Jackie E-mails 25

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These e-mails cover correspondence between Chris and Jackie from 25 April 2011 to 5 May 2011. Chris provides details about his new tomgirl identity, including experiences with waxing, grief from his parents, and fantasies about sex with lesbians. Chris discovers the Tomgirl Pictures on the CWCki and accuses Jackie of being a troll, but she is able to persuade him otherwise. Chris is still obsessively angry at the trolls, and shares a "press release" discussing his experiences with these evil beings.

April 25, 2011 5:40pm

Yes, I know that you're straight, you really don't need to convince me. Although I'm still not sure why you have these visceral vomiting reactions to seeing another penis, normal straight people don't have that, but whatever.

I thought you were over the Game Place? I mean, we talked for months about you getting over it because it is long in the past It really seems like a serious issue that you retain these violent, hateful thoughts for years and years like that. And considering that we talked for hours and hours about the incidents at the Game Place but you were unwilling to accept that your behavior was in any way wrong, I'm willing to bet that Michael Snyder didn't think your apology was sincere (How can you apologize properly for something when you believe you haven't done anything wrong?) Have you ever considered pursuing some sort of psychotherapy/counseling? You know to be honest, that's one of the reasons I didn't really want to start calling you yet, because I wanted to see if you had become willing to pursue self-improvement in the months since we last talked. I mean, you still have all your video games that you play all day, but that's not good enough, you also need to be able to go play Pokemon cards with children at the Game Place? In my humble opinion, you need therapeutic help with your anger problems much more than you need to play Pokemon cards or video games, and just like you said I would consider which is more of a "want" or a "need". (Besides, didn't you tell me that the reason you screamed out loud and got yourself banned was because all the children making noise and ruckus stressed you into screaming in the first place? Why do you want to go back to a situation that caused you so much stress?) And as an aside, I think it's pretty selfish that you would want the Game Place to burn down and for no one else to enjoy it just because you can't.

But here's an idea for you: You know how they say that when you are really angry at a person, you should write a letter to that person telling them how you feel but not send it? Well, I would suggest this: How about you draw a picture of you burning the Game Place down? Put all your hatred and rage into that picture, make it really visceral and detailed. And don't send it to Mike Snyder or anyone else, just send it to me. Or Dana too. I think it would be very therapeutic for you to do, and also a lot more productive than just thinking about it. Tell you what, get that drawing to me by Wednesday night. I can't wait to see it!

Well anyway, it's your choice if you want to get over your problems and impress me or not, I won't force you. But I'm glad that we're opening a dialogue again. Hey, try not to feel too bad about what your mother is saying. It sucks that she's not being very supportive of your changes, but you know that you have people like me and Dana who recognize that you're doing what you need to be happy. And yes I did get the photos! They look so amazing!! I love the confidence and poise that you display in those photos, that tells me you're doing the right thing. Do you have a date for when you're getting the tattoo yet? I really look forward to seeing the pictures of that! Also, have you considered maybe getting some heels to wear? They make you taller... and you know how us girls like tall men ;)

XOXO

Jackie

April 26, 2011 8:40pm

I am happy to hear your praise for my Tomgirlish ways. :) Yes, I have thought of getting a pair of heels; I will be doing that soon enough too; also a denim skirt. It will be about mid-next-week when I get the tattoo.

On the Place topic, yes I still have the chip on my shoulder, but Rocky continues to hear me out there; I'm good. And on another hand, I've "been there, done that" on the fire-starting drawing of the Place. The other day, I drove by there, took a photo of the store front with my DS, and later drew TNT boxes and flames on the photo digitally. But I did not send it to Dana; I sent it over the PSN under one of my secondary accounts to a confirmed troll, then deleted the original message from my end and all traces of the jpeg photo from my PS3, DS and the SD memory card. This was like over a week ago, and since I have not seen it on the CWCki's recent uploaded photo log, it is obvious to me that nothing will come out of that anyway. Upon retrospect, sending it to a troll was wrong, and if I had thought of sending it to Dana instead, I would have. *inserts foot into mouth*

A fun story on another topic, I have recently imagined myself dressed in my feminine outfit and makeup in a bar full of lesbians (I got the silly idea that I would likely fit in at a lesbian bar). LOL I found a successful woman in the bar, we talked; she was fascinated with my stories; I liked her too; we went back to her place; I warned her that I was actually a male; she was surprised, yet curious and willing to try me; we did it. And here's a fun, kinky part, we did it in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag. Again, this was only pretend in my head. If this turns you on, good. It was fun for me anyway. :)

I've been busy this week; my father was put back into the hospital under his doctor's orders for examination of his heart and such. He'll be back out by or before Friday. My mom and I have been visiting him each day for 3 or 4 hours. Mom kisses and hugs him before we leave; it is sweet. On the similar topic, apparently one of my Manchester High Class of 2000 classmates is working at Martha Jefferson. I have not met her yet, but I left a note with my number on it for a meet and greet arrangement. Talkin' about the old days and whatnot. Plus I may be able to track one or two of my closer classmates with her help. If not, I'll still have a classmate for a friend within my current life.

Also recently, I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. I would not recommend the product. And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my nipples. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few dreams. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth. :)

I'll check in again later.

Stay Safe with Love, Christian.

April 26, 2011 10:47pm

Hey Chris!

Well, maybe you should ask Rocky to actually help you get over those unchristian thoughts of revenge, but I am very happy that you're already one step ahead of me about getting it out of your system. Who exactly did you send that altered photo to? And I don't think I understand, why did you want it on the cwcki? Kind of too bad, if you wanted it to find its way there you could have asked me for help getting the trolls to bite it up. Well, tell you what: Do the picture again for me. Make it even better this time! I can't wait to see it. Draw the Game Place burning to the ground with you dancing on its rubble, happy to have justice done. Or photoshop it like you did the first time, either one works. Do you think tomorrow is soon enough to get it completed? Probably won't take you more than an hour or two. Get it to me tomorrow! :D

That's an odd fantasy that you bring up about the lesbian thing. Actually, it's really funny that you mention it: The other night I had a dream that was basically the exact same thing! Well, actually it was that you picked me up in a bar (We didn't previously know each other in the dream), and then you took me home and we started to make out and we were going to have sex. But then in the dream, I was secretly a man! And when I told you so, at first you were shocked, but open-minded, and we had hot passionate mansex. We did lots of erotic frottage in that dream. Isn't that funny that we had the exact same dream? I guess erotic minds think alike ;)

And hey, that's really great about your old classmate! Why don't you call her and try to set up lunch or something? It would really be great for you to catch up with her and maybe find some other of your old friends through her. Let me know what she says!

Jackie

April 28, 2011 7:09pm

The burn-down is not a big deal; I sent it to PSN user, tricomri; obviously he didn't log in for a while. So, for the better, nothing bad will come from it. I do not need to do it over again; it is behind me.

In response to your dream, I thank you for sharing. At first after reading it, I felt a little disgust, but I have had my own thing where I would have you wear a strap-on, so in that view, it is not so farfetched.

I gtg; TTYL. Stay Safe with Love, Christian.

April 28, 2011 7:25pm

Well, you're still fantasizing about the Game Place being burned down, and it's extremely apparent that you still hate Michael Snyder, so obviously it's not behind you. Besides, it's not only about you, it's about me too. If you did it for some random guy on your friends list, you can do it for your girl, right? I asked you to do it for me. So do it for me! Have the Game Place on fire, and Michael Snyder on his knees crying over losing his life's worth, and then you and Sonichu dancing around the wreckage laughing and pouring gasoline on the building (to show Sonichu helped you). And also, you should show yourself lecturing Mike Snyder, explaining exactly what he did wrong and why he deserved what happened to him. And put your full effort into it - color it this time, don't be lazy and skimp like you did on those issue 10 trial redux pages I asked for. I was hoping to see it by today. Get it to me by Saturday.

Anyway, I still don't understand exactly why you wanted the drawing to go on the cwcki. I thought you didn't want new details and stuff to go on there? So why would you want this picture there? And how do you know this tricomri guy is even a troll? I've never heard his name before.

Well, gtg; I look forward to the picture. Saturday!

Jackie

April 30, 2011 1:34pm

Chris, is everything okay? I haven't heard from you in a couple days. Is your dad doing okay?

Jackie

April 30, 2011 9:52pm

My father is fine. I sent you a message about Thursday. I went to watch "Grease" at the Paramount Friday with the Young Adult Group.

I:l( I just found ALL of ny tomgirl photos on the CWCki. I am feeling shock, crestfallen; uncertainty.

That's all I am going to say for now until I get my laptop.

Stay Safe, Christian.

May 1, 2011 12:38am

What??? How did they get out???

I'm really sorry that happened Chris. Was it because the PSN got hacked? I heard that the hackers made away with a whole bunch of peoples' personal data, like credit card information, login info, and such. They say this is one of the biggest ever leaks of personal information. I've been reading about it here: [2]

I understand you're feeling down from that, so don't worry if you don't feel like talking much right now. But I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

Jackie

May 2, 2011 5:30pm

Hey, Chris? What's going on? I know you're sad about the PSN being down but really, I don't get why you're just ignoring me. I guess if you aren't interested in reconnecting, that's your prerogative. Hope some other girl is actually able to capture your interest.

Jackie

May 2, 2011 11:06pm

For your information, Jacklyn, my life does not revolve around video games and the friggin' Network, although I do keep up-to-date on the restoration progress on the Blog, so I am well-aware.

NO! I am feeling more ticked with the Trolls right now, and with due respect, you. I have deleted ALL of the messages and photos I have shared in Better confidence with Dana after sending them off. It IS my fault however on authorizing the sharing my recent photos with you. Considering your History of sharing the stories, AND photos and art, of you and me since our first break up with the Trolls. And since then in our off-and-on relationship(?), I have seen "Leaked" e-mails from between you and me on the Cwcki and their damn websites against me. It's either them having direct access with YOUR computers, or you lying to me and possibly keeping a secret that you have become ONE OF THEM. I even remember your past excuse of Lars leaking our stuff to them as well. That and "your friend" will NOT fly with me. I feel disappointment and lack of trust with you. I am sorry, and I empathize with how sad you probably feel from reading this, because I do not like to hurt my friends, but this is the truth.

You WANT me to Earn Your Trust; well You have to Earn My Trust, WITH Interest. I will not be sharing photographs and confidential information with you again until you have earned it.

I would very much like a Successful, Lasting Relationship with a woman as pretty, sweet, trusting and kind as you Used to be. Obviously when there is little to no trust between you and me mutually, I'm afraid it is hard for me to see a future in the relationship between us, and that makes me feel really sad. *sigh*

Jacklyn, Prove me wrong in my theories; Earn My Trust. Think long and deep about that.

Stay Safe. Love, Christian.

May 3, 2011 2:10pm

Oh boy, Chris...

First of all, I have NO idea how your pictures got out. My friend that I told you about swears up and down that she kept it secret, and she doesn't even know who you are on the internet or about your past so she would have no reason to care about releasing them. She doesn't even HAVE copies of them. And so what if you deleted your pictures and messages after sending them? For all you know, Sony keeps archives of every message sent by its users without telling them. They already were proven to have lied once, they claimed that their credit card information storage was encrypted but it wasn't, which resulted in a whole lot of peoples' credit cards getting available to the hackers. Maybe when you "delete" something on the PSN it doesn't actually STAY deleted on Sony's servers. Have you thought about the fact that Sony might be screwing you over this time?

Secondly, you act like I have nothing better to care about than your troll activities and as if my entire existence revolves around you and your antics. I have a lot of things going on Chris, and among them I don't have time to give a shit about releasing your photos to trolls, or joining trolls, or BECOMING ONE OF THE TROLLS, as you suggest. Lars did release shit on you in the past but he isn't involved in this anymore, I haven't even told him you and I started talking again. And what do you mean, Lars and my friend will ""not fly" with you?? Are you accusing me of being a liar? How many times have you lied to me??? Only one person out of the two of us has a history of being caught repeatedly lying and warping the truth, and it's not me. Everything I have said to you has been true.

Thirdly, why is it such a big damn deal that those pictures are out? You go out dressed like that in public anyway. Given how obsessive some of those trolls are, I'm surprised none of them have captured photos of you outdoors already anyway. So what if they're laughing at you on their website? What exactly has changed by this?

Fourthly, how arrogant of you to say I have to earn your trust "WITH INTEREST". I spent countless hours talking with you and trying to forge a connection, and how did you respond? You acted like I owed you sex. You whined and complained whenever I asked you to do even the tiniest thing, and even when you did give way and do what I asked, you did it in the laziest, most slapdash method possible, all so you could get back to spending time playing more video games. Rather than you come see me, you wanted ME to come see YOU. You wanted ME to give up what I was doing to entertain YOU. What about just recently, when you got upset that I wanted to buy my new chopsticks? You said I should know the difference between a "want" and a "need", even though you yourself dropped everything so you could go buy a damn PS3 (that you claim your life does not revolve around). Funny how your "needs" apparently encompass toys while everyone else is only allowed to "need" what you think they should need.

But fair enough, I admit that you have reason to be a bit nervous because of the PAST information releases (even though I apologized for doing the email releases A YEAR AGO because I was mad, and I wasn't responsible for anything else after that). What exactly would you have me do to earn your trust? Tell me what you want, and I'll see what I can work with and what's feasible.

Jackie

May 3, 2011 8:04pm

I'm still reading thoroughly your reply. I will respond in detail in a day or two.

May 5, 2011 1:42am

Dearest Jacklyn

First and Foremost, I owe you a huge apology, Jacklyn. I have conversed with Dana earlier tonight, and she has confirmed for me the fact of all sent messages and attached images over the PSN were saved on Sony's database in addition to on the sender's and receiver's consoles. Jacklyn, I am sorry for accussing you of the photos getting in the Trolls' hands, and I am sorry for thinking you were in league with those fiends. I was feeling shocked, embrrassed, mortified and all out paranoid. It is my fault that the photos were put on an online server of any kind; once it's online, it's still going to be somewhere on there for good. And I am sorry for blaming your friend too. For my apologies, I ask only for forgiveness in respect.

On another topic, the leaked e-mails and the discussion which among which made me feel distrust towards you. All I ask in respect to that is you getting your cell phone ASAP (regardless of your chopsticks coming first), and meeting me in person ASAP as well, with due respect for your breakup recovery.

I have also just read that those among my Trolls HAVE hacked into the PSN, as it is described in their May 4th blog entry. A deliberately planned file was put into their servers under the name "Anonymous" and under the subject, "We are Legion". I was victim of the Anons, and I have received or read of their "Legion" before. I have prayed that My Trolls and Cyber Bullies would be found and tried in Sony's and FBI's investigations, and the downfall of ALL of the websites against me, especially the Cwcki, for good to follow. It looks like God is finally answering my prayers for giving due justice to my Trolls, and for this news, I am grateful. Yet I can't help but feel like the PSN hacking was relatively MY fault as well. I have egged the Trolls back for their mocking me, smearing my name and all that. And adding jealousy into the mix when they heard of my SSI, followed by them learning of the majority of my spendings and whatnot.

I will continue to withhold all photo files in any e-mails and such sendings and uploadings. But I will inform you this in confidence. To answer your question of the importance of the tomgirl photos, having them online and being made mockery of not only adds humilation to my emotions, but also they KNOW of my long hair and my current features; I am retargeted for real-life Trolling, and this enables them to recognize me. I did not want to be recognized in public. They have been calling my parents, increasing their paranoia of me "turning queer" from the makeup and all, when that is NOT the case. I will Always be Straight. It is bad enough that my parents both lack trust in me to a certain level that their paranoia takes over their elder minds. I feel that the only way they May begin to accept me as a Tomgirl is if I actually bring home a woman who sincerely likes me for all of who I am, including being a Tomgirl, wearing the makeup and all that. I have to change my shoes and such and put on makeup when I am AWAY from the house, leaving it in my past clothes (panties and bra remained concealed, so that's not much of an issue). And I have to change back and remove the makeup before entering the house again. Plus mom and dad are paranoid of me being targeted to be Killed for being soo different, but that's outdated theories that need to be updated. And they scare me with recent deaths, such as three who have died in Green County recently; Dana confirmed for me that those individuals died of Drug Overdose.[1] I wish I did not have to conceal my makeup, feminine clothes and tomgirl ways in front of them; it saddens me and frustrates me.

sigh

I'm still recovering from my family giving me hell in that category on my way out yesterday and shouting angrily at me.

On another topic, the Sylvania "Smartbook" isn't working out as much for me as I had thought, and it is not upgradeable, even in downloadable software. I will save up and do better for a laptop in a month or two.

I'll e-mail you later. Stay Safe with Care, Christian.

P.S.

In the "with interest" comment I made in the previous e-mail, it was NOT meant to be sexual; I meant solely for like things like keeping promises and confidential secrets and the like.

May 5, 2011 8:54pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you for your apology. It was very sweet of you to be so forthcoming, and it takes a big man to admit his mistakes. I forgive you ;)

Anyway, I don't have a lot of time to talk at the moment but I just wanted to say that. Also, I'll definitely be getting a new phone as soon as I have some cash available, but in the meantime I'm still saving up for my chopsticks. This is the pair I really want, take a look! :) [3]

I gotta go, but I'll write more later. Night!!

XOXO

Jackie

May 6, 2011 10:08pm

First, let me offer my initial response to your last message's second topic. I do not mean to give you a hard time; it's only an initial response from surprise. $2,000 for a pair of chopsticks? I would say that is outrageous if I didn't know better of you getting them locally for less (correct me if I'm wrong). You could be getting that cell phone for less than $100.

I apologize if I offended you with the statement.

Onto another topic of importance, last night, I have hand-written an 8-page press-release documenting the details of my trolled experiences and my apology for egging the Trolls in response. I will be typing the document for yours, and Linnea's, reference. Plus, in your case, Jacklyn, it would make a good article for your newsletter.

I'll TTYL. Stay Safe with care, Christian.

May 6, 2011 10:38pm

Subject: Re: PlayStation Network Hacking Issue

To All Who are concerned,

My name is Christian Weston Chandler; alias, Christopher, of Ruckersville, VA, U.S.A. PSN ID: "Sonichu".

I take pen in hand as not only one of millions of PlayStation 3 Owners and Network Members, or a concerned individual on the Great, Vast topic of Trolls, Cyber-Bullies, Anons, etc., but as a Victim of these fiends.

I have read on the May 4th PlayStation Blog entry @ blog.playstation.com, the confirmation of the sophisticated and planned bug-planting from "Anonymous" with the message, "We Are Legion". I have prayed throughout the PSN outtage since mid-April, 2011 that Sony and the Federal Beural of Investigation would find all of MY Trolls, who have been bothering me since November of 2007, starting with their Hate and name-Smearing Campaigne against me on the now deceased Encyclopedia Dramatica website.

I was, and still am (in a bad way), Internet Famous. I am the original creator of the Electric-Hedgehog Pok'emon, Sonichu and Rosechu; I have drawn a number of comic books, by hand, of some of their, and mine, adventures. But at around Book 5 or 8, the Trolls have affected me, and became obscenely intrusive in my head; Too Many Cooks in my work. A MAJOR batch of thorns pinching and aching my nerves.

To the point, I erroniously for Years egged the Trolls back; responding time and again to their mocking me, slandering my once good name, destroying me with a terrible internet reputation full of lies and exaggerations. I was also tricked, deceived, blackmailed, etc. of a lot of my own personal information. And contrary to what they say about me, and of utmost importance to me, I AM Heterosexual; I am attracted to Women. It ticks me off to be grossly mislabled otherwise.

Over the years, the trolls continue to get more and more personal info from me through Hacking into MY Online accounts from my e-mail, to identity theft through my debit and credit cards, AND Destroying ALL of my websites including "CWC's Sonichu Site", The First and Original Sonichu and Rosechu website, created solely from my hands, and the last to fall from my control, the later updated "Cwcipedia". The Trolls have created among their websites, The Worst of their sites to slander, hate and smear my name, The "Cwcki". They have also hacked into MY PlayStation Network Account not Once, but THREE Times, getting my Purchase History, Out of Jealousy, or something of their twisted reasons, because from my High-Functioning Autism having a monthly Social Security Income. I can not help it at this point, because thanks to those fiends, Any Background Check on me from applying for a Job or Work... INSTANT NO-HIRE! I man, Google My Name; ALL HATE-CAMPAIGNE. I also LOST my MySpace and Facebook accounts to those fiends. If I had ANY hacking skills, I would have Counter-Attacked the Trolls and cleared my name, but I have no such skills at all. And for about Two Years now, I have ceased Socializing Online, AND I heavily discourage Everyone from Socializing Online. The whole world is becoming more and more Anti-Social AND Autistic-Like from Online Socializing. It is No Good.

It is REAL LIFE Socializing Or Bust For Me!!!

And Because of my trials of responding and egging them on, and it leading them to hacking my PSN account, I feel, in association, it is my fault the PlayStation Network was hacked in the first place, leading to their sophisticated attack last April and the exposure of Sony's faulty security and all this.

I feel bad, because from egging the Trolls on in my past immaturity in response, it has caused a lot of grief, troubles and problems to the good people at Sony. Yet on the other hand, I feel good, because from my past addressed notes and concerns I called and told them before and all, the security of the PSN is being addressed greatly, the F.B.I. is closing in on the Trolls more, and finally Justice May be Served Greatly to ALL of those fiendish Trolls.

In my past, my family and I have received phone calls that were obscene and abusive from these Trolls as well. We have reported them to the Police. We had trouble trying to, and finally reaching, report to the F.B.I., and even talking to Congressman, Tom Perrillo. Sadly, The Police have done Very Little to help us; the F.B.I. have not been able to help us either, and Perrillo has flaked out on us too; NOTHING. He is a bad man to us.

And all the while, The Trolls continue to hurt and affect us emotionally and mentally with their Trolling us, Me in real life with unwanted photo-taking of me and uploading them for twisted Troll reasons, and such; Mind Control-Like! My family and I are paranoid, ticked off and emotionally worse of these Trolls and Cyber-Bullies.

What I am saying here is Sony is NOT TO Blame for the Data-Hacking, Loss and all. It is the Trolls, Cyber-Bullies and Anons who ALL should be sued for this outtage and soo much more.

And because I egged them back, I feel like I am at fault as well, and I am greatly sorry for that.

What should be done from this point on is pure and simple; Do Not Respond to Any Troll Attacks; Just Delete All e-mails, voice-mails and snail-mails that insult you or ask for very personal information. And if you know, or are related, to any suspicious people with hacking knowledge or too may Personal Computer items in their possession, REPORT THEM To your local Police Department or F.B.I., or any authoritive person.

When we do our part, we can put an end to Cyber-Bullying, Trolling and their "Anonymous" and "4-Chan" Groups, and all unrequired, unwanted smear and hate campaignes of innocent people like me and you for GOOD.

Have a good and safe day.

(signed) Christian Weston Chandler. May 5, 2011

References

  1. Bob and Barb's worry probably stems from the death of Christopher Horr from heroin overdose; he was from Ruckersville but wasn't a tomgirl.[1]
Jackie E-mails 24 Jackie E-mails Jackie E-mails 26