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Jackie E-mails 24
This set of e-mails covers the correspondence between Chris and Jackie between 7 December 2010 and 24 April 2011. After their November break-up, there was a two-week interlude in their e-mail communication. In December, Jackie casually renews her correspondence with him, and Chris says that he is still bitter about the trolls and the internet in general. After a brief, lackluster interaction, there is another lull. Jackie wishes him a happy birthday in February 2011. Then, in March, Chris returns with startling news about his gender identity. Their friendship is rekindled.
Jackie E-mails sets 24 through 31 were leaked at later dates than the previous ones. The first was revealed on the CWCki Forums on 27 April 2013. Most of the others appeared on 6 May 2013. A last email dated 7 September 2011 was leaked separately on the Forums some time after this. Several videos Chris made for Jackie during this period have also been leaked.
Some of the names in these e-mails have been redacted.
| December 7, 2010 - 7:15pm
Hey Chris! How's it going? Just wanted to check in. How is the outside socialization thing going? Have you met a lot of new people or gone new places since you stopped talking to me? Or are you still just sitting alone playing video games all day? The PSN counts as internet you know, so you're being a hypocrite if you're still enslaved to that thing.
| December 7, 2010 - 7:36pm
Hey, Jackie. Well, currently, I'm not making much progress in making new friends, but I have been going out more. I am still frozen and clammed up in mass public.
And for your information, I said SOCIALIZING on the Internet was bad, NOT the whole Internet in general. Yet while I do sometimes play on PSHome, a social Gaming Network, I still am frozen in that public setting with my Avatar, and I mainly focus on the Single-Player exploring and play.
How are things with you and Lars?
Stay Safe and Well, Christian.
| December 7, 2010 - 8:03pm
Well, Lars and I are doing okay. He's still in addiction counseling right now - not that he's had any problems or relapses or such, but he's being proactive and just setting up a good support system for himself. We're both looking into the future, you know how it is.
I guess I was confused when you said the internet was bad. What exactly about internet socialization is so bad? Is it just about the trolls you've met? Or is it because none of your relationships online have worked out thus far?
You know, maybe you should try going on facebook. I know you used to do well talking to people there a long time ago. And plus, the thing about facebook is that trolling can't really work on facebook. Maybe join a group on there and chat up some new people, share your common interests. You could use an alter ego if you want, since I know you wouldn't want people searching for the name Christian Weston Chandler. Just a thought.
| December 19, 2010 - 8:42pm
Hey Chris! Long time no talk. What's been happening with you lately? I just wanted to see how things are going.
| December 21, 2010 - 7:31pm
Wow Chris, you must be on that PSN even more than you ever have been before if you can't even take the time to spend two minutes writing to me. I thought you wanted to work on building social skills?
| December 21, 2010 - 7:47pm
Wow, you must be busy these days. I hope offline socialization is working out for you.
But hey, I found something while perusing the internet that you might be interested in. It's a dating site for people that are kind of shy like yourself and are sometimes socially awkward, so they're much more open and understanding to your sort of situation. Now I know what you'll say, you don't want to meet people online, but this site has an extremely stringent scanning process to weed out fake information - there's no possible way for a troll or faker to get membership. You'll have to give your real address and other such information in order to confirm yourself, and everyone else has to do the same. I recommend you try it out: https://www.wewaited.com/index.php
Let me know how it goes!
| December 22, 2010 - 9:46pm
Thank you for the suggestiion. I have looked over the front page and bookmarked. I will keep it in mind and consider it well. I'm still in little luck in real life socializing, but I am getting out more. On the other hand, now the Trolls are stalking me through my PSN; they're claiming a "bug" is in my console, but the ONLY real bug was in my Friends List, with ANY of the latter being their "reporter". So I cleared it out. I know this, because they've added a "PSNTracker" template on their damn CWCki. For Christmas this year, I would really like EVERY last webpage of every website the Trolls have created against me; EVERY last HTML code, EVERY last image, EVERY last Link and Reference to them, Including the CWCki and Especially the whole damn Encyclopedia Dramatica... GONE, DELETED, WIPED OFF from the face of the Internet and the World FOREVER, never to be revived, recreated or reuploaded again ever. So then I won't be portrayed as a monster, because I am not a monster. I am a near-normal Straight Human Male like every other Straight Human Male on this planet. *sigh*
You all have a Merry Christmas, and Stay Safe, Christian.
| February 25, 2011 - 7:15pm
Hey Chris! Long time no talk, but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday! Hope you had fun today.
What have you been doing with yourself lately? I hope you found someone special to share your special day with. Any major developments going on?
Well, just wanted to say hi. Hope to hear from you!
| March 26, 2011 - 4:47pm
Yes, it has been a long while since we last talked. At least since Feb. 25 when you sent me the birthday greeting. First off, the e-mails I am sending you are strictly confidential; do not share the content of anything I sent to you with anyone, including Lars. I have gone through an emotional 180, more or less, within the past month. In a nutshell, I have grown my hair out, and continuing to let it grow. I have learned the best term to describe me, Tomgirl. :) Yes, I am a Tomgirl, and I am damn proud of it. I have embraced and appreciated my feminine side. I am still totally heterosexual. Otherwise, I would be a full-blown you-know-what. I also have had my ears pierced with amythest studs (my birthstone) recently. I have been more self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts, and I am greeting women left and right. Hello. ;) Also, here is another way to consider me, I am a Ken doll any Barbie CAN dress in her clothes, and I would feel most comfortable in them and to model them for her. Come shopping with me, sweetie. ;)
In addition to this update, I am sending you some fun photographs I took recently (Only Linnea has seen them so far, and I do not want anyone else to see them either; strictly confidential between the three of us). I am being sassy in these photos; enjoy for your considersation alone.
Also, sadly, the local police have been on my back, because a Troll is pretending to be me, in simulated voice, AND in IP address. I have unplugged my wifi router and cable modem for the time being; only plugging them in when I intend to go online at home. And my out-of-order PC Tower has been unplugged from power and internet. I am sending this pair of e-mails from a laptop at Best Buy at this moment. And at the moment, I am having trouble loading the AOL log-in page on my consoles, so that's a bust at the moment. Please relay your replies to me through Linnea, or hit me on my cell phone (if you still have my number).
I have had you run through my mind now and then, Jackie; consider dashing back for some Tomgirl sweetness. ;)
Stay Safe with Love, Christian.
| April 18, 2011 - 4:01pm
Hey Chris! It's nice to hear from you. I hope you had a good birthday.
Wow! It sounds like you've found a great niche for yourself with your new stylin' look and attitude. I'm happy for you! I know self-confidence has always been something you needed a little help with, I'm so glad that you've found something that gives you confidence and happiness. That's really what it's all about in life. If YOU know you're in charge, other people can't help but to notice that. Good for you!
I hope you're not mad, but I was so turned on by those pictures, I just couldn't keep it to myself... I showed those pictures to a friend of mine to see what she thought. She was kind of turned on, too! Don't worry, she's very trustworthy and she wouldn't do anything bad, I told her it was important that she keep it completely secret.
I hope you'll send me some more pictures... I liked the appetizer, but I'd really love a main course!
| April 21, 2011 - 4:01pm
Well, sweetest Jackie, I did feel a bit bothered hearing that my photos I shared with you in confidence was shared with someone else, but since I am not finding it on the Cwcki or whatever, I forgive you. :-* <3 I am able to type e-mails from my Wii only here at the moment, but I am planning on getting an inexpensive internet laptop within the next few weeks (don't push me, sweetheart). I will send you a sampler of my photos later, or I'll ask Linnea to forward them to you. Spoiler Alert; there is Makeup involved. ;) And I would appreciate you keeping the photos in strictest confidence between you, me, Linnea and your one friend ONLY; no one else, please.
And if you want to see the whole me put altogether, you are gonna have to come over and meet me in C-Ville. Also, please inform me of what the current score is between you and Lars; I would feel more comfortable if he was not part of your current life while you and I are getting close. ;) And if you want it, my manlihood down here is at your service upon scintilating request I gtg get my car from the shop, but I await your reply. Call me to schedule our meet. (434)-760-0848 Please leave a message with your digits, so I can recognize you on my caller ID better, and so I can call you back.
Stay Safe with love (you never left my mind and my heart), Christian.
| April 21, 2011 - 9:53pm
Oh, about Lars... he went on kind of a bender a few weeks ago, I haven't heard from him since. I still care about him but the whole romance thing is kind of cooled off with him. I'm hoping he and I can remain friends, though.
Anyway, I don't mean to make you worry, my friend is trustworthy and I won't share your pictures with anyone else. I look forward to seeing more of your photos! Speaking of, how is Linnea doing these days?
But let's take it a little slow here, I'm not really ready to meet you yet. You know what, as much as I like having you as a friend, I would be willing to consider taking it further again, but I don't want to rush into it right away. Let's re-establish our relationship on solid footing and take it from there. And besides, I'm still a tad reeling from Lars and I cooling off, I just want to make sure I'm in the right place before I do a heavy relationship again. (You wouldn't want to be just a rebound, would you?) I'm not trying to play hard to get, sweetie... I just want to catch my breath before you take it away again. :)
I want to see the new you, Chris. Just show me the goods. I'm sure I won't be disappointed. Besides, you want to give me incentive to come see you, right?
| April 21, 2011 - 10:50pm
It is cool. I understand, and I absoloutly would like to take your breath away in full swing. On one hand, I empathize with you on the loss of that relationship and worry, and on the other hand it is good news for me to hear that you're breaking it off with him on the romance.
Let's do it better this time; I feel it most beneficial for you to call me on my cell at least twice a week; perhaps at about 8:00 PM on Tuesdays and Fridays (negotiable). I feel it better to communicate directly in verbal conversations over e-mails. I want you and me to meet in person as soon as possible, at least mid-May; I allow you the few weeks to recover, and it can be delayed with good reason and discussion. It has been about half a year or so; a newer photo would be appreciated. I've kept all of the previous photos of you saved on a little-used memory card here all to myself alone.
I took another look at them; you use a similar eye-shadow to what I use. :) So, shared makeovers between you and I could be something else fun to look forward to. :) I also feel uncertain of the nose and lip jewelary; in person, I would feel better if you leave them off only for like the first few times we meet, at least up until our first kiss (I am still a mouth-virgin in that sense), and it would give me something to compare later on if the lip jewelry would make it better.
I will also share something else with you in confidence; for a while after I had learned my word was "tomgirl", my mother felt uncomfortable for a while after I shared that info with her (being almost 70 and old-fashioned-minded). She got used to the idea after a couple of weeks, then I started up with the makeup, which did make me more self-confident, pretty and happier. My mother felt ill at ease upon first instance. And later, she told me that she would not complain about my makeup and tomgirl ways. Today, she was a major, complaining bitch; she hurt me heavily emotionally with that back-stabbing indian-giver attitude. And she just came up here shouted out more and more commands and complaints. Obviously she has something else going on that is affecting this mood-swing, and she may go back to being nice soon. She still hurt me; I am damn happy being a Tomgirl, and she is not going to change that. She is also paranoid of me turning damn gay or becoming a transvestite. Neither of which is the case; I am very attracted to women, including your sweet self, Jackie. I am feeling that she won't let up until I finally bring home a girlfriend who loves me for me, and appreciates my tomgirl ways. And I do not know to many tomgirls around here in person to attempt to put her mind at ease. Stressful.
I'll be okay, especially now that we're talking again, sweetheart. :)
Please call me very soon. I still have true feelings for you, Jacklyn, and it would mean a Lot to me if this time is THE time and you and I stay together for the remainder of our lives. But I digress. There's not that much rush; we have plenty of time.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 XOXOXOXO Christian.
P.S. Dana is doing good, and I will send the photos from a library computer tomorrow.
| April 22, 2011 - 7:35pm
I'm so sorry your mom is causing you grief right now. I guess the major change you're undergoing is a little bit of a shock for her, but she should still be supportive. What kinds of commands and complaints is she making to you? Do you have any idea what the thing going on in her life that is causing her to have a mood swing? Maybe you can help her with it. But it's good that you're standing your ground and refusing to stop being who you are and doing what makes you happy.
Now, about Lars... Please don't tell me how much time I need to get over MY relationship. These things can't just be planned out so exactly, when you break up with someone you can't just say "I need X days to get over it and then I'll be perfectly okay". It's a process. I'm not saying May is out of the question, I just can't put the cart in front of the horse. So let's just keep talking for right now. Like you say, there's not a rush, we have plenty of time, right?
Anyway, I'd love to talk to you on the phone, but my phone broke a couple months ago and I don't really have the cash to get a new one. There's a fancy new pair of chopsticks at the Asian store down at the mall I want to pick up and I'm saving my money for that. (Did I ever tell you that I like eating food with chopsticks? I just enjoy it better than using forks. Just a little quirk of mine, I guess.) So we might have to wait a while before I have a phone number to give you. Oh, and I'm gonna keep my piercings and makeup on the way I like too, by the way. Those things are part of what defines me, kind of like how being a tomgirl is what defines you. Isn't that part of why you like me? For what makes me me?
I look forward to seeing those photos tomorrow! I'll try to dig up a more recent photo of myself and get it to you.
P.S. You mentioned in your last email that you are getting a new laptop in a few weeks or something. What kind of laptop is it? I'm just curious. :)
| April 23, 2011 3:42am
I meant no offense with your piercings, and you are soo right on continuing to be you. And I like your makeup style. :) Also, I apologize for making a schedule for relief time; it does take a lengthy amount of time. I meant mid-May to be for when you and I can meet up; again, we can discuss the meet date.
That is neat you have a thing for eating with chopsticks; I am capable of eating with chopsticks too; I have had good practice in the past with the grub I ate at the korean church in Chesterfield Co. my family and I went to. I relate with your desire for fancy and pretty things. Although IMHO, I would consider which is more of a "Want" or a "Need". Do you need or want those chopsticks? Wouldn't that cell phone replacement be more beneficial to you? Only food for thought.
I have actually shared how I felt with mom recently, and she listened. She also let off a few monkies off her back; speghetti dinner that was refused by dad and me the night of our final move back to Ruckersville. I couldn't help it if I did not feel like spaghetti that night; she gave up cooking for us after that for one. I deeply apologized for that. And recently, my dad had colon cancer surgery; the recovery, helping him and putting up with his constant complaints, arguement-starters and such has put further wear and tear on her.
On another topic, I've double-checked the Wikipedia search for "tomgirl"; I was redirected to "effeminacy". I had reffered to it as nothing upon first finding weeks ago. I read a little bit of it an hour ago; most of which was, while reasonable from the author's viewpoint, offensive to me and I felt I just could not put up with. There WAS a "Tomgirl" page, and in its first publish time, it was simple and true, spelling corrections were needed; "opposite of tomboy"; "males who enjoy feminine things", and "Tomgirls are straight". After I get that laptop, I am going to undo the redirection, and add MORE words of tomgirl wisdom into it.
The laptop is an inexpensive one from CVS, designed for internet browsing, and upgradable I am sure with a greater capacity internal HDD (Hard disk drive). It is only $99, and it will be good for what I'll need it for, even before upgrading.
I've asked Tiffany to forward you the confidential tomgirlly photos. Please let me know ASAP when you are able to call me.
Stay Safe and sweet, Christian.
| April 23, 2011 10:04pm
So that sucks about your mom. When was the speghetti dinner? Do you mean way back when your family moved to Ruckersville, years ago? That seems like an odd thing for her to bring up if it was so long ago.
Your dad had colon cancer though??? You should really be more understanding of his being in a bad mood. That is a HUGE strain on a family. I'm sure your mother is strained to the breaking point from seeing the man she loves go through this life-threatening dilemma; I mean, you guys are lucky he survived at all. Chalk that up to God's grace, I guess. You should be more understanding to your parents' needs.
Well, as far as the chopsticks, I actually busted a pair of mine a couple weeks ago. It was a really ornate pair, I had it for years and I carried it with me every time I went out to eat. But I left them on the roof of my car after leaving a restaurant and my dad accidentally drove over them and turned them into splinters. I was crestfallen, but I decided I would replace them as soon as possible. I look forward to having a nice pair of chopsticks again. I mean, I'd love to have a phone so I could talk to you, and you are definitely more important, but all things considered, until confirmation of details I'll continue to wait til we get our relationship back on its feet.
Anyway, I had more to say, sorry I have to cut this email short but I have to get up early tomorrow morning for my usual family Easter lunch, we do like an all-day family party thing and I need my sleep beforehand. I'll write more later!
| April 24, 2011 - 3:49pm
Believe me, I am more than well aware of my parents' needs, as well as the sheer stress from the excessive drama.
Before I forget, I wanted to be sure to address the question I missed in your last e-mail. My mom said things like "do not wear eyeshadow", "you look like a prostitute", "lipstick makes you look like a hooker", "you're turning into a gay", "what are you piercing next?", "what's next, you wearing a skirt and high heels" and shit like that. I mean, her concerns are understandable, but she is soo paranoid, overprotective and crazy. I will always be straight, no matter what; it is in my prebirth programmming. Otherwise, I would not be feeling like throwing up most times I see another dude's penis. XP BLECH!!!
The spaghetti topic is soo yesterdecade, but apparently she remembers it as well as having a very close relative pass away. Obviously I can empathize with that; I still have my chip on the shoulder from Michael Snyder banning me from the Game & Hobby Place and being soo still unforgiving and closed-minded of accepting my apology. I even wish heavily for the Place to be blown up and burn to the ground while there was nobody inside.
It is understandable of confirming the details before getting the phone. I really would like this relationship to work, and soo better than in the past. Until when you get a cell phone, I will continue to e-mail you daily at best (granted I may miss a day sometimes).
There was a good Easter service at my church today, and there was also a baptism of a baby girl today; I took some photos with my DS that I will print out for the family ASAP.
I also finally found and got a vial of Nail Art polish (silver) today, and I painted "TOM" on my right hand's middle three nails, "GIRL" on my left's index to pinkie, and a star, flower and heart on the other three. Put my two hands together, they spell "*Tomgirl". I will send you a photo after I get the laptop. More info on the laptop, it is a Sylvana brand with Wi-Fi capabilities, 3 USB ports, Windows CE and such. More details on it can be found on the box at your local CVS ($99.99), or if you can find it online, that works too. :) Also, I am planning on getting a tattoo and a belly button ring next month. I haven't decided on the B.B. ring yet, but the tattoo is going onto my lower back; I'll send a photo later, but roughly it is a combination of the (pink) mars and (blue) venus symbols, a pair of (violet) wings on either side, a white star behind it, and "Tomgirl 4Ever" underneath it all.
What else has been good with you since September? Are you still a Mary Baldwyn journalist? How about them "Crash Test Dummies"? And anything else that comes into your mind; I want to hear/read all about it.
You and me, Jacklyn, let's make up for lost time and keep goin' strong.
TTYL. Stay Safe with Love, Christian.
- For the relevant examples see Cakefarts, Chris and Jackie's Date, Little Tomboy Blue, Who's Your Brony?, Forgot the Glitter, Teenage Dream and Cheerleader.
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