Gal pal

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My circle of gal-pals was the best asset and blessing anyone could ever ask for.
Chris, Autism Tutorial Part 3

Chris's gal pals at his 18th birthday party. From left to right: mystery girl, Kellie Andes, Friend Brought Along, Miranda Joyce Mitchell, Sarah Bevel, Tiffany Gowen.

A gal pal or gal-pal is a CWC-ism for a female friend. Chris claims to have had a lot of these in high school. Since then, he has been lamenting his lack of gal-pals for over a decade.

Chris and gal-pals

Chris said, "in my autism test it was found that I get along better with women, well over men."[1] He has always been hesitant about making friends with males due to bad experiences with jerks. Perhaps because of this, he has adopted rather effeminate traits and mannerisms (such as assuming the cowgirl sexual position in the sex tape, or having a collection of My Little Pony action figures), unaware that what might be acceptable for girls might be considered outwardly taboo for guys.

In typical Chris style, he has managed to drive every single gal-pal away. He believes that all the attention from his high school gal-pals meant that he had his pick of which to turn into his sweetheart, and that he missed out on this opportunity because of his naïveté, oblivious to the fact that they probably associated with him out of pity. Since high school, his enormous character flaws have continued to repel the ladies.

It is also interesting to note that he rarely refers to girls as "friends", but as "gal-pals". Usually, this phrase is used by women when talking about their social clique. Only gay men ever refer to female friends as "gal-pals", and even then, they're usually joking. Men talking about a female companion will just say "friend", or "a girl who happens to be my friend" as opposed to a "girlfriend", because in English colloquy, the latter implies a romantic relationship. The fact that Chris thinks of girls not as "friends" but as "gal-pals" (which he probably thinks is cute, him being "one of the girls") reasserts his sexism. He doesn't see the women in his life as equals and companions, but as possible china.

Despite his alleged fondness for his gal-pals, virtually nothing is known about them and why Chris was so fond of them. There is no reason to believe Chris had any interest in their lives other than their gender. Some have suggested that he clung onto them as a kind of surrogate mother-role to protect him from bullies, which matches up to his desire to be babied by a wife while he plays video games as a "stay-at-home dad"; because it's easier to count on others to look after him than to take up that responsibility.

Notable gal-pals

The ModNation Racers version: "cute, sassy, serious".

Other gal-pals

Tiffany Robinson

Tiffany Robinson was a friend of Chris in the days he lived in Richmond. She was Chris's first crush. In Chris's words, "we would hang out now and then during school hours and play. Then in the 4th Grade, she dumped me for some other boy. I do not know much of what she has been up to these days".[2]

Natasha Turner

Natasha Turner was a friend Chris met at Providence Middle School. They were next-door neighbors for a while, often hanging out at the bus stop near their homes. She was slightly older than him and a "good girl". For a while he had a crush on her, until he saw her smoking: "That was It for me right there".[3][4]

The devastating betrayal by his high school gal-pals in 2013 (see below) caused Chris to reevaluate all his past friendships, and at some point he was suddenly struck by the revelation that Natasha, too, had been "Hired Help". He remembered that his father had given him money to give to Natasha "as payment for her Friendship and Attention". He figured she had been a sort of babysitter whose task was to "protect me to and back from the bus stop". This recollection was a "major shock" to Chris. "I laid in bed and slept with the shock. Stuck in my dreams; reluctant to really open my eyes to awake". It reenforced his new suspicion that "my friendships might have been a lie".[5][6]

Sarah Anne Bevel

Chris's photo of Tiffany Gowen and Sarah Bevel.

Sarah Anne Bevel was Chris's classmate at Manchester High. She and Kellie Andes were Chris's lab partners in chemistry class. She sat with him at lunch and attended his 18th birthday party. She and her boyfriend were the only couple Chris was aware of during high school. "It was fun to just to watch them flirt with each other; I've could've learned from that, but my Autism and normal social phobias held me back then".[7] He was interested in the fact that she broke up with the "Lucky Dude" some time later.

In September 2013, as Chris was trying to recontact his high school gal-pals for the sake of the 15th annual reunion, he was baffled that Sarah claimed to no longer known him, despite having being one of his "Closest Friends".[8] In October, trolls hijacked Sarah Bevel's identity and used her to inform Chris that his gal-pals had only acted like Chris's friends because "we felt sorry for him". This and further correspondence with "Sarah" caused him to turn against her. Having exposed Chris to uncomfortable truths, she moved onto his enemies list. In November he wrote a poem expressing his deep emotional pain "caused by the hurtfullest truth of close High School Gal Pal ("Hired Help"), Sarah Bevel. Total Adult, Condensating B---h". He even "remembered" that Sarah had questioned his heterosexuality back in high school.[9]

It appears that the real Sarah has discovered Chris's antics since high school, and is not impressed. On 19 December 2013, Kellie Andes shared a link on her Facebook for Chris's For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV video. Among those who commented on the link was Sarah, with the remark, "Ladies, look what we're missing. :P"[10] Sarah also apparently commented on a screenshot of Chris's Craigslist ad for used porn, posted by Molly Quarles, with the comment "Well that explains a few things....."[11] And on 27 December, Sarah posted the infamous picture of Chris in his mother's underwear with the comment, "Not only does Christian like to borrow mommy's undies, but he apparently 'spoons' with her as well. Just when you think you've heard it all".[12]

Molly Quarles

Molly Quarles was a cheerleader during Chris's Freshman Year. She shared a few classes with Chris. He remembered her as "a happy, giggly kind-of gal, and she was fun to be around". Chris recalled being paired up in a "dating match-up thing" held for Valentine's Day at Manchester High. According to Chris it was "the ONLY match-up I felt was a good match-up at all back then".[13] In October 2013, after the "Hired Help" news broke, Chris frantically sent a Facebook message to ask if she was a false friend as well (and was reported by a Facebook user in the process).[14]

It appears that, like Kellie Andes and Sarah Bevel, Molly has also discovered Chris's antics since high school. In December 2013, Molly found Chris's Craigslist ad for used porn and posted a screenshot to her Facebook account with the comment, "Eeeeeew! I didn't need that mental picture. What a creeper! :P"[11] Despite her disgust, she apparently remained Chris's Facebook friend, which for Chris is the equivalent of the real thing.[15]

Chris's grainy photo of Miranda.

Miranda Joyce Mitchell

Miranda (or "Maranda", as Chris sometimes spells it) Joyce Mitchell was "a pretty girl, and... a big brain of my Circle of Friends".[16] Chris met her during his junior year. In Computer Graphics class, they were partners, and were required to design company logos for each other. Miranda thereby helped our hero out in his early website days with a redesign of the CWC's PokéSite 2! logo. This made Miranda the very first of his gal-pals to be exposed to the glory of Sonichu.[17] She attended his 18th birthday party, bringing as a gift "a planer [sic] with stickers".[18]

Since then, Chris has been unable to locate Miranda on Facebook or anywhere else, no doubt to her great relief.


On 30 October 2013, Chris posted on Facebook about a recent discovery that all of his cherished gal-pals from Manchester High School had only put up with him out of pity for him.

I let Christian hang out with us mainly because we felt sorry for him. He sort of latched onto us, like he expected us to protect him. He was like a lost little boy. Sometimes I think he saw us as sort of mother figures, which seems a little creepy now, but Christian seemed harmless enough back then, and we didn't mind him hanging out with us. As far as socializing goes, we didn't really hang with him outside of school, except for the time we went to his 18th birthday party.
An e-mail from one of Chris's "friends"

Of course, this comes as a surprise to no one except Chris, as the vast majority of his gal-pals have indeed been white knights trying to protect him.

At the end of October, Chris, having just discovered the truth, demanded an apology for their kindness.

In December, his high-school gal-pals became aware of the picture of him wearing his mother's underwear, the Mount and Do Me oral sex video, and a a recent Craigslist ad where he put several dozen pornographic DVDs up for sale and posted negative comments about them on Facebook.

On 5 November 2014, it was revealed on a CWCki Forums thread that the "betrayal" was fabricated by trolls, in an effort to get Chris to leave the real gal-pals alone.[19]

Years later, in February 2017, Chris reminisced about his high school days. In his rose-tinted view of events that had happened nearly 20 years prior, he recalled that he had friends who treated him well – conveniently forgetting that they did so out of pity after Bob and the principal had asked them.[20]

He then named several of those people and urged them to either apologize or befriend him again.

#JoshuaMartinez, #TiffanyGowen, #SarahBevelIngram, #KellieAndes

The ONLY Way I will ever let their more recent deeds be forgiven is if they all genuinely want to be friends me again; at the least to take a few minutes out of their lives to apologize.



The CWC-tionary

Relationships: Attraction Location | Boyfriend-free girl | Darling | Dating education | Gal-pal | Heart Level | Homos | Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor | Love Quest | Noviophobia | SLGBTQ | Sweetheart | Sweetheart from the Ground-Up

Sex: China | Comeuppance | Duck | JULAY | Mass debating | Pedofork | Pickle | Recycling | Virgin with rage | Virginia is for Virgins | Women's rights

Himself: Biological clock | Butt garments | Captain's Log | DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS | Fuzzy-Wuzzies & Prickly-Wicklies | Honest Content | I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD | Monthly tugboat | Muscle bra | Random-access humor | Saga | Scale of Respect | Tomgirl |

Stressors: 4-cent_garbage | HEXBox | JERKS | Jerkops | Kick the Autistic | Laughs Under Lucricities | Manajerks | Naïve | Niggos | Pmurt | Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens | Slow-in-the-minds | Tobacky

Fantasies: Curse-ye-ha-me-ha | Fangs | Godjesus | Reality Cartoon | Un-clit

Comics: Anchuent Prophecy | Da Update | Electric Hedgehog Pokemon | Nombie-zazis| Parody | Rosechu | Sonichu | Sub-Episodes | Sweetbolt

See also: Chris and English | List of phrases Chris copied from media

Sweethearts and gal-pals

Chris himself: Chloe

Sweethearts: Blanca WeissPandaHaloJulie MilvanaIvy O'NeilKacey DevoriaJacklyn RomyCatherine SorrentinoJessica Quinn

Minor sweethearts: Lori LopezHannaSarah JacksonEmilyVanessa HudgensFaeryn

Sweethearts-to-be: Megan SchroederThe Wallflower (in Chris's words) ♥ DoopieDoOver

Present sweethearts: Cryzel, Magi-Chan, Sylvana and Mewtwo

Future sweethearts: Lovely Weather

Gal-pals: Sarah Nicole HammerLaura DorazioKellie AndesTiffany GowenAnna McLerranKim WilsonClare Porter

Other acquaintances: Female fanbaseMLP voice actressesPokémon club friendsSam and EllenVirginia Jeanine Sanford

Inanimate objects/Fictional Characters: Officer NastyKimmiMeg GriffinNaru

See also: List of Chris's sweetheartsLove QuestMia Hamm

CWCipedia entry on "Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts"