Mumble 7

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Mumble 7 is the seventh of the Mumble chats involving Chris, held on 13 February 2009.

This chat appears to be the genesis for the "Power" videos in which Chris attempts and fails to prove his strength and fighting skill, though these would not materialize for several months.

Summary

  • A fan talks to Chris about putting naked posters of girls and pictures of men up in his room up to find out if his friend was a homo as Chris suggested. He tells Chris that his girlfriend dumped him over the posters and his friend ignored all of them. Chris sees nothing wrong with his advice until Julie tells him that she wouldn't like that. Chris recommends sending an anonymous letter explaining the situation and utterly fails to apologize or show concern.
  • Fans point out that Chris shouldn't have to show and prove that he is straight.
  • Chris cuts a fan off to let Julie ask a question involving shota.
  • Fans ask Chris to turn his radio down.
  • Chris uses Wal-Mart printer paper and Pentel RSVP ballpoint pens to draw, and a 50-pack of Crayola Super Tip markers to color. He refuses to use color pencils or Photoshop to color, saying he prefers the markers.
  • Chris talks about Omicron's redone version of Sonichu, accusing him of plagiarism. Says that the difference between what Omicron is doing and what he is doing is that Sonichu is his. Agrees to let Omicron continue if he credits Chris with the copyright.
  • Julie is convincing Chris to make videos proving to Clyde how strong he is. Chris feels that the dildo breaking video proved this. Fans say that Chris's dildo comes apart naturally for cleaning.
  • A fan recommends making a video showing off his fighting moves to scare Clyde.
  • Chris is asked why he would use a dildo in proving that he is straight. Chris says that he is straight for crushing it, fans call him a homo for keeping it.
  • Chris denies using the dildo, and claims that it's now broken. Fan says it could easily be reassembled. Chris is adamant that it was glued and that it took a lot of strength to pull it apart.
  • When asked by Julie, Chris admits using super-shears from Cutco to break the dildo glue, claiming to use a lot of strength in the process.
  • Fans discuss SheCameForCWC.jpg. Chris insists that it was drawn in protest of ED. He says it was anonymous, as most women have long brown hair and her eyes were censored.
  • Insists that the Rule 34 of Angelica Rosechu is masturbating and enjoying it, and is using her hand to do it.
  • Chris thinks Billy Mays is on Home Improvement.
  • Chris isn't doing anything on Valentine's Day, as Julie is not there yet.
  • Chris discusses the the No-Redheads policy in his Love Quest. Says that redheads don't attract him unless they are not natural redheads. No piercings or tattoos allowed.
  • Chris is OK with blue hair.
  • Does a terrible Marge Simpson impersonation.
  • Chris impersonates Comic Book Guy and Donald Duck.
  • A fan presents the possibility that AIDS was sent by God to kill the homos.
  • Premarital sex being forbidden in Christianity is discussed. Chris fumbles for an explanation.
  • A fan pretending to be black says he believes the government made AIDS to get rid of black people. Chris says that that's the kind of thing a black guy would say.
  • Premarital sex comes up again. Chris compares it to using porn to practice and learn skills for later.
  • The fake black fan calls Chris on his comment from earlier about black guys and AIDS. He makes the excuse that someone else said it first.
  • Questions on Sonichu start. Sonichu doesn't wear clothes because it's a comic. Chris isn't sure how Blake sounds. He might sound black, he might sound like Shadow the Hedgehog. The fake black fan asks why the bad guy has to be black, also mentioning Silvana. Chris says that he doesn't have to be.
  • Chris gets annoyed about the pronunciation of Rosechu as popularized by the Old Narrator of the Audiobooks.
  • Chris doesn't disagree that the Audiobooks made Sonichu more popular that he ever did.
  • He doesn't mind fanfics that don't portray Sonichu in a bad light.
  • The audio goes low in the main chat and a fan has a private, unrelated conversation for a few minutes.
  • Audio comes back as Chris is admitting that the B-Manajerk was black in real life.
  • Chris doesn't watch the news, so doesn't have an opinion on Obama. He voted for him because he saw a documentary where he saw more of himself in Obama, namely that he was an outcast at one point.
  • A fan says that you should vote based on politics, not personality. Chris says that he is a moderate.
  • Chris doesn't know what the financial bailout is. He says that he drew the racist picture of Obama based on his father's joke, before he saw the documentaries that made him vote.
  • Chris will not agree or disagree with interracial dating/marriage. He would want a white woman, but he would be friends with others.
  • He'd marry an Asian.
  • It's not yet known if Silvana will be a good guy or if she will lose her dick.
  • Chris doesn't know what he wanted to be when he was younger, he's just making it up as he goes along.
  • Chris is keeping the name changes in the comics for legal reasons.
  • A fan suggests Slaweel cursing Rosechu to have a dick. Chris gets upset before saying that he'll think about it. The fans think it's a great idea. One considers a talking penis for Rosechu. Chris says it's a stupid idea.
  • Another fan asks about Chris being sacked from Wendy's. He denies scaring the child with his Donald Duck impersonation, saying that he didn't make him cry.
  • Chris might release his DVD one day.
  • A fan says that Chris has influenced underground rappers such as Immortal Technique, who has sampled him.
  • Chris takes requests. Impersonates MC Hammer, Dr Nick Riviera, Peter from Family Guy, Mario and Sonic, butchering them all and tainting our childhood memories.
  • More Sonichu questions. Chris won't upload Zapina Rule 34 because she is underage and Chris is worried about legal ramifications. When he is reassured that this would be legal, he says he would consider it. He will also consider Sonichu-Rosechu anal sex. Rosechu would not clean the pickle with her mouth, she would clean it off with a washcloth. He would not sell the the washcloth on EBay.
  • Chris calls a stop to the potty humor displayed throughout the Sonichu questions.
  • Chris denies that Yawning Squirtle is a character.
  • Fans ask for a joke. He recites a dreadful rhyme about Videogame consoles. He then tells his awful sex joke. Fans start to tell racist jokes about black people and Mexicans. Chris calls for a stop to this.
  • A fan says that his friend masturbated to the adult section of Sonichu and is now worried that his friend is a homo, as they were drawn by a man. Chris says that this is what he intended it for, and they are drawings of women, so his friend is straight. He doesn't masturbate to his own drawings.
  • Chris reassures a fan that masturbating in the same room as another man isn't gay as long as both men are thinking of women, but he would not do this.
  • Chris offers no comment as to what constitutes adultery.
  • Chris says that he is patriotic. Asked to sing the national anthem, he instead mangles a few lines of "My Country, 'Tis of Thee". He then tells a 'patriotic' joke that is insensitive to Mexicans. The fans call him on his "no more racist jokes" statement from earlier.
  • Chris does a poor impersonation of Mr T.
  • Chris says that if you are married, sleeping with someone else isn't cheating if you have consent from your spouse.
  • Chris gives more advice on homos and recommends Axe body spray for attracting girls.
  • Chris has not met any celebrities, only local DJs.
  • Does impersonations of Homer Simpson and Bender. The two sound identical.
  • Chris gives dating advice: Stay calm, polite, friendly and don't let your nerves get the best of you. Say "Hello, how are you" and talk about yourself. His mom told him that standing around with a sign makes him look retarded. A female fan cracks up laughing and can't stop.
  • "Those who can't, teach"
  • Chris says he has never even been on a date. Rejects dating suggestions from fans.
  • Chris was close with Sarah "PandaHalo" McKenzie, but hasn't heard from her in over two weeks. He heard about the fires and doesn't know if she's still alive. When a fan adds that 108 people were killed in the fires, Chris responds to the entire ordeal with "It's OK though, at least I have a good woman who's willing to be by my side at this point".
  • When pushed, he says he feels remorse for the the victims of the fires and is concerned that Panda is dead.
  • He asserts that he didn't abandon Sarah for Julie.
  • A fan says that if Sarah isn't alive, Chris should take solace that her perfectly barbecued remains fed the survivors. Chris replies with SHUT UP!!!
  • Chris says that he cares about Sarah and Julie equally and wouldn't dump Julie as a friend. A fan asks what he will do to the survivors who ate Sarah. Chris replies with "SHUT UP!!!" and demands that he be booted.
  • Fans reassure Chris that Sarah is probably OK.
  • Chris does abominable impersonations of Uncle Ruckus from The Boondocks and Hank Hill. He sings "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There". He also impersonates Meowth and sings the Team Rocket song.
  • Clyde enters. Chris refuses to answer questions and leaves.

Transcript

Chris proves he is straight

Guy: Chris!
Chris: Hey y'all! [echoes]
Guy: I'll be damned.
Other Guy: Hey Chris.
Chris: Hey y'all.
Fan: Uh, Chris-[gets cut off by another guy]
Chris: Uh you know, can't com- it's uh, can't complain.
Other Guy: How's construction of the site?
Fan: [unintelligible] so Chris
Chris: Yeah?
Fan: Well I...I need to ask you something.
Chris: Yup?
Fan: Uh... I put those posters, of the... Playboy and everything in my room, and uh, one of my girlfriends saw it, and she got mad at me for looking at other w-... other girls, and she broke up with me.
Chris: Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. It could-
Fan: Yeah, she's calling me a pervert. I-I don't understand this.
Chris: Did you... did you ex- did you try to explain to her about situation between you and that guy?
Fan: I... I did, and I don't think she understood.
Chris: Hmmm... well, you should try, you should, uh, s-... try, uh, you should try wr-, you should tr-, uh, do you know her email address?
[pause]
Julie: So, uh Chris-
Fan: A-also, wait... also, uh, the friend, I was talking about, he, uh, visited, and [typing noises] he, uh, he went into my room, and didn't even notice the posters. He just s-sat in the middle, he didn't s...sit in any uh, part of the room.
Chris: Huh. Hmm.
Fan: So, uh... so, yeah, I don't know. I mean, my girlfriend broke up with me, called me a pervert, said that I shouldn't be looking at other girls, I mean... I don't know what to do now.
Chris: Well listen, uh, answer my question, do you have her email address?
Fan: Umm... yeah, but she won't... she won't answer me anymore.
Chris: Hm... ok, hmm. Here's what you can do, uh... Do you know your girlfriend's... any of your girlfriend's gal-pals?
Fan: No.
Chris: Hmm... well, you should try to... like wr- you should write out... hmm... hmm... here's an idea. S- Write a letter to her and send it via smail mai-, via snail mail, but don't write the return address. On it.
Fan: What should I write?
Chris: Just like, you know, like, they, you know, this is... you know, this is... you, uh, you put your name there, and you, it's, and then you would basically explain the situation between you and that guy, and that's why you had the posters up, well that's why you put the posters up.
Fan: Well I-
Chris: [unintelligible interruption]
Fan: I don't really understand what was the point of the posters in the first place?
Chris: [sigh] it's... [sigh] if he looks at... if he, if he is very interested, if he is, if he was straight, he would uh, look at the women. Very much.
Fan: But he didn't even notice them. He didn't notice any of the posters.
Chris: Hmm. Well, then I guess he is a homo.
Fan: W...well, um, he wasn't looking at anything, not even the guy posters.
Chris: Hmm. Hmm... He's not blind, surely.
Fan: So, like, what is he, is he like, uh...I don't know.
Chris: Hmm. I don't know either, man. But, you know at the moment I would suggest you, uh, write the- write the letter to your girlfriend, send the mail, don't write your return address on the envelope, and, uh, mail it to her.
Fan: Also my mom saw the posters and she got offended, she's like really religious and st- she said that like, uh, you know, lust is a sin or some shit. Oh, like she said, she's like all against the, the uhh, the like, Playboy in my room.
Chris: Hmm. Well, your- apparently your mom hasn't been [beeps] that open minded that time. So, you know, give her time to reh-cover, she'll uh, she might op- she might open up.
Fan: Yeah, I don't think that was a good idea though, I mean, w-why did-
Chris: [unintelligible interruption]
Fan: -you suggest it?
Chris: I was trying to see if he, to, I was trying to s-help you figure out if your uh, if your friend was a homo or not.
Fan: I know, but, do you have uh, [Fans talking] Playboy posters in your room?
Other Guy: [unclear] I'm very forward.
Chris: I have uh, poster of some, of uh, I have a poster in my room of uh, some uh, naked girls I got from adamandeve.com as a bonus.
Fan: Then, nobody says anything about it?
Chris: [clears throat] Well, I didn't really have too many oppor- too many people in my room. So, it's kind of like in a hard to notice place.
Fan: Um, wondering, um, If you showed anyone, wouldn't they be offended?
Chris: Maybe, maybe not, [Fan grunts] it just depends on their point of view.
Fan: Yeah, I wouldn't want the same thing that happened to me to happen to you.
Chris: Hmm. I hear you there. Uh, just to so just sound clear... Julie?
Julie: [unintelligible]
Chris: Julie, are you there?
Julie: Yes.
Chris: Ok, uh, would you be offended if you saw such a poster in my room?
Julie: [breaks up]
Chris: Uh, What will, what was that? [Echoes]
Julie Yes I would, kind of.
Chris: Oh. Well that's no problem, I can take it down.
Fan: Yeah, see that's what I'm talking about, I mean...
Chris: Well, that's why I asked Julie right now, because I respect her. So, because she said that she would, I will take it down.
Fan: Well, I've been thinking, um...
Julie: Do you have... [unclear] Chris, I don't think you should look at other woman.[sic] In my opinion.
Chris: I see, Julie. Well that's fine.
Fan: Yeah...
Chris: I...I respect that.
Fan: She might get jealous, I mean, that's what happened to my...my girlfriend.
Chris: Yeah, that's fine Julie, I respect your, I respect that. Just-
Julie: Hey, can I ask you a question? If uh, he's done?
Chris: Uh-
Fan: Oh, uh, one more thing, um, you know I've been thinking, uh, I don't really think you need, you know, posters and stuff like,
Other Guy: [unintelligible]
Fan: to prove you're straight, I mean, if you're straight, that's all there is to it i-if, am I right?
Chris: Yeah.
Julie: I think you're right.
Fan: I...I mean, you shouldn't have to prove that you're straight.
Julie: You're right.
Other Guy: I-I m-mean [line breaks temporarily] Y-you shouldn't have to reassure yours-self. You should just be knowing it, and nothing anybody says, should get very, uh...
Chris: Yeah, but, it's ve-ah-very-but you see, I have like, I have that Sailor Moon poster in my room, it's just, so that like, you know, for in case I have any-for in case I have any random thoughts, on account really, to tempt me.
[unintelligible mix of chatter from most participants trying to get their word in]
Other Guy: I-I mean, even if they're random thoughts, even if they're random thoughts, if you know you're positive about it, you shouldn't have to look at anything to make sure.
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: Chris, usually.
Guy: Okay. Uh, moving on from all this homosexuality, uh, I have one question, uh- [gets cut off by Chris in the background] ...never mind, [fat douchebag?]
Chris: Hey, ah, let Julie ask a question, let Julie ask her question.

7:08 Julie asks about shotacon

Julie: Hey Chris, I was watching you on the Internet yesterday and, what's a shotacon?[slightly cut off]
Chris: ...I'm sorry, uh-y, I'm sorry, you got cut off, what was that?
Julie: What's a sho-[cuts off again]
Chris: ...What's a...short?
Julie: Shot-[cuts off third time, pretty obvious she's saying shota]-
Fan: Dude, shota.
Other Guy: Yeah, shota.
Chris: Ssshhhh...shota?
Other Guy: Yeah, S-H-O-A-T-A [sic].
Fan: Oh, it's a word he found online.
Other Guy: Yeah, [baby?], yeah.
Chris: I never heard of that word.
Other Guy: Hmm.
Chris: I dunno, if you want to look it up, you can probably find out on an online dictionary...
[pause, and a weary sigh from someone other than Chris]
Chris: I'll-I'll take a look. Hang on.
Guy: Yeah, I know some Japanese and I think I've heard that somewhere, like in a magazine or something.
Fan: Yeah, it's some of that Japanese shit.
Chris: Hmm. Probably is. Three moments, I'll look it up.
Julie: Okay!
[pause, Chris's radio is audible]
Chris: ...Whoops, that was the wrong one. The wrong bookmark.
Fan: S-H-O-T-A.
Chris: I know, I just get the wrong bookmark for...place I wi-for like...dictionary-type website that I have.
[pause, Chris's keyboard taps are audible]
Guy: Uhhh...Chris?
Chris: Yeah.
Guy: Ok, now that Julie's done with her question, I also had one.
Fan: He has to find what that means first.
Guy: Oh, I'm sorry.
Chris: Shit, ah shit, I've just found it on Wikipedia. It's, uh, it's a ma-it's a Japanese name. It's a name of a person. In Japan.
Guy: Really.
Chris: It's a Japanese name. I think it's-
Fan: Oh no no, I think you're looking at the wrong thing, it's S- S-H-O-T-A-C-O-N.
Chris: S-H- I mean- O-T-A-C-O-N? Shotacon?
Fan: It's the same thing, just put C-O-N at the end.
Guy: I've read it in a dictionary before, can't remember what it means...
Chris: Oh, oh! Okay, here it is, uh..."shotacon, sometimes shortened to shota, is Japanese slang of the phrase 'Shotaro Complex'"...uh..."that describes the attraction to young boys or an individual with such an attraction".
[Disgusted reactions heard]
Fan: Oh my god, what the fuck?
Chris: Yeah.
Guy: There's lots of sick people. Y'all are gonna get ricked?
Fan: Someone from 4 cent garbage came in and told us to look that up, I didn't-I didn't even want to.
Chris: Yeah.
Guy: I guess he's a homo...
Fan: Don't worry I banned him already.
Girl: Um, Chris, Vivian wants to know if you can like, turn your radio down a bit, it's distracting.
Guy: Yes, please turn it down.
Chris: I thought that was quiet enough, here.
Guy: Oh, no, the lady'll probably pick it up
Girl: Alright cool. Merci.

10:21 Another fan asks about art supplies

Another Fan: Okay, um, I have a question, um, I like to draw-[interrupted by mumbling]-I like to draw comics and such, I mean I want to start up a webcomic. What kind of materials do you use?
Chris: Um, like, you mean for drawing?
Another Fan: Yes.
Chris: Well mostly I just use like, uh, paper without lines, like, computer printer paper you can get in, like, Wal-Mart, for an inexpensive price in multiples.
Another Fan: Oh, okay-
Chris: And then I use like an RES—RSVP-brand pen with the black ink.
Another Fan: Oh okay, is it like, um, a gel pen or a ballpoint pen or-
Chris: It's like a ballpoint, it's like a ballpoint pen.
Another Fan: Oh.
Fan: What do you use to color?
Chris: I use Crayola brand markers.
Another Fan: Oh, okay.
Chris: I would like to—I would—I would—I would recommend getting the Super Tip 50-pack which you can also find at the Wal-Mart.
Another Fan: Oh, okay. I-[interrupted by someone else on chat]
Guy: That's basically-
Another Fan: At Wal-Mart I usually get the 24-color RoseArts. Those are—those do pretty good too.
Chris: Uhhhh, Vivian, just so you—just so you know, I'm using the microphone that came with Hey You, Pikachu for Nintendo Sisty-Four [sic].
Guy: Yeah, yeah no, no offense, but uh, personally I prefer like, colored pencils and shit cause-[Chris mumbling is heard]-they're like easier to erase. Photoshop [unintelligible]
Chris: If you want to use colored pencils that's fine, I'm not, uh, saying that you have to use Crayola markers-
Julie: Hey Chris, can I ask you a question?
Chris: Yeah.
Julie: Why don't you use colored pencils? They're really good, you should try one on like, at least one page, just try one. One page with just colored pencils.
Fan: But um, actually, you can—you can scan your drawings and then color—color them in like, Photoshop or something. [rest of chat murmurs in agreement] That looks really professional, and really good.
Chris: Uh, I prefer using the markers.
Fan: Oh.
Chris: It's just that I-I mean—I mean I've tried—I mean I've colored with colored pencils before, and I just feel best with using markers.
Julie: I have a question, um, uh, the Hey You Pikachu microphone, how does that work on the, you're using that on your computer? Did you say?
Chris: Yeah it's just, yeah, it's like you plug it into uh, into the basic microphone jack.
Julie: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Girl: Excuse me, I have a nice little Plantronics headset.
Chris: Um-
Another Fan: Hey Chris can I ask you a question?
Chris: Uh, yeah, hang on a second, uh... uh, Omicron, that's uh, you're basically, uh, you're basically plagiarizing here. You're even using, uh, parts of my original drawings to, uh, make up your so called real ones and, you're just—you're just parroting—you're just plagiarizing-
Fan: That's dirty and illegal.
[Unintelligible mumbling]
Chris: Yeah, you said so yourself, you're being illegal. And plus, and plus I'm-
Guy: Yeah, isn't combining Sonic with Pikachu the same thing?
Chris: Yeah, but, but, but but also, look at this, also I'm looking at this site here, it said, he's claiming the copyright for himself, but he's, but he's not. I mean that's like, but he's, he—he says
Foreign Sounding Guy: You need to ban him immediately.
Chris: Yeah, ban him immediately.
Guy: Oh wait wait wait wait wait...
Fan: Yeah maybe you should check-[interrupted by loud noise, probably Chris]
Chris: Yeah well he said that, he's saying that all of Sonichu material is copyrighted by him, when it's clearly not.
Guy: Yeah but you use Sonic and Pikachu, and you copyrighted it-
Other Guy: He just offered to give you credit-[interrupted by noisy chatter]
Chris: I mean, I put, I mean, yeah but, I mean, I'm talking about the—the Omnicron [sic] guy here, that's like, just put this link here.
Fan: Oh he offered to give you credit-
Julie: Yes that's the same thing you did.
Chris: Well no no, he, no-
Fan: We decided-
Chris: No he's plagiarizing MY Sonichu.
Fan: We just decided [unintelligible]
Foreign Sounding Guy: [unintelligible]
Julie: Chris it's, it's a parody, kinda like Sonichu is.
Chris: Yeah but he—yeah, but he's saying, he said—he—on his front page he says, all Sonichu material-
Fan: Yeah but he's, he just offered to change it, so are you okay with that?
Chris: By changing it to Sonichu X-
Fan: No, he said he'll give you credit instead of claiming it for himself.
Chris: Yeah, uh, yeah I would appreciate that, that would be better, yeah, if... he changed that.
Fan: Alright cool.
Guy: Problem solved.

15:02 Chris talks about dildos to prove his strength

Julie: Hey Chris?
Chris: Yes Julie.
Julie: Do you think you could tell everyone about my idea? And, since you're going to do it do you think you could tell everyone so they could look out for it?
Chris: Uh, your idea... um, oh oh oh, yeah, just basically a video of me standing up to Clyde and showing him how strong I am, doin' a few kicks for the camera or something-
Guy: Yeah, you should throw some punches, show him what you're made of, you know?
Fan: Kick, punch, it's all in the mind etc.
Chris: I basically... I pretty much did that when I...
Guy: Let him talk, c'mon!
Chris: I pretty much did - already proved my strength when I... ripped that... dildo in half.
[incoherent: too many people]
Foreign-Sounding Guy: Most dildos come apart for cleaning.
Guy: C'mon.
Chris: Yeah but that thing was screwed together at the seam.
[incoherent: too many people]
Guy: Ok listen to me...
Julie: Hey Chris...
Deep-Voiced Guy: Eh Chris!
Julie: ...could you do a like further test of your strength for me?
Chris: [stress sigh] Yeah...
Julie: I wanna see how strong you are please.
Chris: ...That's fine, I can do that.
Other Fan: I mean that's ok, you showed your strength, but you should show her your moves. Like show her, like, what kind of moves you can do.
Fan: Chris, let me tell you a story about how this'll work, ok. See, my, uh, one of my cousins, uh, this guy at school, kept, y'know, picking on him, calling him gay and stuff, and trying to fight with him, and my cousin told him to sss- y'know, one day, the guy said "Hey man, I'm gonna beat you up" and my cousin said "Look, if I show you some of my moves, I'll prove to you I can kick your ass in a fight" and so my cousin, y'know, he stepped back and, he took, uh, he took Taekwondo, and he did a couple moves, y'know? He just stood there for like five minutes just doing his moves, and, y'know, some punches and kicks and... The guy just backed right off; he didn't even want to talk to him any more. So I think that should work.
Chris: All right, well I'll try that. I'll try that.
Guy: All right. Sounds good.
Fan: Chris?
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: You try- you always mention about how you're straight but yet in your video about you crushing a dildo, uh, doesn't that kinda like, y'know, not help your cause?
Chris: No, it proves I'm straight because...
Fan: But you have a dildo.
[incoherent: too many people]
Chris: I got it free with an order on adameve.com
[incoherent: too many people]
Deep-Voiced Guy: But you kept it and shit. That ain't cool.
Fan: What I don't... Why were there batteries in...?
Julie: Oh yeah Chris, why were there batteries in it? Why did you keep it?
Fan: Yeah, I mean...
Chris: I mean it wasn't an easy thing for me to sell, right off the bat, or even to make a profit, so...
[incoherent: too many people]
Chris: In fact in a way it's a good thing I kept it, cause it allowed me to be able to break it, like I did.
Julie: Yes but why would you keep it?
[incoherent: too many people]
Julie: Why would you keep it?
Chris: I woulda saved it for my sweetheart, if she'd wanted it. To use it.
Fan: Aaaahhh.
Julie: But if I were there wouldn't you prefer the real deal?
Fan: Some things that metal just can't replace.
Chris: ...Yeah.
Fan: I heard that.
Fan: You didn't use it did you?
Chris: No I did not.
Fan: Did you just throw all the ones you had away?
Chris: I only had that one. And there you go, I ri- there you go, I broke it apart.
Fan: Didn't you just, like, take it apart, I mean, it did...
Chris: No...
Fan: ...seem to come apart, like, screwed on...
Chris: No, no I did not take it apart, that thing was glued at the seam. I had to put a lot of strength into breaking it at the middle there.
Fan: Yeah, but I think, um, showing your moves would be better.
Chris: Right.
Fan: I don't think Clyde would mess with you if you show him you can kick his ass.
Fan: Hey, Chris's a muthafuckin' gangsta!
Fan: Blap blap.
Fan: Yes, Chris will fuck Clyde's shit up.
[awkward pause]
Julie: Wait, Chris, didn't you say you used a - didn't you say you used scissors to break the dildo?
Chris: Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I pretty much did have to so I could break that glued seam.
Fan: Oh, I thought you broke it with your hands.
Chris: Yeah well I- yeah well I would have but it was dang glued at the seam, so I clipped straight in with the scissors I had.
Chris: It's a pair of Super Shears from Cutco.
Fan: [feigning interest] Huh.

19:50 Chris defends his Rule 34

Fan: Yeah, let's talk about something else. Uh, Chris?
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: Whenever the announcement of the adult Sonichu page, when I looked at your gallery, very nice stuff, you know, I see a picture of what looks like you with a Sonichu, uh, medallion. Like, and, who's that one girl, exactly?
Fan: Who, Megan?
Julie: I thought it was, like, Crystal, cause of the hair?
Chris: No, no, it was - it was originally drawn to be Megan but I censored her eyes to, uh, port- to protect her identity.
Fan: Mmmmmm.
Julie: (laughing) That's stupid! (?) That's so silly.
Chris: I drew that after I found the ED page in November.
Fan: Didn't you say that?
Chris: In protest against it.
Fan: I thought you were going to get rid of it anyway.
Chris: I tore up the original drawing, I, in- into squares, and I put in in an envelope.
Fan: Why did you upload it?
Fan: Why did you do that shit? Like, and...
Fan: I understand Rosechu, but, like y'know, why, like, something that's from real life. That's the problem (?)
Chris: It's not necessarily from real life, it depends on you inter- it depends on your interpretation, I mean it's hardly- I mean, most women have long brown hair, and the eyes are censored, so...
[laughter]
Fan: Most women?!?
Fan: I remember in that one video you were saying it was Megan.
Chris: Because it broke, because it end up, because it the end it broke up my friend - broke up my friendship eve, my uh, friendship with Megan.
Julie: Um, can I ask you a question? In the third picture, with Angelica Rosechu, what is... what's happening, is... God... doing...?
Chris: Nope. She's masturbating. And she's enjoying it.
Julie: But she has no hands there. How's she doing it?
Fan: She's enjoying it.
Chris: But she does... She does...
Julie: Yeah but how's she doing it? She doesn't have her hands there.
Chris: She does have her hands, she's... (stress sigh) She's... like most women would be able to do the same thing.
Fan: I thing it's the angle, Julie. I think it's the angle you were looking at it.
Chris: Yeah plus uh, the picture wasn't, uh, very - wasn't as clear as, like, you know, I would have liked to have had it, uh, I mean, I had that file for a while, and it...
Fan: Yeah some of those are kinda blurry.
Chris: Yeah, some deg- some degraded.
Julie: ? a good question, have you drawn anything... of... have you drawn anything like that with me? Cause I would actually like to see, if you did. If so, could you, and let me see? I, uh, sorry, that's very rude to ask.
Chris: Um, I'm sorry, let me answer this guy. Yeah, well, I made a retraction video later saying that I- I disowned that address.
Fan: Ah, I see.
Chris: Just after that guy hacked into it and changed to it to suck. And as such.
[unintelligible]
Chris: Hang on, I'm gonna take a look at that... My Youtube...
Fan: I like this song.
Chris: What song?
Fan: The song that's playing in the background of, uh.
Julie: Hey Chris, what do you think of, uh, what do you think of that guy who advertises products, Billy Mays? What do you think of him?
Chris: Hmmm... Billy... Oh! Yeah he's an ok guy, I watched him on Home Improvement.
Fan: Billy Mays?
Chris: Yeah...
Fan: No, that was another guy on Home Improvement, Chris.
Chris: No that was the same guy. That was the same guy.
Fan: Really?!? Let's look up. IMDB, go. [sound of typing]
Chris: Believe me, it's the same guy.
Fan: Hey Chris, I really enjoyed your, um, adult, uh, section of the site.
Chris: Yeah... okey dokey, very good. Aaahh, trying to figure out how to update the link on this thing here. Oh, maybe under here. Oh there it is, thank God (?), update right now.
Fan: [singing] You spin me right round baby, right round...
Other fan: [joining in] Like a record baby, right round round round
Fan: It's a classic, I can't help in man.
Chris: There you are, updated. It's finally fixed.
Guy: Actually that was Richard Karn on Home Improvement, not Billy Mays.
Chris: Oh. Well my mistake, I mean the guy had the beard and uhh...
Guy: Oh yeah I can understand.
Chris: And the voice sounds- and the voice sounds the same...
Fan: Yeah. They sound the same.
Guy: I guess.
[incoherent: too many people]
Chris: There's a matter of interpretation apparently I misinterpreted so I will admit that I was wrong.
Fan: Yeah see we all make mistakes, don't be too hard on yourself.
[pause]
Guy: [unintelligible babble or singing]
Fan: Have you gotten any fan art submissions or notable? For the uh- webpage?
Chris: Yeah I got one today... It's like mostly a drawing of that uh that uh- of the fan herself.
Fan: Oh.
Chris: -got in the snail mail today.
Guy: -Sunday.
[pause]
Chris: Oh. Hmmmm...
Guy: What are you doing for this Valentine's day Chris?
Chris: Uhhhm... I'm sorry, what was that question?
Guy: What will you be doing this year on Valentine's day?
Chris: Hm depends...
Guy: Ahhh, I see.
Chris: Hm.
Fan: Surely a man of such magnitude as yourself are going to be doing something important, aren't you?
Chris: Mmm.
Guy: Magnitude? Way to choose the words buddy.
Other guy: Vocabulary talent.
Chris: Uh, cause I don't have Julie over here yet.
[Reactions of Ohs and Ahs]
Chris: If she was here...
Julie: (unintelligible) -play games.
Chris: Or we could just uh... talk.
Woman: Ehehehehe. Maybe... uh... why no redheads?
Other Woman: Yeah?
Chris: Yeah, I was trying to think about that when the other guy asked that question. Uh... I was trying to think up that unh... mmmm... Uhhhh, redheads just don't be very- tract me so much.
Several: Uh, ah.
Chris: It's- it's- a- pi- a possibility that they're dyed.
Woman: Mmmmmmm...
Chris: But yeah y'know natural redheads enh, yeah, just don't really turn me on as much.
Woman: I see...
Fan: Have you thought about girls with um, highlights?
Chris: Mmmm... (pause) aaahhhh... what turns me on hhh- (inhales) (pause) obviously the women.
Man: Gotta have the women. (?)
Guy: What about piercings or tattoo?
Chris: Yeah, neither of those.
[Pause]
Chris: Ehhhh-
Guy: Hey (unintelligible)
Julie: Hey Chris! How bout like non-orange hair, not like... no, never mind. I'm sorry.
Chris: Yeah... oh... okay... hmmm...
Julie: Wait Chris! How do you feel about blue hair?
Chris: Blue hair's okay, otherwise I wouldna- Otherwise I wouldn't've liked Sailor Mercury.
British? guy: That is true, she does have blue hair.
Guy: She's a very fine character. There is no way to deny it.
Black guy: Blue hair is OFF DA HOOK!!!

28:35 Chris impersonates various cartoon characters

British??? guy: Doesn't Marge Simpson have blue hair as well?
Chris: (in some kind of insane voice) Oh yeah! Marge Simpson has blue hair and it's as tall as the Empire State building!!!
[Some HMMs UHs and UMs follow]
Julie: Yo Chris!! Can you do some impersonations for us?
British??? Guy: Oh we'd love to hear that!
Chris: I just did Marge Simpson.
Guy: Yeah you're really talented.
British??? Guy: Yeah.
[Several people talking at once]
Julie: -they're really good.
Guy: Do another Simpsons Chris, how about Comic Book Guy?
British??? Guy: Mmmmhmmm...
Chris: Oh I'm very indeed. Oh aren't we all promiscuous and whatnot. I like Batman and Robin, oh look! Stan Marsh has come into the thing again - I forget that guy's name, that guy who did the Marvel comics.
Several: (incoherent)
Julie: Stan Lee. (Pause) Chris do your Donald Duck impression.
Chris: Everybody have fun (incoherent and scary quacking)
Several: (laughter)
Guy: Chris you should work for Disney.
Fan: That's good Chris.
Guy: Have you ever considered being a voice actor?
Chris: Errrrrp... possibly, I'm not sure.
Fan: (incoherent, cut off by Chris)
Chris: (incoherent... another cartoon voice)
Guy: Hey Chris, you're a Christian, right?
Chris: Yeah
Guy: I was just wondering-
Chris: Ahm actu-
Guy: -do you just-
Chris: I'm actually a Methodist church.
Guy: Oh awesome, I was just wondering: Do you think AIDS was sent by god to kill the homos or do you think that it's just an accident or something man-made?
Chris: The thou- the thought never occurred to me... thought never occurred to me.
Other guy: can you do an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Guy: Hold- the question...
Fan: Let Chris answer the question.
Chris: The thought- the thought never occurred to me about what you just said about the AIDS there mmmm... but y'know, it's a possibility and I will not agree nor disagree with it.
Guy: Yeah, I was just wondering I mean, I've had that discussion with some of my Christian friends. I just wanted to get your opinion, thank you.
[pause]
Chris: Mmhhh...
Julie: I think (clears throat) I think Omicron has a point and you did tell me you went to a methodist church didn't you? So that's-
Chris: Yeah well th- well my Methodist church is uh more loose on- is not as strict on uh- on uh sex.
Julie: Chris I don't know- I don't know that much about religion in the States but I don't think there is a looser Meth- Methodist church. God makes the rules Omicron says.
[pause]
Chris: Yeah well, hmmm...
Guy: Well, you know personally I think that the government made AIDS to kill off all the brothers.
Fan: Whoa, whoa... That's what the blacks always say.
Chris: Yeah. (pause) I'm going to agree, that sounds like something that uh... well, a black guy would say.
Guy: So your church is kinda of uh- they let you do- their kinda loose on the whole moral restrictions?
Chris: Mmm... (pause) uhhh... that's... what's the question?
Guy: Your church they- you said they're kind of more uh- y'know they're less strict on the whole moral thing, like, as far as sexuality goes?Right?
Chris: -ah basically.
Guy: But y'know, uhh, I thought you're supposed to listen to the Bible or whatever not, y'know, not necessarily- no, never mind.
[Pause]
Guy: Hey Chris-
Other guy: (interrupts)
Chris: Yeah, there's also a uh, there's also a- think about this uh, if you uh- if you- if you were a think uh- you have to find for yourself a good meaning behind uh- good meaning behind watching pornography to uh- like teach how it- how to do this and that when you actually get around to doing it...
Guy: That's all ???
Chris: That's all's considered education for yourself.
Guy: How is that realistic at all?
[pause]
Guy: Yeah, it's uh- not a really good thing to learn from, trust me.
Chris: It can be done before marriage as well as long as me and my sweetheart really love each other very much.
Fan: But not in Christianity.
Guy: But all I'm saying is y'know, porn is completely, completely unre- unrealistic I mean you can't really learn anything from it.
[pause]
Chris: It gives- it gives you enough ideas.
Julie: (unclear)
Other guy: (incoherent) porn.
Guy: When you actually have sex, it's nothing like porn.
[pause]
Chris: Maybe not like you, you not gonna do it-
Accented woman: You can't do it immediately- immediately anal sex cause most women are not very happy with anal sex and also...
Guy: Okay, shut up
Accented woman: -and also weird-
Guy: Shut up.
Accented woman: Yes.
Guy: And... that wasn't cool, like...
Fan: That was uncalled for...
Guy: Yeah, like, suthin' a BLACK MAN would say...
Several: (incoherent)
Other guy: That's racist man...
Chris: Well, somebody said it on here first before I did.
Guy: Does that make it ok?
Julie: Chris, I think he's trying to make it clear that- I dunno.
Chris: I typically agree with that guy.
(pause)
Julie: So nothing g- it doesn't make it ok.
(incoherent)
Chris: (babbling) I wi- I'm sorry, I take it back.
(pause)
(unclear)
Guy: Guys can we get back to Sonichu, Please?
Fan: Yeah.
Other guy: Yeah this is getting ridiculous.
Guy: (unclear) -Sonichu actually.
(pause)
Guy: Anyway, my question is that: why does Sonichu not wear clothes while Rosechu and the other Rosechus do wear clothes? And underwear?
Chris: Aaaaaaaaaamp... It's like uh- it's basically a cartoon and it doesn't really matter, it's like... mm... think about this: Most cartoon characters wear at least one article of clothing. At least one article. And uh- it's like Yogi Bear who just wears a necktie and a hat.

(From 35.14)

Other Guy: I think it would be cool if all the Sonichus and Rosechus got together and they and- they all formed a big team and they had special uniforms or something, kinda like the X-men.
Fan: Or Power Rangers.
Chris: Uh yeah, I don't do- I don't do well- I'm not in- no uniforms. It's a uniform and other Sonichus and Rosechus.
Guy: I'm just wondering if you'd do another impression: What does Blachu sound like? Uh, Black Sonichu? Or Blake?
Chris: Eeeeuuunh... Eh... ahhhh...
British guy: Can you imitate it?
Chris: Mmmm... I'm not sure... uhhhhm...
Guy: Like does he sound black?
Chris: Possibly, but I'm not certain. I'm not leaning towards it.
Guy: Ok, I'd like to hear it, but if you don't want...
Chris: I just never- I just never really thought about that. I'd say that he possibly sounds similar to uh, y'know Shadow the hedgehog. But he could possibly sound, black. He could. Don't quote me on it.
Guy: All right, I was just wondering if you'd do his voice but...
Black guy: Hey why does the BAD guy gotta be black?
Chris: I never said the bad guy "has to" be black. (pause) I mean, look at the- the range of villanies, I mean there's black and whites and uh... male females.
(pause)
Black guy: Yeah I noticed that uh- Silvana's also... black lookin'.
Chris: I just decided to color her black because she was born- she came from outer space from a black egg, which was the- which came out of the rainbow.
(pause)
Black guy: Yeah, I was also wonderin' about that like-
Chris: I- I- I-
Black guy: If Silvana came out of the rainbow, right?
Chris: Yes it's-
Black guy: Why would she be black?
Chris: (babbling)
Black guy: I mean like black ain't part of the rainbow, right?
Chris: It's like the black sheep of the family. Y'know you put all the colors together and it does become black.
[unintelligible reactions]
Guy: -like a brownish-
Other guy: (unintelligible) is a (unintelligible) color.
Fan: Maybe it's because she's from space and there's not a lot of light in space and it's dark or something.
Chris: Yeah that- a uh yeah- that's one of the-
Other guy: Hmmm.
Woman: Uhm, did you look at the link of my friend?
Chris: Uh, ummmm...
Woman: Yeah, since you love blue hair.
(pause)
Chris: Uh- no I haven't looked at it and I don't wanna make Julie feel jealous if I did- if I went and did.
Fan: I don't think Julie would mind.
Woman: Uhhh...
Fan: You look at pornography don't you?
Woman: (mumble)
(pause)
Chris: No, that- that was two syllables "Rose-chu". You don't- don't add- don't say the "e" it's just "Rosechu".
Fan: Yeah you went over this last chat.
(pause)
Other guy: Hey Chris.
Chris:(I don't know, it sounds like "narrator")
Other guy: Uh.
Chris: (sounds like he says "narrator" again)
Other guy: Uh... I was just-
Chris: No, well, obviously the uh- the narrator who did those audio books was incorrect. Specially since I never gave that person the approval to do the audiobooks.
Fan: I think it's just a fan project and I think he-
Chris: Yeah
Fan: and I think he might have one of the West coast dialects. I know that the South they say y'all but over here-
Chris: Well obviously he lied-
Fan: -different. I'd be proud if they made one of my projects into an audiobook though. That means that there are a lot of fans out there that really like it.
Other guy: Ay.
Fan: They're not selling to try and make any money off it. They're not trying to rip you off. They always made sure- they always narrate the first page by saying "Christian Weston Chandler" so they're not trying to cheat you or anything.
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: The people know you're making it.
Chris: Yeah I- I hear that. I just, apparently they misin- misinterpreted the (audio breaks up) name Rosechu. Or mispronounced it. Misinterpreted, mispronounce- fairly the same thing in that situation... possibly. To answer that question... possibly.
Guy: Uh, Vivian said that the audiobooks made Sonichu way popular that- than you could ever ever do on your own.
Chris: Well, I will not disagree with the statement. And I appreciate her help.
(pause)
Other guy: Hey Chris. Would you be offended if a fan wrote a fanfiction about Sonichu?
Chris: Faaanfiction... if it's- if it's not demeaning or makes them look stupid. Then it's fine- it's fine. (pause) Like I did mind when, shoot, what's his name? That guy... uhhhh... that guy that the uhhhh... did the animations, on his computer.
British guy: You did mind or you didn't?
Guy: Animations???
Fan: I think I know what he's talking about. Are you talking about the um...

(background noise begins)
Background voice: Well the original play was a Greek play. Where they're all y'know... Greeks... and crazy stuff happens and they're all runnin' around in togas. So if you ever wanna see the movie "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" it was a classic and it had some real classic people from the 50s and 60s in it. Kinda like "It's a MAD MAD MAD MAD World". Sort of a classic old school movie from funny old school world. First color movie type thing. But that'll be a high school play. You'll wanna see that. You might actually enjoy it. (unintelligible)
(inaudible response)
Background voice: You never know that might be fun to do. Well I guess that wouldn't work on the weekend then... you gotta...

(FOR THOSE OF YOU WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, IT APPEARS THAT THERE WAS SOME TECHNICAL PROBLEM THAT CAUSED ANOTHER MUMBLE CHANNEL TO BE RECORDED WHILE THE CONVERSATION WITH CHRIS BECAME BARELY AUDIBLE BACKGROUND NOISE. INSTEAD ALL THAT CAN BE HEARD IS SOME BUTTFACE YAMMERING ABOUT FILMS AND TELEVISION SHOWS. I'M NOT GOING TO KEEP TRANSCRIBING IT. CHRIS IS STILL TALKING AND ANSWERING QUESTIONS, BUT NOTHING CAN BE UNDERSTOOD OVER THESE GUYS.)

(AT 42.56 THE AUDIO SUDDENLY RESUMES NORMALLY)

Unknown person: Uh you-
Black guy: Yeah I uh- noticed he's another BLACK villain.
Chris: Yeah in real life he was black. Without meaning any offense to the uh- black guy in general, cause you've noticed, among the Jerkops there's uh- we got black's and white's, males and females.
(pause)
(several people jump in at once)
Other guy: (unintelligible) -you've never drawn a female officer before.
Chris: Well y'know uhhh... uhhh, comic book number 7, near the end. Near the end of the time travel episode. Uhh, I have no opinion about what Obama's doing cause I don't watch the news.
Accented woman: But you voted for him, didn't you?
Chris: Yes I voted for him because I saw myself in him when I com- when I saw both the documentaries and downloaded them for the Playstation Network between Obama and McCain. I mean voted for a person I saw more of myself of-
Accented woman: You usually vote for someone based on their political leanings, not how you view them. As I were Republican, I voted for John McCain. Not because I liked him but because I- he had the same political views as me.
Chris: Well, basi- basically I'm a moderate.
Other guy: Oh, I see. Um, I was wondering. I was reading opinions: do you agree with his financial bailouts?
Chris: Hm, I don't even know what it is. So I can't disagree or agree.
Other guy: Well, to make it short um, it's about uh- the government- President Obama is planning to uh- a new one- (cuts out)
Chris: I'm sorry what?
(pause)
Fan: You got cut off there.
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: Uhh, ok, we lost him.
(pause)
Black guy: Yo, Chris, uh, do you, you didn't just vote for Obama cause he was black, did you?
Chris: No, I did not vote for him because he was black. I voted for him cause I saw myse- because I saw myself in him. In like, similar lifestyles. And I saw that he was a good man, I mean after all, com- I saw- I saw I watched both of the A&E documentaries, before I can- before I knew who I would vote for.

(From 45.29)

Julie: Chris:, Chris what did you see in him that you say in your self?
Chris: Like for one thing we were like outcasts, at least one point in our lives.
Black man: Wait, wait hold up earlier you said that you thought he would probably paint the white house black.
Chris: Oh oh that was my father’s joke he said that.
???: Is your father a racist?
Chris: Yeah but you see I drew that for him before I saw the documentaries so respectfully withdrew that comic page.
???: does your father hate black people.
Chris: Not necessarily but it’s just how my father just how my father that does not reflect in any way that’s how he felt (annoying ass noise in the background)
Black man: Man that racist.
??? : Hey Chris I so the ahh saw the Sonichu and Rosechu love sack that you put up and I thought if was pretty cool for (you adult friends?) I just had a question though: do you have any plans in the comic to have romance between you and one of the hedgehogs I mean-
Chris: (Yelling) No no no
???: -we would like to see that.
???: I mean is was just wondering because there are fans how would like to see that.
???: Now- now that you answered the his question my kind of relates to his what are your thoughts on inter racial breeding and marriages?
Chris: I would not agree of disagree with them but in my personal preference I would fell- I would feel more comfortable in having a full relationship with a white woman but I am willing- am still willing to be friends and acquaintances and give and have respect for the black women as well.
???: What about Asians like Japanese?
Chris: I’m ok with them as well (yelling) a once.
???: So would you get married with a Japanese woman?
Chris: hhhmmmm I would have, yes.
???: (unintelligible)
Chris: but I’m giving Julie to opportunity here.
Clyde: Julie’s a lucky woman.
???: Hey Chris, I was just wondering, is Silvana gonna become one of the good guys, like- like Black Sonichu did before?
Chris: There’s a possibility but I have not given that a co- I have not confirmed that yet.
???: Uh, is she gonna lose the male sexual parts and become a full-fledged woman?
Chris: Hhhmmm possibly but I haven’t given that- I haven't given that thought either.
???: Also um I was reading (?Phillip’s?) question, Chris what did you want to be when you were little?
Chris: I don’t remember, I do not remember. I’m just making it as I go basically.
???: is there ever gonna be like uh, an end to your sonichu series like a finale?
Chris: hmmmm I don’t know, probably would not.
???: Oh so it keeps going and going?
???: You ever consider making comic about the history of CWCville?
Chris: Hhmmmm an episode dedicated towards that possibility.
???: Hey Chris are you going to keep the name changes that you made or are you going back to the original names?
Chris: Ahhh ya I’m keeping the name changes.
???: But you know umm Nintendo was umm, y'know, they sent you a letter you never really talk about it further.
Chris: Yeah but at least- at least- the hel- they use to benefit me for the fact that uh allowed me to fix noting in that sense so I couldn’t be sued by such people in that sense.

(From 50 min)

(scattered reactions)
Chris: So the name changes were good.
Guy: So uh, Chris I was wondering if uh Mary- Mary Lee Walsh Or I guess the new name: Ryam Sla- I don't know-
Chris: Sla-weel.
Guy: Slaweel, thank you. Uhm, if she were to use her magic to curse Rosechu with a penis, would Soni- what- wou- would that test the relationship between Sonichu and her? While they were fighting the battle to have it removed, I'm just curious.
Chris: Uhhh... Firstly uh, she does not- she does not have the power ch- to do that.
(pause)
Guy: Ok, I just thought you know, remember you did the story about 4-cent-garbage and drawing all the- the picture and-
Chris: Ah you what, that's one- that's one thing: drawing them, but not actually putting them on the character.
Guy: Cause I think that would be like an epic story though, like to actually have a quest-
Fan: I'll second that.
Guy: -to go to have that penis removed from Rosechu. I mean it's a test of romance between her and Sonichu.
(muttering)
Guy: And when that prevails and the penis is removed and everybody- everybody lives happily ever after. Y'know that would be awesome.
Chris: Unnnnnnnh, I dunno I have to- I dunno I have to think about that.
Fan: It is a really good idea. I like it.
Woman: I do too.
Other guy: Yeah, that's good.
Other fan: It could show just how much Rosechu means to Sonichu.
Chris: Well I'll- I'll consider it but I'm not making any promises.
Guy: We understand.
Fan: Yeah.
(several talking at once)
Guy: -decided on that subject?
Chris: I'm working on it.
Guy: If you actually decide to go forward with that story? Do you think maybe- maybe you could give her a talking penis?
Chris: That's stupid!!!
(laughter from various people)
(unintelligible responses)
Fan: Ok, I think- I think we've talked enough about that one guys.
Other guy: I have a question that doesn't involve penises.
(unintelligible)
Other guy: Anyway, my question is since we've been hearing lot of vicious lies and slander about this, could you confirm exactly why you've been fired from your job at Wendy's Chris? Cause we've been hearing all sorts of- of crazy things and we wanna know the truth.
Chris: Mmmmmmmm... well, firstly, what have you heard?
Other guy:Well we heard that uh you... we've heard so many things like you helped a small child and you did a Donald Duck impersonation and you scared the child.
Chris: Mmm... also that- also that is correct but I did not scare the child. The child was tired, I was only trying ta- I was only trying to make the child feel better. That's a little amusement. But I did not make the child cry, the child was already- was just tired.
Other guy: So you didn't help them cut their food and... yeah...
Chris: I did help them- help them get their food to- by giving them uhh, by giving them bags and a top for their baked potato boat.
Guy: Chris, when will um, the pictures of Zapina, appear on the um, 18 plus page?
Chris: Well that was a deleted scene! That was a deleted scene.
(pause)
Guy: Why was it deleted?
(pause)
Chris: Well, basically, hhh... y'c- y'cant' really have it if you don't have Rosechu working to take the- working to take the pictures of herself up in the bathroom. Cause like can't have one without the other.
Woman: Aaaahhh...
(pause)
Woman: I don't know if this is a good question but there's something I wonder about that- we kind of have this DVD you made and... y'know, we never unfortunately got... but I'm curious um... do you ever plan to release it?
Chris: Maybe.
Other guy: I'd pay money for that, I think everyone else here would probably pay money for it too.
Fan: Indeed.
(pause)
Other fan: (breaking up) I wanna ask a question.
Guy: I hear it's also on YouTube.
Fan: Chris do you know that you've influenced the rap/hip hop community?
Chris: Mmmh... uh.
Fan: I just wanted to mention that because I saw some YouTube videos and it- and- and from some underground hip hop artists such as Immortal Technique and they've sampled some of your voice audio complaining about your struggles with uhm... with the school board, with the security guards and they were- they felt so empowered that they actually took those words and mad'em into a very powerful rap song. How does that- how is your reaction to that?
Chris: Enhhhh... basically I have not watched those videos so... I don't have an opinion.
Fan: Well, I will provide you a link to that, hold on a moment.
Chris: Oh that's ok, actually I uh, did sample one. The one where they basically played the parody from "Can't touch this".
Fan: No, no, trust me it's waaay more serious than that.
Chris: Well I still haven't heard of- heard of what you're talking about.
(unintelligible)
Other fan: Nevermind.
(rustling and moving noises)
Guy: Can you do an impression of MC Hammer?
(more clicking and rustling)
Chris: Can't touch this do do do doo do dooo Can't touch this! Do do do dooo do do do... can't touch this.
Guy: Oh awesome.
Other fan: That was- heheheh.
Other guy: Awesome.
Guy: Can you- can you do Dr. Nick Riviera from the Simpsons?
Chris: HIIII EVERYBODY!
Other fan: Hello Christian Chandler.
Other fan: Hi Chris.
Other guy: Hi Christian Chandler.
Chris: Well that should say Dr. Nick cause that's who I'm imitatin'.
Guy: Yeah.
(pause)
???: That uh-
???: HELLOOO EV'RYBODY!!!!
Guy: Well that-
Chris: Hi Dr. Nick!
Fan: Thank you, I love the Simpsons.
Guy: Can you do... Peter from Family Guy?
Chris: Enhenhenhenh... Hey Lois! Look at me! I'm just (unclear) you nose, and I'm eatin' your nose.
Other guy: Oh that's dead on.
Woman: Oh would you- Omicron's been interested in tis- would you actually make a documentary like- like your other DVD but make your daily life?
Chris: Mmm... I'm... yeah I might but uh... I'm not su- I'm not sure bout it at the moment.
Woman: Aaaaaaaaanh...
Guy: Chris can you do Mario? You know from Super Mario?
Chris: Hay paisano! How you doin' mistah hedgehog!
Guy: That's very good.
Chris: And then Sonic- then Sonic would say "what?!?"
(giggling)
Fan: Hey Chris do you have any plans to make a video of yourself taking a dump on a Hexbox?
Chris: No! That's gross.
Other fan: Yeah that was pretty sick right there.
Accented woman: Let's ban him.
Chris: I mean it's bad enough I cut in half with an axe.
(pause)
Chris: and one of the elevator jokes...
Other fan: Oh we remember that, that was a classic.
Chris: And I earned a trophy for that.
Woman: Mmmm...
British guy: Yeah, I remember that, it was destroying a Hexbox by cutting it in half if I remember...
Chris: Yeah.
Fan: If I were to draw nude Zapina fanart, uhm, would you put them on the site?
Chris: Mmmm... uhh, your- you uh- free to draw them at your- at your own- own preference, but I will not be- I will not put it on the website because- cause- because I will not want to break any laws of having underage portrayals- portrayals of underage nudity.
Fan: Isn't Dot a child?
Chris: I'm sorry... what?
Fan: Dot, from Animaniacs.
Chris: Oh.
Julie: (unintelligible)
British guy: So-uh- uhm- I think I looked up somewhere that um, drawings do not count, they're just lines on paper not like real pictures that are horrible.
Fan: Yeah I believe-
Chris: Draw-
Fan: (cut off)
Other guy: Those illustrations do not count as child pornography. Because with drawing it's art- it's artistic merit.
Chris: Welll... I dunno, I guess it depends I have to- but- y'know you could do the drawing and I'll think- I'll consider it.
(typing noises)
(pause)
Fan: Hey Chris, would it be possible to get any pictures of Sonichu having anal sex with Rosechu?
(pause, thumps and feedback)
Chris: I'm considering that but...
Accented woman: Who keeps letting this person in? You are very offensive.
Fan: -and and, if you draw those, do you think that Rosechu would actually clean Sonichu's penis off with her mouth (laugh) w-when they're done?
Chris: Unnnhh...
[pause]
Chris: Nah, no, I don't think so, I think- I think- I think it would be unh- yeah w-wash it off with a washcloth.
Fan: Do you think then, at that point then they would sell the washcloth on eBay?
Chris: That's stupid!
(people talking over each other)
Chris: No, no, no, no more potty humor, all right?
Fan: Yeah alright, okay
Fan: Unrelated to party humor, I want to ask that in your Springbreak uhh Issue of Sonichu you had an introduction of a, of new character, the squirtle and I wanna ask
Chris: (interrupting) No, that's, no, no, no, that's not just a character, I was, I was not introducing a new character, I was just doing like a poster thing for a bubble speak under one, I thought I just draw some water type pokemon un-in there
Fan: I understand but the thing is there is huge cult following for that character and I strongly suggest that you should capalize on that and, and make him to a main character
Chris: Eh... No, I don't think so
Fan: Yeah
Chris: I mean it's just sleeping Squirtle work- waking up!
Fan: I don't know, people just thought he was really cute and yawning Squirtle, I don't know, I heard someone say, man wouldn't it be great if he would be that dopey sidekick that he'd come and they'd be like, like, he'd come in and say something silly after someone did something and they would be like "Squirtle"!
[People laughing and talking over each other]
Julie: Um...
???: Yo, it makes you *unintelligible* (Chris and someone talk over another)
Chris: Uh, yes Julie?
Julie: I'm asking you about... Hm... Never mind, I lost my train of thought. I'm sorry.
Chris: That's okay. These guys made me lose a train of thought as well. Doesn't multiple inputs.
Fan: Yes, kinda lotta control here. I might- I may have to... never mind
[Silence]
Fan: I never lose my train of thought because I have a GPS tracking system on it.
[Laughter]
Fan: Oh, that was a good joke. (chuckle)
Fan: Yeah
Fan: Chris, could you tell us a joke right now. Just any joke.
Chris: Okay, here is a fuck- here is a funny- here is a funny mind scream. Funny rhyme scheme... not to be taken literally:
On your Game Boy Advance SP
create 'yer MII
den play it on WII
with your PSP
hooked to your PS3
cause it's fun
see?
And never ff, and never play a Hex Box 360
Because it's stupid and you're not a dummy (in childlike voice)
Mock laughter
Fan: That is really good.
Fan: Chris is that something you made up?
Chris: Yeah, I made that up.
Alucard: Chris, Chris, can I write that down and tribute to quote you that? Oh man, that's good
Chris: (unintelligible) So you mean to type it up and you quote me on the rhyme scheme?
Alucard: Yeah, I'd like that. I've been thinking about making a quote book like a mini Chris quote book like something you could open and have a cool line to say when you're on a party and you're like right things.
People talking over Chris and Alucard
Chris: Alright, well I'm typing it up for Alucard, so...
Alucard: Thank you.
Julie: Chris, can we hear one more?
Chris: Okay well here, okay um, okay here is an adult joke I once come up with a long time ago.
Fan: This is going to be good!
Chris: Alright- Alright there's this married couple, Bob and Jane, and they've been- they were looking forward to having children. So, one night, Bob comes home from work, and uh Jane says, "Hi, you had a good day, dear?" And he sa- and she sa-- he says, "Nah, it's been a long day, darling" And she said, "Well, it's okay, why don't we go upstairs, and we'll have some Breakfast." And he says, "Breakfast, at Nine p.m.?" And she says, "Sure, you bring the MILK, and I'll get an EGG."
Fan: Yo, I heard that before, man.
Chris: And then later, they had a boy and a girl, Junior Bacon and Orange Juice. All Part of a Balanced Breakfast.
Tumbleweed.gif
[Perplexed silence]
Fan: Hey, Chris, how do you solve a Mexican tank?
Chris: Stand in front of it?
Fan: No, man, shoot the guys pushing at it.
[Laughter]
Fans: Oh that's a good one.
Other fan: I got one.
Other fan: How do you get a bunch of blacks in a car?
Chris: I don't know.
Other fan: Throw some chicken in.
Other fan: How do you get them out of the car?
Other fan: Job application.
Fans: (laughter)
Fan: What do you call a beach of black people buried up to their necks?
Fan: Afro-turf.
Fans: (laughter)
Fan: Oh, I came up with one.
Fan: Alright, what's the difference between a black man and a pizza?
Fan: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Another fan: How do you stop black people from jumping on a bed?
Chris: Alright, enough racist jokes.
Another fan: Put velcro on the ceiling.
Chris: Enough, enough black jokes.
Fan: Okay, uh Chris.
Other fan: Sorry
Fan: I showed by friend that over 18 site, and he said, that he um, he um, you know he, he masturbated to it. Does that make you feel (interrupted)
Chris: That's good, that's basically the reaction I would be going for. Among the male ca... among the male population, being attracted to the women.
Fan: But those are your drawings, it's like, I think he's gay now. I mean, you're a guy and you drew those.
Chris: I'm drawing, I'm drawing female characters.
Fan: Yah, but it's drawn by you and you're, like, I don't know. It's kind of awkward for me.
Chris: Hmm.
Other fan: Hey Chris, I actually need to thank you, the pictures on that site, it looked like the camera was inside Sonichu's penis when Rosechu was giving him a blowjob. That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I've always wanted to have a camera in my penis so that I could see that if I ever got a blowjob, that would be awesome, I just wanted to say thank you very much for that perspective. It's the first time I've ever seen it.
Fan: There's a question here on the site, oh sorry.
Chris: Yeah, well I see it... no I don't basically masturbate to my own drawings.
Fan: But you're okay if other people do, right? Even guys?
Chris: I'm sorry, what?
Fan: You're okay if other people, you know, masturbate to your drawings? Even if they're guys, right?
Chris: If the guys are masturbating to the female drawings, then yes, that's fine.
Fan: I just thought it was kind of awkward, but maybe I'm seeing it a different way.
Chris: I doubt that, uh, having a whole bunch of drawings of naked female characters can be misinterpreted as something else.
Another fan: Hey Chris?
Chris: Yes?
Another fan: Can I to ask you a question?
Chris: Yeah.
Another fan: One time, a friend and I were looking at porn together, and we masturbated together, but the porn was straight, ordinary porn. Is this gay?
Chris: Uh, I'm sorry, where you looking at naked women?
Another fan: Yes, but we were in the same room, masturbating.
Chris: Hmm, if you both were thinking about the naked women you were looking at, then I would definitely say you both are straight, cuss you're not thinking about each other, you're thinking about the women.
Another fan: Right.
Fan: Would you do that with someone?
Another fan: I'm relieved.
Chris: Uhhh.
Fan: Man, nigger you gay.
Other fan: Shut up. Would you do that with someone? Like a guy?
Chris: No, no I'd rather not.
Fan: Nah, I'm straight dog.
Chris: Yeah I'd, yeah I'd rather not.
Fan: Omnicron has a question on here, on the side here.
Fan: You see it, or?
Chris: No. That's not straight.
Fan: Alright, what about the earlier question.
Other fan: Yeah, the one before.
Chris: Uh, which one before? Oh, you mean...
(All talk at once)
Fan: Chris, what do you think about-
Other fan: Wait, wait let him answer.
Another fan: Let him answer that one.
Fan: I was gonna rephrase it but okay.
Chris: I'd say it would depend on your interpretation, what is adultery to you?
Fan: But, you know, isn't the Bible only supposed to be interpreted, it's the word of God, you're not really supposed to interpret it any other way.
Other fan: It is what it is.
Fan: It's in English.
Chris: Uhhh, I have no comment.
Fan: That's okay.
Fan: Yeah, that's what my, uh, you know I was talking about my mom saw those drawings. I mean, not the drawings, the posters, the playboy posters and that's basically what she got bad about. She said I was committing adultery.
Fan: Yeah okay, if you don't want to talk about it, fine.
Chris: Hmm, hmmm, I think you shou, I think you should, uh, when you, I think I can see where this could be interpreted one way or another, it depends on how you look at the woman. I mean, alright, you're looking at the, uh woman, you might imagine her naked, but, I mean, you would respe- I mean, you would, you would still respect, I mean, if you were still respecting that woman, you would appreciate her more for like who she was aside or in addition to the nudity, then that's not as bad as just, as just only doing it for the appearance.
Chris: That's why, uh, that's why the playboy magazines, they give you the introductions of the women. It's like letting you know who they are (unintelligible).
Fan: Oh but, yeah, but there weren't any, uh, descriptions under the, yeah never mind.
Other fan: Thank you for the clarification Chris.
Fan: Hey Chris, do you love America?
Chris: I'm patriotic.
Fan: That's good. I was wondering if you could sing the national anthem for us?
Chris: My country tis' of thee. Sweet land of liberty. Of thee, of thee I sing. I don't remember the rest.
Fan: Lands where my fathers died.
Other fan: That's okay.
Fan: Land of the pilgrim's pride.
Another fan: Pilgrim's pride.
(Fans all start singing)
Fan: Stop it.
Chris: Hey I'll, I'll tell y'all a funny joke that's kind of patriotic. Alright, you got this, you got this funny Mexican- you got this funny Mexican guy, and he just, he just come back home to Meh-he-co after an American visit. He's like (high pitched voice) Oh the people there are so very friendly. I mean, I go to the basketball game. I sit in the back row. I sit in the back row. And then, and then, and then all of a su- and then all of the sudden right before the game started, everyone turned around, put their hands on their chests, and they say, "Oh say can you seeeeee"!
Fan: I thought you said no racist jokes?
Black fan: Yeah man, that ain't cool!
Chris: It was a name, it was a name joke.
(Everyone talks at once)
Fan:...Spanish language
Other fan: I'm kind of offended by that.
Chris: Oh, I'm sorry.
Black fan: That's racist dog. That ain't cool.
Fan: That's okay.
Other fan: You laugh you support terrorism.
Chris: What?
Fan: What?
Other fan: Yeah, what?
Fan: ¿Qué?
Chris: What'd you say?
Fan: What the hell? Who said that?
Fan: Forget it.
Chris: Yeah.
Other fan: I said, you laugh, you support terrorism.
Fan: Okay, he's gone.
Chris: Yeah.
Chris: (Awful Mr. T impression) I pity the fool, who try and misinterpret things, and twist them around, and then jam new words into my mouth.
(All talk)
Fan: You do a good Mr. T
Other fan: Yeah you do.
Chris: (unintelligible) no jibber jabber.
(Fans laugh)
Fan: Chris, did you watch the A-team back in the day?
Chris: No but, no but, basica- but I have seen Mr. T. And then I also, I also saw when he guest, when he quest starred in an episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks.
(All talk)
Fan: I saw that episode, he helped uh Theodore.
Other fan: Theodore was getting picked on, yes.
Chris: Yeah.
(pause)
Fan: Yeah, you posted a link here.
Chris: Well at my Methodist church, uh, sex before marriage is okay as long as, uh, she and I, we love each other very much and truly.
Fan: But that's what they tell you, I'm talking about the word of God.
Chris: *Sigh* Okay, I'm getting tired, okay, I'm getting tired here, uh.
Julie: Yeah, but...
Fan: Okay, sorry, no more of that.
Julie: Yeah, you're right. Please stay Chris.
Chris: Okay. Alright, I'll stay a little while longer.
Fan: Yeah, if anyone does, if anyone asks anything that makes him feel uncomfortable, I'm gonna kick you out of the room.
(Everyone speaks)
Other fan: Chris, could you give me some advice?
Other fan: I have a Japanese friend, he's, he's actually 26 and he's never had a girlfriend and we asked him some questions, just joking around one day. And we asked him if his, when he gets married, if his wife wanted to sleep with another man, would he be okay with it, and he actually said yes, as long as she wasn't being forced. Now that kind of bothered us, because us Americans, right, we think that marriage, and you know you're with somebody, they should be faithful, but he doesn't seem to think so, so I wanted to see if you had any advice maybe on what we could do to try and convince him that his viewpoint is wrong.
Chris: Well, hmm, it's not necessarily that the viewpoint is wrong. See, the thing is, what, to, to quote, to make it accepta- to make it like as if you're actually cheating on somebody, cheating on your spouse in the marriage, it's like not telling them, not telling him, not telling him or her about it beforehand, but it's like, you know, you, it's like you tell them beforehand and you get their approval, it's, it's okay, even if they don't want to be part of it. But not telling them, that's definitely like uh, cheating on them.
(Audio cuts out)
Chris: Well that's another thing I would have to think about, cause, got a bit of a, couple of items of destruction that need to be repaired
Fan: Oh, I just got, I just talked to that one friend I was talking about who, uh, saw your website, the 18 one, and it turns out he's, he's gay, he's actually gay and he fapped to, uh I mean he masturbated to, uh, Sonichu.
Other fan: Hahaha, your friend's a fag.
Fan: And I think he's...
(Audio cuts out for 15 seconds)
Fan: ...about that?
Chris: Well, I think in case you would definitely want to let him know that you are straight and you don't want that kind of relationship, and maybe, and you know
Fan: Should I tell him just to get the hell away from your site?
Chris: Um, I'm not saying that, but like, uh, you know, you don't want that kind, you don't, I mean that's, that's basically confirmed on that note. So, uh, you want, you still wanna be friends but you don't, but you're not into that kind of thing.
Fan: I mean, he was looking at your site, like, the 18 site and he was in like, um-
Chris: Over 18.
Fan: The over 18 site you made. The loveshack. I thought he was just like, you know, masturbating to Rosechu, but it turns out he was attracted to Sonichu.
Chris: *sigh* Uhh.
Fan: Yeah, I don't think I'll be friends with this guy anymore.
Chris: Yeah well, yeah, then tell him, yeah, to get the hell out of your house and stay away if you don't want to be friends anymore.
Other fan: Seems like you know too many gay friends mister.
Fan: Oh shut up.
Another fan: Hey Chris, you know how-
Fan: It's not my fault.
Another fan: You know how cologne or perfume, you know, women wear that to try and attract men? Do you think that farts attract gay guys to each other?
Chris: Now that's stupid! Not only is that stupid, but it's gross.
Fan: Here, I'm gonna take that question and I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that question and spin that into something that's less weird. What would you say the best cologne or whatever a guy could wear to get a girl's attention?
Chris: I recommend Axe body spray.
Fan: Oh yeah? I think I tried that one time.
Female fan: That actually does it for me.
Fan: What scent do you use?
(All speak)
Fan: Don't you use ass body spray?
Other fan: Mmm, love it.
Fan: Does the Axe effect, does it really exist?
Chris: Does Axe exist?
Fan: Yeah, the Axe effect. You know, they say in the commercials spray it and girls will come to you.
Female fan: (unintelligible) and it works for me.
Fan: Has it worked for you Chris?
Chris: Hmm, well, yeah, I, yeah I haven't got that working for me.
Fan: I think it's a scam personally.
Other fan: I mean... I mean, Old Spice is pretty good. I had, I had like a couple of girls go up to me asking me for dates with Old Spice.
Female fan: I actually wore that Orion scent, uhh, still smelling it. So it will work Chris, you just gotta give it time.
Chris: Using the Axe.
Fan: Cameron but, isn't Axe spray for men?
Female fan: No no no no no no no, see, see I said a boyfriend, a boyfriend that I met.
Fan: Oh, okay.
Female fan: Yeah, yeah. [laughs]
Fan: That makes sense.
Female fan: Yeah, silly, silly. I have a question for you Chris, what celebrities have you met?
Chris: Hmm, oh.
Fan: Well what I'm saying is the Axe effect doesn't work. Okay, sorry.
Chris: I haven't actually met other celebrities in person, my real life, unless you count a local radio DJ.
Female fan: Yeah, yeah.
Chris: Yeah, I've met the DJ of my radio station 95.1 and Monica Rial, and meeting Monica Rial was just a treat.
Female fan: Ahhh.
Chris: It was, it was good.
Female fan: Yeah, she's pretty.
Chris: Yeah, yeah.
Fan: Maybe you should go to her and, um, maybe she could be like a contact for voice acting. I mean, you do pretty good imitations.
Other fan: Do Homer Simpson!
Chris: (Homer Simpson impression) Oh, look at me! I'm a stupid old person, derp-de-derp de derp-de-derp, D'OH!
Fan: That was awesome
Other fan: Who else can you do Chris?
Chris: What?
Other fan: What other imitations can you do?
Chris: Oh, a lot. It depends on if you name it, I might recall, if you name the person or character I'll, if I can recall my memory than I will imitate that person.
Other fan: Can you try Bender from Futurama?
Chris: I reckon I can do a pretty good Bender! I can twist off my arm and, derp-de-derp de derp-de-derp!
Fan: Chris, um, since my girlfr-(clears throat)-sorry. Since my girlfriend broke up with me, I was just wondering if you could give me any tips to like, pick up y'know, another girlfriend?
Female fan: (unintelligible) Valentine's Day is coming.
Fan: Yeah. It's gonna be lonely without her, y'know.
Female fan: Yeah I know.
Fan: Can you help?
Chris: (sigh) No I do not know what tha- neither of them sound like in voices so I can't imitate them. (sigh) As for- as for dating advice uh, if you're- when you're going out to meet a woman, and this is like advice that's like it could've been taken from my, taken from my own advice I gave in the, the one in the video I did when I just turned 25. But it was definitely, it was given, but it was offered in this book written by a nine-year-old.
Female fan: Mm.
Chris: When you're going to uh find yourself a woman, you just try to stay calm. And uh be polite, friendly. Don't uh let your nerves get the best of ya.
Fan: What should I say, what should I say here, y'know, to the girl?
Chris: Start with "hello" and "how are you".
Fan: Should I ask her, should I like do a pick-up line? Do those work?
Chris: Hmm. Um, sometimes. But I wouldn't, I wouldn't exactly count on it in a desperate situation. But I mean like uh, talk about yourself a little bit saying like, "Ooh did you read in the paper today about this article that really caught my eye?"
Fan: I was thinking about standing by the wall with a sign. Saying that I need a girlfriend?
Chris: Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, don't- don't do that. That makes you look retarded.
(Laughter)
Other fan: What about wearing a sticker that says you're single. Have you ever tried that? Do you think that would work?
Chris: I'm sorry what was that? A stick-
Other fan: Wearing like a uh, a sticker that says "I'm single".
Fan: Wait a second I'm not done yet.
Other fan: Oh I'm sorry.
Fan: I got that idea from your comic. I mean I thought it was a-
Chris: Yeah. I later learned that that, I already learned from my mother that made me look retarded. (Female fan laughs) To other people, so...
Other fan: Ohh. (unintelligible)
Chris: So I stop- So I stopped- So I stopped doing that a long time ago and, I don't know (what payed attention?)
Fan: Oh.
(pause)
Chris: Mm. Basically I'm running from others that have offered such advice.
Female fan: Oh yeah like John Tesh I remember that in your news dash.
Chris: Yeah. And also it's like uh there's an expression in my elementary somewhere uh, those who can't teach.
Female fan: Ah.
Fan: Um, I remember (unintelligible). Um, I was um, looking at um (something), how do you feel about Obama swearing in his book? Even read it out loud in the audiobook version.
Chris: Oh. Hm. (rustling and typing in the background) Hm. Ah, yeah I heard of that, didn't care much, didn't uh give much thought into it so... Uh swearing yeah don't care much for it.
Fan: So Chris I was just wondering uh, like can you hear me?
Female fan: I can hear you.
Fan: Uhh. Does wearing that medallion, does that attract females? I was thinking about making my own.
Chris: (sigh) You could do what you want, to try and make yourself stand out. Um... But it depends on if you, it depends on other peoples' point of uh you I guess at this point, um... You might want to get a second opinion. I mean it's not like I can see you over da Mumble and uh say what makes you look okay and what makes you look NOT okay. Yeah, g- get a second opinion from somebody else in person.
Fan: What about you, do you think that medallion makes you look, y'know, more attractive to girls?
Chris: Ehhmmm. Yeah. Yeah I don't know. I don't know.
Fan: Yeah I think it looks pretty cool on you. So that's, yeah.
Chris: Well you could try it, see if you could try and see if it works for ya.
Female fan: Speaking, speaking of the medallion, I noticed you wear it on the outside. Have you ever done any replacing the chain on it to something a little more comfortable?
Chris: Uh no. It's fine. It's fine. I mean I'd say that this uh the necklace chain with the like a pair- like a pair of- like a pair of keyrings with a belt buckle on them.
Female fan: Mm. Alright.
(typing noises)
Other fan: Hey Chris in hentai, the uh guys- like the girls usually say no but the, the guy touches her a bit and she gets into it. I was just wondering if you think that really works, have you ever tried that?
Chris: Uh. I'm sorry, could you repeat that?
Other fan: I said in hentai, y'know the Japanese um, kinda pornography-
Chris: Yeah. Yeah-
Other fan: -usually, the, the girl kind of says no but then the guy starts touching her boobs or something and she gets real excited and gets into it. I was just wondering if you think that really works. Can you just make a girl excited and into you just like that?
Chris: Uhh... Yeah I don't think so. I me- I mean in most of the time I'm sure you would probably just, the girl would probably just turn around and slap you right in the face or kick you in the groin.
(Various pained groans)
Fan: I don't know, you were saying it's educational. I think I saw that in a porn too.
Other fan: Uh. Also (unintelligible) asked "How far have you gotten with a girl"?
Chris: I've never even been on a first date in my lifetime.
Female fan: Ohhh.
Chris: At this point.
Fan: Hey Chris?
(Fans talk over each other)
Other fan: I was suggesting uh Chris, I have family in Bristow, Virginia. I've been out there a lot. And you know, they're- I mean, people that I've seen in Virginia don't really like anime and things that much. Have you ever considered maybe trying to meet a girl in the west coast? Because a lot of people, especially universities are into anime culture.
Chris: (sigh) Yeah but I'm no- I'm not planning on traveling outside of my state. Plus I would prefer to keep it local.
Other fan: Yeah.
(pause)
(Everyone talks over each other)
Chris: Yeah but to see the world means to have to have the money to actually go see the world.
Fan: Well You just have to save up a little bit.
Other fan: Yeah. I mean you know, trains are good.
Female fan: (strange incognizable noise)
Other fan: Gas is cheap now.
Other fan: You can meet so many people just going on a road trip or just you know, taking the bus or something I mean it's not too expensive, it's cheaper than a plane- (Chris talks over him)
Chris: Yeah. Yeah, I hear you on that. But I just like, you know, if I want to go on a road trip I'd uh, I would not like to go it alone. I'd like to have my sweetheart by my side.
Female fan: Mmm.
Fan: The point is you could always get a job. That's what I did once a-(cut off)
Chris: Uh.
(Fans talk over each other)
Other fan: -and I wanted to meet a girl? I got this t-shirt that says "ask me about my large and attractive penis" and I wear that to the mall and it works every time.
Fan: Are you kidding, really?
Other fan: Yes. (cut off)
Female fan: Well that's interesting. (laughs) I have to meet you some time.
Chris: Ah boy. Uhh, alright, gentleman's clubs um...
Julie: Hey Chris, what was that noise just now?
Chris: Noise?
Chris: Yeah, I heard like a (snorts) noise.
Chris: Oh. Yeah, that was probably me be- because I was like objecting to the uh, when he was describing what it said on his t-shirt.
Fan: Yeah that wasn't cool.
Chris: Yeah.
Other fan: You guys have no taste.
Chris: Yeah-
Guy: Disgusting!
Chris: Yeah I know.
Fan: Okay um.
Chris:But it just uh, just it m- just ma- I mean the way I see it, see somebody else wearing that it makes, it uh, it makes- it s- it would appear that guy is only looking for sex and women would be turned by sh- sh- sex right away at that point.
Guy: Yeah it kinda sums up (cut off)
Fan: Um, so...
Chris: Um... (Chris and Fan talk over each other) Yeah let me answer this guy's question. Yeah I don't know much about gentleman's clubs so I can't really answer that question. A, and uh...
Fan: What about you though, like when you're looking for a girl, does like sex really matter? Like, to attractiveness?
Chris: Uh, er, yeah. Eventually the se- yeah. Attractiveness does matter in one point of view but uh, but if you think about it it's like you want to get to know the person, the woman inside as well. Um, so, (I'd rather be in it?) so like uh, we were very close to each other emotionally and like friends, then the sex. Like uh, how Panda and I were very... close.
Female fan: Hmm.
Other guy: What happened to Panda?
Female fan: Yeah what happened to her?
Chris: I haven't heard fermer- I haven't heard from her in over two weeks and then recently there were, there was the fires in Australia close to by where she was. So I don't know whether she's still alive or not. I haven't heard from her in over a coupl- over two weeks.
Other guy: That's awful.
Other fan: Yeah. I heard it was real bad, it was like a hundred and eight people died from those fires.
Black fan: Daaaamn!
Chris: Yeah, but you know it's okay that at least I have uh, at least I have uh, at least I have a good woman who w- who's willing to uh be at my side at this point.
Female fan: Man... Uh-
(Multiple people talk at once)
Accented woman: -for the people who are dead?
Chris: I'm sorry, what?
Accented woman: So you feel no remorse for the people who have died in Australia?
Chris: Oh no no, I DO feel remorse. Especially to Sarah sh- eh- I mean... I worry about her she's still ali- I worry about- I'm concerned if she's actually dead or still alive.
Fan: Yeah I'm sorry to hear that.
Chris: I me- I mean, I mean I'd li- I mean I pray every day that she's still alive safe and well. And that she contact me soon.
Accented woman: But you... you automatically, you basically abandoned her for Julie.
Chris: But I did not basically abandon her for Julie.
Accented woman: That is what it appear- seems like.
(pause)
Chris: (sigh)...(sigh)
Fan: She could be still alive, you never know.
Other fan: Even if she isn't still alive, take solace in the fact with her perfectly barbequed remains fed to survivors.
Chris: SHUT UP!!!
Fan: Um, that was too far, you're going too far man.
Chris: Yeah. And at this point I care about both- I care about of uh both of them equally. Both uh Sarah and Julie. But it's like, it's like you know uh, I'm uh stil- if she let's me- if she uh gets in contact with me, letting me know that she's still alive, and uhh she...
Fan: But I'm letting you know Julie, if she's still alive what are you gonna do then?
Other fan: And if people actually did eat her what would you do to them?
Chris: OH SHUT UP!!!! Kick that guy out!
(pause)
(laughter in background)
Fan: Okay um. Uh...
Chris: Uh, but you know in all seriousness if Sarah gets in contact with me and lets me know she's gonna be coming my way in real life, and uh-
Fan: You're not gonna dump Julie are you?
(uneasy pause)
Chris: No, I wouldn't dump Julie as a friend.
Julie: Oh but! Oh...
Chris: Julie I still, Julie I still love you.
Late guy: Hello everyone.
Julie: But you told me I was your sweetheart, didn't you?
Female fan: Oh hello, Doctor.
Chris: Hm. (stress sigh) Julie I'm going through a- I'm going through a transition right now so it's kind of hard for me to make uh, short watch of what I say at points and y'know answering these kind of questions.
Fan: I'm sorry uh, I don't mean to offend you or anything. Well I was just wondering-
Guy: (unintelligible) guy Chris.
Other guy: Uncalled for.
Black fan: Y'know what, don't worry about Sarah. Cause, y'know it usually takes like, like months for a person, like a victim of a fire or a flood of some crap like that, to y'know find shelter and then phone and internet and all that.
Chris: Yeah.
Other guy: You know, if the place is in a state of emergency, people are getting moved around all over the place, there's people in the hospital, I'm sure she's fine she just can't y'know talk to anyone.
Guy: What about Alucard's question?
Fan: Wait, yeah.
Chris: (sigh) Uh, I can't answer that question.
Female fan: Mm?
Other guy: Why not?
Chris: Because I'm still in a transition right- I'm still in a transition from Sarah to Julie at this point so uh I can't answer that question right now cause I wouldn't know how to answer it.
Accented woman: It seems-
Guy: So you "transition"?
Fan: It's a hard choice, I can't blame you I mean, yeah.
Chris: Oh I mean you know what, that's- that's a flat out bad question, I mean I would- I'd be able-
Other guy: It's quite valid.
Chris: (aggravated) Auuuughh! Okay now I'm gettin' uh, okay now my head's out of order.
Fan: Oh.
Other guy: I've had that problem too.
Guy: It's never fun.
Fan: Okay forget it then.
Female fan: Uh okay I got, I got one. Impressions, impressions! Uh, can you do one of Bill Clinton?
Chris: Uhhh... no.
Female fan: Oh.
Other guy: Um, Chris? Do you-
(Everyone talks at once)
Chris: (sigh)
Other guy: I was wondering do you watch the Boondocks on Adult Swim?
Black fan: Aw yeah that's my show!
Chris: Yeah I've watched the Boondocks.
Other guy: Did you enjoy it?
Chris: It's alright.
Other guy: Can you do any imitations of the characters there, like Uncle Ruckus?
Chris: (incoherent gibberish) -dem niggers over there! Sing along if you know the words to that song I just made up.
Other guy: What was that?
Guy: That was, wait, what?
Chris: That was Uncle Ruckus. Well I'll tell ya what I sell propane and propane accessories all day long! (begins a high-pitched cackling and squeals more gibberish)... That was-
Other fan: Could you do Meowth from Pokemon?
Chris: Meowth!
Fan: The talking Meowth.
Chris: Meowth! ... (cackles again) Aye Jessie, James, we gotta go snag that Pikachu again!
British guy: Do you know how to do the Team Rocket song?
Chris: Hmm, the Team Rocket song er, do you mean the motto?
British guy: Myes the motto, the classic one.
Chris: Yeah. Hmmmm... Prepare for trouble make it double, to protect the world from devastation, to uni- to unite all people- o- (sigh)...
Guy: ...in our nation!
Chris: Mm. Anyway... (sigh) Hang on I'm a little mixed up here. Prepare for trouble make it double, to protect the world from devastation, to unite all people within our nation, to debi- to debide(sic) the evils of truth and love, to extend our reach to the stars above. Team Rocket blast off to the speed of light, surrender now or prepare to fight.
Guy: ... Meowth, that's right.
Other guy: That's right!
(chuckling)
Fan: Now hand over the Pikachu!
Chris: No. (sigh)
Fan: Oh come on-
Accented woman: -than Sonichu, because Sonichu is obviously more powerful than Pikachu!
Chris: I will not hand over the Sonichu, so there. (pause) Alucard, stop asking the questions please?
Accented woman: Yes Alucard you are very annoying.
Other fan: Yeah someone kick him out.
Chris: Hmm.
Guy: Good goin' Canine.
Chris: Yeah.
Canine: Anytime.
Chris: Hmmm. Actually I'm k- actually I'm kind of tired now uh... I'm gonna- I'm gonna head on down now but y'know I'll come back another night.
Other guy: Okay.
Accented woman: Well thanks for coming Chris, we really appreciate it.
Clyde: No. I've got a few questions for you Chris, I've been waiting.
Julie: Clyde no, no, no.
Accented woman: How did he get in here?
(Everyone yells over each other)
Clyde: It's important!
Guy: Ohh he leeeft!
Clyde: No, no, shut up, shut up-
Other guy: He's not coming back, give up.
Clyde: Tell him it's important it's about Panda!
Other fan: I'm digesting her right now.
Clyde: That will get him back in, I know it.
Guy: What's the important news?

[End recording]



Mumble Chat 6 Mumble Chats Mumble Chat 8


Links

See also

Christian's sex joke - Used during this chat.