Kacey Call 11
The following phone conversation between Chris and Kacey took place in early September 2009. This conversation is notable as it shows how Chris feels on a wide variety of topics ranging from Muscle bras to Liquid Chris's penis. It starts out with Chris saying he was not given a job at Target, the topic then changes to his current finances. Chris quickly changes the topic to his weight loss. When Chris realises he is failing at this too, he once again changes the topic to psychology, he says he can help by writing a 500 word essay on autism for her abnormal psych classes. (Discussion on bras) Kacey says she likes to mix her perfumes, Chris says he likes to mix cooked vegetables with mashed potatoes. Chris then starts talking about Family guy which unsuprisingly bores Kacey. She abruptly changes the topic to Vivian's audiobooks and how good they are, this irritates Chris. Chris tells Kacey how happy he is about the death of Clyde cash. He also says that he never read Vivian's book and gave it to Rocky, who hated it. He wants to send a letter to his doctor to fix his bent duck and make it longer. Chris asks about the dimensions of Liquid Chris's penis. Kacey says its 9 inches long, hearing this Chris admits defeat, the call then ends after Chris contradicts himself.
- Chris got an email saying Target was not going to hire him.
- Chris has 10 dollars in the bank but he's going to start saving!
- Chris volunteers to give Kacey a Q&A about autism for her Abnormal Psychology class
- Chris tries to push a relationship on her, but she turns him down right away.
- Chris says the last workout he had was standing on one leg for an ENTIRE Guitar Hero song!
- "I can be just as good in Guitar Hero as a real guitar."
- Chris walks around the mall for exercise. Five whole laps!
- Chris complains about the lack of male bras at J.C. Penney's.
- Chris didn't realize you can wash bras... He believed you had to throw them away after three days of use.
- Kacey suggests for Chris to spray his bras with febreze. Kacey recommends lavender..
- Chris says he was reading Playboy earlier and they had a Family Guy article.
- Chris is upset to find out that Stewie is gay.
- Chris admits to reading Playgirl once.
- Kacey says that she is excited for Vivian's next audiobook. Chris gets stressed out.
- Kacey suggests to Chris to make his own audiobooks if he doesn't like Vivian's version.
- Chris says that he never read Vivian's book, and he gave it to Rocky instead.
- Chris is trying to get a discount at the gym by talking to his doctor.
- Chris sent a letter to his doctor about his penis. Letter included asking about if his penis being bent was okay, how to straighten it out, and trying to get penis enlarging medication.
- Chris asks Kacey how big Liquid's penis is. Kacey starts laughing really hard, and then says that it's 9 inches, thick, and it would hurt sometimes. Chris is amazed and sounds depressed and talks about how small his penis is.
- Kacey says she has to go, unless Chris has any more questions about Liquid's cock. Chris says no, and the call ends.
|Kacey Call 11|
Kacey Call 10
Kacey Call 12
Kacey: Hey Chris! It’s Kacey, how are ya?
Chris: Hi Kacey, I'm good, how are you?
Kacey: Ah-I'm good. You know, just really busy with school and work.
Kacey: Y'know, gotta make that money! Gotta save it up-up. [Sound glitch]
Chris: Yeah, I will be saving up myself, y'know, after I get my, after I get one, after I get mah joooooooob, you know. Even though I, ah, received an e-mail from Target saying they're not gonna hire me, because y'know, they got, they got enough people as it is right now. I'm sure they'll keep my, ah, file on record, until they find an opening.
Kacey: Nolikeyeah, I think they do that, um, I think it's, uh, it's easier every 30 days or three months, it depends on the company. [Beat. Kacey continues at the same moment Chris tries to start.] So, speaking of money, are you doing OK, curbing your spending?
Chris: (grunt/sigh) Yeah, I'm turning out OK. Yeah.
Kacey: ...Um. I mean, you know, I'm really worried about that because, I mean, you know, with what you've told me about how much you spend on video games and everything, um, are you buying anything from the, you know, all that stuff right now, like any games, do you have any plans?
Chris: Ahh, yeah, I have no plans right now, so I'm not expecting to buy anything at the... for.. for a while. I've got money. I got like about, ten, I've got like 'bout ten bucks in the bank right now. I can always, I can, I can always deposit it.
Kacey: Well, um, you know, I think I've been to harsh on you, so I want to help you, um, do you think, maybe, um, I can help coach you with these things, like, you know, like, maybe you could forward me, like, what you spend, like, we'd just start something small like the PlayStation Network, or something. Like, and I can coach you. I-I'm really sorry, I think I was too harsh on you.
Chris: [chirps happily] Hmm. OK, that sounds good. [unintelligible] Yeah.
Kacey: Oh, awesome. Yeah, it's my way of an apology.
Chris: It's OK, I mean, you don't have to apologize, uh I mean you acted the way you did because you felt like you had to.
Kacey: Yeah but [Chris talks over her] just forward me whatever purchases you make and um I will definitely help you. I'm happy you appreciate that.
Chris: OK. Yeah I'll [unintelligible].
Chris: Uh and my... I was doing a lot of walking today and lap, I did a lot of laps around the neighborhood. Instead of taking the easier counter-clockwise route around the, uh, 'hood I went clockwise and actually powerwalked the steep incline we have here.
Kacey: Oh nice. How much is a lap for you? Is it like a mile or something?
Chris: Hmm. I'm not sure what the distance is. I could probably measure it in my car. Uh, of course I'm counting also going into the, uh, the little courtyard, the little courts, y'know. It's like, y'know, the court. The, into the, I'm actually going into those...
Kacey: Uh huh.
Chris: ...courts. Up and down them.
Kacey: Well did you run or jog the whole time? 'Cause remember you just gotta get that heart rate up.
Chris: Yeah. I powerwalked. Today I powerwalked but yesterday I did some jogging in there as well.
Kacey: I think you should look up how to get your heart rate up and where your heart rate should be. Because you just can't walk and I'm not there to show you obviously because I've got so much going with school, but um, if you Google it that should be awesome.
Chris: OK. Alright. Well, let me ask you though. I thought of this question earlier. Uh yeah, you're studying to be a nurse. Do you have to take any psychological-type classes like, y'know, like any classes like a psychiatrist would have to take?
Kacey: Oh of course. Um I'm actually in, um, Second Level Human Growth and Development this semester.
Kacey: I mean a lot of it overlaps, I mean I'll be taking Abnormal Psych next semester.
Chris: A normal... psych class?
Kacey: Abnormal? Like not normal. Yeah.
Chris: Oh abnormal. OK. Yeah well I have... I'll tell you what--if you get to the part where they talk about autism I could give you some, some information on that and probably help you with any essays you have to write or whatever.
Kacey: Oh yeah. That would be interesting. Y'know get a little perspective maybe I'll get some extra credit.
Chris: Alright. Yeah, you know, I mean it's too bad we couldn't plan the, uh, trips of you coming over here with your hanging out, y'know, between Labor Day weekend.
Kacey: I know, I know.
Chris: I mean...
Kacey: I had to work all day so I mean but hey, making that money. But back to what you said about helping me with class. You can start whenever because even though I'm taking it next semester that way I'll be prepared I mean. Why don't you describe autism to me? You know give me a feel for it.
Chris: Alright. I'll have to give it some thought but I'll have, write you a, uh, minimum 100-, maximum 500-word essay about it.
Kacey: OK, cool.
Chris: Of course you definitely can with a multi-pack, you know, three packs for like ten dollars. Least there, least there still, one, o-, still one over here still sells them for that price, three for ten.
Kacey: Oh I mean, uh, wash them.
Chris: I'm sorry, what?
Kacey: You don't have to buy tons of them, you could just wash them. Like, I mean, unless you're doing it for style there's no reason to have a lot of them.
Chris: Yeah, I currently have, I currently have six, but I understand from my mom that I could wear uh, bra three underwear, a bra or underwear for three days, then switch over to the new ones.
Kacey: Well, um, also, with those things, I know you've never used them before, but you need to, you know, let them air out every night and, um, you know, um, I at [Chris: "Y-yeah."] least rinse mine with you know a little bit of spray cleanser. You know maybe some Febreeze, maybe, anything. But I mean I also wear perfume and stuff.
Chris: OK so wait a minute, uh, spray what with Febreeze?
Kacey: Yeah, use some Febreeze. That would work.
Chris: Yeah, so wait a minute, you're talking about spraying the bra with Febreeze?
Kacey: Of course, you don't put that on your skin.
Chris: [laugh] OK, I just wanted to make sure I understood... Mmkay, Febreeze. Yeah, okay, well, I'm not sure we have any Febreeze in the bathroom, but you know, next chance I get I will definitely get some Febreeze.
Kacey: OK, cool. Awesome. Like they have different scents now that smell really good.
Chris: OK, what do you recommend, personally?
Kacey: [interrupting] I like the lavender one, I love that one the most. It's one of the purple ones. There's a spring one and then there's a lavender one.
Chris: I like lavender scent.
Kacey: Oh cool.
Chris: I have smelled lavender before and it does smell good.
Chris: 'Kay...that's good. 'T's very good. We've found some common ground there, we both like lavender.
Kacey: [little laugh] It's not my favorite but it is one of them.
Chris: Mmkay, one of them. OK, what is your top favorite scent?
Kacey: Um...Probably...Either like a sandalwood amber thing, or vanilla.
Chris: Vanilla is, vanilla is good. What's the other one you said, sandal with amber?
Kacey: Sandalwood with amber.
Chris: Oh. An-An. I'm sorry, andalwood?
Chris: Oh OK.
Kacey: You know like sandals you wear on your feet? Yeah.
Chris: Ohhh, sandalwood, yeah, OK. Sandalwood with amber. OK.
Kacey: Well, I-I actually, um I have lots of different perfumes and I mix them and I layer them, but I make sure their scents all correspond.
Chris: Wow you uh, you mix your own perfumes. [little laugh]
Chris: That's pretty, that's, that's very good, I mean uh...
Kacey: That way when one wears off I've got another thing, it's really nice. But I mean men don't wear perfume, they wear like cologne and body spray and stuff.
Chris: Yeah...(???)-mix things up, I often like to uh mix things up, I often like to, uh, mix things up, like, you know, if I'm at my country club ??? Golden Corral, I, I sometimes like to mix things and, you know, mix food togeth-, mix different foods, like y'know, like a different combination of vegetables. OK, or, y'know, aside from a side but I mean like you know, maybe green beans, and corn, and cook-cooked carrots, whatever. Whatever they have there. Or you know, here's a fun, here's a fun thing you could try: Mixing any, mixing-mixing any cooked vegtables in mashed potatoes.
Kacey: I, I don't really like to mix my food. I'm just like that. I don't like cooked carrots either I think they're gross. I mean but I mean it's not the same as mixing.???-but I see what you're getting from. Like, um, I, I know people who do that all the time, but you know, I like to eat all my stuff individually. Unless it DOES go together.
Chris: Yeah. I hear ya, that's good. Mmm. Mmkay. OK, well you know, just wanted to let you know, I was just reading an article about Seth MacFarlane, in, uh, this month's Playboy. You know, just talking about, uh, Fam- Just talking about Family Guy you know. You know ??? about, about ten years ago since it first aired just after Superbowl 33? And Seth MacFarlane just calls that ga-ns calls that, call that game boring.
Kacey: [Sounds bored] Oh, really.
Chris: Yeah. He just calls the game boring, but, you know, and then it just--[mutters, as though reading off notecards] ah shoot, I mean, whaddya say about f-Family Guy and um...yeah I haven't s-, well maybe I was just ??? but yeah. [stops muttering] Yeah, he was prepped on the show, on the show was gonna be huge, and then...and then apparently had gotten huge numbers are.
Kacey: Well, when you finish a comic, I can't wait for the audiobook version, I think they're funny.
Kacey: Yeah! I love those, I'm so glad you showed them to me.
Chris: [Stress pause] Yeah, I never authorized those audiobooks.
Kacey: Well, I think she did a great job. I think you should thank her, I mean, they're AWESOME.
Kacey: And it's like free publicity.
Chris: Mmm. Yeah... Ahhh, but still, so many things she's done against me.
Kacey: Like what? I mean, I didn't see anything bad.
Chris: OK, well, how about that folder of her art I sent ya... The, uh, few comic pages where she mocked about me and my sw-, my early days in my Sweetheart Search, like you know... You know, it's-
Kacey: It's a parody, if you're gonna be famous you're gonna get parodies. I think it's great to go ahead and get them out of the way.
Chris: Yeah but, still you know-
Kacey: Just because somebody does a parody, doesn't mean that they hate you or anything, it's just, you know, it's publicity, come on. You've got to laugh at these things or else you're never gonna make it.
Chris: Hm. OK.
Kacey: I mean, it's flattering. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Chris: Hm. OK, but you know I'm talking about the, uh, ones where she's got the Misdreavus in there with her. The Pokemon.
Kacey: Still. You should just go with it, and be like, "Thank you for the free publicity." This is your show, so run it.
Chris: Uh, "This is my show so want it"?
Kacey: So RUN it. Run it.
Kacey: Besides, it opens it up to more people. I mean if you don't want her to do it, you should make your own audiobooks. You should narrate them yourself.
Chris: Hm. Yeah. I thought about that, but it's like you know... I'd ra-, I'd rather actually have a-, my, a woman to read the, uh, Rosechu parts. But unfortunately I don't have a-
Kacey: I'd be happy to help. I can give you recordings.
Kacey: But you know I'm really busy so I probably wouldn't be able to for a long, long time.
Chris: Yeah... Okay, well I appreciate the offer. And I'll think about that further. But I think, but I was hoping, like you know, I could actually let my sweetheart do it, but like, unfortunately I just been having... the, uh...
Kacey: Oh then I think you should wait, that's a good idea.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah, it's... still so much, still a lot for me, still a lot of things for me to think. Umm... Yeah, but also, uh, cuz also, I think I have informed you about Vivian Gee being Clyde Cash's cousin.
Kacey: But that doesn't mean anything.
Chris: Clyde Cash was a major troll.
Kacey: But, that doesn't mean SHE is.
Chris: Yeah... Okay. But still you know, Clyde Cash, he was also the one, he was also the first guy that actually got into my, that actually hacked into my original hosting account on Tripod. And then the following one on-
Kacey: How did he do it?
Chris: He tried to... to turn the, turn the website around and make it look, make it look like, make it mock ME. He-
Kacey: I mean how did he figure out your passwords and logins and stuff, did he hack it?
Kacey: How did he hack it?
Chris: [Annoyed] I don't know how he hacked it.
Kacey: Did you use an easy-to-guess password?
Chris: No, I did not use an easy password. I don't even remember what the password was, now.
Kacey: Oh, OK.
Chris: Yeah but anyways, then I, then I tried to like, then I tried using Yahoo!... I think it was. Or maybe it was something else. I don't know, but anyway then he got in, but then he hacked into that as well, even on Godaddy, even on my last attempt at, even on the last attempt at on Godaddy.com being the web host, he got into that as well. And then I-
Kacey: Wow, he sounds very talented!
Chris: Ugh... But anyway, you know, I, anyway, after I got my Godaddy account back I just basically pulled the plug on the, pulled the plug on the whole Sonichu site thing. And then supposedly he ki-, and then, supposedly he killed himself. So I just assumed-
Chris: I just assumed that he's been dead for the few months. I think I sent you Vivian's ad-, I think I sent you Vivian's address, if you wanna talk to her and verify.
Kacey: That's... That's, um... I don't know what to say about that.
Chris: Well you know, you could think, you know, no rush, you could think about that further. Um... Shoot, what was I gonna say? Oh yeah, yeah, I just assumed that, I just, uh, assumed that he's been dead the whole time and GLAD that he's been dead.
Chris: Even Vivian, even, even Vivian agreed about, even agreed on him being dead.
Kacey: Then I guess he is, or... I don't know.
Kacey: It's a really bad topic.
Chris: Yeah. It was a bad topic. But you know, I mean like you know, I had to recall, cuz you know...
Kacey: I mean it's so sad when someone kills themselves.
Chris: Yeah, it was just, it was just to verify the whole troll-, the trolling situation there. From him, and... you know and also like, you know, Vivian did write a book and she sent me a copy of it. I think it was called "The Girl Who Ruled The World". Uhhh, don't tell Vivian, but I never actually read the book. Even though I told, even though I told her, even though I lied to her and told her that I read it.
Kacey: You shouldn't lie, that's horrible! What if it's a really good book? I mean, didn't we talking about this before? Why would you do that?
Chris: Hm... It was like, uh, tryin'... I was like, I dunno. I don't remember. It was in the conversation, we were just talkin', and then you know... Yeah, I just, I just did not feel comfortable with saying like, you know, "Oh, I haven't read it", and then she would be encouraging me to read it, but anyway, then anyway, uh, currently the uh, book is on loan to Rocky. She hasn't given it back to me yet, and she's just had an appendix operation. She's read, uh, she's read, uh, a whole chunk of the book, and it's mostly mockery, mockery against me anyway. Mockery against me and my Sonichu characters.
Kacey: Well, like I said, it's probably just free publicity. So, I think I mentioned before I wanted to read it, but you should read it first. You have to read it before you judge it, I'm pretty sure we talked about this.
Chris: Yeah we're talkin' about, we're talkin' about Vivian's book, right?
Chris: OK. Yeah after I get it back from Rocky I'll be sure to read it.
Kacey: You should probably get it back very soon.
Chris: Yeah. M'kay. Alright, so... Yeah, you did not have any classes today, so you just had work?
Kacey: Yes. I worked and studied.
Chris: OK, that's good, did you have a good, you had a good day, I guess?
Kacey: Well, it was work, you know, so... I just worked.
Chris: Yeah... Puttin' a little more bread on your own table for yourself.
Chris: Very commendable.
Kacey: So uh, how's your job search going besides, uh... besides Target?
Chris: Yeah, I got another application to uh, go back online and fill in. But... But yeah, you know, at least I'm making, but yeah, you know, I'm making progress. Eventually, I'll get, eventually... You know, I'll get the message saying like you know, "Yeah you're hired, come in for the in, or, come in for the interview."
Kacey: You should, uh, call in and ask.
Kacey: You know, make sure they got the application.
Chris: Yeah that's a good idea, OK. Yeah. Alright I will do that, I will make calls and find out for certain.
Kacey: Yeah, you know, show them you're interested.
Chris: Yeah. Especially, especially since I know well, I know very well that I can make $980 a month without it affecting my Social.
Kacey: Yeah, you're pretty lucky.
Chris: Yeah. Oh by the way, uh... Yeah I'll let you know, I'll probably let you, I'll probably let you know about this-- I wrote up my list of questions to, uh, my Doctor McGovern... Uh, you know, things that uh, you and me and Kim, we talked about a little bit. Um, I wrote 'em out in a letter, but unfortunately I was gonna deliver it today, but the office was closed for Labor Day, so...
Chris: Yeah, considering my next, considering my next trip downtown would be Wednesday for the yoga session, I'll drop it off on Wednesday.
Kacey: Oh cool, are you gonna send me the questions?
Chris: Oh, sure, I'll get- I dunno, would you like me to?
Kacey: Um... Sure, why not?
Kacey: I just thought that was why you mentioned it.
Chris: Well, no, I mean, I just, I'm just bringin' it up as like, you know, just... You know, just lettin' you know that I'm gonna be inquiring about all that with, with my doctor, sure. Anyway let me, anyway, I, anyway... anyway, basically currently it's five questions, uh... First one is about the, uh, gym membership discount.
Chris: And then the second one's a question about, uh, whether I should get back on the Paroxetine or not. But I mean, I don't, I mean, I think I've been OK with, off, off it, you know. I feel like I've been better, but it's like, uhh... I felt more, I feel a little bit more vulnerable to stress, but with uh, practicing the stress ma-, more, with more practicing the uh, stress-management techniques, I feel like I'm about starting to regain emotional control over that.
Kacey: So that was your anti-depressant?
Chris: The, uh, Paxil originally, but then I switched over to Paroxetine... Yeah.
Kacey: Oh, well I mean, are you not taking it anymore, 'cause I mean...
Chris: Yeah I have not been taking it for a month.
Kacey: Well I mean if you're so stressed all the time then maybe you should. I mean, that should be up to your doctor, you should ask him that.
Chris: Yeah. Alright... And then I asked, and then I asked him further about the uh, Lipitor... You know... Uh... I don't remember the question, I've already sealed the envelope. And it was just, it was just... And I have it on my, I have it, I have it on my bed in front of me, and... Hm. I guess I could, I guess I, I guess I can rip it open and send you the questions, anyway. But I'm just lettin' you know in a nutshell.
Chris: And then like you know, and then the fourth and fifth questions are about my, uh, penis. Number four being about like, you know, whether it should be level, or, or, or, you know, if bent is normal. Or if like you know, if there's a way of straightening it, of leveling it out. And then the second question is about like, you know, getting a prescription to a penis extension medication pill... That sort of thing.
Kacey: [Awkward pause] OK.
Chris: Yep. [Another awkward pause, as Chris prepares to ask what he's always wanted to ask.] Ahh... OK, I'll just go ahead and get it out of the way - How BIG was Chris's penis?
Kacey: WHAT??!? What??
Chris: Yeah, I mean, I just, I asked you, I just asked you, how big was Chris's penis?
Kacey: [Laughing] That's a really odd question for you to ask me... Um, but I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you, It was definitely, um, a little around nine inches.
Chris: OK, now I, OK, shh... I mean, REALLY? Nine inches??
Kacey: Yeah... You know, sometimes it hurt, but you know, it was good, and it was thick.
Chris: Shoot, mine only gets, like, six to seven inches...
Kacey: [Laughing] I'm sorry, it's just a weird question...
Chris: I mean, I just felt like I had to know.
Kacey: I mean... OK... Why do you need to know? I mean, I thought you weren't interested in other people's penises, but just tell me, why'd you need to know?
Chris: I mean like, who was the, uh... supposed, in that sense, who was the bigger man, there.
Kacey: Yeah, I guess he won that. But I just, I don't, OK... I mean, it was just nine, thick, and straight. It was there...
Chris: OK. Well like, you know, while I'm feeling discomfort in that...
Kacey: You're the one who asked about how he rocked my world with it!
Chris: Well I did not, I did not necessarily ask how he rocked your world with it, I was just asking how big it was.
Kacey: I- Well, I mean, come on... I mean you opened that up.
Chris: Yeah, OK, but it's like you know... Alright, I just pretty much established this with Kim, but... I definitely have an insecurity... and, and that's one of my insecurities, like you know, in comparison to other guys... Yeah.
Kacey: So you don't like other people's penises, but you want to hear about them so you can compare yourself to them?
Chris: No I-
Kacey: I don't do that with, like, women's breasts.
Chris: No, actually this is the first time I've asked that question, but it's like, you know, I just felt like I had to know.
Kacey: Oh, OK, well, I mean, why?
Chris: Yeah, cuz it's like, you know, I'm def-... It just makes me think that like, you know, I have been con-, I have been on and off and on about like, you know, increasing the size of mine... But I, and then, it's just like you know, I wasn't sure if the, uh, til, it, I, I mean... For about two separate months, I had been, uh, had taken Extenze. But yeah I just hadn't, I just hadn't seen a big difference. Except for like, you know, just aft-, just after taking it, it definitely showed a maximum of seven inches. Erect. Oh by the way I, by the way, actually measuring it, it's like four inches limp.
Kacey: ...OK. I don't know... OK.
Chris: Yeah but anyway, yeah-
Kacey: I just thought the only way to make a big difference is to actually get surgery, but...
Chris: I mean haven't you, I mean haven't you seen the, uh, I mean surely, surely you've heard of the penis extension pills.
Kacey: Yeah but I thought they weren't supposed to work. I mean, most of them aren't even approved by the FDA and stuff. But I mean, they also say that losing weight helps, they say uh... Every 20 or 30 pounds of fat that you take away, an inch comes back. I don't know if that's true or not, that's probably a rumor.
Chris: Yeah, it does sound like a rumor.
Kacey: Hey, no harm in trying, right?
Chris: Yeah... At least I'm starting a daily regimen of exercising. And I'm taking the appropriate steps, and I'm losing my Buddha Belly...
Kacey: Well that's good.
Chris: Yeah. OK, I'd just hate to end our conversation, end our conversation on such a note, cuz you know, my mind's running, my mind's running blank right now.
Kacey: OK, well um... I'll go ahead and talk to you, I guess, tomorrow. Unless you wanna ask any more questions about Chris's penis, I guess. [Laughs]
Chris: I'm not gonna ask any more questions that. [Laughs] Okay. Alright, well I- OK, well yeah, good laugh, good laugh, that's a way to end a good, end a conversation well. OK. Alright well, I'll let you go and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Kacey: OK, alright, bye.
Chris: OK, yeah alright, bye-bye.
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