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Mailbag 29

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Mailbag 29 was uploaded to the CWCipedia on 31 December 2009. In an attempt to get Chris to man up, this mailbag was literally just the thirteen letters Chris had promised to answer eventually.

Midway through answering them, Chris apparently noticed that he had already rejected the majority of these questions, and copied them back into his Let Me Get Back To You On That mailbag. Because Chris is an HONEST, CARING, TRUE, LOYAL, STRAIGHT, HUMAN MALE, he answered most of these questions with "Whatever."

Answered

In which Chris loses his mind

From: orangepie@hotmail.com

Hey Chris, I've got a question.

Is prostitution legal in CWCville? In most of the US it's illegal and I feel that this is an unfair law. Prostitution is legal in parts of Nevada and Rhode Island, and as you can see on Family Guy, Rhode Island isn't falling apart nor is it a cesspool.

Are there brothels in CWCville? Perhaps you could add a friendly pimp or madam character who hooks all the virgins up with boyfriend free prostitutes if they're too nervous to meet an actual girlfriend.

I'm really interested as to what you think of this matter.

Sincerely, A fan

I have read your question a few days ago, and I have considered it greatly with input from my trusted associates. Prostitution is legal in Cwcville, VA, with the Detail for that if the person requesting the service is a Virgin, then those individuals would be directed to the "pimp" and "madam" characters who would hook him/her up with a CLEAN Woman/Man, respectively. The pimp and madam would be held responsible for medical checks for their prostitutes before lending them to the person, and for the Virgins, their first-time fee is SET for Ten Dollars, period, for up to one whole hour. And beforehand, a short half-hour seminar on what to do for first-timers in positions, premature ejaculation preventions, full kissing and such bare introductory essentials. Knowledge is Power, after all.

Whatever

From: grrrlpowaanow@aol.com

This will be my last email.

In response to me "letting myself go" in my messages to you, I have not. I am upset and hurt by the things you have said to me, yes, because you are saying disturbing, rude, hurtful, non-Christian things with no regard for anyone but yourself. However, I have never threatened you nor have I attacked you. I can't say the same for you: you typically have let anger get the best of you, and have threatened to kill Clyde Cash and that impostor (even drew a comic where you shot him with a gun!) many, many times. I've seen the videos and so has my Bible group. Jesus and the Bible taught us that wrath is a deadly sin, Chris, and I am saddened that They could not teach you the same as evidenced by you stomping around on camera like a spoiled toddler and threatening to break people dead. Shame on you.

I would say, once again, that even though sex is a "natural" act, it is not an act that should be done before an audience. God intended sex to be between one man and one woman and no more, not two pornographic actors and an audience, nor is it meant to be done for reasons other that procreation.

However, there is no point in discussing the Bible with you when it is clear that you have never read the whole Bible and will not listen to those who have when it criticizes how you live (remember what you said about criticism? well you're a naive hypocrite for not being able to swallow you own medicine, which is shocking, since I hear you're able to swallow much harsher, saltier stuff). In one video, you say Family Guy taught you about Leviticus. You're, what, 25 years old, and you had never read Leviticus until some sinful cartoon show that takes the Lord's name in vain taught you about it? It's hard to believe you're that naive and I pity you.

I ask only that you do not pray for me. I do not wish to be dragged into Hell with you (and that's where you go for breaking God's law, the Holy Bible). You have lost a fan in me, you have lost fans in my church, but saddest of all, you have lost a fan in God and Jesus. I pray for you.

Whatever.

On 1 January 2010, Chris elaborated on this with the following:

I have read through your message, and really, I am stumped on a fair response to your ranting. All I see when I read your messages is a whiney little b****, who has YET to open her mind to the world's and life's True Delights of life. God and Jesus want us to live our lives happily and healthily with some love. And if you can not see that, or even TRULY Open Your Heart, then my neutral response to you is simply, Whatever.

In which Chris is an asshole

From: Eddie Berganza <berganzadc@gmail.com>

Hello Chris-

My name is Eddie Berganza, and I work in the American comic industry. Your comic "Sonichu" was recently brought to my attention by an intern at my company and I viewed your recent videos on Youtube pitching the concept to "business people." As someone with years of experience in dealing with copyrighted characters, I feel like I need to let you know of some problems I see with you trying to sell your Sonichu character.

Sonichu's creation, in the comics you present, involves two characters who are owned by other companies: Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog are owned by Nintendo and Sega, respectively. Do you have the full written consent of Nintendo and Sega to use their characters? I understand you believe Sonichu himself is an original character, but the fact that a key part of his story infringes on other companies' copyrights makes it virtually IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to get in business with you. I suggest you change Sonichu's origin story to not involve characters you do not have the rights to.

That you continue to refer to him as a Pokemon also presents a problem. Referencing Pokemon and using characters from that franchise in your own Sonichu franchise is an INFRINGEMENT ON NINTENDO'S POKEMON COPYRIGHT. As just a fan product, this is fine, but your efforts to sell Sonichu into other forms of media and make money off it puts you and anyone who would do business with you at legal risk. As I have come to understand Sonichu, I have to tell you that Sonichu can NEVER BE USED FOR PROFIT under current copyright law. You are pulling in too many characters and concepts from other franchises (Sonic the Hedgehog, Power Rangers, Transformers, Pokemon, to name just a few) to claim your series is fully original.

I am sorry if this news disappoints you. I see a lot of young artists who are naive about copyright law make the same mistakes. Hopefully, you will learn from them and develop a new concept that you will be able to make money on some day. You have a lot of talent for a special needs child and I look forward to seeing the kind of art you produce when you grow up and become an adult. Good luck!

Who do you think you are, PRETENDING TO BE someone in the Comic Industry to DRAG ME DOWN WITH YOUR BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I am not buying your false identity.

In which Chris lies about how much he can run

From: Kevin Thompson <bumperrabbit92@gmail.com>

Chris, I viewed your recent running video and a couple of thoughts sprang to mind.

According to a map, you ran 579 metres. This took you four minutes. You stopped five times. This means to run the full five miles (roughly 8 kilometres) you claim to run each day would take you 60 minutes and include 80 rest breaks. That is a very poor effort indeed.

Have you been lying to us, and if I were to propose and draw you out a five mile course would you run, and film, the entire event to prove to us your running ability?

Sincerely,

Dr. Kevin Thompson

Run, Yes. Film, No, because it was difficult enough before, and my battery life in my camera is VERY FICKLE.

Chris on wackin' it

From: odnar@luukku.com

I think you're a great drawer and writer, but there are things that bug me still.

While it's true that gayness is condemned in the Bible, so are using condom and masturbating, which you all support. You can't be a good Christian if you accept those.

Also, I think there are way too many similarities with Sonichus and Sonic the Hedgehog. Doesn't that violate any copyright laws?

Also, I find it insulting that there are no members of minorities as important characters. You should fix this.

I support condom usage, but I never said I supported masturbation; I do that to RELIEVE THE STRESS once in a while from my crappy lonliness. NO, IT DOES NOT VIOLATE ANY LAWS; IT IS CALLED A PARODY, D.A. The Pok'emon are considered a minority, but I give them Equal Rights.

THAT HOLE

From: Super Woyzeck <superwoyzeck@hotmail.co.uk>

Dear Christain

I have some issues I would like clarification upon:

1. This may seem like an odd question, but how in Sonichu canon do you expect Sonichu and Rosechu to die? Feel free to not answer the question if it is relevent to a future plot point, but if not, it would be interesting to know what the life expectancy of the Sonichus is.

2. Do Rosechus go through the menopause?

3. Are Sonichus and Rosechus different species? If not, what is the collective term for the species?

4. Do Sonichus and Rosechus base physical attraction on colour? There appears to be little or no physical difference between Sonichus other than their colour which is confusing enough, but they all have identical beliefs and similar personalities. Are all Sonichus and Rosechus sexually attracted to one another? If not, how do they pair up?

5. What do Sonichus eat? Do they hunt animals or do they eat grass?

6. Do all Sonichus have the same "job" - protecting CWCville - or are some of them in other industries? I imagine one Sonichu could probably power the whole of CWCville constantly. Is it possible for Sonichus to "tap into" their powers to use their natural electicity as a source of cheap power?

7. If Sonichus create electricity, does that mean that they have to eat more frequently than Sonic? Do they give off heat or any other natural by-product of power production? How eco-friendly is a Sonichu?

8. When a Sonichu's penis is flaccid and retracted into their abdomen, are they identical to Rosechus? Surely all they must have visible on the outside is a little slit. Do Sonichus ever mistake each other for Rosechus?

By the way, I liked the ending of Sonichu 9. It was very moving. From Woyzeck (a big f***ing fan).

1) No Comment. 2) No, they do not go through Menopause. 3) That is like asking the same question about the Pok'emon, Tauros and Miltank; Pok'emon are Pok'emon. 4) Sonichus and Rosechu are sexually attracted to each other; The Male Sonichus with the Female Rosechus. 5) They eat mostly fruits and vegetation, with some meat as well. 6) They have other jobs respectively, those are yet to be determined at this time; keep reading. 7) No, they do not have to eat more. Yes they give off some heat. As eco-friendly as a Pikachu or Raichu. 8) No; the Rosechus have their Vaginal Opening on the underneath, like a human female; Sonichus DO NOT HAVE THAT HOLE.

Whatever II: The coming storm

From: rschneider@socialworker.net

Hello Chris

My name is Robert Schneider and I'm a social worker.

I am writing to you to express my deep concern as regards to your family's well-being and more importantly the living conditions you live in. Having seen the tour of your house on youtube and knowing of your parents age I have to ask why have you not cleaned the property?

As a 28 year old seemingly healthy individual, the responsibility to clean up that household really does rest on your shoulders as most social care professionals would deem your mother and father incapable of doing it themselves due to their age and health.

As a friendly piece of advice Christian, I would clean that place out quickly or your parents could well face being put in a care home for the sake of their own good health. Not only this but given your Autism you could well be force to live in an environment more suited to your needs, depending on reassessment.

Please get back to me as this is a serious matter.

Rob.

Whatever.

On 1 January 2010, Chris elaborated on this response with the following:

Children are going to Channel Surf and ACCIDENTALLY land on adult content, EVEN as far as to CRACK THE Parental Lock Code on the Cable/Satellite Box and turn on Cinemax Late Night at worst. Sonichu and Rosechu, as Responsible Parents, are making sure of preventing such times by lightly introducing such topics with lighter shows like Family Guy so the children will know better.

Whatever III: The glorious burden

From: Anthony R <anthony197930@hotmail.com>

Hello Chris,

I've been a Sonichu fan for a very long time, and I was greatly moved by your recent appeal for donations. I too do not like the content of the ads, and I was so moved, that I went ahead and sent a 1000 euro donation in order to take control of the ads. However, just as I was about to start commissioning for the new CWC-friendly ads, I saw your latest video.

Chris, let me be blunt when I say that while I despise the current ads, I despise animal abuse even more. That poor cat was showing several signs of abuse, and how you couldn't understand that you were holding the cat in a manner that was inducing pain to it is beyond me. I contacted the WikiSysop inquiring about a refund for my donation, and I just saw that the money has been restored into my account.

I may be persuaded to re-send the money if you make amends for your behavior. This could be done in the form of a video in which you beg for forgiveness from your cat. I also suggest that you never, ever hold your cat in such a fashion ever again. If you do these things, I might consider sending the money again. The ball is now in your court Chris.

Until next time, I bid you adieu.

-Anthony R.

Whatever.

On 1 January 2010, Chris elaborated upon this response with:

My cats love me; I do not hurt them; I treat them well with TLC and Respect; you are ignorant.

Simonla must die

From: Evang7 <evang7@gmail.com>

Dear Christopher Christian Weston Chandler,

"Plus, Evang-y and I have come into an agreement on that in previous discussions."

No we didn't. You blocked my e-mail address and didn't reply to anything I said.

Excuse Me.

Copypasta

From: Bob Bobson <totallyfine1@gmail.com>

Chris, we can't look up the records. Some of us don't live in Virginia and I don't think it works that way to begin with.

And while the fans know that you are true and honest, they are vastly outnumbered by people who don't know anything about you and the trolls are more than willing to taint their opinions.

They won't take your word for it because the trolls have them convinced that you are lying.

Imagine that you have been told that someone is a liar. They then say they are not a liar. You can't take his word as proof of his supposed honesty because everyone else told you he was a chronic liar. Now, if he shows you undeniable physical proof that he's being honest, then the true liars(trolls) are exposed.

You need to do this soon, people are quitting after that incident in New York.

In response, I suggest you watch the animated classic, "The Bear That Wasn't".

The Bear That Wasn't is a Chuck Jones short from 1967. Chris apparently thinks it serves as a metaphor for his current situation. It can be watched here.

Rejected Mailbag

Chris sure hates homos

From: Demetrius Delicioso <malebuttfinder@live.com>

Dear Mr. Chandler, I am so pleased to see the success and views your CWCipedia gets regularly. I am also so proud to see that you have accepted advertising for Gay Rights. That's why I want you to be an advertising Partner of mine! I would like you to be another kind of Partner as well! ;)

I would like to propose that you sign a contract with my new gay dating agency based in Charlottesville. MaleButtFinder would love to pay you $1000 each month for ads on the CWCipedia!

Thanks, Demetrius Delicioso

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO... NO!!!!!!!!! I do not condone with your kind of "dating service". Straighten Out All Homosexual Males!!! --ChrisChanSonichu 23:30, 31 December 2009 (CET)

The KKK took my baby away

From: Herr Feldgrau <reichsmarschallfeldgrau@gmail.com>

Heil my white brother!

I was reading your comics and I find them to be a good representative of white nationalist values. The overwhelming presence of whites in your stories led me to believe that you would be sympathetic to our cause. I was thinking that Sonichu stories would be a great way to teach our beliefs to children. Would you be willing to give me permission to use Sonichu in such an educational manner? I promise full credit to you will be given on any work I may produce.

Blut und Ehre, Herr Feldgrau

I do not support you K.K.K. Types Either.

Let me get back to you on that

Whatever IV: The final battle

For some reason, Chris moved this letter back to the LMGBTYOT page and then answered it. Chris is a wacky guy.

From: Crystal Chondlar <crystalchondlar@gmail.com>

This has to stop, Chris. You're calling people with Aspergers retarded when it is a much higher functioning mental handicap than you have. You're telling people to get a job when you sit around and do absolutely nothing every day. You're telling people to take criticism like a man when you make that fucking annoying stress sigh and ignore any you get. LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING?

Putting me in the rejected section (again) will prove what a spineless fuckup you are, I look forward to seeing this there.

Whatever.
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For Truth and Honesty, see the archived CWCipedia page on Mailbag 29