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Vanessa Saga

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THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVED

The Vanessa Saga occurred in April and May 2009. During this particular saga, Chris was duped into believing he was talking to pop icon Vanessa Hudgens as Joshua Martinez had formed an alliance with trolls to provide another front to trolling Chris.

Mostly due to the fact Josh wasn't exactly too bright himself (then again, being an idiot is probably the only way one can stand being around Chris), the situation degraded and the plan was aborted by trolls.

These chats were procured by CWCkipedian Robotnik, as Josh had no problem in handing over chatlogs to whoever asked.

The beginnings

Chris got in contact with his old friend Joshua Martinez from James Madison University to apologize for smearing him on Encyclopedia Dramatica, in order to get a part in a movie and make connections with celebrities. After a single email, Josh began to imitate Vanessa very poorly with disquieting success.

Email to Joshua

On 5 April 2009, Chris emailed Joshua to apologize for his reprehensible behavior in unnecessary detail , for the sole purpose of obtaining personal benefit.

Firstly, Joshua, I wish to come clean. *sigh* The day I was kicked out of that church, my father accused you for putting up the nudie woman pics on my facebook (I personally did not want to take the blame for that, especially since I was amidst trollings back then as well, and I was trying to clean up my online image), so I went with it and let my father think what he thought. I had fretted that you may have been wrongfully kicked out of your church, and I am soo sorry about that. And in my early days of protest against the Encyclopedia Dramatica webpage I was also trying to get rid of then and now for about two years, I wanted the trolls to leave me alone, and I sold you out, Joshua; I posted a one-paragraph description about you and how famous you were, being in the movies, knowing the famous celebreties and all on that page. While the original paragraph is currently removed from the page, they still mock me with this, and I quote, An old classmate of Chris did some epic trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua. I am even more sorry about that, because I sold you out like that. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I would deeply appreciate it. I was runnin' and hidin' from you because of A) the guilt I felt from those past actions, B) I felt afraid of what you might to do me in response to that, and C) My father advised me against talking to you, due to the past accusation. I will confess the church fiasco to him tonight. And if you still want to put me in that movie, I will discuss the details of a meeting between you, me and Vanessa over the phone later. The trolls are watching my e-mails, so I am unable to divulge any specific details, as the trolls can and will find me there and haunt me; they are truly devious and malicous; they would even probably find a way around any security measures. Peace, and TTYL,Christian.

After this email, Joshua would begin to imitate Vanessa Hudgens over a series of conversations, using his own screen name for all except one.

Vanessa AIM Chats

Chat 1

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 1

On 6 April 2009, Vanessa Hudgens borrows Joshua's AIM to talk with Chris. In this chat, Chris tried to get Vanessa to give him a part in a movie. Toward that end, she talks him into doing A CWC Audition. In this chat, Chris talks about God and Jesus telling him that Ivy is his true sweetheart, and appears to believe that the priority in having a sweetheart is to fix his biological clock, which has since broken.

Chat 2

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 2

Took place on 14 April 2009. Vanessa wastes little time in trying to seduce Chris. Chris remains faithful to Ivy for a few minutes before delving into disgusting cyber-hanky-panky, showcasing some disturbing sexual habits, including playing the female role, barking like a dog and shouting "SHAZAM!" during intercourse.

Chat 3

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 3

Took place on 16 April 2009. Chris essentially denies that the previous chat ever happened and manages to resist Vanessa's ham-handed attempts at seducing him. He claims not to remember who Blanca was, and admits that he would take a dildo up his ass for his true love.

Chat 4

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 4

Took place on 19 April 2009. Chris continues to retcon reality and establish that he loves Vanessa only as a gal-pal. He spends the rest of the chat trying to arrange a meeting with her.

Chat 5

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 5

Took place on 20 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa continue to arrange their meeting, with Vanessa offering her ideas of what Chris should wear. Her intention seems to be to make him look like a moron.

Chat 6

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 6

Took place on 21 April 2009. Chris talks about his past indiscretions, discusses Ivy's influence on Sonichu, and describes his martial prowess.

Chat 7

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 7

Took place on 22 April 2009. Chris and Vanessa talk more about what he would do for Ivy. Their discussion mostly centers around the things he would shove up his rectum for her.

Chat 8

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 8

Took place on 27 April 2009. Chris actually believes that Vanessa came to meet him and talks about having to evade Snorlax to come and see her. He briefly talks about getting Clyde Cash locked up.

Chat 9

Main article: Vanessa AIM Chat 9

Took place on 30 April 2009. Joshua finally gets around to creating a separate screen name for Vanessa. Chris accepts that he might fuck two gay guys with Ivy if she asked. He also appears to confuse Megan Fox with Vanessa, in an incredible failure of facial and body recognition.

⇐ N/A Vanessa Saga Vanessa AIM Chat 1