funny as hell.

While the initial footage from June introduced the "WANT WOMAN!" bra as a sort of makeshift attraction sign, the most recent sighting reports a full-fledged return of an actual attraction sign, albeit a very basic one.

The hula hoop is more puzzling. It's entirely possible that Chris brought it to add to the dance moves seen on this very page, but given Chris's abysmally low stamina, corpulent physique, and total lack of coordination or dancing ability, this seems like a very unusual choice. Another theory is that he used it to mark the boundaries of his "Friendly and Flirty Man Zone". He can be seen at the end of one of the videos "dancing", apparently looking at and drifting towards a girl using two hula hoops near the stage; whether this inspired him to bring one himself or not is a matter of speculation.


As of September 2015, no further sightings of Chris at the event have been reported, and it is likely that he stopped attending out of fear of being recorded. Instead he began hanging out at Cville Pride, Impulse Gay Social Club and various conventions.


See also

External links


  1. Jackie E-mails 3: E-mails sent around the time of the FAF sightings