Mumble 10

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Mumble 10 is the tenth of the Mumble chats involving Chris, held on 23 February 2009.

 
 
I can tell in my heart that Julie is 19. I'm sure that Max can vouch for her age.
 

 

—Chris

The loyal fanbase tries to persuade Chris to travel to Cleveland to rescue Julie from the clutches of her evil brother, Max. Chris (and his mother) have some doubts, mostly that it is a sting operation in the manner of To Catch a Predator (which had stopped filming by 2009). One of the trolls tries to tell Chris an anecdote about independence and asserting yourself to gain the respect of your parents as you grow up, but Chris interrupts him and talks over his story. At the end of the chat, Clyde Cash comes in to intimidate Chris and reassure him that Julie is in his headquarters, being taken care of.

Summary

  • Trolls talk on an unrelated subject before Chris arrives.
  • Chris says that Max took Julie to HQ, and asks if he could be hurt or jailed for going to pick her up. Trolls aren't sure.
  • None of them have heard of HQ.
  • Chris has five days to pick Julie up from Miscreant HQ in Cleveland, Ohio.
  • A troll says that Clyde is testing Chris's love for Julie, and he should go.
  • Chris whines about the 400-mile (650 km), seven-hour drive.
  • He's "feeling insecure" about the trip. Even though he's an adult, he should respect his parents' wishes.
  • A troll says that no force can keep true love apart.
  • It's Chris's birthday tomorrow, he was born at 5:30 in the morning.
  • Chris says that love is priceless, but he has to do all the work to get to Cleveland.
  • His mum will say not to go, and is worried. He can't convince her to let him go.
  • Barb is jealous of Chris loving another woman more than her. He has to respect her wishes.
  • His parents pay for his gas. Son-Chu is Barb's car.
  • Chris was born at 5:30 EST at Martha Jefferson Hospital, Charlottesville.
  • Barb is worried about Chris being set up to be hurt or turned into the police.
  • She said the same thing when he was going to visit Blanca - She could be underaged and Chris could be arrested.
  • Chris can tell in his heart that Julie is 19. Max can vouch for her age. In her scanned ID picture, the year was blurred out.
  • Trolls compare To Catch a Predator - The person always tells the suspect that they are underage. Chris wouldn't be charged, as they all know Julie is 19.
  • Chris leaves.
  • Chris returns. Max cackles evilly. Sounds like canned laughter. This makes Chris suspicious about the trip.
  • Max is watching Family Guy. Chris gets distracted and starts talking about the episode, saying he loves it.
  • Aunt Corrina's funeral is later; he can't go now.
  • Trolls say that this is a birthday test from God and he should go. Chris insists on talking to his mom first.
  • Max has intercepted the video that Chris made for Julie. The girl who told him this says that Julie is also a troll.
  • The trolls say that this can't be true. Chris agrees.
  • He believes in her, Julie is a wonderful sweet 19 year old who wrote him a very nice letter and sent it in the mail with pictures that her friend took.
  • A troll says that Julie wouldn't be a troll, she's been trolled her whole life by the Georgian government.
  • Chris researched Georgia when looking for Molvanîa. A troll says that his schoolbooks had a map of Molvanîa.
  • The troll no longer has a map, he had to burn his schoolbooks to heat his house.
  • Chris has seen a map of Molvanîa, but not its surrounding countries.
  • Max says he isn't a troll.
  • Wait, Chris misread. He is a troll.
  • A troll references Mumble 9.5. Chris says that they got to him emotionally so he can't remember the details.
  • The trolls can't do anything about Max. He is a bad boy. One suggests googling The Miscreants.
  • A troll makes a joke. Chris laughs, says that it's funny, but says he isn't in the mood to laugh.
  • A troll asks Chris if he can tell a story. Chris interrupts: "Sure. Once upon a time..."
  • Chris is looking at The Miscreants' website.
  • Chris looks over Miscreant operatives and operations, detailing various acts of trolling against him. He seems to have minimal reaction to this list of various 'friends' and what they were assigned to get from him.
  • PandaHalo being alive yields no response.
  • The trolls says that nothing on the site is too bad. The Miscreants are either afraid of or testing Chris.
  • Chris says that the ED page stops him from getting a job.
  • Chris thanks the trolls for their input. He'll update his mom and ask for gas money.
  • The trolls says that he needs to assert himself against his mother; she should respect him on his birthday.
  • Chris says today is Aunt Corrina's funeral, so he has to wait to get his and his mum's emotions out of the way before he puts his foot down.
  • Clyde enters, sings happy birthday to 'Mister Sonichu'.
  • Chris asks if he's going to be hurt or arrested when he goes to Cleveland.
  • Clyde says he only wants to make sure he will never touch a woman; as he's not a man. He welcomes Chris to Miscreant HQ.
  • Chris is going to talk to his mom and will come to Cleveland in the next few days.
  • Clyde says he's doing this because Chris is a terrible person.
  • Julie is not a captive, she's having the time of her life.
  • Chris is off to eat and rest for the funeral. Clyde will send chocolates. Chris will talk to his mum after the funeral.

Transcript

 
 
Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.
 

 

—Chris, describing his Oedipus complex

Fan 1: From what I read there's a way to take ownership of the files that are unaccounted for.
Chris: um... Hey everybody, I have- I have a-I have a question.
High-pitched Fan: Umm, sure!
Chris: From my understanding Max took Julie over to what is called "HQ".
Fan 3: Headquarters?
Chris: Yeah. And uh, yeah. And uh, Clyde is setting things up over there. So uh, just wanna know uh, is Clyde planning on, like, to hurt me or get me into jail or anything like that if I go over to Cleveland to pick up Julie myself over at the HQ?
Fan: I dunno.
High-pitched Fan: I'm not sure, I'm just doing homework.
Fan: Uh hey, let me fix something here. Hold on a minute.
Chris: Alright, so nobody here knows, knows uh, has anybody here actually been to this HQ? This headquarters?
Fan: I don't even know what that is, I just got here 15 minutes ago.
Fan: I don't know what that is.
High-pitched Fan: I just got here, too. I'm doing homework right now.
Chris: [sigh] Ahhhh...yeah, uh, Max, Julie's brother, uh, pretty much spirited away Julie, took her to the HQ, to the Headquarters, where The Miscreants, I think they were called are, and now, uh, Max wants me to come over to Cleveland within the next five days to pick up Julie from the Headquarters. And I'm just trying to find out, uh, if Clyde is planning, if he's uh, going to put me, going to try to force me in jail or hurt me or anything like that.
Fan: Hmmm.
Fan: Hmmm.
High-pitched Fan: That would be unfortunate.
1Fan: I highly doubt it.
Chris: Highly doubt it.
1Fan: From what it seems Clyde is just trying to scare you.
Chris: I see.
Fan: Yeah, I think he's lying.
1Fan: I think that if you actually go up there it would show him that you are very serious about, you know, your feelings towards Julie, I had a whole big list of things I was about to say now and they just went boom. So to just to the chase here I'd just say go for it. And I'm pretty sure, if anything, Clyde would actually shake your hand and say, "Congratulations, you've finally done it."
Fan: Yeah, you should go and show him that you truly care about your sweetheart.
Chris: [sigh] Ok. [long pause] Yeah, you see, one thing is, uh, I mean I-I understand is that it's like a 400 mile 7 hour drive, according to MapQuest, between my address and... Max's address? But, yeah well Julie is living with Max, her older brother. Yeah, but anyway I was, anyway I was, still feeling like insecure about the trip, especially since like uh, you know even though I am an adult, I should respect my mother's and my father's wishes. And uh, still a little bit on the, you know, still gonna need a few-few dollars to get me to uh, Cleveland.
1Fan: Chris, I'm gonna say this.
Chris: Yes. I'm listening.
1Fan: If you truly love someone. Truly in your heart love someone, no force in the world, be it distance, be it a physical obstacle, anything, can stop you from being with that person. And protecting that person that you care about that much. This is one of life's little tests, Chris. And you need to take it head on.
Fan: Yeah. And I guess in less than 20 minutes you'll be 27.
1Fan: Happy birthday, by the way.
Chris: Actually, actually, thank you, actually, I was born at 5:30 in the morning. [long pause] Actually I understand love is priceless. But you gotta understand that there are limits on uh, on the distance. I mean love is priceless, but you know, I have to do all the work to uh, get there.
Fan: Chris? Chris, what kind of mileage does your car get?
Chris: 35 highway. 25 city.
High-pitched fan: That's pretty good!
Fan: I wouldn't worry about it. And if you do get caught in some kind of trouble there are nice people out there,someone can help you. You have a cell phone, right?
Chris: Um, ok. Yeah.
Fan: There you go! You have no problem, man.
Chris: Yeah listen, that's another thing, that my mom, y'know my mom is like you know, she's gonna be telling me, don't go, don't go, I worry about you, and she watches a lot of television and it's like I'm trying, I've been trying, to get her to let me go to Julie in Cleveland...
Fan: Chris, I-I think you have to show your mom that you truly love Julie.
Chris: Yeah, but my- then my mom is also a bit jealous of me loving-a loving another woman... more than her. I mean I know, I mean I understand she's in a situation like, "cut the umbilical cord" you would say, I'm sure. But still, I have to respect my mother, very much.
1Fan: Well, Chris, you, you pay them for your room and board, right?
Chris: Yeah.
1Fan: Is there anything they do to support you that you don't pay for? Other than just,you know, their moral support.
Chris: They uh, they give me food, and they uh, they also pay for my gas as well. And plus the car I drive is actually my mother's car.
Fan: Oh...
1Fan: Sorry, I gotta use voice activity because I'm tired of pressing my button here. And I'm gonna go on a rant here. Chris, I'm going to tell you a little story. Um, I've had the same problem back when I was younger, but, it was back when I was 18...
Chris: [Interrupts] Alright but uh, alright...
1Fan: When I turned 18. Let me tell you this, because it's very relevant to the situation.
Chris: Let me just say, uh, a thing though. It's like, I don't want to leave home without saying goodbye, though. That's not the kind of person I am. It's like I want to give my mom at least a notice-amount of time that, like, y'know, I'm going over to Cleveland, and I wanna uh, make sure I have uh, her uh, consent, like you know, she's saying "it's alright, have a safe trip, come back soon." It's not like uh, I mean at this point she's like uh, she doesn't want me to go. But I'm just sayin'. Hey, unmute the rascal, please.
1Fan: [Laughs once]
Muffled Fan: It was just echo.
Chris: Oh uh, I'm sorry. Anyway I'm done, you understood me there, rascal, right?
Troll: It's 5:30 in the morning where, exactly?
Chris: 5:30 Eastern Standard Time I was born in Martha Jefferson Hospital in Charlottesville.
Fan: Thank you!
Other fan: That's what I needed.
1Fan: Ok. [pause]
Muffled Fan: You know, a little bit of planning if it's only gonna be so many days, you're only gonna spend this much money [inaudible] it's-it's really not hard to plan a trip, I've taken tons.
Chris: Yeah, but also, you know she does worry about me and I could be set up to be hurt, or turned into the police and arrested when I get there.
Fan: What would you have to do to be taken by the police?
Chris: Yeah, but also, uh, same thing happened before when I was about to go to Blanca. My mom didn't want me to go because it could have been a setup, like she would have been setting me up, like she would have been underaged, and then right there I'd be turned into the police.
Fan: That's entrapment, Chris.
Chris: Yeah, but y'know, I can tell in my heart that Julie is 19. I mean, I'm sure that Max can vouch for her age. Because you know, even though she did send me her ID, her scanned ID as an image, her birthdate is blurred out. So it's hard to tell the year.
Fan: Besides Chris, have you ever seen To Catch a Predator? Whenever they do their sting operations, they always have their fake underage boy or girl, whatever, always tells the person multiple times that they are not of legal age, it's like "Oh yeah, you know I'm 13 right?" And the person doesn't care. Which is why they get caught with child pornography or whatever charges they get caught on.
Chris: Alright, well, she repeatedly told me, she repeatedly informed me she was 19.
Fan: So if it was in fact a sting operation of some kind, you would be charged with nothing. Because you were not told she was underage. Besides, all of us already know she actually is 19.
Fan: Mmm hm.
Chris: Alright. Yeah. Yeah. Wait a moment, I'll be right back, okay? I'll be right back.
High-pitched troll: Anyone know how to do quadratic equations?
Fan: I haven't done those since I was in high school. I don't remember.
Chris: [Sound of Chris clumsily sitting back down at his computer and letting out a small sigh] I just went downstairs to see if I could bring my mom up here so she could talk to y'all but she's asleep right now.
Max: [Diabolical laughter]
Fan: What the?
Chris: Wait a minute, just a moment ago did I just hear Max, who quotes himself as being named Julie's brother, did he just give an evil laugh?
Fan: I think so.
Fan: Looks like it.
Chris: Yeah, so that just brings up some suspicion right there. I mean I'm just doing... you did not have to mute him to hear what he had to say! Oh, he just told me on Skype he's watching Family Guy.
Fan: Which episode?
Chris: He says "Mine... thing is on voice activated" Oh, it's the one... oh, I love that episode! It's the one where Meg sings. Becomes a pop star. Gets a makeover.
High-pitched troll: Oh, I remember that one!
Chris: Yeah, I have that episode downloaded on my PlayStation 3.
Fan: Chris, now is probably the best time if you're gonna actually go and do this, to do it. I know your mom's asleep, but...
Chris: I cannot do it now, I have to go to my aunt Corina's funeral this afternoon.
1Fan: True. It's just kind of part of life. In a sense.
Fan: God is testing you on your 27th birthday, Chris.
Chris: [sigh] He's tested me before on the same situation as well. But yeah I guess I should talk to my mom better about that. You know tell her that I'll let her know that I have been assured numerously that it's not a setup. I mean even Max will back me up on that.
1Fan: Chris, what if she says no?
Chris: Really. Hmm. Really. Hmm. So what you're saying here is all the times I've received calls from trolls, telling me to F-off, or I'm a S-head, they've just been basically wanting me to prove myself and not out to hurt me or anything.
Fan: Did you receive any calls today or something?
Chris: Yeah. It's just that I received a call earlier, and that's where I learned Max found the video I sent to Julie of her own consent, she asked me to send her a video, and then you see, he said it got uploaded to YouTube, so I assume that uh, I mean at first I was shocked but then realized that since her brother, uh, Max was a troll at himself at one point or another that he probably found it and uploaded it.
Fan: Um, Chris.
Chris: And also, on that note, the girl who called me to tell me about that, uh, accused Julie of being a troll herself on that note.
Fan: Was she? She can't be a troll.
Chris: Yeah, I know. I believed- I mean, I believe in Julie and I still believe in her that she is not a troll, and that she is a wonderful, sweet caring 19-year-old, who wrote me, who hand-wrote me a very nice letter, and sent it to me in the mail, and sent me her printed pictures that her friend took of her.
Fan: Yeah. Yeah. She wouldn't be interested in trolling. She's been trolled all her life by the Georgian government. Based on what she told me.
Chris: I'm sorry could you repeat that?
Fan: She doesn't have time to be a troll, she's been trolled all her life by the Georgian government.
Chris: The Georg- OH, the country of Georgia. Yeah, I did research on that when I was trying to find Molvanîa on a map.
Screwhead: It's weird, my books, my old books have Molvanîa on the maps.
Fan: You couldn't find it?
Chris: So wait a minute Screwhead, you're saying that you have a book, that has Molvanîa?
Fan: That's funny, I was told it was unrecognized.
Screwhead: I have old books, but maybe the Mexican government is to recognize a country. You know, different from the American government.
Chris: Say, Screwhead, can you uh, can you uh, darn the echo, but anyway, could you find on the internet, a map of Molvanîa and its neighboring countries? I mean because I can tell right now that it's been neighboring Georgia. From what I understand, from what Julie told me, and her other friend told me as well.
Screwhead: Chris, you know that Mexico's not a very developed country. It didn't have internet until a couple years ago. So I'm pretty sure that...
Chris: [Loudly interrupts] Yeah, I understand that, I understand, I also understand that Molvanîa's 50 miles radius.
Fan: So I don't think I can find it. The old books are long gone. We had to burn them because we had to heat our house with fire, and we had to burn them.
Chris: Oh, that's sad, but I'm talkin' 'bout, you know, I'm asking if you know where I can find a map like you had in your books on the internet.
1Fan: You would just have to look around, I would assume.
Chris: You know what, I did internet searches, but it's like I find a map of Molvanîa, the country, but I'm not finding a map of Molvanîa and its neighboring countries.
Fan: I'm so sorry Chris but I don't think I can find it, I don't think there's a scan or something of the book, it's like, a schoolbook or something and they change every year, it's, I don't think so, sorry.
Chris: I see. Um, but listen, Max is telling me that he is not a troll and he uh, ask y'all what they think, because he said that y'all don't seem to care.
Fan: Mmm. I dunno.
Chris: Oh, oh. He said tell them that he is a troll. I misread it.
Fan: Uh...
Fan: Chris, you said that some trolls came in here earlier. What did they tell you?
Chris: Clyde was a [client?] among that group. Whole buncha stuff. They got to me emotionally. So it's hard for me to remember the details.
Fan: Oh. I see. I'm sorry, Chris. You should enforce security on this channel.
1Fan: Did you get any calls from the trolls today?
Chris: Yeah but ayway. Just answer Max's question, he sent, you know, he is a troll, and what you think, because y'all don't seem to care what he's saying here.
1Fan: What's he gonna do?
Fan: We can't do anything.
High-pitched Troll: He's a bad boy.
Fan: He's a bad boy, but I don't think you can do anything about that.
Chris: I told them what you did, Max. About spirting away Julie. To headquarters. To your headquarters.
1Fan: Chris, like I said earlier this is them testing you. We really can't do much but give you our support.
Fan: Mmm hm.
1Fan: We can sit there and shout at the trolls all we want, but, in the end, this is up to you, man. You have to go out and do something. You've got to get her back.
Fan: This is the start of a new life for you. In about six hours.
Chris: Oh, he said you'd prefer if I can call it Miscreant Headquarters. [Chris gets confused] Oh, actually he says he'd prefer it if I called it Miscreant Headquarters.
1Fan: [Mock contempt] I don't care what they are.
Fan: You could Google it. It's like an organization, right? Maybe they have a web page or something
Chris: [General sighing noises]
Fan: Rascal is not interested.
1Fan: Rascal is more interested in things like soda.
[Laughter from the Trolls and Chris]
Chris: That's a little funny. I'm just not in the mood to laugh right now.
1Fan: Well, I mean, we don't blame you. It's kinda a serious situation you're in right now.
Fan: I think I found the website. Hold on a second.
Chris: Uh, don't worry about looking it. He told me to Google it, so I'm loading my web browser now.
Fan: It's [unintelligible] only. I don't know if you can find it, really.
1Fan: Chris, can I tell you a story?
Chris: Alright, once upon a time...
1Fan: It's not really a 'Once upon a time' kinda story. I meant to tell you this earlier, but I mean I got kinda cut off.
Chris: I understand, so, uh, what's the story?
1Fan: I was in a similar situation as you. Um, not as serious as this but still in the whole case of um, y'know, having conflicting interests between parents and my own personal interests. Um, basically what it ended up with was, I left my house. Um, I had just turned eighteen and I didn't feel that a rule that was set by my parents was too logical, in a sense. It's like you can't enforce home rule- like, parental rules on a child if he's not a child anymore. So I was told "don't come home." So I didn't. I stayed out of the house for almost a week. I survived off of twenty dollars, and stayed at a friend's house. Kept going to school and everything. Um, and one day my mom called me crying, apologizing for putting me through that. And since then she's had nothing but respect for me. Because she knows that if she were to do that again I could easily survive. And now you're in the same situation right now. Your mom is holding you back, she's holding you from getting what you want, getting what you need. And you really need to... you really need to break that. You need to cut that cord. And its gonna hurt at first, yeah. It's gonna hurt both of you. But once it's over with...
Chris: [sighs heavily]
1Fan: ...things will be much better, and you will both be so much happier, and you will have Julie.
Chris: I see. Yeah. Alright. Yeah I just put up, I just co-I just put up a link to the route myself, it's the miscreant page I just found.
[pause]
Chris: [sigh]
Fan: Found something? [pause] Oh...oh.
Chris: Oh
F1: Their leader is a cat
F2: hahaha
Chris: A cat?
F2: Yeah
F1: I (something) these guys seriously because their leader is a cat
F2: Yeah, their leader is a kitty. A fluffy kitty with a person (something)
Chris: [sigh] Well this... You Know that's funny because uh... Yes I'm not seeing the cat on the uh what I'm having, but I'm reading both the link I copy and pasted from the skype window and the link the he posted, that max himself typed in and it's the same thing. and uh I'm not seeing the cat
Chris: Oh
F2: Yeah, that's what we're looking at
Chris: Oh, yeah I see that
F3: Looks like they're pretty organized, you know this troll
F1: Look at their code names
Chris: Yeah, I'm checking out their operations, let's see. Um. [begins to read from the site] Alright operations E, say. Operative Evan. Status alive and enjoying life. Go test the waters of the one known as chris chan notable accomplishments. Yeah uhh
Chris: Masturbating and Squirting
F2: Hmmm
Chris: Then operation J, that's Jason. Alive and having sex, Compile information on the one known as Chris Chan. hacking the emails. Then operation B. Blanca. Alive and smoking. test the vulnerability of the one known as Chris chan. Destroy the medallion. Operation P, Panda. Alive and at my side, discovered a sexual nature. Gained a free PSP. I sent her that from my own heart. It was a pink PSP that I had originally gotten it for Megan but then she dumped me and I just held on to it for a while and I uh sent it to her so... shoot
F3: Chris, are this true, did this really happen to you?
Chris: uh what?
F3: The things that they say they've done here, they're pretty awful you know
Chris: Uh yeah, Uh yeah some, yea most of which yeah, and then opera- operative L, uhh name lord, public name, uhh, name, say that, uhh name the lord and in practice he says the female, and then the public name the man in the pickle suit, status unknown know operatives, get-obtain sensitive documents of the one known as chris chan, and a notable accomplishment, getting nude pictures and a dvd. Known as operative L. I mean how can I see these at uhh on the website here that I'm looking at. The uh miscreants page that I uh, that the link is on, on the side here yeah I'm looking at that website. I just read you the four operations and the operative that they had
F2: hmmm (something)
F2: the cat with a person (something) in it
F3: It's a cute cat
High Pitch Fan: It's adorable
Chris: It's a cat, that's all I was going to say
Chris: Uh it's probably from a movie or something, or it could be a youtube video, or any generic gif
Chris: [Typing] hmm so anyway those of y'all who just saw this web pa- uh this website, d'y'all still feel that they're (burp) scuse me, d'y'all still feel that uh
F1: [Interrupting] That they're harmless?
Chris: d'y'all still feel, well yeah they're harmless for one thing but uh, basically if they're just testing me they want me to come out there and that they're not gonna do any harm to me
F1: from looking at their operations, what have they done that's really that serious, They've had, I mean they have all this information on you right, they could have done so much worse to you in the past and they still haven't done it, either they're afraid of you or they're trying to just test you, I'm going to go with just test you
Chris: Uhh yeah but yeah but y'all did see the Ed Page,
Fans either say yes or no
Chris: That is pretty much the majority of the work there with those documents, and uh information
F4: I avoid it,
F2: Yeaahhh you got to forget about it
F4: I avoid it because ed is [Chris is heard over the top here with a loud AHHHHHHH] by ed shitheads
F2: what's done is done, you must move on
Chris: Yeah, I'm just saying they have done something, they done things with that information, I'm suppose you're right they could of done worse but you know the worse their doing is preventing me from getting a job because that ED page is practically the first thing now days that's looked up when you punch in my name in a google search or any related search, search... uh search sites
''Chris: sigh, well I appreciate y'all's input so let me just see if I remember what I've learned, yeah, I should definitely, try to, let my, try to (something) let my mum know that I'm going to pick up Julie, that I should tell here that I should be back in like a certain amount of timer or uh days
F1: It shouldn't take you more than two days, it's true
Chris: Yeah that's depending, that's depending if I start in the morning, anyway yeah in addition to that I should definitely that I have her, that I have the continual monetary support. But I ah because you know I'm still going to need the money for the gas to and fro. And (something) expense and the wealth of money I could (something)
F1: Chris what you just need to worry about now is asserting yourself towards your mother, you really gotta put your foot down man
[F2 and F1 talk over each other for a bit]
F1: She's gotta respect you on your birthday, it's your special day man.
Chris: Yeah but it's also, but this yeah it's also my Aunt Corina's day because it's her funeral, so I gotta let that pass before it and get my emotions and let her get her emotions outta the way and then i can put my foot down. Hello Clyde. Yeah yeah, Hello to Clyde.
F4: oh wait Clyde's here
F2: Uh ohhh
Clyde: (Brooding and slow) Happy Birthday...to you. Happy birthday...to you. Happy birthday...Mr. Sonichu. Happy birthday...to you
F2: Ohhhhh dear...
Chris: Alright, well listen Clyde, I've just been- I-I've waiting patiently and talking to these...nice people here. But anyway, I just wanted to hear from you that uh, you know, I come pick up Julie. I'm not gonna, I just wanted to hear from you that I'm not gonna get harmed, or turned into the police, or anything like that.
Clyde: Of course not! We-we're just gonna make sure that you never, ever, ever, you know (long pause) uhh I've been drinking...anyway! Never touch a woman because uh you know, you're not a man
Chris: Uhh yeah, but basically I'm allowed to pick up Julie over at you headquarters?
Clyde: Sure! If you can do that, I dunno if you can drive or anything. Driving must be pretty hard for you (snorts)
Chris: Yeah well I can...yeah, well I just...as I have told these uh, nice people, uh...yeah, I'm going to uh, talk to my mother some more and uh, put my foot down, and uh you know uh...you know, make my own- and hopefully I'll get uh I'll ha-uh have the money on me for the gas that I need for the trip. And uh...you know, within the next few days I WILL come down to Cleveland and pick up Julie myself.
Clyde: Well, bring your love man, because love's like...love's like... a bunch of stuff...you know?
F5: Clyde, Clyde why are you doing this? Why are you doing this?
Clyde: Why am I doing this? Maaaan. Well uh yeah well. Because Chris is a terrible person, he's like lied to me and stuff. Like, yeah.
F5: He's not a terrible person, he's my hero!
Clyde: (Overlapping with Chris)Well, you have a terrible friggin' hero. Pick superman. Superman's awesome.
Chris: (Overlapping with Clyde) Yeah well but uh let me see if I can put it more simpler terms, as uh, compared to what all y'all nice people have uh, described for me. Clyde, you have...you just basically just want to test me for being a true person, and that's why you're holding Julie captive in your "headquarters".
Clyde: She's not really captive, she's having the time of her life! We've given her every god damn loving you couldn't provide (Evil laughter)
Chris: Well, anyway uh...you basically want me to test my uh, love for-love for Julie's. And uh so (pause) and uh you just want me to finally show that I'm a man, and that I can uh...stand up myself and do what I want like a man should. And uh, that's tha-basically it in a nutshell, isn't it?
Clyde: (Lazily) Sure, that's perfect.
Chris: Ok. Alright well listen I gotta go get something to eat. So uh...and then I should rest up for the funeral, sooo...so another time I'll come back into the mumble. But, you know, but (background noise) but shortly after, you know...shortly after I will, shortly after the funeral I will be coming down to uh Cleveland and I will pick Julie up, and I will uh, have her, have her and me spend a little time together, maybe at uh- maybe over at Max's house, and then I'll bring her back here. To my house.
Clyde: Ok, if you do make it I'll give you a box of chocolates, okay? A box of chocolates!
Chris: Uh you don't have, you don't have to give me anything. Mmmm. Maybe just a handshake, and a promise that you'll uh, disband this organization, and that you'll not do this anymore-
Clyde: [Interrupting]-sure bro.
Chris: Ok. Alright. Ok, we'll- I'll talk to my mom later and put my foot down, because right now she's sleeping, and then I have that funeral to worry about. So after the funeral, I will. (Amidst background noise) Talk to her and put my foot down.
Clyde: (Slurring his words) Alright bro, have fun.
Chris: Alright... yeah, ok, well. The majority of y'all take care and, you know, just...mingle amongst yourselves for now. Take--[Chris is cut off]
(There is a short pause, followed by a sudden outbreak of noise from the trolls)
High-pitched Fan: (Simultaneous) I didn't see the ending of that...
Fan: (Simultaneous) Fuck that faggot!
Fan: (Simultaneous) I can't believe that...
Fan: (Simultaneous) I'll break his GUTS!
Hispanic Fan: He's a fucking faggot!
Fan: Yeah.
(Lots of background noise: Clyde tries to speak overtop of them)
Clyde: (In perfect English, without a hint of slurring) What if he does...if he pulls another shit like he did like Redmond when he was like, "Oh yeah I just got back, and now Julie's laying in my bed, but I'm not gonna put her on camera! Hahahaha!"
Fan: Hey, Blue. Blue.
Clyde: I swear to god, the whole...
BlueSpike: What? (Trolls speaks overtop of him) Did you notice what I did?
Fan: Yeah! Dude, I was gonna say. Nice touch with the whole "Light Yagami" laugh thing.
Fan: Yeah, that was great.
Clyde: I was gonna give him a box of chocolates, man! A box of chocolates!
Fan: (Annoyingly) Box of chocolates!


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