The case of Mailbags 36 though 39 is an odd one. Chris was already in a bad mood when he started answering letters, largely due to the Asperchu ads covering the CWCipedia. As he tried to rush through the four mailbags marathon-style, what he created was less of a series of answers, and more of a real-time picture of Chris having an emotional breakdown. Letters were deleted with increasing frequency; answers became shorter, ruder, and relied more on ALL CAPS; and he finally quit on Mailbag 39 to vent his frustrations by screaming like a child.
Part one of this four-part epic touched on a number of subjects. Notable among them was Chris excusing his (imaginary) infidelity by treating advances from a girl as though they were a brute force of nature, unstoppable and beyond comprehension. He also defended some of his more tasteless drawings, defended his joblessness (going so far as to claim that a college town with a large amount of development and construction had no openings), failed to respond to a letter about his inability to write, and deleted a very sincere appeal from a former True and Honest fan.
- 1 Answered
- 2 Rejected Mailbag
- 3 Gone Forever
Inquiry of Chris's Unemployment
|From: Kevin Mitnick
If a "degree is a degree" to you why don't you try and use your CADD degree to get a job as an engineer or an architect? Those guys make way more than $800 a month.
|No one is hiring around here, and I am not willing to travel out of state for a while.|
Police Simulation of Elderly Chris
|From: Caleb Feldman <email@example.com>
Like you, I'm also an artist, except I'm employed as a police sketch artist. I'm not a cop, but I hang out with a bunch of them.
Anyway, part of my job is doing age progession, where we run somebody's photo through a computer simulation that sees what they'll look like in the future. It's pretty accurate, and we've used it to find a lot of missing children and such.
Out of curiousity [sic] I ran your photo through the computer and this is what you'll look like at 40, or about 12 years from now.
|NOBODY CARES about that NOW. Although your time will not go unappreciated.|
Questioning Chris's Faith
|From: Father Ronald Jeremy <RJeremy4God@gmail.com>
Christian, How can you call yourself a follower of Jesus when you asked Lovely Weather out on page 12 of your recent comic (your future wife), then you go and make out with Megan Griffin on page 40? That is definitely not behavior Jesus would approve of.
Father Ronald Jeremy
|MEGAN made out with ME; SHE made the OFFER, and SHE touched me FIRST. She was Unstoppable there.|
Regarding Spoilers in the Comic
|From: Keith Keithson <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Don't put spoilers in the damn comic. Nobody read the last thirty or so pages because you explained what was going to happen and now nobody is going to read the next few pages because you dropped another goddamn spoiler.
People like suspense and supprises. They don't like to see the story start with "Okay, this is what is going to happen" and then watch the thing happen. That makes people bored.
|Well, Excuse Me.|
Thoughts on Moral Orel
|From: Christopher Toonen <email@example.com>
Hey Chris, did you ever watch Moral Orel on Adult Swim? It's one of my favorite shows. If yes, what do you think of it?
|I have watched the show, and it is okay.|
|From: Sam Donovan <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Chris, on Page 35 of Sonichu Issue 10, you have no qualms about censoring the word "damn". But a page later, you show Rosechu putting in a tampon. Can you explain this descrepency [sic]? I'm certain parents would be worried more about such adult content rather than the word "damn". I don't this content is suitable for kids!
|Firstly, DRAWING someone sitting on a TOILET is Non-Offensive, and we are NOT seeing her putting in a Tampon; SHE ONLY STATES THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING WHEN SHE WAS BEING CAUGHT ON FILM.|
2-D Love and Meg Griffin
Christopher, remember when you told that man who asked how you felt about "2D love" (I find the whole concept disturbing, honestly) that it was "false" and "lonely"?
Well, how do you explain what you're doing with Meg Griffin in the comics? It seems a bit hypocritical, honestly.
|It was a JOKE; look at the PAGE that followed.|
Claim That Sonichu is Derivative of Asperchu
|From: Krayt Soto <email@example.com>
I recently came across your Sonichu comic here on the cwcipedia and noticed it was very similar to another webcomic I love to read, Asperchu (the electric/aspergers hedgehog pokemon). Did you get permission from Alec Benson Leary to use the minor character sonichu from his webcomic? You should probably acknowledge your comic as a parody of his somewhere on your website even if you didn't. Personally I don't find it very funny to take someone else's work and write/draw it like an 8 year old but to each their own I suppose.
Yours in christ,
Chris's Birthday/Holiday, the Nazi Party, and Communism
|From: Philip Dorchester <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I noticed on your written Captain's Log you said you wanted to make your birthday a national holiday like a second Valentine's Day. But are you aware of the other things that happened on that day, such as the Nazi party being formed?
Also, I noticed in another email you talked about sharing the wealth. Are you aware that's what the communists believe?
Logical Discrepancies Regarding Magi-chan
|From: that guy <email@example.com>
First off, watch gay people fuck is something only a gay guy (or straight girl) wants to watch, Making magichan either gay or bi at the least.
Second, having the police capture and arrest innocent bystanders for what they do in their own homes is not only a waste of time, money, and resources but keeps them from being able to help when the real crimes occur.
You probably don't care though, so long as they get "DA HOMOS".
Exposing Chris's Lies and Threat of Damnation
|From: Hank Thomas <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I was reading the mailbag and was appalled by something you wrote. You stated you not only lied to your father, but also directly disobeyed his wishes by not taking down the videos of HIS house (not your house; he's the one who pays the bills, you're just the lazy bum he permits to live under his roof out of pity for your mental retardation). You're a bad son and, worse, a bad Christian. You will go to Hell for breaking the Fifth Commandment if you don't atone for your sins (this means fulfilling your father's wishes and taking the videos down, not just emptily apologizing through prayer). Have a nice day.
|From: Shane Smith <email@example.com>
Chris, maybe it's time you've actually looked at Asperchu from a light other than THIS COMIC SUCKS BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE SAWN-NEE-CHOO. Maybe it's time to grow up, you fucking dimwit.
Cruelty Toward Leary
|From: Nick Manchester <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Christian, I do not know what is going on with you! Why are you being so mean to Alec-chan?!? What kind of MONSTER inspires someone to greatness and then shouts them down because of their own inflated EGO. How would YOU feel if SEGA shouted YOU down for being inspired by sonic the hedgehog? HUH?
I can tell YOU that you would feel pretty down in the dumps, Christian. Do me a favor and look down at yourself for a moment... just go ahead...
What do you see?
It's him, isn't it? It's Sonichu looking back up at you. Would HE call Alec-chan those awful names? Would he be jealous of someone else's success and ability to get laid? From what I've grown to know of Sonichu I don't think he would.
I stuck with you through thick and thin! When EVERYONE thought you were Ian Brandon Anderson, I didn't believe them! When everyone called you a HOMO, I said "oh nay nay, that man is straight!", when everyone said Julie was a troll I refused to believe it! I SUPPORTED you with uplifting messages on youtube (which you are too fucking lazy to use anymore). I SUPPORTED you with friendly emails about Sonichu! And what do you do?
YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN!
So... with a heavy heart I regret to inform you that I can no longer be a loyal Sonichu fan. I'm moving on to the exciting adventures that Asperchu has with his friends Jivin and Max. I will not forget about you, Chris, as I will continue to pleasure myself to images of your supple yet perky breasts bouncing up and down as you prance so gracefully in flying elephants. I'm only human, after all.
Goodbye Christian, have a nice life and don't wait up,
Nicholas D. Manchester